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Reporting In, Sir!
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
MrAHR
CyganAngel
Is this a private journal, or is Seren expecting to show this to her superiors when she completes her mission?
Funnyguts
Seren is sending in each of these reports individually, after she writes it. The next post, for example, is the reply to this report by her superior.
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
Well, it's a set up. Nothing tugging yet, I think that you need to find a way to have a personality to find relatable, whether it's the reporter or someone she is reporting on, a stronger voice. I know you want the report to be formal. Which makes sense, but I would try and find a balance.
MrAHR
CyganAngel
Not too sure about this one. It's not too polished, but I need to get it out quickly for gameplay-related reasons.
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
Well, it's exposition. I think it might have been better if you had a break in some of the exposition from time to time, maybe to have the person elaborate on what they were doing (perhaps some books told different accounts, the story teller only knew part of the story, etc. etc.)
MrAHR
CyganAngel
StolenByFaeries
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
CyganAngel
MrAHR
CyganAngel
This is the first time I've commented on your live blog. Pretty interesting stuff so far.
MrW
Goes double for me.....
MadWritter
LoniJay
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