Line #67 Quotes/MockTheWeek


1	-> '''Andy Parsons:''' ''(Re: Series/{{Countdown}})'' "I think Dictionary Corner would be quite happy to be unionised, because it is in fact a nine letter word".
2
3	!!Picture of the Week
4
5	->(''on Edward Snowden's flight plan'')\
6	'''Andy''': He said he was relieved to land in Moscow, but he was flying Aeroflot so I imagine ''everyone'' was relieved...\
7	'''Hugh''': I flew Aeroflot once, I sat next to this bloke, he had a mole with a massive hair growing out of it and every time he moved ''[[{{Squick}} his hair was brushing against my face]]''...\
8	'''Dara''': Did anyone know what seat he was in?\
9	'''Chris''': 17A.\
10	'''Hugh''': Did he sit next to a man with a massive mole growing out of him...\
11	'''Chris''': [[{{Pun}} He IS the massive mole.]]
12
13	!!Spinning The News
14
15	-->'''Dara''': "Now we move on to a round called...
16	--->'The Four Horsemen of the A-Mock-alypse'.\
17	'If we can get just three guys to do this, we can Mock off early'."\
18	'Your Grexits[[note]]the media term for Greece's exit from the EU[[/note]] are (pointing with both hands) Here, Here and Here'."\
19	'It's Getting Hot in Here, So Take Out All your Jokes'."\
20	'[[Film/PretAPorter Here Comes the Mockstepper, murrrderer]]'."
21
22	->(''Frankie on gay rights'')
23	->"(Concerning gay adoption) I'd have loved to have had a gay dad. You remember all that stuff at school? 'Oh, my dad will batter your dad, my dad could batter your dad' [[spoiler:'Listen! My dad will ''shag'' your dad!... And your dad will enjoy it!']]"
24
25	-> (''Stuart Francis on schooling'')
26	-> "You are looking at a very proud Canadian, who is very proud of the education system in Canadia... I was horrible in school, I failed math so many times that I can't even count... I preferred French over Chemistry, because the Chemistry teacher and I just didn't have any, eh... [[LastSecondWordSwap rapport...]] One teacher told me I'd be a better student if I didn't spend so much time flirting, I immediately jumped off his lap... One teacher used to always say I wasn't very observant, but you know what? That was his or her opinion... I was going to join the debating team, but someone talked me out of it... In high school I was voted Most Likely To... Reminisce..." trails off
27
28	-> (''Ed on piracy'')
29	-> "Ooh, this music's so funky it makes me want to obey the law."
30
31	!!If This Is The Answer, What Is The Question?
32
33	->(''Answer: 25 in a row'')
34	-> '''Andy''': "... how many times has Dara cracked one off to watching ''Series/BluePeter''?"
35
36	->(''Answer: Serious, Risky and Heroic'')
37	-> '''Russel''': What are Snap, Crackle and Pop's DJ names?
38	-> '''Frankie''': What are the three settings on the world's most powerful vibrator?
39	-> '''Frankie''': How would I describe my sex tour of Nigeria?
40
41	->(''Answer: 60,000'')
42	->'''Andy:''' How many times will this clip be shown on Dave?
43
44	->(''Answer: Around 24,000'')
45	->'''Ed:''' How many times could I punch Piers Morgan in the face before it stopped being fun and I continued to do it out of a sense of duty?
46
47	->(''Answer: 3%'')
48	->"Is it the percentage of people [[NeverOneMurder still alive]] in [[Series/MidsomerMurders Midsomer]]?"
49
50	->(''Answer: Between 10,000 and 15,000'')
51	->'''Russel''': How many people in Britain are secretly elves?
52	->'''Frankie''': How many push-ups could Jesus do?
53
54	->(''Answer: Sparrows, otters and hedgehogs'')
55	->'''Andy''': What is the least popular Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor?
56	->'''Frankie''': What's on the menu at a Gypsy wedding?
57	->'''Frankie''': As a kid, what animals would I dress up in uniforms to reenact the Battle of Stalingrad with the German forces [[CrossingTheLineTwice played by a lawnmower?]]
58
59	!!Scenes We'd Like To See
60
61	-> (''on "Weird Things To See On A Roadsign"'')
62	->'''Frankie''': "[[AscendedMeme Stop. Hammertime.]]"
63	->'''Russell''': (mimes driving) "You're Very Lonely, [[ParanoiaFuel Aren't You, Russel?]]" (does a double take)
64	->'''Andy''': "[[ShmuckBait Accident on Opposite Carriageway. Quick! Look!]]"
65	->'''Frankie''': "No left turn. No right turn. No entry. No reversing. Get out of the car and put your hands on your head. DO IT!!"
66
67	->(''on "Deleted Lines From A Fantasy Film"'')
68	->'''Russell''': "[[Film/TheLordOfTheRings I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the heir to Isildur and part of the Fellowship of the Ring...]] please leave a message after the tone."
