| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Episodes 1 to 100]] |
| 4 | !! Episode 28: Families are Tough! |
| 5 | * Henry and Ben get into an argument regarding the term "Tiger mom" and its links to Asian culture. Ben argues that Ninjas can be white people too as the term is being used in the context of a white female who killed her daughters. Henry asks Ben to prove who is a white Ninja to which Ben quickly replies "No, you can't see them!" which takes Henry and Marcus back a little bit until they bust out laughing. |
| 6 | |
| 7 | !! Episode 34: Heaven's Gate |
| 8 | * It's the first episode available on Spotify (the trio have discredited their earlier episodes due to the apparent "low quality" hence why Spotify only has episodes 34 onward and not 1-33 which can be found on Archive.org) and it opens with a heated argument of who owns a dildo sitting in the studio. Henry claims it is a Murderfist prop whilst Marcus claims it is a present bought for him for Christmas by former host of Sex and Other Human Activites Sara Benincasa. |
| 9 | |
| 10 | !!Episode 35: There's Bones In The Chocolate! |
| 11 | * The titular source of the episode's name (and second to '...and that's when the cannibalism started...' among the show's catchprases); A reaction to the fact that Jeffrey Dahmer worked as a mixer at a chocolate factory. What follows is described as a factory worker and others screaming in horror over the possiblity of victim-bone-fragment contamination from Dahmer's fingernails in the creamy chocolaty goodness... |
| 12 | --> [[SuddenlyShouting "THERE'S BONES]] IN [[https://youtu.be/jECHw9FXF1o THE CHOCOLATE!!!"]] |
| 13 | |
| 14 | !! Episode 38: Erratic Behavior |
| 15 | * When impersonating a stereotypical ranting and raving lunatic, Henry begins to yelp out random words which at first listen almost sounds like a word beginning with N which audibly freaks out Ben and Marcus to which Henry clarifies very quickly he said "Nugget". Marcus then proceeds to join in screaming "Nugget" more coherantly to try and cover up Henry's possible slip of the tongue. Henry then proceeds to scream/yelp "Nugget" at various points at the episode |
| 16 | |
| 17 | !! Episode 61: The B.T.K. Killer Part II - "Detective Popcorn" |
| 18 | * As the name implies, this episode marks the birth of the hosts' recurring character, Detective Popcorn. It starts with commentary about how the police tracking B.T.K. are unable to do anything, a reminder of their nickname of "The Hot Dog Squad" (though Ben gets it wrong and calls them the "Sausage Gang") and Henry imagining the AnthropomorphicFood of the "Let's All Go to the Lobby" theater ads as police officers. The end result is the gang's go-to joke when they want to ''really'' highlight how useless the police are: |
| 19 | --> '''Detective Popcorn:''' Aw, gee, boss, I'm just a bunch of popcorn! How am I supposed to find a BTK killer? Ohh sweet, sweet delicious butter all over. Mmm... salty kernels... mmmm, ohh... can't resist me. Trying to sit down watch a movie, mmm... you greedy fingers! Looking for my popcorny kernels, ohh... There's no way I'm gonna find that BTK killer, being so delicious. |
| 20 | |
| 21 | !! Episode 86: Spree Killers Part I - "If They Knew How Much Fun I Was Havin'..." |
| 22 | * While some parts of the Spree Killers two-parter [[EarlyInstallmentWeirdness haven't aged particularly well]] (their segment on [[AxCrazy Richard Speck]], mass rapist and ''brutal'' spree killer, spends more time making fun of [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming Speck's victims]] than Speck himself - an approach the boys [[GrowingTheBeard deliberately avoid]] in later episodes), there are still a few gems to be found. |
| 23 | ** Henry and Marcus reveal that they shared data on their hard drives. Ben immediately asks if the transaction was monitored by the FBI, and if they [[CoatFullofContraband wore trench coats]] and exchanged the hard drives in a back alley. |
| 24 | ---> '''Henry:''' I wore a clown mask and roller skates! |
| 25 | ---> '''Ben:''' Right, right. |
| 26 | ---> '''Henry (adopting a [[CreepyHighPitchedVoice Creepy Clown Voice]])''': [[EvilLaugh Heh heh heh]]! Taking down the paradigm! Any one of you kids want to come take down the paradigm with old...clowny here? |
| 27 | ---> '''Ben:''' God, you are specifically creepy today. |
| 28 | ---> '''Henry''': [[MonsterClown Zippers the Clown]] wants you guys to help take down the government! |
| 29 | |
| 30 | !! Episode 87: Spree Killers Part II - "I've Been Getting These Headaches..." |
| 31 | * The boys do a[[LargeHam ...spirited]] table read of Virginia Tech shooter Seung-Hui Cho's ''bizarre'' stage play "Richard Macbeef". [[https://youtu.be/S_La_WIvEPA?t=48m17s It has to be heard to be believed]]. |
| 32 | |
| 33 | !! Episode 93: Gnomes! |
| 34 | * Pretty much everything said by the foul-mouthed, hyper-aggressive abomination that is Terry The Gnome counts. |
| 35 | --> '''Henry (as Terry)''': I got my dick stuck in a fox's asshole earlier today. |
| 36 | |
| 37 | [[/folder]] |
| 38 | |
| 39 | [[folder:Episodes 100 to 150]] |
| 40 | !! Episode 105: John Wayne Gacy |
| 41 | * Early in the episode Henry reads an excerpt from a book written about the case by Gacy's defense attorney, in which the man draws comparisons to himself and John Adams defending the British soldiers who perpetreated the Boston Massacre. Throughout the reading, Ben and Marcus frequently interject to remind everyone that Gacy had the bodies of over 30 young boys either in his basement or in a river. |
| 42 | |
| 43 | !! Episode 124: Dahmer Part I - "Infinity Land" |
| 44 | * The trio fail to identify who Otto von Bismarck is, confusing him for the Kaiser and Archduke Franz Ferdinand. |
| 45 | --> '''Marcus:''' I forgot ''that'' in our Dahmer outline! "Who's Otto von Bismarck!" |
| 46 | * As a child, Dahmer wore leg-braces, like Film/ForrestGump. This leads to the creation of Forrest Gump, SerialKiller. |
| 47 | --> '''Henry:''' I went to Vietnam. But when I went there, I killed some pros-ti-tuutes.\ |
| 48 | '''Ben:''' That's a much better story. Forrest, we're friends now.\ |
| 49 | '''Marcus:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I went to a place called My Lai, where I found out who I really was.]] |
| 50 | * Henry's explanation of a game he plays: |
| 51 | --> '''Henry:''' What I love to do is... I play this game called "Sprinkler", where [[{{Squick}} I stick my pinky up inside my penis hole and pee out the sides of it.]]\ |
| 52 | '''Ben:''' So even though it's your pinky, which is your smallest digit, it's still a very large digit to put into a very small hole.\ |
| 53 | '''Henry:''' ''Quarter-sized'' hole.\ |
| 54 | ''(laughter)''\ |
| 55 | '''Ben:''' Interesting.\ |
| 56 | '''Henry:''' But you have to know you have a penis... ''[{{Beat}}]'' You gotta know it!\ |
| 57 | ''(more laughter)''\ |
| 58 | '''Ben:''' That's about a five-alarm Zebrowski piss-fire right there. We'll need about five Zebrowskis to piss that one out. |
| 59 | * The guys describe teenage Jeff [[note]] ...with his ClassClown antics, drinking in class, wearing an old Army jacket, being a bit of a "cult figure" / mascot at Revere High School (and generally not giving a damn)[[/note]] and finding him strangely cool and like [[Creator/SeanPenn Sean Penn's]] character in ''Film/FastTimesAtRidgemontHigh''. |
| 60 | |
| 61 | !! Episode 125: Dahmer Part II - "How to Be Left Alone in the Ghetto" |
| 62 | * Their description of Club Baths in Milwaukee, Dahmer's first haunt before he began killing: |
| 63 | -->'''Ben and Henry:''' NO WAY!\ |
| 64 | '''Ben:''' The Club Baths in Milwaukee was filthy? I can't believe it. Oh, man! ''[as the owner]'' "Well, we got the cheese sauna, and we also have the spaghetti and meatball pit!"\ |
| 65 | '''Henry:''' And we're doing a bit of a brat boil in the Egyptian-themed room.\ |
| 66 | '''Ben:''' Yeap. Yeap, yeap. That's all the steam from the brats.\ |
| 67 | [...]\ |
| 68 | '''Ben:''' And it's just so funny: if you hear about, like, a "San Francisco gay bathclub", you're thinking: svelte bodies, beautiful nipples...\ |
| 69 | '''Henry:''' This is Milwaukee '''''SECRET GAY!'''''\ |
| 70 | '''Ben:''' This is underground... this is "da Bears" guys from [[Series/SaturdayNightLive SNL]], all in a dark cave, trying to pretend like they're not gay and don't wanna fuck each other! |
| 71 | * Even the NightmareFuel that is Jeffrey Dahmer's [[RoomFullOfCrazy shrine to necrophilia]] doesn't stop the jokes. |
| 72 | ** First, they get to what Dahmer managed to finish-- and Ben brings up an odd metaphor for it... |
| 73 | --->'''Marcus:''' [...] It was covered in photographs of all of his victims...\ |
| 74 | '''Henry:''' Like real Etsy-like.\ |
| 75 | '''Ben:''' It's sort of like that Creator/KevinCostner movie ''Film/FieldOfDreams''-- "if you build it, they will come"-- but, like, he was just wanting a Music/MarilynManson concert.\ |
| 76 | '''Henry:''' If he built it, ''he'' would come.\ |
| 77 | '''Ben:''' Yeah! "If I build it, I will come." That's true. I just wanna see Kevin Costner beating off on the pitcher's mound. ''[as Costner]'' Yeah! YEEAAAAHHHHH!\ |
| 78 | '''Henry:''' No, no, no! This is about old-timey baseball!\ |
| 79 | '''Ben (as Costner):''' No, not for me, it wasn't! '''''YEAAAAAHHHHHH!''''' This is my field of dreams! ''Field of Creams!''\ |
| 80 | '''Henry:''' I really wish that I had not come to this old baseball field-- I'm Shoeless Jackson! I should have worn some shoes if I knew-- ''[[{{Corpsing}} (Henry cracks up)]]''-- that Kevin Costner would be jerking off all over my feet!\ |
| 81 | '''Ben (as Costner):''' Mmm, yeah. Trickery, motherfucker! |
| 82 | ** Then, they imagine Dahmer [[VillainsOutShopping buying a chair for his shrine]], which cracks them all up. |
| 83 | --->'''Ben:''' So, what are you shopping for today at Sealey's, sir?\ |
| 84 | '''Henry:''' I just kinda wanna-- ''(switches to his Dahmer voice)'' [[BreadEggsMilkSquick I'm just kinda looking for a nice, relaxing chair that I can put in front of my bone altar so I can jerk off all over the bones.]]\ |
| 85 | '''Henry (as shopping assistant):''' Well, we're gonna need to get you... one of these Petersens. Beautiful, silver riveting. You've got a deep-pocket bucket seat...\ |
| 86 | '''Ben:''' Do you like to drink beer? Do you like to drink a little bit?\ |
| 87 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' Ohhh, I've got to drink beer, [[AxCrazy or else I'd be killing you right now!]]\ |
| 88 | '''Ben:''' Why don't you push that button right there on the left?\ |
| 89 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' Oh! It's a beer fridge! I can't believe I found something that works so perfectly! Eyyyy, you wanna come by my place?\ |
| 90 | '''Ben:''' We've got a couple of delivery guys coming. ''(as Dahmer)'' "Make 'em hairless!" |
| 91 | |
| 92 | !! Episode 126: Dahmer Part III - "Paint it White" |
| 93 | * The show opens with Dahmer pitching shows to the Creator/FoodNetwork. |
| 94 | -->'''Ben:''' Well, Mr. Dahmer, I think we don't have room for you here on the Food Network. But I think it's a great show idea--\ |
| 95 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' But no! Here's my other pitch! Here's my other pitch! What we do is, right--?\ |
| 96 | '''Ben:''' Does it all involve human penises? We're not allowed to have a show where you cook human penises on the show.\ |
| 97 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' I think there could be a work-around to the human penis end. But I think that, mostly what I want is... Okay, we get Tyler Florence, right?\ |
| 98 | '''Ben:''' Mm. Yeah.\ |
| 99 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' I [[GuttedLikeAFish slit him from bush hair to Adam's apple]]--\ |
| 100 | '''Ben:''' I'm gonna say SECURITY! Security!\ |
| 101 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' ''Oh come on now!'' I'm having fun with cooking!\ |
| 102 | '''Ben:''' We're gonna have to get Mr. Dahmer out of here. Thank you. ''Having Fun With Cooking with Mr. Jeffrey Dahmer'' will not be greenlit this season. However, I think there might be different shows over at Creator/TruTV. Okay. Goodbye, Mr. Dahmer. Thank you. |
| 103 | * Dahmer's second attempt at creating a zombie with Jeremy Weinberger is reimagined by Henry. Dahmer goes "Yay!" when he wrongly thinks he succeeded and decides to rename Weinberger "Zamzar". |
| 104 | -->'''Henry (as Dahmer):''' Oh no, he ''died'' again! Welp. More boiling water! |
| 105 | -->'''Ben:''' "...Now get some COLD water in there..." |
| 106 | * What exactly was Dahmer chanting when he was with Tracy Edwards? |
| 107 | -->'''Ben (as Dahmer):''' Sausage, penis... Sausage, penis...\ |
| 108 | '''Henry (as Dahmer)''' ''~Do I suck his dick or dooo~ I~ turn it into soup~? Do I suck his feet or do I~'' ([[{{Corpsing}} voice cracking]]) '' cut 'em off and play with them for an hour?''\ |
| 109 | '''Ben (as Edwards):''' I can hear you. I can hear what you're chanting!\ |
| 110 | '''Henry (as Dahmer):''' Oh, I'm just planning.\ |
| 111 | '''Ben:''' Well, that's terrifying.\ |
| 112 | '''Henry:''' I wanna play with your nipples like they're radio dials, but I kinda wanna just rip them off, like what I did to the radio dials on my radio. |
| 113 | * Henry imagines what [[ItMakesSenseInContext the lost penis under Dahmer's bed thinks.]] |
| 114 | -->'''Henry:''' That poor, shriveled, old penis must have been so alone.\ |
| 115 | '''Ben:''' You gotta cut off a lotta human penises to lose one.\ |
| 116 | '''Henry (as the penis [[note]]with is adorably high-pitched, squeaky voice[[/note]]):''' Nobody loves me. Jeffrey hasn't sucked on me in weeks. What do you think I did wrong, Mister Skeleton?\ |
| 117 | '''Ben:''' Nothing, human penis--\ |
| 118 | '''Henry (as the skeleton): [[NoIndoorVoice I JUST DON'T THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE TO HIM ANYMORE! MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!]]'''\ |
| 119 | '''Ben:''' Awww, don't say that to the little penis.\ |
| 120 | '''Henry (as the penis):''' Awww.... I just-- I just wish that somebody would just suck me and play with my balls, and give me some love. Or if I was still alive. That would be nice.\ |
| 121 | '''Henry (as the skeleton):''' '''''YEAH!? YOU DON'T THINK I DON'T WANNA STILL BE ALIVE!?''''' |
| 122 | * Every time they quote the colorful, mustachioed [[note]]and sadly, deceased since April 2013[[/note]] Detective Patrick Kennedy and the silly voice they give him. |
| 123 | -->'''Henry!Kennedy:''' DIJON! |
