OK, so first thing I notice is that the game's developer is called Red Redepmtion. I rather hope this isn't meant to be a reflection of their economic beliefs or anything.
It takes quite a while to load. So long, in fact, that the throbber at the bottom right corner of the screen gets bored and decides "Fuck it, I'm done chasing my own tail to amuse a human, I'm just going to turn into a bit of red text that says Please Wait".
I then try to adjust some display settings.
Because I'm an idiot and don't read every setting before playing with them, I adjust the screen aspect ratio before turning fullscreen mode off. But that's OK because the developers are also idiots who didn't forsee someone doing this (despite the aspect ratio control being above the fullscreen control) and the game freezes up really aggressively.
As first impressions go this is less than stellar. I mean, if the freakin' options menu leads to a Non-Standard Game Over then how unforgiving is the actual goddamn game?
Anyhow, I get it working (at a rather strange resolution) windowed so that I can more easily get my snark on while playing the game.
There's quite a few scenarios available.
- The Rise of Africa
- Your goal is to make Africa suck less.
- Oil Fix It - The "Adapt rather than mitigate" scenario. Accept that global warming is going to happen and try to foster economic growth so that we can prepare ourselves for its effects as best as we can.
- Fuel Crisis - Bad News is that global warming is totally a thing. Good news is we're running out of fossil fuel anyway! Worse news is we have to deal with both of these problems at the same time.
- Cornucopia - Peak oil is a load of bull, we've got loads of the black stuff. The challenge is to avoid dying out in a self destructive fossil fuel binge.
- Earth Day - As described it seems to be some sort of hippie masturbation fantasy. Seriously WTF? I am wondering what the catch is.
- Three Degrees - It's just you versus the climate. For two hundred fucking years.
- Dr Apocalypse - Video Game Cruelty Potential is apparently an official scenario. Well, at least they know their market.
Anyhow, I'm going to start with "Oil Fix It" because I'm a Bright Green Environmentalist who believes that trying to stop global warming from happening is pissing in the wind and we just need to adapt as best we can. I fully expect this scenario is aimed at showing me that I am wrong and that I am a horrible person (we weren't even testing for that).
Oh wait, no I can't. Because it's locked. OK, that would explain why all but the first scenario is greyed out.
In that case, shit, let's be Africans.
Some of these titles, you have got to be shitting me
. I'm just wondering how many people are going to insist upon being referred to as "Your Worship" or "Learned One" outside of a Dr Apocalypse scenario. For now, Darling Kanaya will do.
In a World…, where there is some sort of weird shit called Hypercanes ruining the fuck out of cities
, yet another NGO gets established to
...well we're not really sure
. But HOLY SHIT NOT THE POLAR BEARS.
It seems my first job is to recruit some agents. Now I can go places and do stuff. Apparently with agents I can "Play cards" or something.
Ohkay.
So it seems I have a bunch of decks.
Project deck seems to represent stuff I can do with long term goals. Environment deck should be pretty self explanatory. Technology Deck also pretty obvious. Energy deck, probably to do with how energy is managed. Welfare deck is...actually I'm not sure, it's also called society. I'm guessing it deals with economic issues, maybe. And political deck seems to deal with all the cloak and dagger shit.
Being African, it seems I don't have much funds right now. Maybe when it said recruit two agents it meant two for the entire continent, not two for each region. Whoops.
It seems that Southern Africa is having environmental problems while Northern Africa is politically unstable. So I guess I'll put an environmental office in Southern Africa and a political office in the North. That's all I can afford to do for now.
So, apparently Medicine, Education, Investment and Employment are important things right now. Duly noted.
5 Years later, the people of Northern Africa are apparently pissed at me for not immediately solving their poverty problem.
Well excuuuuuse me!
I spend the next few turns trying to play cards to increase my rapidly plummeting popularity. In the North, I play welfare cards aimed at making people's lives less crappy. In the south, environmental cards to help deal with the increasing problems with floods and extreme weather.
This works fairly well for the South, but not the north. Eventually they just get so damn pissed off they're going to start a war.
Oh bugger. Yeah, keep striking, North Africa. That's totally going to help your shitty living standards
*sigh*. I'm wondering if I should fund some black ops or declare martial law. Hmm, decisions decisions. Well, if the present real world situation in North Africa has shown anything, it's that martial law doesn't goddamn work, so I think I'll go for black ops.
Just about every turn the news reports bitch at me for the terrible state of tech development. However, a tech department is $1000, far beyond my budget.
At 2050, We have feheled!
HDI dropped to 0.69 In other words, your resident consumerist technophile ran a shitty, low-tech economy. Yay me!
