Encounters / Hyperboloid

This is an encounter for the editing game we're putting together. Visit this forum thread to join the fun.

Description:

Standing before you is a slightly-balding midget, dressed like a carnival barker.

image◊

Tropédex says:

Hyperboloid. The exaggeration editor. The hyperboloid is never satisfied with just pointing out that something is an example of a trope. Their every edit sounds like a sales pitch, almost as if they were expecting people to buy it. Hyperboloids often gather in packs to perform their mating ritual, in which they each try to drown the others in their incessant hysterical shouting.''

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Narrative:

You stand there, shocked, as it draws in energy and makes its edit. "John Doe", they spout at you triumphantly, "GOOD LORD, just John Doe! I can't believe that no one mentioned him yet! He is the single absolute epitome of this trope! He takes it up to eleven and with Serial Escalation! It's not even physically possible! I am not making this up!"

This is too much. You weakly drop to your knees. You feel you are an insignificant speck of dust compared to John Doe and how ultimate of an example he is. You watch helplessly as the Hyperboloid takes a quote from John Doe and appends it at the top of the page, then as they take a picture of John Doe and replace the page image with it, complete with a worshipping caption. A split second before you completely succumb to the Hyperboloid's blabbering, you manage to hang on to a shred of your sanity and realize that this is your last chance to act.

What will it be?

You delete the Hyperboloid's edit.

With your last breath, you reach for the Wiki eraser and point it at the Hyperboloid. Their cackling grin quickly changes into an expression of fear, but as the erasing beam hits it you can swear you see the beginning of that grin starting to spread across their face again, a split second before they explode in a cloud of Wiki dust...

You take another look at your Tropédex and are alarmed to see that it has turned off. Did the battery die out? Wait. Something's not right. The wiki eraser isn't working anymore, either. You try to recite a few choice Wiki Mantras, but there is no effect. You have fallen out of favor with the Tao of Trope! Why? You were just defending yourself!

A booming voice echoes in your mind.

"Fool!", it roars, "What have you done? Do you not realize that for every example, no matter how valid, there will always be some crazed fan that will latch onto it and try to corrupt it? What then? Are we to give up examples completely? Destroy them all with some great wiki fire? That is not the Tao of Trope!"

It's curtains for you. How can you possibly survive this situation without your equipment and mantras? You'll have to hide in one of the closets and hope against hope that your fellow editors will come to your rescue.

GAME OVER.

You throw yourself at the Hyperboloid's edit in a valiant effort to shrink it back to the realms of sanity.

You think back to your training and take heart. You are an editor, not some wide-eyed fan! If you think this edit is too much, you have as much as a right to mess with it as this crazed fan had the right to put it in! They think you'll actually put up with them saying their random favorite example is so great? Who the HELL do they think you are?!

You jump into the example, your editing scalpel at the ready, and start hacking at it. The "I can't believe no one has mentioned John Doe yet!" bit is the first to go, and the Hyperboloid cries in protest. But you will have none of it. You mercilessly cut away all the italics and bold, all the "awesome"s and "absolutely"s and "incredible"s, and when you are done all that's left is a simple statement that John Doe is an example.

The Hyperboloid lies on the floor, weeping bitter tears, starting to slowly realize that their favorite show is not the center of the universe. You ready your edit scalpel and with one final cut you banish his page quote to the quotes wiki and his image to the image wiki, restoring the previous quote and image to their rightful place.

When you turn to take a look at the whimpering Hyperboloid, you see that nothing is left of them except for a pile of pathetic gray dust.

Mission Complete!

You cooly respond to the Hyperboloid that no, John Doe is actually not that much of an example.

You ready that weapon for truly special occasions, the second bullet point. They warned you time and again that it is almost never appropriate, but surely now?... You're fighting for your life here! You take a deep breath and throw it at the Hyperboloid.

• Actually, John Doe is not that much more of an example than anyone else on this page.

The Hyperboloid shrieks and screams. They were not ready for this. All they wanted was to glorify their favorite show; they weren't up to having someone actually stand up to them! They explode in a cloud of wiki dust. Huh, so much for the second bullet point being this dangerous forbidden weapon. It does the job as well as anything else. You start picking yourself up when...

• I beg to differ. In episode 7, John Doe does this thing which goes way beyond most of what the other characters in this page have done. He definitely stands out as an example.

Oh, no! It's a third bullet point! That's never a good sign! How could this be? You made your point clear, didn't you? Why do people feel the need to throw their stupid bullet points at your statement? Isn't this a wiki where they can edit whatever they want, anyway? So why would they-

Wait. That's exactly what you did just now.

• Seconded.

Aw, crud. The bullet points start accumulating and getting out of hand. You take out your editing scalpel but you find that it fails to work. Of course, what did you expect? You have committed one of the worst offenses possible against the Tao of Trope- nattering. You have fallen out of favor with the wiki gods. You watch helplessly as the bullet points multiply and surround you, preparing to defend yourself with whatever means you have left.

Maybe you'll get lucky and some editor will find you in time and rescue you. Maybe not. Either way, your adventure is through.

GAME OVER.