| 124 | ** The guys describe Kennedy as sounding like a guy talking about a baseball game. |
| 125 | |
| 126 | [[/folder]] |
| 127 | |
| 128 | [[folder:Episodes 151 to 200]] |
| 129 | !! Episode 158: Nazis and the Occult Part 2 - "White People Nerds" |
| 130 | * The TitleDrop, where the Nazi leadership get dismissed as a bunch of nerds obsessed with Aryan purity, Norse gods and the Knights of the Round Table. |
| 131 | * The boys' imagining of the [[ThePurge Night of the Long Knives]]. |
| 132 | -->'''Nerdy Nazi:''' Hey guys, um... about the concentration camps... what I was thinking instead is what if we all take a group trip to Six Flags?\ |
| 133 | '''Top SS officer:''' Thank you so much for your feedback at the meeting, Mark.\ |
| 134 | '''Nerdy Nazi:''' You know, I'm just glad that you guys are still down to listen, I know that there's a lot--\ |
| 135 | '''SS Officer: [[LargeHam IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE LONG KNIVES!]]'''\ |
| 136 | '''Nerdy Nazi:''' [[BigNo NOOOO NOOO NOOOO]]-- |
| 137 | ** Similarly, a Nazi getting executed in the middle of suggesting they [[FelonyMisdemeanor go out for pretzels]]. |
| 138 | |
| 139 | !! Episode 171: Serial Killers of the American Frontier |
| 140 | * A quite literal case of AndYourRewardIsClothes, when Thomas Tate Tobin doesn't get his cash bounty for killing Felipe Espinosa. |
| 141 | -->'''Ben (as Tobin):''' ... a coat?\ |
| 142 | '''Marcus (as the Governor of Colorado):''' An elaborate coat!\ |
| 143 | '''Ben:''' I just beheaded two people and I get a coat?!\ |
| 144 | '''Marcus:''' [[InsistentTerminology An elaborate coat!]]\ |
| 145 | '''Ben:''' I didn't win a golf tournament!\ |
| 146 | '''Marcus:''' ... and a rifle!\ |
| 147 | '''Ben:''' I'd like my 550 dollars please.\ |
| 148 | '''Marcus:''' You get a coat!\ |
| 149 | '''Ben:''' ... I don't like this country anymore. |
| 150 | * The boys' giddy excitement over [[RunningGag forming a posse]]. |
| 151 | * The GratuitousSpanish version of "[[CallBack I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE]]" as Espinosa's CatchPhrase. |
| 152 | --> '''¡VOY A TENER MI VENGAN'''-- ''[KilledMidSentence]'' |
| 153 | * Marcus's description of the Harpe brothers' hideout Cave-in-Rock. [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin It is a cave... in a rock.]] |
| 154 | |
| 155 | [[/folder]] |
| 156 | |
| 157 | [[folder:Episodes 201 to 250]] |
| 158 | |
| 159 | !! Episode 201: H.H. Holmes Part I - "The Horrid Meat" |
| 160 | * Henry's impression of Upton Sinclair is... well, it's certainly something. |
| 161 | -->'''Henry (as Sinclair)''': I was a sick boy! I lived in a wheelchair 'til the age of 9, and all I asked my father was to let me roll through the garden. I just wanted to see the tulips... spring forth, in earlier parts of the year. But the croup kept me away from the strong elemental winds... and the pollens... and the bees. And also my weak feet. And [[TitleDrop THE HORRID MEAT]] I would see coming from the kitchen to the living room! How I loathed it! |
| 162 | -->'''Ben''': God, I kinda want it for an alarm clock or something. |
| 163 | -->'''Marcus''': Yeah! Just "the horrid meat" over and over again. Could you say that like five times or -- |
| 164 | -->'''Henry''': THE HORRID MEAAAT! THE HORRID MEAAAAT! |
| 165 | -->'''Ben''': Oh, goddamn, what time is it? Oh, shit, I'm late to work! |
| 166 | |
| 167 | !! Episode 202: H.H. Holmes Part III - "Professional Uncle" |
| 168 | * The introduction of sisters Minnie (whom Holmes married) and Nannie Williams, whom Holmes murdered to get their land. These two are characterized by the hosts as two shrill bubbleheads who are constantly introducing themselves with the most shrill annoying voices immaginable. Their (Imagined take on) "Minnie & Nannie" makes the hosts end up feeling sorry for their (imagined take) on Holmes after all this. The guys surmise he killed them just so they could shut up [[note]]'''Ben:''' "This was where he was really the victim. This was a tough week for H.H."[[/note]]. |
| 169 | -->'''Minnie:''' "Hi! I'm Minnie!" |
| 170 | -->'''Nannie:''' "Hi! I'm Nannie! This is Minnie!" |
| 171 | |
| 172 | !! Leonard Lake and Charles Ng |
| 173 | * Henry's impersonation of Charles Ng. A white dude impersonating an Asian using copious amounts of AsianSpeekeeEngrish? Not funny. A white dude impersonating an Asian SerialKiller using AsianSpeekeeEngrish-- an Asian serial killer who, by all accounts, ''actually talked like that''? [[CrossesTheLineTwice Hilarious.]] |
| 174 | |
| 175 | !! Episode 204: Leonard Lake and Charles Ng Part II - "What I Bring to Friendship" |
| 176 | * If Henry's impersionation of Ng is true (it's not), [[RuleOfFunny he apparently had trouble with the Marine Corps chants...]] |
| 177 | --> '''Marine Sergeant:''' Private! Listen: I love your exuberance, alright? But I'm really gonna need you to hit some of the L's on this, okay? I know that's-- there is a barrier here. And I understand that we are the Marines, where equal opportunity is what it is. Just-- we're really gonna try to hit these L's, okay?\ |
| 178 | '''Charles Ng:''' Of course, of course, Commander! Yes sir, yes sir! ''No kirr--!''\ |
| 179 | '''Marine Sergeant:''' Alright, just repeat after me-- "No kill, no thrill!"\ |
| 180 | '''Charles Ng:''' No kirr--\ |
| 181 | '''Marine Sergeant:''' No kill.\ |
| 182 | '''Charles Ng:''' No... thrirr... Just give me gun! JUST GIVE ME GUN! Lemme-- JUST GIVE ME GUN! Everybody always comprain about how I say things, and what I do! All I bwing to fwiendship! |
| 183 | |
| 184 | !! Episode 218: Aum Shinrikyo Part I - "Mountain Wizards" |
| 185 | * Henry opens the episode proclaiming he will ''not'' be doing an AsianSpeekeeEngrish accent... only for him to slip into it without thinking when impersonating a blind Japanese acupuncturist. |
| 186 | -->'''Henry:''' Can you imagine, though, it's kind of sexy to be with a blind Japanese woman who's just like, "Oh, where to stick pin, young Kissel? Ohhhh no...? Well-- hold on, are these two anacondas? Oh no, these are your-"\ |
| 187 | '''Marcus:''' You made it thirteen minutes.\ |
| 188 | '''Henry:''' God damn it! |
| 189 | |
| 190 | !! Episode 220: Aum Shinrikyo Part III - "The Soldiers of White Love" |
| 191 | * Their impression of General William Westmoreland on acid involves him eating cereal out of a Vietnamese boy— or his skull. |
| 192 | --> '''Marcus:''' Yeah, Westmoreland was a psychopath.\ |
| 193 | '''Ben:''' He was eating it out of the boys'—?\ |
| 194 | '''Marcus:''' Yeah, sure. He had a boy's skull that he ate breakfast out of.\ |
| 195 | '''Ben:''' Oh! I see.\ |
| 196 | '''Henry:''' [[TooMuchInformation You put a couple of expanders in a butthole, you can get some cereal in there.]] [[NonSequitur Technically, a serving of cereal is only three-fourths of a cup!]] |
| 197 | * TheCameo by Charles Ng. |
| 198 | --> '''Henry (as Ng):''' ''Why nobody raugh!? WHY NOBODY RAUGH!!?''\ |
| 199 | '''Ben:''' Well, I don't know— I don't—\ |
| 200 | '''Henry (as Ng):''' '''''NOBODY KNOW WHAT I BRING TO AUM SHINRIKYO!!'''''\ |
| 201 | '''Ben:''' It's kind of a serious time for Aum Shinrikyo—\ |
| 202 | '''Henry (as Ng):''' NOBODY KNOWS! ERRYBODY JUDGE! ERRYBODY ALWAYS JUUUDGE!! |
| 203 | * Aum Shinrikyo's laser experiments and anime influences raises comparisons to ''Anime/NeonGenesisEvangelion''-- something Marcus has opinions about. |
| 204 | --> '''Henry:''' [Shoko Asahara] wanted to be an anime guy! He wanted the whole thing to be an anime! He legitimately looked around, being like: "We need [[TabletopGame/BattleTech Mechwarriors]]!" And they're like "Yes, we know, but then we have to raise children that are essentially artificially intelligently designed-- like, human cyborgs that will feed into the Mechwarriors, in order to create a union between man and machine that will not be like the union between God and Man..." Hello, ''Evangelion!''\ |
| 205 | '''Marcus:''' Yeah! [[TakeThat And one of them's going to be a super-annoying German redhead]] ''[[TakeThat that's gonna ruin the whole show!]]''\ |
| 206 | '''Henry:''' She's got great breasts, though!\ |
| 207 | '''Ben:''' I don't think she ruined it!\ |
| 208 | '''Marcus:''' Oh, she is ''AWFUL!''\ |
| 209 | '''Ben:''' I love ''Evangelion.'' It's the only anime I watched.\ |
| 210 | ''[{{Beat}}]''\ |
| 211 | '''Henry:''' But that's what he wanted. |
| 212 | * Defectors from Aum Shinrikyo who are recaptured are subjected to a barrage of gruesome imagery like shootings and vehicular accidents. When Henry hears about it, however... well, let's just say Asahara was lucky he never met Henry. |
| 213 | -->'''Henry:''' [[NightmareFetishist The whole time, I would literally just be sitting there going like, "Fuck yeah, dude! This is fucking metal, man! Yeah!"]]\ |
| 214 | '''Ben:''' I don't think that he would want your love, though, so...\ |
| 215 | '''Henry:''' ''WHOOOOOOO! Sign me up!''\ |
| 216 | '''Ben:''' "Can you please get the man who tries to ''milk me'' every day outta here!?"\ |
| 217 | '''Henry:''' '''''WHOOOOO! HAIL SATAN! HAIL SATAN!'''''\ |
| 218 | '''Ben:''' You'd be the only one [[TooSpicyForYogSothoth who gets kicked out of the cult because you annoyed the man so much!]]\ |
| 219 | '''Henry (as Asahara):''' I'm sorry, Zebrowski-''san'', but you are far too... ''gnarly'' for Aum Shinrikyo. |
| 220 | |
| 221 | !! Episode 222: Manifestos |
| 222 | * Again, Henry's impressions, this time of the Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodger, adopting what Ben calls the shooter's [[EvilSoundsDeep "inner monologue"]] (In reality, Rodger’s voice and mannerisms erred on the side of [[CampStraight Camp Straight]].) The voice is like some bizarro overly-melodramatic Alfred Hitchcock. |
| 223 | ** The revelation that Rodger’s often annoyed his roommates by blasting soft rock from his room, and, in particular, his favorite song was "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood (incorrectly identified as Phil Collins in the episode). Made all the better when Henry begins singing along to the song...in the Elliot Rodger voice. |
| 224 | ---> '''Elliot Rodger:''' Bring me a higher love / bring me a higher love, oh...\ |
| 225 | '''Roommate:''' Hey, Rodger, I got a test in the morning...hey Rodger, it's my finals week-- \ |
| 226 | '''Elliot Rodger:''' THIS IS MY PHIL COLLINS TIME! YOU DO NOT INTERRUPT MY PHIL COLLINS TIME! Oh, thank god I bought these white sneakers, so I can walk down the avenue while listening to this song...\ |
| 227 | '''Roommate:''' All right. Well, I'm gonna move out next week.\ |
| 228 | '''Elliot Rodger:''' Wait a second, can you go check in the kitchen to see if we have any...[[MurderIsTheBestSolution clean knives?]]\ |
| 229 | '''Roommate:''' [[TemptingFate Yep! All clean!]] |
| 230 | * The exchange that immediately follows that bit: |
| 231 | --> '''Marcus:''' Ohhhh, there is no musical artist I hate more than Phil Collins.\ |
| 232 | '''Ben:''' Is it Phil Collins' fault, or his fans' fault?\ |
| 233 | '''Henry:''' It's Phil Collins' fault. I'm gonna say this whole killing spree is Phil Collins' fault! |
| 234 | * Among the many videos Elliot Rodger put up on his Website/YouTube page were "Life is So Unfair Because Girls Don't Want Me", "Why Do Girls Hate Me So Much?" ... and "Stuck in Traffic at Santa Barbara: Made it a Little Fun", in which Rodger just sat off to one side of the road and played "SOS" by Music/ThePolice. |
| 235 | --> '''Henry:''' Just imagine, during all the times when I'm not thinking about my "Day of Retribution" and how all girls are depriving me of love and affection... I like to make things a little fun. You know? Just stop by! You're in traffic! Get yourself a little ice cream. Because if not, you're just gonna be sitting in traffic, and I can sit off to the side and enjoy a vanilla cone with some rainbow sprinkles on it.\ |
| 236 | '''Ben:''' So, how was your date with Elliot?\ |
| 237 | '''Marcus:''' It was fine. We sat by traffic, we listened to The Police...\ |
| 238 | '''Henry:''' [[AffablyEvil I made it a little fun for her.]] |
| 239 | * Henry’s immediate desire to bully Elliot Rodger after the first clip of the video he made before his killing spree: |
| 240 | --> '''Henry:''' Here here here, it’s the wedgie patrol! We’re gonna give him a wedgie so hard HIS FATHER DIES! |
| 241 | * Henry calls [[TheSchizophreniaConspiracy Kyle Odom]] someone with [[ThousandYardStare "a nine-thousand yard stare"]]. |
| 242 | * Odom's manifesto describes his encounter at a Safeway with three aliens disguised as old men, who molested him telepathically. The trio are understandably skeptical... [[SkewedPriorities that it happened in public at a Safeway.]] |
| 243 | --> '''Henry:''' ''At a bakery in a Safeway!?'' But I imagine it was behind a dumpster behind a Safeway. |
| 244 | * Ben's impression of Odom revising his {{catchphrase}} of "100% sane, 0% crazy" upon getting a RagingStiffie from the aliens doing things to him: |
| 245 | --> '''Ben:''' I gotta change it a little bit to 95% sane, 5% ''ROCK! HARD! RRRRRRRRROCK HARD!'' |
| 246 | * One of Odom's hallucinations was hearing the Martians sing "Sister sister...He's [[SexSlave just a plaything]]...We wanna make him [[RagingStiffie stay up all night]]..." which makes the guys comment that it sounds like something sung by the Music/TalkingHeads. Henry then does an impression of Music/DavidByrne singing those lines and the whole thing is dubbed "The 'Sister Sister' / 'Talking Heads' Incident". |
| 247 | ** Even better, these are actual lyrics from the Talking Heads song “Stay Up Late,” which plays under Henry reading this part of the manifesto. |
| 248 | * While what Kyle Odom [[SanitySlippage was going]] [[NightmareFuel through was]] [[TearJerker technically]] [[DudeNotFunny no laughing matter]], the fact that his delusion was all about getting sexually abused by a race of sex-crazed, shapeshifting, humanoid frog-people from Mars who looked like Muppets is pretty hilarious. |
| 249 | * The RunningGag of an imaginary scenario of Christopher Dorner getting in trouble at the Navy over his wearing of jingling Christmas elf-shoes and Dorner being a ScaryBlackMan, arguing over this. |
| 250 | -->'''Henry (as Dorner):''' '''''I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ALIVE!''''' |
| 251 | * Dorner closed out his manifesto with a long list of shout-outs to various politicians and entertainers he liked (including then-Governor Chris Christie [[note]]This was before 'Bridgegate', mind you[[/note]] and exhorting Christie to lose weight). The guys reading this is quite amusing. |
