1 | ->"Daddy, I have this...friend, and, he's real nice, but he spends half his time running around the playground, kicking kids in the shins and mashing dirt in their faces." \ |
2 | '''Best Possible Fathering:''' "Focus on your studies and don't make pals with kids like that." \ |
3 | '''Worst Possible Fathering:''' "I'm not your friend, son." |
4 | --> --''Webcomic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal'' |
5 | |
6 | ->''Well, um, I have this friend, it's not me!'' |
7 | -->--'''Doug Funnie''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Doug}}'' |
8 | |
9 | ->'''Reverend Lovejoy:''' I have a friend, I mean, a friend of a friend...\ |
10 | '''Homer:''' ''(loudly)'' Sex problem, eh? |
11 | -->--''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS18E18TheBoysOfBummer The Boys of Bummer]]" |
12 | |
13 | ->'''Homer:''' Moe, I need your advice...\ |
14 | '''Moe:''' Yeah?\ |
15 | '''Homer:''' See, I've got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo...Junior...Shabadoo...\ |
16 | '''Moe:''' That's the worst name I ever heard.\ |
17 | (''a man, apparently the real Joey Jojo, runs out of the bar, crying'')\ |
18 | '''Barney:''' Hey! Joey Jo-Jo! |
19 | -->--''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS5E9TheLastTemptationOfHomer The Last Temptation of Homer]]" |
20 | |
21 | ->''I've gotta tell (an annoying old guy at the State Department) [[ARareSentence I lost a submarine]]. Can I make something up, like "say a friend of mine hypothetically..."'' |
22 | --> -- '''President Bartlett''', ''Series/TheWestWing'', "Gone Quiet" |
23 | |
24 | ->'''Talisman''': Here at Talisman Saloon, we only discuss the affairs of others. Is it okay, Lemonade Candy? |
25 | ->'''Lemonade Candy''': Okay. A friend of mine is in quite a bind right now. So I'd like to talk about her, Talisman. |
26 | ->'''Talisman''': With pleasure! |
27 | -->-- ''Anime/PsychoPass'', ''Nobody Knows Your Mask'' |
28 | |
29 | ->'''Robin''': I would fain consult you--\ |
30 | '''Rose''': Truly?\ |
31 | '''Robin''': It is about a friend.\ |
32 | '''Rose''': In truth I have a friend myself.\ |
33 | '''Robin''': Indeed? I mean, of course--\ |
34 | '''Rose''': And I would fain consult you--\ |
35 | '''Robin''' ''(Anxiously)'': About him?\ |
36 | '''Rose''' ''(Prudishly)'': About ''her''.\ |
37 | '''Robin''' ''(Relieved)'': Let us consult one another. |
38 | -->-- ''Theatre/{{Ruddigore}}'' |
39 | |
40 | ->'''Kaguya''': I need... to ask you for advice, Kashiwagi.\ |
41 | '''Kashiwagi''': I had a feeling that was the case. \ |
42 | '''Kaguya''': It's about '''a friend'''.\ |
43 | '''Kashiwagi''': ''(Thinking)'' It's about her.\ |
44 | '''Kaguya''': A boy she's interested in recently had a drastic change in appearance.\ |
45 | '''Kashiwagi''': ''(Thinking)'' [[EveryoneCanSeeIt It's about Shirogane]]. |
46 | -->-- ''Manga/KaguyaSamaLoveIsWar'' |
47 | |
48 | ->'''Simba:''' What are you doing? |
49 | ->'''Timon:''' ''[screams]'' Good question. ''[stammering]'' Let me ask you one. |
50 | ->'''Pumbaa:''' Hippothetically. |
51 | ->'''Timon:''' Very ''hypo''thetical. There's this guy... |
52 | ->'''Pumbaa:''' But he's not a lion! |
53 | ->'''Timon:''' No, no, he's not a lion. Yeesh, ''definitely'' not a lion. And... his daughter... say... vanished? |
54 | ->'''Simba:''' ''Kiara's gone?!'' |
55 | -->--''WesternAnimation/TheLionKingIISimbasPride'' |
56 | |
57 | ->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn't mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone's gonna ''hate'' me! I-I need some advice! Now let's see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? [''Cut to [=SpongeBob=] knocking on Squidward's door''] Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!\ |
58 | '''Squidward''': [=SpongeBob=]! Do you have to knock so loudly?!\ |