69	->'''Frankie''': "[[Franchise/HarryPotter Ron had been suffering from swine flu and people were avoiding him]]... [[RedheadsAreUncool luckily he was a ginger and he was used to it]]."
70	->'''Hugh''': "I don't know why you're so upset Harry, [[Creator/RichardHarris the real Dumbledore]] died three films ago and no one gave a shit."
71	->'''Russell''': "[[Literature/TheChroniclesOfNarnia 'Did you find Narnia in the wardrobe?']] 'No Edmund, we found your PornStash...' "
72	->'''Frankie''': "We had only been there a day, but for us it felt like fifteen years... [[PlaceWorseThanDeath that's Birmingham]]."
73	->'''Russel''': "He stole it from me, my Precious, m- Oh, it's in me pocket..."
74	->'''Creator/GregDavies''': "Hey, John. How's it going? All right? Yeah. How're the kids? All right. See you later."
75
76	-> (''on "Unlikely Lines from a Thriller"'')
77	->'''Frankie''': "Michael, Peter, David, Vladimir...I think we may have a spy in the organization."
78	->'''Hugh''': "Get me the Pentagon...and then the triangle and then the square..."
79	->'''Andy''': "Ah, [[Film/{{Goldfinger}} Pussy Galore, Bond here...]] I've been told by my doctor that I need to contact all previous partners..."
80	->'''Frankie''': "The owner of this motel [[Film/{{Psycho}} dresses up as his mother and stabs people,]] but the guidebook says it's still better than The Ibis."
81	->'''Hugh''': "[[WireDilemma Red or green! Red or green! Which one am I supposed to cut?!]] [[SeriousBusiness Come on, they're only peppers, how long is this salad going to take?!]]"
82	->'''Andy''': "[[Literature/MurderOnTheOrientExpress The Orient Express has been cancelled,]] however there was a murder on the temporary Orient replacement bus."
83	->'''Russell''': "[[Film/{{Memento}} I have amnesia: the tattoos on my body will tell me what happened.]]" checks self "'Dara Was here'?" Dara nods
84	->'''Frankie''': "I'd been a serial killer for four years, but they'd never given me a nickname... [[ButtBiter Then, you bite ONE GUY ON THE ARSE,]] [[NeverLiveItDown and suddenly you're The Buttmuncher.]]"
85	->'''Russell''': (leaping in pain) "AAAAHH!! [[RunningGag THE BUTTMUNCHER'S GOT ME!! THE BUTTMUNCHER'S GOT ME!!]]"
86
87	-> (''on "Ill Advised Things to Say in Court"'')
88	->'''Andy''': "How could she have seen my face?! ''I was wearing a balaclava!''"
89	->'''Frankie''': "So, to summarise, there's no evidence, but he does ''look'' a bit [[BuffySpeak rapey.]]"
90	->'''Mark Watson''': "Well, if stabbing a man makes me guilty, I'm guilty!"
91	->'''Frankie''': "I would like to present my own defence, ''through the medium of dance!''"
92	->'''Russel''': "Oi, Wiggy, I've done your daughter!" mimes taking a hit from a joint
93
94	-> (on "Unlikely Lines From A Science Programme")\
95	'''Holly''': "Apart from humans, the only living thing to enjoy sex is the dolphin. [[BestialityIsDepraved I had to shag a lot of animals to find that out..."]]\
96	'''Russel''': "[[CrossesTheLineTwice I'm a meerkat; she's not lying...]]"
97
98	->''"(shambles up to the microphone) I escaped from the petri dish! WHAT AM I?!"''
99	-->-- '''Russel as a GeneticAbomination'''
100
101	->''"Welcome to Series/MockTheWeek: [[TooHotForTV After Dark]]. I'm Dara Ó Briain, and '''this'''... is my penis."''
102	-->-- '''Creator/FrankieBoyle'''
103
104	->''"Yes, well it's... definitely [[AssShove stuck up there]]... we may, er... [[NoodleImplements we may have to use the ferret]]."''
105	-->-- '''Hugh Dennis'''
106
107	->(On "Unlikely Scenes From ''Series/DoctorWho''")
108	->"WELCOME TO MY DALEK POETRY READING! Buzz THIS ONE IS CALLED "DAFFODILS!" EXTERMINATE DAFFODILS!"
109	-->-- '''Frankie as a Dalek.'''
110
111	!!Headliners
112
113	->(''The letters are P.T.F.C.'')
114	->'''Creator/MiltonJones''': "Performers Try Find Caption?"
115	->'''Russell Howard''' (''upon discovering it relates to the MP's expenses scandal''): "Payback The Fucking Cash!"
116
117	->(''The letters are P.T.S.D.'')
118	->'''Frankie''': Prescott To Swallow Dorsett?

Context Quotes / MockTheWeek