| 252 | * Henry's [[SpoofAesop closing advice]] to any listeners who might be considering a shooting spree: you can write the manifesto ''without'' killing anyone, if it will help you get it out of your system. |
| 253 | |
| 254 | !! Episode 235: Albert Fish Part I - "You Asked For This" |
| 255 | |
| 256 | * The title of the episode... a big fat BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor. You folks at home wanted an "Albert Fish" episode? Well, you finally got one... to your peril! |
| 257 | |
| 258 | !! Episode 235: Albert Fish Part II - "That's How They Do It In Hollywood" |
| 259 | * Albert Fish got his hobby of writing horrifically dirty letters to unsuspecting people from a bunch of guys at a mental asylum who used to read patients' mail. Henry describes this activity as "like ''Series/SesameStreet'', if Sesame Street ''was in shit-covered Hell!"'' |
| 260 | * Music/{{Bjork}}, [[ItMakesSenseInContext guardian angel]]. |
| 261 | --> '''Ben:''' For some reason, I pictured the angel as Björk, wearing her swan suit. She would be a good angel, if I had to have an angel in my life.\ |
| 262 | '''Marcus:''' If you had to have an angel come and tell you to stop murdering the boy?\ |
| 263 | '''Henry:''' ''No! Don't murder! Neeeeever murder! Only... Jump!''\ |
| 264 | '''Marcus:''' Did you just... [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent She sounds Jamaican!]]\ |
| 265 | '''Ben:''' No! That sounds like Björk!\ |
| 266 | '''Marcus:''' ''If you're doing Björk, you have to sound like thi~is! Björk!''\ |
| 267 | '''Henry:''' ''I am Björk! Neeeever kill! Jump! Only jump!'' |
| 268 | * Henry finishes reading [[NightmareFuel Fish's account of how he murdered a little boy, then cooked and ate his flesh.]] How do the other two respond? |
| 269 | --> ''[{{Beat}}]''\ |
| 270 | '''Marcus:''' [[MoodWhiplash And we'll be back next week!]]\ |
| 271 | '''Ben:''' Gahhh! Food Network show from hell! |
| 272 | |
| 273 | !! Episode 236: Albert Fish Part III - "The Werewolf of Wysteria" |
| 274 | * Henry has a brilliant idea to catch the pedophile killer Albert Fish: disguising himself as a little girl. |
| 275 | --> '''Henry (as little girl):''' Come get me, yeah!\ |
| 276 | '''Ben:''' Alright, Marcus, hit him with the club!\ |
| 277 | '''Henry (as little girl):''' [[Music/DefLeppard Pour some sugar on me]]!\ |
| 278 | '''Marcus:''' (shrieks like a banshee) Get him! Get him! Yeah!\ |
| 279 | '''Ben:''' Yeah!\ |
| 280 | '''Marcus:''' Yeah!\ |
| 281 | '''Ben:''' Officer, I actually don't know Marcus ''or'' Henry, and I thought what they did to that man was terrible.\ |
| 282 | |
| 283 | !! Episode 241: Serial Killers and the Women Who Love Them |
| 284 | * Concerning women who wanted to date [[SerialKiller John]] Wayne [[EvilClown Gacy]]; The guys first read a quote from a self-proclaimed "Black Sexy Mama" (Henry makes her a SassyBlackWoman). Then, after reading a quote from another woman who once endured ''horrific'' abuse from a past partner, they suggest that they sic the "Black Sexy Mama" on the guy. Both women's names are also literally mirror images of each other [[note]]Terry Sue & Sue Terry[[/note]]. |
| 285 | * Their impression of David "Son of Sam" Berkowitz. Cue the ramblings of a huge nebbish with a ton of allergies. |
| 286 | * The segment on a groupie's scheme to "romance" Charles Manson so she could get his body after his death to show off at carnivals. Henry uses this as an opportunity to launch into his impression of Manson: cue the craziest ramblings ever. Among "Charlie's" many weird pronouncements: |
| 287 | ** He had a "question mark" shaped bowel movement and took this as his butt wondering about life. |
| 288 | ** He went to the ER because he hallucinated that one of his toes became a talking tomato. |
| 289 | ** He apparently has leftover dope and [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squeaky_Fromme Lynnette 'Squeaky' Fromme's]] pube hair from years ago still stuck in his teeth. |
| 290 | ** He's become a very sexually frustrated elderly man who's "lost his touch" with the ladies. |
| 291 | * Also during the Manson segment; After the guys argue over the technical aspects of preserving and carting around a corpse, Henry suggests that he'd want to be a mummified corpse-attraction, much to the others' displeasure. An argument ensues. |
| 292 | --> '''Henry:''' "You can take selfies with me... put things in my my mouth... pull down my pants..."\ |
| 293 | |
| 294 | [[/folder]] |
| 295 | |
| 296 | [[folder:Episodes 251 to 300]] |
| 297 | !! Episode 253: The Gulf Breeze Sightings Part II - "Gary, Don and Bob" |
| 298 | * The name of the episode comes from the names of [[TitleDrop the three bungling MUFON investigators]] who tried to help Ed Walters with his UFO encounters. The hosts derive great laughter from their general incompetence, which can easily be compared to TheThreeStooges. |
| 299 | * At one point, Ed is reported to have put himself into a trance in order to recall a supposed abduction. This leads to a ''very'' trippy sequence of events aboard a UFO, which culminates in him [[ARareSentence fleeing from a trio of bipedal Komodo dragons while carrying two children in a bucket]]. And he apparently foiled the supposed Reptilians by [[WeaksauceWeakness throwing his shirt over their heads]]. |
| 300 | -->'''Marcus:''' Yeah, so you can defeat a Komodo dragon with ''cotton''?! |
| 301 | -->'''Henry:''' ...[[BluntYes Yeah!]] |
| 302 | |
| 303 | !! Episode 254: Jack the Ripper Part I - "Cockney Yoga" |
| 304 | * The moving of the workers from London's West End to its East End leads to the mention of "Cockney yoga shops". |
| 305 | --> '''Henry:''' ''[in exaggerated Cockney accent]'' Ya gotta take yer nuts and ya gotta ram 'em up inside yer nose and ya gotta get em in there, Gabriel! Lemme put some oil on yer back! Breef through it, ya fuckin' ape! Breef through it, ya fuckin' fat ape!! |
| 306 | |
| 307 | !! Episode 256: Jack the Ripper Part II - "Anything But Your Prayers" |
| 308 | * The [[TitleDrop episode title]] comes from what Jack the Ripper allegedly said to Elizabeth Stride, the third canonical victim. Marcus dismisses this quote on the grounds that it's [[CasanovaWannabe "too smooth"]] for a serial killer, which leads to Henry reciting the line in his screaming, NoIndoorVoice Richard Chase impersonation and Corpsing in the middle of it. |
| 309 | * It's discussed that the people of 29 Hanbury Street, where Annie Chapman was murdered, charged sixpence for a birds-eye view of the crime scene - the biggest entertainment people could have at that time. This [[ItMakesSenseInContext somehow]] gets compared to watching modern cops trying to wrangle animals running amok in urban areas. |
| 310 | ** Henry then tells a story of his police officer father having to round up [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes illegally-smuggled pythons]] that had burst of a U-Haul truck's dashboard, causing it to jack-knife and block up the Midtown tunnel. The mental image of fat New York policemen herding snakes with nets cracks Ben up. |
| 311 | -->'''Ben:''' I would pay sixpence for that in a heartbeat! |
| 312 | |
| 313 | !! Episode 256: Jack the Ripper Part III - "Oh Murder!" |
| 314 | * In a sterling bit of BlackComedy, Henry and Ben keep asking Marcus if Mary Kelly's dying cry of "Oh, murder!" was actually [[TheImmodestOrgasm what she said when she orgasmed]]. An exasperated but still amused Marcus has to concede, but gets a parting shot of: |
| 315 | -->'''Marcus:''' ... fucking monsters. |
| 316 | |
| 317 | !!Episode 261: L. Ron Hubbard Part I - "Grub Hubbard" |
| 318 | * When the guys are discussing Hubbard's early career as a sci-fi author in New York, Marcus mentions a piece of advice that Hubbard got about saving money: When at the automat for a lunch of tomato soup, get a bowl of hot water. Instead of spending a quarter on the powdered tomato soup mix, just use ketchup instead. |
| 319 | |
| 320 | !! Episode 262: L. Ron Hubbard Part III - "Dianetics" |
| 321 | * Whenever L. Ron Hubbard decided that someone was an enemy, he usually reported them to the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_Un-American_Activities_Committee House Un-American Activities Committee]], because it was, as Marcus puts it, a quick and easy way to get rid of someone you didn't like: |
| 322 | -->'''Henry:''' It's kinda like the witch hunt. Someone should've written, like, a play or somethin' that was [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything about the witch hunt but was really about that]]. |
| 323 | -->'''Marcus:''' ''(whispering)'' Uh, The Cruci-- |
| 324 | -->'''Henry:''' The Cruci-what? |
| 325 | -->'''Marcus:''' ''(still whispering)'' ''Theatre/TheCrucible''. |
| 326 | -->'''Henry:''' I didn't just come up with a ''[[SuddenlyShouting MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA?!]]'' FUCK! It's like every idea I come up with for a television show sounds like a ''[[Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia Always Sunny in fuckin' Philadelphia]]''! |
| 327 | |
| 328 | !! Episode 264: L. Ron Hubbard Part IV - "Sea Org" |
| 329 | * It's discussed that in Hubbard's later years, he returned to the United States and had an apartment in Queens, where he was frequently mocked and harassed by the neighborhood kids, which prompts Henry to launch into an extended bit as a pair of New York juvenile delinquents who mug Hubbard for his shoes. |
| 330 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Delinquent Kid #1)'' "Ey, Tommy, c'mere! C'mere, come look at this guy! Hey! You look like a homeless clown, you piece ah shit! Haha! Hey, gimme a dollar. ''Gimme a god-damn dollar.'' We got-- H-hey, Tommy, look!" ''(as Delinquent Kid #2)'' "Oh, hey, look at dat dere, Billy, I think dat guy's wearin' our shoes. Eh, yeah, yeah, looks like he's wearin' our shoes!" ''(as Hubbard)'' "I'm not wearing your shoes, these are my shoes, I bought them from the thrift store!" ''(as Delinquent Kid #2)'' "Yeah, but it seems like maybe you're wearin' our shoes. Take off yer shoes. Take off our damn shoes!" ''(as Hubbard)'' "No, I will not, no, no, you have not [[{{Angrish}} flied your rudes! You have not been flying your rudes]]!" ''(as Delinquent Kid #1, [[{{Corpsing}} Henry's voice breaking]])'' "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Take off. Ya god. Damn. Shoes.]] Ya got a knife?!" |
| 331 | -->'''Ben:''' [[BrooklynRage Every nine-year-old in Queens.]] |
| 332 | -->'''Henry:''' That would've been so much fun as a nine-year-old, [[KidsAreCruel having a good old-fashioned adult victim.]] |
| 333 | |
| 334 | !! Episode 265: Chris Benoit |
| 335 | * The opening has the guys comparing Chris Benoit to OJ Simpson. They bring up Simpson's ads for AVIS Rental Cars and then discuss how Benoit probably was an actual AVIS customer more than Simpson. This then becomes a theoretical AVIS promotion where Benoit BECOMES THE CAR and everyone hitches on his muscles. |
| 336 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Thanks, HGH! Making me a better taxi car since... my entire life! |
| 337 | * Ben has interesting memories of the WWE's Wrestling/AttitudeEra: |
| 338 | --> '''Ben''': The greatest time in professional wrestling, where Wrestling/VinceMcMahon was just like, "Wrestling/{{Sable}}, go show your butthole." And then they were just like, "The numbers are through the roof! People ''love'' Sable's butthole! Can we get more women's buttholes? And let's have [[Wrestling/StoneColdSteveAustin a man]] drink beer publicly, and uh, fight [[Wrestling/BretHart the Canadians]]." |
| 339 | * Henry Zebrowski's impersonations of Wrestling/ChrisBenoit, portraying him as a hammy CloudCuckoolander. |
| 340 | ** First off, when discussing the incident that gave Benoit the nickname of "the Crippler" (Benoit accidentally broke Wrestling/{{Sabu}}'s neck with a botched move), Henry gets a bit of mileage out of Sabu's nickname of "the Elephant Boy". |
| 341 | ---> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' The saddest part about what I did to the Elephant Boy-- I did not mean to cripple him, so I know that he has an incredible memory. And he would remember every second of the excruciating pain '''''THAT THE CRIPPLER TOOK HIM THROUGH THE LABYRINTH OF! LABYRINTH OF PAIN!!'''''\ |
| 342 | '''Henry (as "Sabu the Elephant Boy"):''' I'm just bein' an elephant boy! I guess now, I'm just gonna sit in my chair. You know what? Thanks, Crippler, 'cos I hated walkin' around the mall! |
| 343 | * The guys discuss wrestler Kevin Sullivan (who was Nancy Benoit's ex-husband) and his weird "Army Of Darkness" cult angle (in which Nancy, then Nancy Sullivan, was a member). They play an audio of a promo where Sullivan goes on a threatening rant with a bunch of "mystical mumbo jumbo" (involving weirdness such as 'The Cosmic Cookie', 'The Tree of Woe", and "Og the Keeper of the Key'). Henry states that Sullivan sounded like an owner of a gas station...leading to Henry as "Kevin Sullivan, Gas Station Owner of Darkness". |
| 344 | -->'''Henry (as Kevin Sullivan):''' AH YES! I TALKED TO OG THE MASTER OF THE KEYS! HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LET YOU INTO THE MEN'S ROOM! |
| 345 | -->'''Ben:''' Nice. So it's a self-serve gas station or do I gotta...? |
| 346 | -->'''Henry:''' NO! WE GOT THE OFFER THE CHANCE TO CLEAN YOUR WINDOWS! Ehhhhh... DON'T LOSE THIS KEY! THERE MUST BE ONLY ONE ACCORDING TO OG, THE MASTER OF KEYS! |
| 347 | -->'''Ben:''' Well, this key is absolutely disgusting. Thank you. |
| 348 | -->'''Henry:''' It should be! |
| 349 | * This then leads up to the whole mess of Nancy leaving Sullivan for Benoit after Sullivan came up with a kayfabe [[NiceJobFixingItVillain Nancy / Benoit]] illicit [[UnwittingInstigatorOfDoom affair angle]]. After describing a "taunting, titillating" promo involving Chris & Nancy [[note]]Benoit: "You say you're the master of human chess? Well, my "Bishop" took your "Queen"...in the butt!"[[/note]], we get Henry portraying Kevin Sullivan as a sad sack alone on the couch, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HGTV watching HGTV]] until he falls asleep, with a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheez-It box of Cheez-Its]] as his only "wife". |
| 350 | * When Ben says that "technical wrestler" is used to describe wrestlers who can't speak, "Chris" interrupts to prove [[ExactWords he can, in fact, speak]]. |
| 351 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Whaddya mean I can't speak?\ |
| 352 | '''Ben:''' No, wait, I--\ |