59 | '''[=SpongeBob=]''': Oh, sorry, neighbor.\ |
60 | '''Squidward''': Oh, that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can't even take my afternoon beauty nap!\ |
61 | '''[=SpongeBob=]''': Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I... uh... was kinda wondering, um... Let's say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.\ |
62 | '''Squidward''': (''eagerly'') You know the guy who did it?!\ |
63 | '''[=SpongeBob=]''': [''[[BigGulp Gulps!]]'']\ |
64 | '''Squidward''': Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I'll get so much sleep, I'll be ''gorgeous!''\ |
65 | '''[=SpongeBob=]''': Um, actually, I-I'm just talking hypothetically.\ |
66 | '''Squidward''': You mean you don't know who did it?\ |
67 | '''[=SpongeBob=]''': Well, um... I... uh... no.\ |
68 | (''Squidward slams the door in [=SpongeBob=]'s face'') |
69 | -->--''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', "[[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS2E12PressureTheSmokingPeanut The Smoking Peanut]]" |
70 | |
71 | ->''"Well, okay, I'll tell you. [[SubvertedTrope Look, the friend is me]]"'' |
72 | -->--'''Noemí Argüelles''', ''Series/PaquitaSalas'' |
73 | |
74 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': ''(who's trying to play matchmaker with his coach and teacher)'' "So my friend really likes this girl..." |
75 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "OMG! You're talking about yourself, aren't you? Who's the girl?" |
76 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': "No, no, it's not me. So, he likes her, but I'm not sure if she's into him." |
77 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "Oh, have Clyde ask her for you." |
78 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': "It's not me! Can you focus, please? Now, how do I get her to be interested in him, too?" |
79 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "I'm sure she'll be interested in you, Lincoln, you're so great!" |
80 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': "Lori, I swear I will walk out of this room and go ask Lola!" |
81 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "Fine, I'll help you with your (air quotes) 'friend'." |
82 | |
83 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': "Okay, so I followed your advice, and now the girl seems interested in my friend. What's the next step?" |
84 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "Uh, duh, you literally have the green light, Romeo." |
85 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': "Lori, it's not me!" |
86 | ->'''Lori Loud''': "Fine, tell your (air quotes) 'friend' ''he'' literally has the green light." |
87 | |
88 | ->'''Lincoln Loud''': ''(who's now trying to play matchmaker with his teacher and ''the janitor'')'' "Hey, Lori! Listen, I've got another friend who needs my dating help. ''(Lori squeals)'' No, it's not me!" |
89 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheLoudHouse'', "Teachers' Union" |
90 | |
91 | ->''"So, does the company that makes your bra make a girdle? I'm asking because a friend of mine..."'' |
92 | -->-- '''Zapp Brannigan''' after his girdle breaks in a planet's high gravity but Leela's bra doesn't, ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "Brannigan Begin Again" |
93 | |
94 | ->'''Julius:''' Can I ask you a hypothetical question?\ |
95 | '''Court Clerk:''' This oughta be good.\ |
96 | '''Julius:''' Suppose there was somebody who got married, then thought he got divorced, then got married again and had some kids.\ |
97 | '''Clerk:''' Hypothetically?\ |
98 | '''Julius:''' Yeah.\ |
99 | '''Clerk:''' Well he could ''hypothetically'' be arrested and go to jail as a bigamist.\ |
