Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner is a good example of a failed Take That!.
If I could write you a song,
and make you fall in love,
CROW: Well I sure wouldn’t be singing this.
I would already have you up under my arm.
TOM: Uh, I don’t think women like to be treated like purses, Mr. Posner.
I used to pull all my tricks,
I hope that you like this.
ALL: We won’t.
but you probably won't,
you think you're cooler than me.
TOM: This makes “You ain’t cuz you’re not” look like a witty insult.
you got designer shades,
just to hide your face and
MIKE: Yeah, I’d be embarrassed to show my face if I was in the same room as this guy too.
you wear them around like
you're cooler than me.
CROW: That’s because she is!!
and you never say hey,
or remember my name.
TOM: Who sings this?
CROW: Mike Posner.
TOM: Nope, don’t think I’ll remember that.
its probably cuz,
you think you're cooler than me.
MIKE: This is a song written by a dateless nobody, for dateless nobodies.
TOM: So basically, people like you.
MIKE [offended]: Hey!
you got your hot crowd,
shoes on your feet,
and you wear them around,
TOM: The shoes or the crowd?
CROW: Yes.
like they ain't shit.
but you don't know,
the way that you look,
CROW: When you cut one.
when your steps
make
MIKE: People hit the return key in the middle of a sentence.
that
much
noise.
TOM: Was Posner THIS desperate for insults?
see I got you,
all figured out,
CROW: You just noticed her shoes and sunglasses!!
you need everyone's eyes just to feel seen.
girl, your so vain,
you probably think that this song is about you.
MIKE [angry]: Hey, leave Carly Simon alone!!
don't you? don't you?
if I could write you a song,
and make you fall in love,
TOM: With someone else.
I would already have you up under my arm.
I used to pull all my tricks,
MIKE: Out of a hat.
I hope that you like this.
but you probably won't,
CROW [Posner, whiny]: Because your shoes are too noisy!! So there!!
you think you're cooler than me.
you got designer shades,
just to hide your face and
you wear them around like,
TOM: You’re embarrassed by me.
you're cooler than me.
and you never say hey,
or remember my name.
it's probably cuz,
MIKE: It isn’t memorable.
you think you're cooler than me.
you got your hot crowd,
switching your walk,
and you don't even look when you pass by.
CROW [Posner, whiny]: You also walk too quickly!! It ruins the carpet!
but you don't know,
the way that you look.
when your steps make
that
much
noise.
TOM [Posner, whiny]: I wrote it that way for emphasis!! Women are meanieheads!!
and don't you dare act like you don't know,
know what's up,
cuz your nose is up.
I'm approaching up.
MIKE: Pixar made a movie called “Up”.
like I can't give you winter in the summer
or summer in the winter
CROW: Well of course you can’t. You’re not God.
Miami in December
MIKE: Has nothing to do with this song.
trying to look bored in them Dior's.
she probably is,
Was acting shallow 'til she found out
how deep that my pockets is
TOM [sarcastic]: Because liking someone for their money isn’t shallow at all.
Mrs. pre-Madonna, this is your reminder
That I think you're fine, but I'm finer
CROW [Posner, whiny]: At least I don’t have noisy shoes!!
'Cause it sure seems
('Cause it sure seems)
MIKE: Like a terrible excuse for a song.
You got no doubt
(That you got no doubt)
But we all see
(We all see)
TOM: That you’re actually a giant talking rabbit.
You got your head in the clouds
(Clouds)
if I could write you a song,
and make you fall in love,
MIKE [Posner]: Wait, how does one go about doing that?
I would already have you up under my arm.
I used to pull all my tricks,
I hope that you like this.
CROW: I don’t think the girl in question even knows of this song’s existence.
but you probably won't,
you think you're cooler than me.
MIKE [Posner]: You’re so cool; you called the police on me when I was driving my Benz through your hood!!
you got designer shades,
just to hide your face and
you wear them around like,
you're cooler than me.
TOM: Isn’t everyone cooler than Mike Posner?
and you never say hey,
or remember my name.
its probably cuz,
you think you're cooler than me.
CROW: Think? We ARE cooler than you.
I hoped that you liked this MSTing. If you didn't, it was probably because your shoes were too noisy.
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