| 353 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' I can speak! Listen! A, B, C, D, E... F... H? \ |
| 354 | '''Ben:''' ''(laughs)'' Yes, yes.\ |
| 355 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Seven.... fourteen! Wrestling/WrestleMania 27!\ |
| 356 | ''(laughter)''\ |
| 357 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Ummm... Nancy's my wife! Right?\ |
| 358 | '''Ben:''' Yes, yes she is.\ |
| 359 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' I can speak.\ |
| 360 | '''Ben:''' Okay. You gotta get to the ring now!\ |
| 361 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Now the ring's the big circle?\ |
| 362 | '''Ben:''' It's the-- well, it's the "squared circle" they call it...\ |
| 363 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' That's a funny name for it!\ |
| 364 | '''Ben:''' ''(laughs)'' Go get technical in there!\ |
| 365 | '''Henry (as Benoit):''' You're right! A plus B equals... Wrestling/WrestleMania 27! |
| 366 | * After the sober mention of how Benoit took more chair shots to the back of the head than he could count, Henry provides a bit of MoodWhiplash: |
| 367 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' No one can tell me that I can't count, alright!? [[CountingToPotato 'Cos I've had one... two... niner...]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice fi-five-fif! Fif-- fif-- Fifty. Fifty! Fi-fi-fifty! Gahhhh...]]\ |
| 368 | '''Ben:''' Did I hear a "niner" in there? |
| 369 | * When Chris was entering his DespairEventHorizon due to the TraumaCongaLine of dying wrestler friends (especially his best pal, Wrestling/EddieGuerrero), his wife gave him a journal to keep as a diary and write "letters" to Guerrero as therapy...which leads to a bit of BlackComedy silliness from Henry as the spirit (or a halucination) of Benoit's pal, Eddie Guerrero, joins in... |
| 370 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Dear-- dearest Eddie. How ya doin', man? I hope you're doin' good. I had a new spaghetti dish today at The Macaroni Grill [[note]]A pasta-based restaurant chain[[/note]] and I gotta say... it was absolutely slammin'. It took me on a trolley... all the way to Flavor-Town. And I tell ya what, when I got there to Flavor-Town there was a post office. And when I went to the Post Office to see the Mail Man, he had a delivery for me... |
| 371 | --> '''Ben (as the ghost of Eddie):''' Chris... |
| 372 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' ...and it was that incredible spaghetti dish I had at the Macaroni Grill... |
| 373 | --> '''Ben (as the ghost of Eddie):''' Chris! Chris... |
| 374 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Yeah? |
| 375 | --> '''Ben (as the ghost of Eddie):''' Come join me! Come JOIN me! In Heaven, the ropes don't hurt, Chris! |
| 376 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' WHAAAT? |
| 377 | --> '''Ben (as the ghost of Eddie):''' Yes, Chris! |
| 378 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Ya know what I was thinkin' about? THE WHOLE FAMILY can go on a vacation! |
| 379 | --> '''Ben (as the ghost of Eddie):''' Yeah...''the whole family'', Chris! |
| 380 | * Among the many silly conspiracy theories the three delve into is an alleged interview with Wrestling/ChavoGuerreroJr where he supposedly said that Benoit was attacked while on the phone with him. Henry has the alleged family-killing attackers replaced with a very unfortunate singing telegram. |
| 381 | --> '''Marcus:''' Supposedly, Chavo said in a WWE Magazine interview that at about 45 minutes into the conversation, a knock came at the door. |
| 382 | --> '''Henry (as telegram guy):''' ... Singing telegram! |
| 383 | --> '''Ben:''' Not at the house! A singing telegram man! |
| 384 | --> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' Oh, wait a second! It's that Singing Telegram I ordered to congratulate ''myself'' on Wrestlemania's here. better let 'er in-AAAAARGH! |
| 385 | --> '''Henry (as telegram guy, singing in falsetto):''' ''Congratulaaaaaaations! Congratulaaaaatio--'' '''''[[KilledMidSentence AUUUUUGH!]]''''' |
| 386 | * The discussion of the dumb conspiracy theories concerning the Benoit Murder-Suicide; One theory was that Kevin Sullivan was a real Satanist and that he and a bunch of Satanist goons committed a home invasion, murdered the whole family and framed Chris in the process. This leads to Henry reimagining the goons as 95 pound "Goth Kids". The only one who objects is a goofy-voiced guy who would rather eat "specialty hot dogs" and go to the Music/EchoAndTheBunnymen concert in town. |
| 387 | * Concerning a weird, antisemetic conspiracy theory involving Wrestling/{{Goldberg}}, we get Henry as Benoit testifying before Congress on how "The Jews" tried to ruin his weight with [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latke latkes]], only for him to give them a "thumbs up" for those "tiny hats" because they keep his developing bald spot warm. |
| 388 | --> '''Ben (as US senator):''' Just happy we could waste our tax dollars here, Mr. Benoit. |
| 389 | * Henry, in his assessment of the Jewish people resilience through the centuries against endless attempts to wipe them out states happily that the Jewish people "still exist-- and they ''live on Mars!''" |
| 390 | * Finally, after Marcus sums up the conspiracy theories drifting around Benoit's murder-suicide, Henry does it again: |
| 391 | ---> '''Marcus:''' At the end of the day, the Chris Benoit case-- much like Sandy Hook and other tragedies-- is so terrible and so unthinkable that people attach conspiracy theories to it to try to give a simple answer to a complicated question. But the facts remain that Benoit committed a senseless act that was preventable, for which there can be no justification or excuse. |
| 392 | ---> '''Henry (as Benoit):''' [[MoodWhiplash And the only way that we're gonna be able to reverse this horrible tragedy is]] I'm coming back for Wrestling/WrestleMania 31! They're bringing me back! There, my bones will be versus Wrestling/{{Goldberg}} in a one-time only, World Federation Heavyweight event in which my bones will be placed on top of a squirming giant Jewish man, and prevail me once and forever as champion of the WWE! |
| 393 | ** The trio then go on to mention a theoretical Benoit vs. Wrestling/OwenHart match [[CrossesTheLineTwice where their skeletons are wired like marionettes and clacked together]]. |
| 394 | |
| 395 | !! Episode 268: The Philadelphia Experiment |
| 396 | * Doctor Morris [[AccidentalMisnaming Ketchup]]- erm, Ketchum Jessup. |
| 397 | * Henry reads the first letter from "Carlos Allende"[[note]]really the pseudonym of Carl Allen[[/note]], who is what you'd get if a LatinLover and a ConspiracyTheorist had a CloudCuckooLander baby with [[RougeAnglesOfSatin bad spelling]]. |
| 398 | * Marcus then rereads the same Allende letter with less LatinLover flair and more NoIndoorVoice. Ben insists he keep the ''AYAYAY'' at the end anyway. |
| 399 | |
| 400 | !! Episode 275: Oklahoma City Part II - "Noodle [=McVeigh=]" |
| 401 | * Henry depicts the [[MrsRobinson older woman who took Timothy McVeigh's virginity]] as "Guntha", a woman with a raspy voice and a habit of giving TooMuchInformation. |
| 402 | -->'''Henry (as Guntha):''' Hey there, Noodle, how's you doin'? Can't help but see you seem to trade your daytime shift for a nighttime shift so you can be closer to ol' Guntha. Yeah, they call me Guntha. Ooh, tell me! How'd you get your hair lookin' like it's all at the very top of your head? That's so nice, it's so economical... I bet you fuck good!\ |
| 403 | '''Ben:''' Ugh. She sounds like a woman whose favorite show would be ''Series/StorageWars''.\ |
| 404 | '''Henry:''' You don't know what's in there! Well, these clearing guys outside, they guessin', but they don't know! That's where the drama is!\ |
| 405 | '''Ben (as Timothy):''' So did you want the Whopper, and what... the onion rings?\ |
| 406 | '''Henry:''' Yeeeahh, I tell you what, you want ''my'' onion ring...\ |
| 407 | '''Ben:''' Ma'am, I--\ |
| 408 | '''Henry:''' Unhhhh.... uhhh....\ |
| 409 | '''Ben:''' ...I, I guess I do.\ |
| 410 | '''Marcus:''' Well, [=McVeigh=] eventually worked up the courage to ask her over to his dad's house while his dad was at work, and the older woman took li'l Noodle's virginity.\ |
| 411 | '''Ben:''' Ugh. So gross.\ |
| 412 | '''Henry (as Guntha):''' Tell me something. Tell me, do they call you "Noodle" for a reason? I sure hope so. 'Cos I like 'em long and thin!\ |
| 413 | '''Ben:''' ''[[{{Squick}} Alright! I do not wanna hear this]]--!''\ |
| 414 | '''Henry:''' You can stick it in my key slot! It's just a tiny little hole because they had to stuff up all the rest, [[BodyHorror 'cos I split it too much when I was riding my scooter around!]] ''[Marcus laughs hysterically]'' [[SerialEscalation I split my vagina up all the way to the top of my bitty-butt, so a doctor had to staple it shut and now I've got a tiny little hole!]]\ |
| 415 | '''Ben:''' That's-- ''a lot'' of detail. I don't think we need to go into it any more. I think we've covered her... I think we've covered the ''most'' unsavory character we've ever covered: the woman who took Timothy [=McVeigh=]'s virginity!\ |
| 416 | '''Henry:''' That American hero. |
| 417 | * Marcus mentions that [=McVeigh=]'s strategy for making money was investing in comic books... which Henry reveals [[ThisLoserIsYou his dad also did]]. |
| 418 | * Henry's impression of [=McVeigh=]'s ConspiracyTheorist tendencies: |
| 419 | -->'''Henry (as Timothy):''' I'll tell you what the first problem is-- [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain it's these Jew-clouds! These Jew-clouds are bringing us this Jew-snow! And you know who's not getting out here fast enough? The black snowplowman!]]\ |
| 420 | '''Ben:''' [[DontExplainTheJoke That might've been something Timothy McVeigh might've thought, because he's anti-Semitic and racist.]]\ |
| 421 | '''Marcus:''' [[SarcasmMode Yes. Thank you, Ben.]]\ |
| 422 | '''Henry:''' Thank you, Kissel.\ |
| 423 | '''Ben:''' No problem. |
| 424 | * Henry describes the problems of doing research on the infamous hate tract ''Literature/TheTurnerDiaries''. |
| 425 | -->'''Marcus:''' Now, Henry, as our resident expert on ''The Turner Diaries...''\ |
| 426 | '''Henry:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Good. Good. Yes, keep saying that. Make sure it's recorded.]]\ |
| 427 | '''Marcus:''' Would you care to elaborate a little bit more on this book, as someone who's actually read this hunk of fucking shit?\ |
| 428 | '''Ben:''' And I also wonder, Henry: How many times did you have to say "I'm doing research!" when people found you reading that book?\ |
| 429 | '''Henry:''' Constantly. Because also, when we're in heavy research mode for the show, it's all I can talk about. So I'm in there, like, talking about ''The Turner Diaries'' to people, and I realize that if anybody just turns a corner and I'm in the middle of being like-- if I just say anything you could take out of context, like "And they show exactly how to take down the FBI headquarters!"-- and then all of a sudden, I'm the one. I'm the fucking problem.\ |
| 430 | '''Ben:''' ''Stu? Is that Stu!?''\ |
| 431 | '''Marcus:''' Not Stu!\ |
| 432 | '''Henry:''' We didn't get to "T" for a reason on ''Series/AToZ''. |
| 433 | * Henry's impression of TheVietnamVet talking about what people thought the Gulf War would be like-- before it proved to be a total CurbStompBattle in favor of the USA. |
| 434 | -->'''Henry (as Vietnam veteran):''' Take your worst nightmare. Then quadruple it. Then quadruple it again! And you still won't get to where you'll be this time tomorrow!\ |
| 435 | '''Ben:''' [[MoodWhiplash Wait, hold on. Is this a Common Core math question?]] I am completely confused. I quadruple the quadruple...? What's the number I start with?\ |
| 436 | '''Henry (as Vietnam veteran):''' Let's say what you expect is a two! You're gonna wanna make that into two apples! [[{{Metaphorgotten}} And then four times that is... that's two, four sets of... I have to draw it! That's Common Core! You gotta draw it, and everything's done in apples!]] |
| 437 | * The RunningGag of Timothy [=McVeigh=] renaming his Bradley IFV "Music/BadCompany" after the song ''Bad Company'', by Bad Company, off of the album... ''Bad Company''. And how he'd play it over and over again on his Walkman. '''''[[RunningGag BAAAAAAAD COMPANY!]]''''' |
| 438 | -->'''Marcus:''' It's like, there's this other great band called Pantherman. There's the song "Pantherman", by Pantherman, off of the album ''Pantherman''!\ |
| 439 | '''Ben:''' Perfect.\ |
| 440 | '''Henry:''' You won't forget it. Unless you just never, ever, ''ever'' think of Pantherman.\ |
| 441 | [...]\ |
| 442 | '''Henry:''' So you mean to tell me that [=McVeigh=] was just a DJ from Jack FM?\ |
| 443 | '''Ben:''' Hey, hey, Tim, we all love Bad Company in the troop--\ |
| 444 | '''Henry (as Timothy):''' Baaaaad Company! No I can't deny!\ |
| 445 | '''Ben:''' Yeah, I know. I got this new Music/{{Metallica}} song, and we were wondering--\ |
| 446 | '''Henry (as Timothy):''' '''''[[LargeHam BAAAAAAAD COMPANY!]]''''' Till the day I die!\ |
| 447 | '''Ben:''' We were just--\ |
| 448 | '''Henry (as Timothy):''' You know there's only four bands, right? I haven't heard of... I can't have this "Metallica" around here. This is some kinda fake band! There's only four real bands. It's Bad Company; Bad Company's side band Worse Company; Queen; and White Rabbit. I don't even know [[Music/JeffersonAirplane the name of the band,]] I just know that one song.\ |
| 449 | '''Ben:''' So we won't be hearing any other music other than "Bad Company", correct?\ |
| 450 | '''Henry (as Timothy):''' '''''BAAAAAAAD COMPANY!'''''\ |
| 451 | '''Ben:''' Okay. Thank you so much for being with us, Tim. |
| 452 | * Henry's impression of Terry Nichols' Filipina mail-order bride, Marife. Complete with accent. |
| 453 | -->'''Ben:''' Poor Marife.\ |
| 454 | '''Henry (as Marife):''' Terry... Terry... Can I say plis? I don't like de song "Bad Company".\ |
| 455 | '''Ben:''' Oh my God!\ |
| 456 | '''Henry (as Marife):''' Plis tell-- I love Terry; I like being-- I love Buffalo; I love hot sauce, it remind me of the Philippine... but plis. No more-- no more White Rabbit. He does not even know de name of de band!\ |
| 457 | '''Ben (as Timothy):''' Terry, I love you, man. But you gotta get rid of her! She doesn't like Bad Company! |
| 458 | * Terry Nichols is characterized as a whiny man who, when being told to do something, claims that as a sovereign citizen he is only doing it because ''he'' wants to. |