100 | '''Julius:''' I see.\ |
101 | '''Clerk:''' But between you, me and your hypothetical friend, as long as you get your final decree, file these papers, and everyone around here stays lazy, you'll be fine. |
102 | -->--''Series/EverybodyHatesChris'' |
103 | |
104 | ->'''Twilight Sparkle''': "I have this friend..." |
105 | ->'''Celestia''': "Is this friend sitting right next to me?" |
106 | ->'''Twilight Sparkle''': "No, but she asked me to keep her name a secret." |
107 | ->'''Celestia''': "I see. And what did this friend want to ask me?" |
108 | ->'''Twilight Sparkle''': "Well, you see, my friend has... another friend. And she's liked this friend for a long time." |
109 | ->'''Celestia''': "Oh? Does this friend of yours have a crush?" |
110 | ->'''Twilight Sparkle''': "Yes, she's known this friend for a while and isn't sure how to, you know, approach them." |
111 | ->'''Celestia''': "I see. And does this friend of a friend have a name?" |
112 | ->'''Twilight Sparkle''': "I... should probably keep that a secret too." |
113 | ->'''Celestia''': "I see. And why does this friend need my advice?" |
114 | ->'''Twilight''': "Well, you see, it's kind of... complicated." |
115 | ->'''Celestia''': "In my experience, matters of the heart are often made more complex than they need to be." |
116 | ->'''Twilight''': "Hehe, yeah. I told her the same thing. But... well, I think she might kind of have a point this time." |
117 | ->'''Celestia''': "Let me guess: this friend of yours likes another mare." |
118 | ->'''Twilight''': "Eheheh, yeah. Not me, of course! It's some other mare." |
119 | ->'''Celestia''': "Well, I should hope so. It would be rather awkward asking the subject of your affection for advice from me." |
120 | -->-- ''Fanfic/IHaveThisFriend'', a fanfiction of ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''. [[note]]Actually, Twilight is telling the truth.[[/note]] |
121 | |
122 | -> ''"How's Peach? Is she okay? Comfortable? Does she have a good book to read? Asking for a friend."'' |
123 | -->-- '''Bowser''', ''VideoGame/PaperMarioTheOrigamiKing'' |
124 | |
125 | ->'''Todd:''' So I have this friend, and his name is… Darnarius [=McQuimberton=]. |
126 | ->'''Diane:''' Oh, yeah, I think I read about him in the Real, Not Made-Up Person Magazine. |
127 | -->--''WesternAnimation/BoJackHorseman'' |
128 | |
129 | ->'''Ben Sobel''': I think... your friend is you. |
130 | ->'''Paul Vitti''': You... you... you got a gift, my friend. |
131 | -->--''Film/AnalyzeThis'' |
132 | |
133 | |
134 | ->'''Hamilton:''' ''I have this friend\ |
135 | He's quite a guy\ |
136 | He's in a bit of a bind and he needs advice''\ |
137 | '''Washington:''' ''How can I help you?''\ |
138 | '''Hamilton:''' ''Not me, this friend; it's a friend'' |
139 | -->--"I Have This Friend", a CutSong from ''Theatre/{{Hamilton}}'' |
140 | |
141 | ->''"Are you ever overcome with feelings of complete and utter helplessness? I'm asking for a friend, of course."'' |
142 | -->-- '''Monica''', ''VideoGame/FireEmblemWarriorsThreeHopes'' |
143 | |
144 | ->'''Commander Cody:''' Rumors are, more and more Clones have been questioning the order.[[note]]Order 66[[/note]] |
145 | ->'''Crosshair:''' Then they're traitors then, like the Jedi. |
146 | ->'''Commander Cody:''' Well, [[JustFollowingOrders good soldiers follow orders]]. |
147 | -->--''WesternAnimation/StarWarsTheBadBatch'', "[[Recap/StarWarsTheBadBatchS2E3TheSolitaryClone The Solitary Clone]]" |
148 | |
149 | ->'''Jason''': Now, hypothetically, [[ComicBook/ADeathInTheFamily if a very bad man killed your son]], wouldn't ''you'' — |
150 | -->--''Webcomic/BatmanWayneFamilyAdventures'', "[[Recap/BatmanWayneFamilyAdventuresEpisode14Unaccompanied Unaccompanied]]" |
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