| 459 | * After Terry and Marife leave, [=McVeigh=] gets into betting on football matches. Namely betting on his favorite team (a bad idea in general): the Buffalo Bills. In the early 90s. Where the Bills lost ''four consecutive Super Bowls''. |
| 460 | -->'''Ben:''' You get the feeling Timothy [=McVeigh=], by the last Super Bowl they lost, he'd be like: "It was MATHEMATICALLY IMPLAUSIBLE! How did they lose--!?"\ |
| 461 | '''Henry (as Timothy):''' '''''IT WAS THE JEWISH CABAL THAT DID THIS! DAMN IT, JEWISH CABAL!''''' |
| 462 | * At the very end of the episode, the trio reach a conclusion about Tim: |
| 463 | -->'''Ben:''' All right. Well, that was a little insight into the life of Timothy [=McVeigh=]. My goodness! What a colossal '''''LOSER.'''''\ |
| 464 | '''Henry:''' You think, after all of this, we could all change his nickname to "Regretti Spaghetti" instead of "Noodle [=McVeigh=]"?\ |
| 465 | '''Ben:''' ''[laughs]'' "Regretti Spaghetti" [=McVeigh=]. |
| 466 | |
| 467 | !! Episode 276: Oklahoma City Part III - "Follow the Guillotines" |
| 468 | * [=McVeigh=]'s answering machine message was him reading excerpts of [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Henry Patrick Henry]]'s writing, which he changed every week. |
| 469 | -->'''Henry''': ''(singing)'' "[[Series/{{Seinfeld}} Believe it or not, Tim isn't at home]]--" |
| 470 | -->'''Henry and Marcus''': "Leave a message, at the beep!" |
| 471 | -->'''Ben''': "''The U.S. government is complicit in Waco, Texas--''" |
| 472 | |
| 473 | !! Episode 278: Creepypasta 12 - "U-Turn To Madness" |
| 474 | * Bigfoot Erotica. The whole cringy thing, especially the Sasquatch's "U-Turn Penis"! |
| 475 | |
| 476 | !! Episode 282: Jerry Brudos Part I - "Dump Fever" |
| 477 | * When Marcus relates that Brudos, as a child, first found a pair of women's shoes while playing in a garbage dump, Ben and Henry both make comments about how he and Marcus both played in the dump as children. |
| 478 | ** Later, Marcus talks about how Brudos got a job as a radio engineer, prompting Ben to start listing the similarities between Brudos and Marcus: |
| 479 | --->'''Ben:''' It's interesting. So, we have a situation where the man grew up playing in a ''dump'', uh, then he got into shoes there, a little bit, and then he went into radio... |
| 480 | --->'''Marcus:''' False equivalency. False equivalency, he was a radio ''engineer''. We had one of those at KTXD in Lubbock, his name was Randy and he was ''useless''! Radio engineers are not the people on air. They're not [=DJs=]! |
| 481 | --->'''Ben:''' Marcus, am I right to say this, ''you'' had fungus growing on you as a child? |
| 482 | --->'''Marcus:''' I had a fungus on my head for a number of months that no one was positively able to identify, yes. ''But''-- |
| 483 | --->'''Henry:''' ''(in an exaggerated Southern accent)'' "Well, bring out that Marcus boy here, bring him over here, I wanna take a look at this head. Well, this is obviously--he's got Dump Fever. Have you been allowing this child to perform playful acts in a dump? |
| 484 | --->'''Marcus:''' Did they take me all the way to Georgia to a specialist? |
| 485 | --->'''Ben:''' Well, you got Dump Fever. You gotta go somewhere, you might have to go to the Mayo Clinic for that. |
| 486 | |
| 487 | !! Episode 285: Norwegian Black Metal Part I - "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" |
| 488 | * The opening where the guys act out a scene of a Henry as a Norwegian Death Metal musician auditioning for a band. |
| 489 | -->'''Ben (as Band Guy):''' We're looking for a new lead singer for our band, ''The Chubby Boys''. You are the perfect man. |
| 490 | -->'''Henry (as Norwegian Metalhead):''' I cahn only be in yoor bahnd if you spell 'boys' vit two 'I's und a 'Z'. |
| 491 | * BlackMetal musicians are described as all looking identical and (among other things) like "skinny marshmallows with eyes", "The Arm" from ''Series/TwinPeaks'' and "''Film/TheRing'' Girl" and sounding they live inside a nuclear warhead. |
| 492 | * When discussing the different genres of Metal, the guy's bring up DeathMetal and its penchant for gory subject matter, as seen in band and/or song names like "Malignant Defication" and "Regurgitation of Gibblets". They then muse about using these as replacement medical terms. Cue a bit with the "Black Metal Doctor". |
| 493 | -->'''Henry (as the Black Metal Doctor):''' (very serious deadpan tone) Uh, Mr. Anderson, uh, please... please sit down. Is that your wife? Ma'am, I may need to ask you to leave the room. |
| 494 | -->'''Ben (as patient):''' "Uh oh." |
| 495 | -->'''Henry (as the Black Metal Doctor):''' ... I'm sorry. You have ''Stage 4 Malignant Defecation''. |
| 496 | -->'''Ben (as patient):''' Wow! ''[{{Corpsing}}]'' You could've lightened it up with a joke or something. |
| 497 | -->'''Henry (as the Black Metal Doctor):''' No, no, no. I don't laugh. I'm a Black Metal doctor. |
| 498 | -->'''Ben (as patient):''' GODDAMMIT! Why did we even come to you?! |
| 499 | * Their descriptions of the different genres of Metal and the impressions thereof is hilarious. |
| 500 | * To provide the UrExample of BlackMetal, the trio play a snippet of Music/{{Bathory}} and their song "Hades". Afterwards, they remark that you could just hear [[Series/{{Cheers}} George Wendt]] as the "cranky parent annoyed by his kid's crazy music" (and poking fun at the vocals in the process). |
| 501 | -->[snippet plays] |
| 502 | -->'''Marcus:''' And that's just a very very very small taste. Go listen to that entire album, it's ''fantastic.'' |
| 503 | -->'''Ben:''' It's incredible. You can almost visualize George Wendt as your father knocking on your door and requesting that you turn it down. |
| 504 | -->'''Henry (as George):''' Gah! Ya gotta keep it down with that racket! |
| 505 | -->'''Henry (as kid, talking in a black-metal style vocal shrieks):''' Dad! I'm listening to Bathory! |
| 506 | -->'''Henry (as George):''' What happened to your voice, son? |
| 507 | -->'''Henry (as kid, still in Death Metal Shriek" voice):''' "I don't know. I just started singing along to the album and my voice sounds like this now! |
| 508 | -->'''Ben:''' Good Lord! It's like Music/CyndiLauper after smoking an entire pack of cigarettes. |
| 509 | * When first mentioning Euronymous, the guys comment that the name sounds less "intimidating" than the more straight-forward, "Dead", "Necrobutcher" or "Hellhammer". Bens says that "Euronymous" sounds like "A scientist who works out". Henry then treats us to a fun vingnette of "[[HerrDoktor Dr. Euronymous]]". |
| 510 | -->'''Henry (as 'Dr. Euronymous'):'' Hello, Nurse Audrey? Vank you for coming into my Labratory. Hand me my beaker ova vere. [[DoesNotKnowHisOwnStrength CRUSHED IT! Ohhhhh! Too stronk]] to be a scientist, aren't I? Now, Nurse Audrey, remove my labcoat and... - Vat you see? Oh yes! ''[[SexyCoatFlashing Nothink]]'' [[ExecutiveExcess underneath]]! ([[{{Beat}} beat]]) VERE YOU GO-INK?! |
| 511 | * When discussing Music/{{Mayhem}}'s vocalist Per "Dead" Ohlin, Marcus mentions that his name comes from the fact that he believed he was dead and was "in a dream that he would soon wake up from". Henry follows that up with a very... ''special'' impression of Dead. |
| 512 | -->'''Henry:''' [[CloudCuckoolander Ze only thing zat I can hope for is that one day I vake up in the bedroom of a nobleman, as a beautiful nude illuminated boy. Because deep inside of me, somewhere-- that is vat I'm trying to find this in my music-- is the wonderful, innocent, nude illuminated boy zat is inside every mind.]]\ |
| 513 | ''[{{Beat}}]''\ |
| 514 | '''Ben:''' Your name is ''Dead.''\ |
| 515 | '''Henry:''' '''''[[MetalScream WLAARRRRRGHALLLRGAAAAARRRLALLGGGGG!!]]'''''\ |
| 516 | ''(laughter)'' \ |
| 517 | '''Henry:''' [[PronouncingMyNameForYou It's pronounced]] ''DEED!''\ |
| 518 | '''Ben:''' Ohhh! I see. |
| 519 | * Right after the above, they bring up the speculation that "Dead", like serial killer [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Chase Richard]] [[https://lastpodcastontheleftreadinglist.com/richard-trenton-chase/ Chase]], had [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotard_delusion Cotard's Syndrome]]. Ben asks a single question: "What if Richard Chase learned how to play a musical instrument?" This opens the floodgates to Henry as "Richard Chase: Musician", which boils down to "screeching Mickey Mouse with NoIndoorVoice". |
| 520 | -->'''Henry!Chase:''' '''''HEY EVERYONE! WELCOME TO MY SHOW!''''' THE WORLD IS WEIRD, LIKE HONESTLY, I GO THOUGH A LOT OF HORSESHIT DAY TO DAY; I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN TELL, BUT MY ''EYEBALLS ARE ON BACKWARDS!'' COULD YOU GUYS MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!? YOU GUYS MAKE ME FEEL AT HOME!? |
| 521 | -->'''Ben:''' This is the best. |
| 522 | -->'''Henry!Chase:''' OKAY! AND A ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR-- ''(singing)'' ''~IIIII LOVE MICKEY MOUSE, HE'S MY FRIEND~'' |
| 523 | -->'''Henry:''' He's, like, totally "at home", totally fine. |
| 524 | -->'''Ben:''' I love it! |
| 525 | * The whole discussion of the ancient Norse myth of "TheWildHunt", where Odin and the departed souls (played by rowdy young guys speaking in falsetto and wearing white face paint, thus possibly influencing Black Metal) would come to Earth and raise havoc and mischief over the Nordic countryside. Ben and the guys get a kick out of ancient Norse WackyFratboyHijinx like (among other things) drinking all the beer in barrels and replacing it with urine and putting "he-goats" in the hearths. |
| 526 | ** This ancient custom then leads to Henry singing in happy, Disneyesque, sing-songy falsetto (as the others corpse like idiots). |
| 527 | --->'''Henry!Wild Hunt Reveler:''' ''~Iiiiiii hope that none of you can sleep because we are heeeere! Just me and a horse and a dog and a crow and myyyy good friend, Wooooden! IIIII am Wo-den, highest voice of aallll! Iiiiii am Wo-den, aaalll of you will fall to the hands of Woden~!'' |
| 528 | --->'''Ben:''' Eeyup! And that correlates perfectly to the first time that the sentence was ever uttered in Norway-- "GET OFF MY LAWN!" |
| 529 | * Despite the BlackMetal guys in this story portraying themselves as being these rebellious, independent, super-evil badasses, many of them are still very close to and beholden to their families... [[MommasBoy especially their mothers and grandmothers.]] Euronymous got flack from bandmates for wearing a white sweater to band practice and explained that he wore it for his grandma, who he visited that day. Euronymous' record store (''Helvete'', which is Norwegian for 'Hell') was also funded by his parents, something the trio find extremely humorous. |
| 530 | -->'''Henry (as Euronymous):''' VELCOME TO HELL! All of you come, velcome, velcome to Hell. Please just... Don't any of you put the spiked pants on any of zee schtools! My mom's still got just a down payment on it! I haf to get a couple of payments in-- No, no, please do not put any pig's blood on any of zees couches! My mom just put a down payment on all zees theengs! I do not own all of zees theengs! |
| 531 | |
| 532 | !! Episode 286: Norwegian Black Metal Part II - "Orc Urinal" |
| 533 | * [[Music/{{Burzum}} Varg Vikernes]]' first band, "Old Funeral" is the subject of much mockery. |
| 534 | --> '''Ben:''' Honestly, that's just a normal funeral. Like, "Young Funeral" is kind of edgy, sort of sad. "Old Funeral" is just like... "It was a long life, a healthy life, baker for fifty years. [{{Beat}}] '''WELCOME! TO!''' '''''[[RefugeInAudacity BABY FUNERAAAAAAAAL!]] WWRARRRRR!!"''''' |
| 535 | * At one point, Music/TheRamones [[ItMakesSenseInContext are compared to]] [[Series/DinersDriveInsAndDives Guy Fieri]]. |
| 536 | --> '''''WELCOME TO FLAAAAAAVORTOWWWWN! DOOH-DUH-DEEP-DESPAIR! DOOH-DUH-DEEP GRAVY! IT'S GRAVYYYYY!''''' |
| 537 | * The origin of the episode's name is hilarious: in the middle of discussing the influence of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' on Varg and his music, and how Varg thinking the Elves are "stereotypically Jewish" is wrong, the discussion gets flipped to Liv Tyler. |
| 538 | --> '''Ben:''' Now where does Liv Tyler come into this? Because I thought she was wonderful in [[Film/TheLordOfTheRings those movies]].\ |
| 539 | '''Henry (as Varg):''' All the guys in the band, all they wanted to say was, "Ooh! I wanna bang Liv Tyler, Queen of the Elves! Please put me in the Forever Place with Liv Tyler! Wouldn't that be amazing?" And I said, "No! Put me in Mordor! That's where everything that's cool is happening! Give me a ''King Kong'' arcade game-- that's the one American thing I like-- and you put it in the main hall of Mordor, next to the bathroom so I don't have to wait behind all those stinky Orcs! So I can play my game and use the bathroom freely, as a ''free man!''\ |
| 540 | '''Ben:''' "Orc Bathroom"... [[{{Squick}} that sounds more disgusting than Woodstock '99]]. "The Orc Bathroom Situation"-- I don't ever wanna think about it again!\ |
| 541 | '''Marcus:''' And even that's a better name for a band than Old Funeral! "Orc Bathroom"!\ |
| 542 | '''Ben:''' Orc Bathroom's [[AGoodNameForARockBand a great name for a band]]!\ |
| 543 | '''Henry:''' Orc Bathroom's a good name for a fucking band! That's pretty sweet! '''''[[TitleDrop Orc Urinal!]]''''' |
| 544 | * While delving into the origins of Varg's nom de plume, "Count Grishnakh", the trio take a quick look at the lore of ''Lord of the Rings''. Somehow, it leads to them guessing which race they'd be in the world of Middle-Earth. Ben, being tall, is an Ent ("one specific tree named 'Bent', who just sits off to the side getting hammered and telling the other trees what to do"); Henry, who is short and hairy, is a Hobbit; and Marcus, who's tall and fair, is an Elf. Henry, ever the conspiracy theory connoisseur, quickly comes to the expected conclusion: |
| 545 | --> '''Henry:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice So, are you a part of the Elvish cabal that runs the media and our government?]] |
| 546 | |
| 547 | !! Episode 287: Norwegian Black Metal Part III - "This Laughable Society" |
| 548 | * The murders of Euronymous and Magne Andreassen aren't funny. What is funny is Henry's takes on "Faust", the impressions of the female jogger who discovered Magne's body [[note]]The guys imagine her as a Nordic / Alpine stereotype in a lederhosen-dress[[/note]], a female hanger-on the police questioned, and the girl who forged a threatening letter from Euronymous. They all sound like over-the-top Swedish Chef people speaking English. |
| 549 | * The impression of Gaahl (of the band Music/{{Gorgoroth}}), a scary guy who once tortured a guy who he saw as a Jerkass but who also comes off as a bit of a badass [[note]]he also assaulted another guy for making homophobic comments[[/note]]. He was made to sound like a Scandinavian ''WWE'' wrestler [[NoIndoorVoice cutting a promo]]... and, being ManlyGay, finding the [[EveryoneHasStandards murder of Andreassen distasteful]]. He also apparently gives Satan the most EVIL blow job of all time [[note]]...and is also, inexplicably a fan of the childrens game, ''[[https://youtu.be/xJlKLC-nMJ0 Hungry Hungry Hippos]]''[[/note]]. |
| 550 | --->'''Henry (as Gaahl):''' '''TIME ME!''' ''[slurping noises]'' |
| 551 | * While delving into the murder of Music/{{Mayhem}}'s Euronymous, Henry pulls up a document he found online that he claims will explain just what happened in Euronymous' apartment on that night. It turns out to be an explicit Varg/Euronymous SlashFic. |
| 552 | --> '''Ben:''' ''What on Earth did we just listen to!?'' |
| 553 | ** The fanfic itself describes Euronymous as looking like a "lame ''Music/{{KISS}}'' impersonator". At one point, one of them leaves the room with "I'll be back" which Henry pronounces like an over-the-top Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger [[Film/TheTerminator impression]]. |
| 554 | *** Henry continues reading excepts of the XXX slashfic porn just to bug them (and one of the characters has a '4 inch thick cock'. Not '4 inch circumference'-- ''4 inches.'') |
| 555 | |
| 556 | !! Episode 288: Robert Pickton Part I - "Pig Sense" |
| 557 | * The murderer's farm-boy upbringing gets compared to Marcus'. |
| 558 | --> '''Marcus:''' The rumor is, when Willie got upset or got in trouble, he'd burrow into the butchered carcass of a hog until he felt better again. |
| 559 | --> '''Henry:''' How is this different than you, Marcus? |
| 560 | * Pickton dropped out of school when he was fourteen, alleging that it was over a disagreement with the principal about a nudie pen. Henry turns this into a RunningGag of Pickton being fascinated with the pen and showing it to everyone. |
| 561 | |
| 562 | !! Episode 289: Robert Pickton Part II - "La Costra Pigsta" |
| 563 | * Starting from the end of this episode, Henry starts a RunningGag of ironically pushing the "Illuminati Clone" conspiracy by Donald Marshall, part of which ''somehow'' manages to involve Robert Pickton's murders. It's obvious that he's merely being a {{troll}}, but he talks like someone who's wholly convinced, as is his way. Ben even muses about cutting off his internet. |
| 564 | ** It actually starts earlier in the episode, when Henry talks about him diving into the conspiracy angle behind Robert Pickton's murders. He explains that the moment he read the phrase [[WhamLine "And that's when I knew Robert wasn't killing clones of me"]], he immediately realized [[OhCrap "Oh, this guy's insane."]] |
| 565 | |
| 566 | !! Episode 290: Robert Pickton Part III - "Mrs. Pickton" |
| 567 | * Henry opens the episode by roleplaying an instance of typical Canadian "backseat driving", with two other men trying to advise Robert on how to dismember a body. |
| 568 | * When the police investigate the skull found in the swamp, who should they call up to ask about it but [[RunningGag the Boneslicer]]? |
| 569 | |
| 570 | !! Episode 291: Robert Pickton: Part IV - "Out To Lunch" |
| 571 | * Henry mentions having obtained an extremely rare copy of the book ''Robert Pickton: In His Own Words'' (which was only on sale for five days on Amazon before the Canadian government took it down), where Pickton explains his own account of the murders. Henry claims that this is one of the more taxing things he has ever read, even more so than the Scientology documents and ''Literature/TheTurnerDiaries''...because Pickton is an ''atrocious'' writer: |
| 572 | -->'''Henry''': ''[as Pickton]'' "There I dispersed from the specific area and feeling a whole lot better of the whole process, I decided to stop at this convenience store that is just up from the Purchase to Hastings indicating that the site location is on the left hand side where the store is facing onto Hastings Street. There I have bought myself a light snack, that involves a filled donut, one liter of 2% chocolate milk, and a packet of plain potato chips to munch on while I continued to overdrive my own tiredness so that I could proceed on driving homebound. But holding to my homeward route, as playing with the supported speech 'killing two birds with the same stone' and being in Vancouver, which I am going on the onside location where Ms. Georgina Dickins works the Shell service station located on the junction of Powell Street and I would desperately like to talk to her in person..." |
| 573 | -->'''Marcus''': [[SuckinessIsPainful aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!]] |
| 574 | -->'''Henry''': We haven't even gotten to it! [[ThisIsGonnaSuck This is just one paragraph]]. |
| 575 | * The episode's title comes from what Robert shouted when he was accused of the murders. The boys are bemused by the choice of phrasing and call back to it repeatedly during the events of the trial. |
| 576 | * In over the top Canadian accents, the guys mocking investigators's failure to immediately test ground meat found in freezers, then waiting two years before issuing a public health warning despite discovering human remains mixed with that pork and knowledge Pickton distributed a large amount of meat to the market. |
| 577 | -->'''Ben''': ''(as investigator)'' Now people of Coquitlam and Port Coquitlam, now I hate to break it to ya, now that lovely sausage you've been enjoying, uh...It's just sausage. ''(aside)'' We're not gonna ruin this for them. |
| 578 | -->'''Henry''': And you can just see him be like, "And now, I just wanna to say, in unity with the people of Port Coquitlam, I will now eat this human foot. I don't know where we got this foot. I'm not asking questions, right? Right, Sergeant Lansky? No questions asked. Now, I am gonna eat this foot so I will also know what it's like. ''(chomping)'' Honestly, it's quite good." |
| 579 | * Marcus expertly puts down Henry's Illuminati Clone RunningGag when discussing why the judge on Pickton's trial made the decisions he did. |
| 580 | -->'''Henry:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Donald. Marshall.]] |
| 581 | -->'''Marcus:''' [[TakeThat No, Donald Marshall is a fucking moron!]] |
| 582 | -->''(Laughter from Ben)'' |
| 583 | |
| 584 | !! Episode 295: Black Widows Part I - "The Polish Prognosticator" |
| 585 | * Early in the episode, Marcus brings up H.H. Holmes as the closest male equivalent to Black Widow killers. As soon as Minnie and Nanny Williams get mentioned, Henry proceeds to do his "I'm Minnie and I'm Nanny" bit from the Holmes episodes, but does it ''completely deadpan''. This then prompts ''Ben'' to go full ham and do the routine properly and Henry quickly joins in. |
| 586 | |
| 587 | !! Episode 297: The Lost Continent of Lemuria |
| 588 | * The ''real'' reason the name of Churchward's mystical guru is lost to time: |
| 589 | --> "They call me Ice Cream!" |
| 590 | ** Ben's subsequent response: |
| 591 | --> [[CanonDiscontinuity We're gonna rename him "His name remains a mystery."]] |
| 592 | [[/folder]] |
| 593 | |
| 594 | [[folder:Episodes 300 to 350]] |
| 595 | !! Episode 300: Jonestown Part I - "Everyone in the World is My Friend" |
| 596 | * [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior One early sign of Jones not being right]] is his admiration for UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler, to the point where he'd pretend to be Hitler leading a group of Nazis played by some younger kids. Ben remarks that this sounds like a really weird ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} strip, causing Henry to pipe up with "Peanutzis?" |
| 597 | * The trio discovering Jones' career as a salesman of spider monkeys sends them into hysterics. Double so when Marcus plays a clip from ''Film/{{Jonestown}}'' where one of the former members talks about her mother-in-law going to Jones for another monkey because her previous one had ''[[DrivenToSuicide hanged itself.]]'' |
| 598 | ** Henry notes that that must have been difficult, since that monkey would first need to "[[DespairEventHorizon learn eternal despair]]". |
| 599 | |
| 600 | !! Episode 301: Jonestown Part II - "Sidestep and Bullshit" |
| 601 | * At one point Henry descriibes Jim Jones as a "[[Franchise/TheMuppets Sam the Eagle-looking motherfucker]]". |
| 602 | * This episode features moments where Henry, who is known for AdmiringTheAbomination, stands up for Ray Kroc's business practices, as depicted in ''Film/TheFounder'', against Ben and Marcus. |
| 603 | -->'''Marcus:''' I had no idea you were such an evil capitalist! |
| 604 | -->'''Henry:''' ''[[EvilLaugh [laughs evilly]]]'' |
| 605 | |
| 606 | !! Episode 302: Jonestown Part III - "Check Please" |
| 607 | * Jones' excuse for wearing sunglasses all the time is that he'd achieved such a holy state so powerful that if he looked at someone else unfettered, the holy energy emanating from his eyes would hurt anyone he looked at. Ben compares Jones to ComicBook/{{Cyclops}}, "but instead of flames, it's amphetamines flying from his eyes into his audience's face". |
| 608 | * The faith healings involve tricks with chicken guts to stand in for cancerous tumors. If anyone got too close to them, the People's Temple would have to quickly gobble it up. Now, what sort of person would do this? Henry has an idea: |
| 609 | --> '''Henry:''' Hi there, Mr. Jones! I'll do it! |
| 610 | --> '''Henry (as Jim Jones):''' Sure thing, Johnny Garbage! |
| 611 | --> '''Henry (as Johnny Garbage):''' There's nothing I like better than something that's stinky and falls on the ground! |
| 612 | --> '''Henry (as Jim Jones):''' That's alright-- Get away from me, Johnny Garbage! We all hate you! You got one purpose, and that's why you're part of a socialist society. We've given you a purpose! |
| 613 | --> '''Ben:''' That's a big purpose, gobbling up the chicken guts. In a socialist society? Big-time stuff! |
| 614 | * Jim Jones' favorite word to attack dissenters? [[GratuitousFrench "Bourgeois"]]. Henry takes the ball and runs with it by using a stereotypical French accent. |
| 615 | --> '''Ben:''' ''Bourgeois''... does that mean they wanna have any kind of amenities in their life whatsoever? |
| 616 | --> '''Marcus:''' Hey, man. You didn't like eating oatmeal for breakfast and peanut butter for lunch every day? ''Bourgeois''. |
| 617 | --> '''Henry:''' ''Bourgeois'' pig! Zat's what you are! |
| 618 | --> '''Ben:''' I'm wearing a Jos. A. Banks jacket! How does that make me bourgeois!? |
| 619 | --> '''Marcus:''' Don't like shitting in front of other people? ''Bourgeois''. |
| 620 | --> '''Henry:''' ''Bourgeois'' pig! Eh, de revolution will take you down! |
| 621 | --> '''Ben:''' I just don't want to feel like Charles Manson taking a bath! |
| 622 | --> '''Marcus:''' Don't wanna have sex with Jim Jones? |
| 623 | --> '''Ben:''' No! |
| 624 | --> '''Marcus:''' Bourgeois~! |
| 625 | --> '''Ben:''' ''[[BigWhat WHAT!?]]'' |
| 626 | --> '''Henry:''' Eyyyyyy, you, stinky butt! You got shit all over ze fazzeir's dick! How dare you! You know 'e likes a clean dipstick when 'e pulls eet oot, so that he can put it in his weef and 'e doesn't get any shit in ze pussay! |
| 627 | --> '''Ben:''' Well, you know what? I actually feel better for the first time. I am part of the ''bourgeoisie''. |
| 628 | * Jonestown's chimpanzee mascot, Mr. Muggs, brings a lot of laughs. |
| 629 | ** Henry portrays Jonestown's chimpanzee mascot, Mr. Muggs, as having a ''Film/{{Congo}}''-style voicebox installed in him. [[EstablishingCharacterMoment The first lines]] of Henry's Mr. Muggs impression portray him as the OnlySaneMan amidst the growing madness in Jonestown. |
| 630 | --> '''Henry (as Mr. Muggs):''' [[AC:Run, children, run. Save yourselves. Save Muggs. Save Muggs the monkey. Get monkey into police car.]] |
| 631 | ** The cover story for Mr. Muggs is that Jim Jones saved him from a laboratory (in reality, he was bought from a pet store). Henry has different ideas as to why he did it: |
| 632 | --> '''Henry (as Mr. Muggs):''' [[AC: Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? You are frightening me. Please stop trying to make love to me! I will not douche! I will not douche!]] |
| 633 | --> '''Ben (as Jim Jones):''' Hey, uh... why don't you shut up, Mr. Muggs? Just shut up. |
| 634 | ** Then, the three get sidelined by a discussion on Mr. Muggs' namesake, ''Series/TheTonightShow'''s chimp mascot Jayfred Muggs. Henry is astounded that they let a chimp on stage-- even more so that they gave him his own spin-off. |
| 635 | --> '''Henry:''' So, you mean to tell me they allowed a ''chimp'' to ''run an entire television show?'' And was it just cancelled because it tore Creator/RaquelWelch's face off and they're like "We've got to figure out a way to put it back on"? |
| 636 | --> '''Ben:''' Can you just imagine Ed [=McMahon=] getting slam-wasted with that monkey? |
| 637 | --> '''Henry:''' "I tell you what, this chimp makes a lot of sense when he talks about immigration." |
| 638 | ** Even Mr. Muggs' tragic end gets a humorous portrayal. |
| 639 | --> '''Henry (as Mr. Muggs):''' [[AC: I'll never tell what happened here.]] |
| 640 | --> '''Ben:''' Oh, man! |
| 641 | --> '''Henry:''' And then they shot him like UsefulNotes/CheGuevara. |
| 642 | --> '''Ben:''' Oh! Just let him go in the forest! |
| 643 | --> '''Marcus:''' They absolutely could have! There were no chimps there, but... you know, like, those forests in Jonestown were full of monkeys. They said that was actually-- in the mornings were their roosters. |
| 644 | --> '''Henry:''' That's terrifying. "Monkeys are our roosters". Like-- ''[imitating a monkey]'' '''''AAAHHHHHHH! AAAHHHAAHHHH!''''' |
| 645 | --> '''Ben:''' Time to make the donuts! |
| 646 | ** A little bit before the above exchange, Henry creates a scenario of the dying cult members being annoyed at Mr Muggs freaking out whilst they await death |
| 647 | --> '''Marcus:''' Although J Fred Muggs would live a long life, Mr Muggs Jones would die in Jonestown, most likely the first casualty of the mass suicide. |
| 648 | --> '''Ben:''' Oh. |
| 649 | --> '''Henry:''' Yeah, of course! Everybody's dying and falling... don't tell me the chimp is not going like ''(makes distressed monkey shrieking noises)'' and they'll be like "He's disturbing my death-like peace!" |
| 650 | --> '''Marcus:''' ''(erupts into laughter)'' |
| 651 | * Marcus compares Jones breaking the rules for his cult to ''Literature/AnimalFarm'''s "Some animals are more equal than others". Ben comments "The book, huh?" An argument ensues, where Ben deliberately misses the point the whole way through and confuses the book with ''Literature/CharlottesWeb.'' |
| 652 | --> '''Henry:''' [[{{Angrish}} D-you-!?]] God, you must have been such a difficult high school English student! |
| 653 | --> '''Marcus:''' What did you think of ''Animal Farm,'' Ben? I just wanna know. |
| 654 | --> '''Ben:''' Love pigs! |
| 655 | --> '''Henry:''' That's not an opinion on the book. |
| 656 | --> '''Ben:''' No--! Animal Farm... Charlotte with the web... |
| 657 | --> '''Henry:''' You're talking about ''Charlotte's Web!'' |
| 658 | --> '''Marcus:''' You don't know what ''Animal Farm'' is, do you? |
| 659 | --> '''Ben:''' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin There's a series of animals that live on a farm.]] |
| 660 | --> '''Henry:''' Didn't you get a degree in Political Science!? It's like ''the'' book! |
| 661 | --> '''Ben:''' We don't read books about pigs. |
| 662 | --> '''Henry:''' '''''IT'S NOT A BOOK ABOUT PIGS!''''' It's not ''Film/{{Babe}}!'' |
| 663 | --> '''Marcus:''' That's, like, 8th grade Political Science. It's ''Animal Farm''. |
| 664 | --> ''[laughter]'' |
| 665 | --> '''Ben:''' Are people in the book? |
| 666 | --> '''Henry:''' No! It's ''Animal Farm!'' |
| 667 | --> '''Marcus:''' There's a couple of people in the book, but-- |
| 668 | --> '''Ben:''' So it's all lies. Because animals don't have political parties. |
| 669 | --> '''Henry:''' Oh my God... Oh my God. |
| 670 | --> '''Ben:''' Is it an analogy for something? |
| 671 | --> '''Marcus:''' Yes. It's an allegory. |
| 672 | --> '''Henry:''' "Some animals are more equal than others." |
| 673 | --> '''Ben:''' All I know is... |
| 674 | --> '''Marcus:''' "All animals are equal, but some animals--" |
| 675 | --> '''Ben:''' I don't care what the spider is spelling. I hate the web. Get it outta here! |
| 676 | --> '''Henry:''' ''[[{{Corpsing}} (snickering)]]'' I'm mad. I'm mad that he doesn't know. |
| 677 | --> '''Ben:''' No... I-- [[SincerityMode No, I know the book.]] |
| 678 | * Even the forced boxing matches between cult members has room for a few jokes. |
| 679 | ** The idea of someone going up against Mr. Muggs, who is very reluctant. |
| 680 | --> '''Henry (as Mr. Muggs):''' [[AC: I don't want to kill you, but I will. Look at what I did to Raquel Welch!]] |
| 681 | ** While the original idea was to have the cult member being punished fight person after person until they lose, the trio imagines it a bit differently: |
| 682 | --> '''Henry:''' You were saying the other day, that you had the idea that they were to fight and fight until they get up to Jim Jones himself-- and then it's like ''[[VideoGame/PunchOut Mike Tyson's Knock-Out.]]'' |
| 683 | --> '''Ben:''' Yeahhhhh! Boss level! You know what to do! Did Jim Jones fight himself? |
| 684 | --> '''Henry:''' No. If you knocked his sunglasses off, he could [[DeadlyGaze kill you with the power of his gaze]]! |
| 685 | |
| 686 | !! Episode 307: Casey Anthony Part II - "The Dancing Belvins" |
| 687 | * The [[TitleDrop title]] comes from the name of the judge presiding over the trial, Judge Belvin. Ben imagines a late night spoof called "The Dancing Belvins"[[note]]This refrences an old skit during Jay Leno's tenure on ''The Tonight Show'' called "[[https://youtu.be/QQezL9pLUN4 The Dancing Itos]]" involving a bunch of dancing clones of the judge presiding over the [=O.J.=] Simpson trial[[/note]], which tickles Henry. |
| 688 | * Henry tells a story of a court spectator, allegedly Casey Anthony's co-worker at a TGI Friday's, who was surreptitiously [[FlippingTheBird throwing the finger]] at the prosecution and got fined for contempt of court. That's not the funny part - the funny part was the ''fifteen minutes'' Judge Belvin spent chewing the guy out. |
| 689 | ** One other juror, deciding that he wanted no part of the trial, immediately spoke to the press and was slapped with contempt of court, happily paying the fine. Ben proclaims that man a "national hero" for doing so.[[note]]The man in question, Jonathan Green, did so because being on the jury would put him 100 miles away from home for several months with limited contact with friends and family.[[/note]] |
| 690 | * Ben finally zeroes in on what the prosecution’s big mistake was... [[ComicallyMissingThePoint not handing out $25 Applebee’s gift cards in their closing statement]]. |
| 691 | |
| 692 | !! Episode 308: Robert Hansen Part I - "Gun Nerd" |
| 693 | * Marcus narrates a rundown of Hansen's deeds while sounding like a serious true crime show narrator... ''then'' asks the listeners to imagine the man he just described sounding like Elmer Fudd in reference to his legitimate speech impediment. |
| 694 | * Henry panics when told that 'eskimo' is considered a slur and frantically questions wherever words like 'igloo' are also bad. |
| 695 | |
| 696 | !! Episode 310: Rasputin Part I - "Greg Drunk" |
| 697 | * Ben and Henry immediately take umbrage with the title of one of the sources for the series, ''Rasputin: The Untold Story''. |
| 698 | -->'''Ben:''' Are the pages blank? |
| 699 | -->'''Henry:''' You're telling the story! |
| 700 | ** This begins the RunningGag where, whenever the book is brought up, Henry gives it a more facetious title to highlight the incongruity of the original title, e.g. ''Rasputin: The Untold Story That Is Currently Being Told That You Are Reading About Rasputin''. |
| 701 | * The episode's title comes from the rumour started by Rasputin's enemies that his surname was a corruption of the Russian word for "debaucherous". Henry immediately latches onto this and decides his English name is "Greg Drunk", despite Marcus' attempts to dispel the myth. |
| 702 | * Everything to do with Marcus describing the ''khlysts'' and their practices, causing no end of bewilderment from Ben. |
| 703 | |
| 704 | !! Episode 311: Rasputin Part II - "Agrarian" |
| 705 | * Henry admits to having studied for this episode the same way he studied for high school history. A RunningGag starts here in which he lapses into rattling off random terms in a flat and hesitant monotone like he's delivering a presentation to the class. "Agrarian" being one of them. |
| 706 | * Ben desperately searches for a nickname Rasputin would give him. With Henry's help, he becomes [[ShapedLikeItself "Long Fuck"]]. |
| 707 | * The trio imagine Rasputin’s reaction to travelling by first class train after spending years doing so on foot. [[RagsToRiches "Ooh, cupholders!"]] |
| 708 | * The introduction of the Duchesses of Monte Negro, aka the [[RedBaron "Black Pearls"]], leads Henry to divulge a little TooMuchInformation about his hygienic habits, much to the disgust of the others. |
| 709 | -->'''Ben:''' You're like a ''dog!'' That's what I had to do to Teddy Bear the Pomeranian! |
| 710 | -->'''Marcus:''' That's the first thing you've ever said that actually [[NauseaFuel made me gag]]. |
| 711 | * Marcus struggles to pronounce the name of Nizier Anthelme Philippe, the French mystic whom Alexandra turned to for help in having a male heir. |
| 712 | -->'''Henry:''' (''stereotypical French accent'') What I like the most about my name is that it is hardly any words! |
| 713 | |
| 714 | !! Episode 312: Rasputin Part III - "The Rise of Rasputin" |
| 715 | * The RunningGag of Henry barking whenever Sergei Trufanov, a.k.a. Iliodor, is mentioned, due to Marcus referring to him as a "mad dog". |
| 716 | * [[ARareSentence "Rasputin wiggled his dick free..."]] Cue {{Main/Corpsing}} from all parties. |
| 717 | ** Ben's resigned tone of voice when he declares: |
| 718 | ---> "Rasputin's... dong... [[GagPenis is so large...]] [[GoMadFromTheRevelation it broke a man's religion."]] |
| 719 | * Rasputin held a bitter grudge against the noseless woman who attempted to kill him, referring to her as "the slut who stuck a knife up my ass." |
| 720 | -->'''Henry:''' Wow, he did ''not'' mince words!\ |
| 721 | '''Ben''': No, I don't think he was sober enough to! |
| 722 | |
| 723 | !! Episode 313: Resputing Part IV - "The Fall Of Rasputin" |
| 724 | * The fact that Rasputin's security detail had to come up with a scale of drunkness for him, with ''eight levels'' of drunkness. Ben jokes that they forgot to add "confident enough to drive", while Henry imagines it as looking like the terror scale but in different shades of beer brown. |
| 725 | |
| 726 | !! Episode 315: The Assassination of John Lennon Part I |
| 727 | * Henry summarises his opinion on the Little People, Mark David Chapman's imaginary friends, in six exasperated words: |
| 728 | -->[[PunctuatedForEmphasis "I. Hate. This shit. So. Much."]] |
| 729 | ** Continuing on from this, when Chapman finally discovers masturbation, Ben hopes that [[CrossesTheLineTwice the Little People didn't suddenly get a "fire department"]], resulting in {{Corpsing}} from Henry and Marcus. |
| 730 | |
| 731 | !! Episode 316: The Assassination of John Lennon Part II |
| 732 | * When the Little People suddenly come back of their own accord[[note]]allegedly, given Mark David Champan's UnreliableNarrator status)[[/note]], Henry takes immediate umbrage with the idea that they proved ''more sensible than the man who created them to begin with''. As Henry himself puts it: |
| 733 | -->"And if the Little People aren't the problem, ''that's'' a problem!" |
| 734 | |
| 735 | !! Episode 317: Dennis Nilsen Part I - "Orientation In Me" |
| 736 | * The title ('Orientation In Me') refers to a chapter in Nilsen's autobiography, ''History of a Drowning Boy'' and the hosts recite the snooty title in the snootiest way imaginable. Ben also thinks it sounds like some weird College course. |
| 737 | -->"What's your major?" "'Orientation in Me'. Yeah, they let me make my own major. Turns out? [[ADegreeInUseless Can't get a job!]]" |
| 738 | * Henry is baffled by the fact that many described Nilsen as "shockingly handsome", disagreeing with them ''strongly'' and stating that [[https://i.ibb.co/GCYNPWY/Annotation-2020-06-15-160255.png Nilsen]] [[https://youtu.be/VU4-rHOR0Ws looked]] "sallow" and like "a skeleton covered in Play-Doh". |
| 739 | * Henry's over-the-top impression of Nilsen. A pretentious ByronicHero wannabe and proto-Goth with a hyper-dramatic LargeHam persona; SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, a thick {{Scotireland}} accent and TrillingRs ensue. It's like if Lucky The Leprachaun [[note]]Mascot for ''Lucky Charms'' cereal[[/note]] decided to be an angtsy poetry-writing EmoTeen. [[note]]In RealLife, Nilsen actually had a more [[https://youtu.be/VU4-rHOR0Ws subdued brogue that]] had [[https://youtu.be/QwVl3DmvTgA long diluted]] a bit due to being in England a long time, giving him a more vaguely Scottish-English accent. Scottish actor, Creator/DavidTennant, playing Nilsen in a recent miniseries, sounded more Scottish than the real deal. Henry did manage to try to recreate the nasally drawl, however.[[/note]]. |
| 740 | * The guys bursting out into their impressions of Goth music and Scottish bagpipe music. Later on, as mention is made of Nilsen's mother being really into going clubbing, Henry combines his impression of bagpipes with stereotypical club music to create what they think club music in Scotland sounds like. |
| 741 | -->'''Henry (as Deejay):''' WADDUP WADDUP! IT'S NINE-TEEN SEV-EN-TY THREEEEEEE! |
| 742 | * The guy describing an ancestor of Nilsen's who tried drowning himself. Cue the silliness involving a ViolentGlaswegian attempting to drown himself by drinking a glass of water and being baffled as to why he's not drowning and dying. |
| 743 | * About Nilsen's bloated DoorStopper of an autobiography "History Of A Drowning Boy" being mentioned. Cue "Dennis" [[CallBack quoting Pee-Wee Gaskins' catchphrase "And that's is my final truth!"]] |
| 744 | -->'''Henry!Nilsen:''' Let me get my quill, and the story shall begin. ''And thus began... the FEE-NAL TRUTH!'' |
| 745 | * The saga of Grandpa's "Magic Sponge". When little Dennis would play outside and hurt himself, his beloved Grandpa would dab him with "the magic sponge". Upon grandpa's death [[note]]regarded as a big factor in warping Nilsen's psyche due to his mom's way of breaking the news, and Grandpa being the only person who was genuinely nurturing to Dennis[[/note]] and after a joke about using Grandpa's body ''Film/WeekendAtBernies''-style, the guys joke about Kid-Dennis whipping out the "magic sponge" to bring Grandpa back to life. |
| 746 | -->'''Henry!Nilsen:''' What I heard is that if I play with Grandpa's 'magic sponge', we can find out if he's alive or not. |
| 747 | * Dennis Nilsen being an UnreliableNarrator and his constant retconning of his family [[note]]Like making his otherwise still-beloved Grandpa as a "hesitant pedophile" who may have molested him and describing his mother as neglectful and the source of his issues despite speaking warmly of her before his arrest.[[/note]]. Also, Nilsen described his young soldier self as "the life of the party" that everyone adored... whereas every account from former fellow soldiers describe an annoying, perverted weirdo with a stinky pet turtle and terrible personal hygiene [[note]]Remember, He was an Army ''cook''. Gross.[[/note]]. |
| 748 | * The "Magic Sponge" [[BrickJoke makes]] a final appearance in relation to [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Raft_of_the_Medusa the painting]] "The Raft of the Medusa" which Nilsen was enthralled with [[note]]It was the older man cradiling the dead youth in the foreground that Nilsen focused on-- a big fetish for him. Nilsen had some seriously weird sex fantasies, including being incapacitated and sexually abused by a DirtyOldMan or a really ugly or fat man. Since he also liked PrettyBoy types as well, he sometimes saw himself in the DirtyOldMan role).[[/note]]. |
| 749 | -->'''Henry:''' Yep. Just him [[note]]the old man[[/note]], this young dead boy, and his magic sponge just sit around, waiting for Medusa to turn them all into stone. |
| 750 | * Dennis once passed out with an obese, unattractive German called "Fat Hans" (and started fantasizing about Hans molesting him). Henry portrays Hans as [[Literature/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory basically]] [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Augustus]] [[Film/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Gloop]]. |
| 751 | * Among Dennis' other odd and annoying antics, he would pretend to be passed out naked in the hope that a soldier would get tempted and molest him (see previous entry on 'Fat Hans'). Henry portrays the soldiers as not buying it one bit. |
| 752 | -->'''Henry (as Nilsen):''' Oh! My butthole is exposed! It would be such a ''tragedy'' [[ShameIfSomethingHappened if something were to...]] ''[[ShameIfSomethingHappened happen]]...'' [[ShameIfSomethingHappened to it.]] ''[starts audibly snoring]'' |
| 753 | -->[...] |
| 754 | -->'''Henry (as soldier):''' Uh... Whaddaya doin', Dennis? |
| 755 | -->'''Henry (as Nilsen):''' I'm playing the "Vase Game". Wouldn't it be a terrible, ''terrible'' series of circumstances, if someone put several formed flowers in my buttocks... as I'm sitting here, exposed, waiting to be pranked? |
| 756 | -->'''Ben:''' That would be kinda wild. |
| 757 | * The guys joke that young soldier Nilsen was armed with a ladle wore a [[BucketHelmet cooking pot]] on his head during his patrols in Yemen [[note]]Known as Aden, back then[[/note]]. |
| 758 | * One of Nilsen's weird sex fantasies involved him being a dead French [=WW2=] resistance fighter who [[ILoveTheDead gets found by]] a necrophile [[DirtyOldMan old hermit]]. Among other things, the Hermit talks to the corpse like an old friend. In this case, discussing the Netflix documentary ''Series/WildWildCountry'' (about the Rajneesh cult in Oregon in TheEighties). |
| 759 | -->'''Henry (as Hermit):''' Sheela was the brains of that operation. |
| 760 | ** Which becomes a BrickJoke in Episode Two of the Nilsen story where Nilsen is discussing "Wild Wild Country" and ''Series/TigerKing'' with one of his deceased victims in similar fashion. |
| 761 | * After a long vivid description of Nilsen's weird "Dead Young Soldier Molested By Old Hermit" fantasy (and the elaborate ritual involving cosplay and a long mirror that it entailed) we immediately hear the guys as a bunch of fellow soldiers banging on Nilsen's door demanding dinner because it's dinner time at the barracks. |
| 762 | * The guy's reactions (Mostly bemusement, being puzzled or [=WTF=]?) to Dennis Nilsen's often-odd / niche taste in music [[note]]Mainly MOOG synthesizer stuff; [[Music/MikeOldfield Mike Oldfield's]] "[[https://youtu.be/FN6jIvKiYOs Tubular Bells]]" (''Film/TheExorcist'' theme), [[Music/LaurieAnderson Laurie Anderson's]] "[[https://youtu.be/Vkfpi2H8tOE O' Superman]]", "[[https://youtu.be/P7PRGiQjbqk Hooked On Classics]]" (Classical music, Disco-style), The London Symphony Orchestra's cover of Classic Rock songs and the solo work of Music/RickWakeman.[[/note]]. The guys state that Nilsen's pre-murders room-mate, David "Twinkle" Gallichan, hated it and would rather listen to the [[https://youtu.be/57g5Z_3kXOE Bay City Rollers]]. |
| 763 | ** Of note is young teen solder Nilsen being a HUGE fan of the novelty tune "[[https://youtu.be/_xRCbdFrSSc They're Coming To Take Me Away!]]" by Napoleon XIV (whom he named his pet turtle after). He would play it repeatedly until everyone was as insane as the character in the song. The guys erroneously think of Nilsen as a Creator/DrDemento fan. |
| 764 | * At the end of Part One, when the guys remind us with good advice to seek psychiatric help if we ever have issues "upstairs" by saying, "Don't be a Nilsen". |
| 765 | -->'''Henry:''' "Don't be a Nilsen. Be a Wilson... Music/WillieNelson." |
| 766 | |
| 767 | !! Episode 318: Dennis Nilsen Part II - "A Thin Strand Of Humanity" |
| 768 | * There's a brief CallBack to the [=McVeigh=] episode when one of them asks if Dennis listened to Music/BadCompany. |
| 769 | * Henry's take on the a few of Nilsen's music-fueled murders and the aftermath (mostly due to the the Nilsen impression and the insanity of it all). The murder of Kenneth Ockenden was a real-life situation straight out of ''Literature/TheTellTaleHeart''-- only with a Disco version of "Flight Of The Bumblebee" in the place of the beating heart. The guys then imagine the neighbors hearing the commotion and ignoring it by watching TV. Which, according to the guys, in 1970s Britain apparently consisted of literally ''one'' channel [[IncrediblyLameFun that showed a man playing a cymbal]]. |
| 770 | * As part of Nilsen's system of body disposal, he would remove the body's insides, first, and dump them outside "for the wee beasties of the night". Cue Henry's new character: a chipper, well-spoken chap called "Phil, the Wee Beastie Of The Night", [[IAmAHumanitarian who eats the viscera]]. |
| 771 | -->'''Henry (as Phil):''' 'Allo! I'm Phil! The wee beastie o' the night. |
| 772 | * Nilsen's big RefugeInAudacity moment where he burned his victims remains in the back yard in broad daylight while playing the ''Film/TheExorcist'' theme (also known as ''Tubular Bells'' by Music/MikeOldfield) on his stereo. |
| 773 | -->''(As "Tubular Bells" plays)'' |
| 774 | -->'''Ben (As Neighbor):''' Whatcha doin' over there, neighbor?! How are ya? |
| 775 | -->'''Henry (As Nilsen):''' I'm burning up several BODIES! [[EvilLaugh BWAAAHAHAHA!]] |
| 776 | -->'''Ben (As Neighbor):''' Alright. Wanna make s'mores? |
| 777 | -->'''Henry (As Nilsen):''' Oh you shouldn't because of all the burning... ''BODIES''... I have in this fire! [[EvilLaugh BWAAAHAHAHA!]] |
| 778 | * The guys surmising that the Polaroid camera company stayed in business for so long due to [[SerialKiller Serial Killers]] apparently being their biggest customers. |
| 779 | * The plumber who discovered the remains in the sewer is portrayed in the most [[CrossesTheLineTwice line-crossing]] fashion by Henry as a coarse, foul-mouthed, coprophiliac Cockney man (the [[CaptainErsatz same]] [[{{Expy}} character]] in another role showed up, earlier in the 'Enfield Poltergeist' episode when the haunt took a scatological turn)[[note]]In RealLife, the plumber was a nice-looking, well-spoken gentleman who sounded [[https://youtu.be/7PTh90WkcRE nothing like that]] and would probably be miffed that Henry portrayed him that way[[/note]]. |
| 780 | * Henry reads one of Nilsen's overblown poems in the end, complete with echoing voice and dramatic music. |
| 781 | |
| 782 | !! Episode 320: Biggie and Tupac Part I - “Sugar Bear” |
| 783 | * Ben becomes ''immediately'' enamored by the Dr Dre-produced song [[MonsterMash "Monster Rappin'"]]. |
| 784 | * The early confrontations between the Bloods and the Crips were noted as being extremely goofy, to the point that a time-out had to be called on a gang brawl so that both sides could [[TeethClenchedTeamwork help the DJ pack his stuff]]... and then the moment he left, the fighting picked right back up. |
| 785 | ** The first proper brawl between the Death Row and Bad Boy crews happened at a golf course and was kicked off when, of all causes, someone's foot was run over by a golf cart. Ben describes the whole thing as "''Film/{{Caddyshack}}'', but everybody's armed and vary serious". |
| 786 | * The short-lived introduction of the Bunkum Bell, which Henry claims to ring every time he hears bunkum. |
| 787 | |
| 788 | !! Episode 321: Biggie and Tupac Part II - “Scuttled” |
| 789 | * The episode opens with Henry trying to make a Bloods gang sign. Ben tells him that [[MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels he just spelled "bread" with his hands instead.]] |
| 790 | * Henry compares Russell Poole's descent into conspiracy madness to [[Creator/PhilipKDick Philip K. Dick]] writing the VALIS trilogy as a response to his own deteriorating mental state. This is met with ''much'' incredulity by Ben. |
| 791 | |
| 792 | !! Episode 322: Biggie and Tupac Part III - “The Murders” |
| 793 | * When describing how Wardell “Poochie” Fouse was allegedly ordered to murder William “Rat” Ratcliffe just for pestering Suge Knight in a bathroom, Henry takes Rat’s [[PunnyName punny nickname]] to heart and imagines the guy pitching songs about cheese. |
| 794 | * This episode provides a few zingers from Henry in quick succession as they cover the circumstances behind Biggie’s murder: |
| 795 | ** After Marcus points out how useless eyewitness accounts are, he takes on the role of an eyewitness claiming Biggie was killed by [[EldritchAbomination a twelve-foot tall liquorice monster.]] |
| 796 | ** One of the guys in the Toyota Land Cruiser that tried to cut into Biggie’s caravan was a screenwriter who wanted to make a movie of Biggie’s life. Henry takes on the role and pitches a movie where Biggie is a dinosaur, which Ben enthusiastically approves of. |
| 797 | ** Orlando’s alleged bragging of killing Tupac leads to Henry “confessing” that he is the ghost that inspired the Twitter series ''Dear David''. The kicker is that Marcus and Ben have ''no'' idea what he’s talking about at first. |
| 798 | * Henry leans into the whole “Tupac is Alive” conspiracy with such gusto that Marcus can’t control his laughter at points. It leads to a back-and-forth between them near the end of the episode, with Marcus playing the debunker and Henry parodying the average conspiracy theorist by screaming “YOU’RE WRONG!”. |
| 799 | ** Henry even goes on a bizarre tangent about the supposedly mystical aspects of Tupac’s life, pointing out how frequently LuckySeven occurred and [[InsaneTrollLogic trying to compare Tupac to Lazarus and Jesus]]. It’s amazing Marcus didn’t die of laughter. |
| 800 | |
| 801 | !! Episode 324: The Men in Black Episode II - "Pig Transport" |
| 802 | * In what will become a [[RunningGag continuing controversy on the show]], Henry accuses Ben of...[[FelonyMisdemeanor loving Bud Light Lime]]. |
| 803 | --> '''Henry:''' Kissel likes the taste of Bud Light Lime.\ |
| 804 | '''Ben:''' I don't drink Bud Light Lime! No, you started this lie - \ |
| 805 | '''Henry:''' He enjoys the taste of it, which is a mystery -\ |
| 806 | '''Ben:''' That's a Tulpa! That is a Tulpa! They are conjuring up images of me with Bud Light Limes - it's not happening!\ |
| 807 | '''Henry:''' I will always remember this sentence - I will always remember you sucking on a tallboy of Bud Light Lime, going, "It's like a margarita, except they got it in a can!"\ |
| 808 | '''Ben:''' No, you ''fucking'' dick - \ |
| 809 | '''Marcus:''' And then - oh my god - and then after you said that they started selling margaritas in a can! So, that means that you, very possibly, through your love of Bud Light Lime - \ |
| 810 | '''Ben:''' ''[[BerserkButton I don't like - or love - or even DRINK Bud Light Lime!]]'' It tastes like poison!\ |
| 811 | '''Henry:''' Someone doth protest too much... |
| 812 | |
| 813 | !! Episode 325: The Men in Black Episode III - "Time Crime" |
| 814 | * Henry's vision of the Men in Black "[[TimePolice Time Cops]]" theory. |
| 815 | --> '''Marcus:''' Pretty soon after that pig got slaughtered, the Men in Black showed up. Now, could it be that slaughtering that prized pig had some sort of ripple effect on time? That something in that pig's future could have set off a chain of events that could affect someone millions of years in the future? Was the pig a [[ButterflyOfDoom time fulcrum]]?\ |
| 816 | '''Ben:''' It was a time pig!\ |
| 817 | '''Henry:''' It was a time pig. And then it cuts to the year 3,000,000, Creator/DonaldTrump's head's in a big floating glass jar like in ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', with his big floating robot dick, and that pig was supposed to be his wife.\ |
| 818 | '''Ben:''' Oh, man. Time pig!\ |
| 819 | '''Henry:''' Time pig! I love time cops, by the way. I love the whole theory. Cuts to, also, them back - you know who's a part of the whole crew? [[UsefulNotes/GrigoriRasputin Rasputin]]. |
| 820 | |
| 821 | !! Episode 328: Richard Kuklinski Part III - "The Fall of the Iceman" |
| 822 | * Henry develops a SitcomArchNemesis-style hatred for Pat Kane, the detective who masterminded Richard's capture, and mockingly depicts him as a cartoonish goody-two-shoes on several occasions despite Marcus trying to correct him. |
| 823 | -->'''Henry:''' He thinks he's better than my father! |
| 824 | |
| 825 | !! Episode 331: The Donner Party Part I - "Salt of the Earth" |
| 826 | * Henry reads a letter from one of his ancestors, who was on the wagon trains. It's another Zebrowki special: |
| 827 | --> ''We are excited to see Mexicans and are assured by many that they do not have horns and poison sacs, like some of the older members of our party have read in scientific papers.'' |
| 828 | * Henry also rattles off the many, ''[[AnyoneCanDie many]]'', '''''many''''' awful ways [[DeathOfAChild in which children died on wagon trains.]] At some point, it stops being tragic and horrifying and becomes [[CrossesTheLineTwice hilarious]]. |
| 829 | ** It also has to be explained to Ben that wandering off into the grass was a ''very real danger'' and that meeting a coyote out there wouldn't end the same way as ''Literature/TheJungleBook'': |
| 830 | --->'''Henry:''' It's like if Mowgli was a skeleton. |
| 831 | * [[RunningGag The Bonesplitter]] shows up to perform surgery on an injured boy, and is ''very'' dejected when he gets paid and sent away. |
| 832 | -->I'll guess I'll just go hack off a bunch of feet of cows. It's actually a pretty nice little methadone for me! |
| 833 | |
| 834 | !! Episode 332: The Donner Party Part II - "The Forlorn Hope" |
| 835 | * Marcus and Ben can’t resist making digs at Charles Stanton’s fatal flaw-- he was short. Henry, who is [[TheNapoleon touchy about his size]], isn’t amused, and at one point is silently seething in mock fury as Marcus and Ben howl with uncontrollable laughter. |
| 836 | * To help Ben understand just how grim things are, Henry asks him to imagine the part in ''Film/{{Caddyshack}}'' where they're about to lose the golf course. |
| 837 | * To better measure just how ''screwed'' the Donner Party is, Henry codifies the "Fucked Scale", which ranges from the lowest rating of "I forgot to DVR ''[[Series/WheelOfFortune Wheel]]'' last night'' to the highest rating of "Oh my god, [[{{Squick}} there are spiders in my colostomy bag]]!" |
| 838 | * Henry and Ben's uncontrollable glee when Marcus finally says "That's when the cannibalism started," a line that's been in the podcast's intro for almost all of its run. |
| 839 | ** Marcus’ exasperation at their glee only adds to the hilarity. |
| 840 | |
| 841 | !! Episode 339: Peter Kurten Part I - "Papa Denke" |
| 842 | * Marcus prefaces the series by explaining that Germany experienced an explosion of serial killers before, during and after World War I, including a cannibal killer named Carl Denke[[labelnote:*]] Pronounced “Dinky”[[/labelnote]] aka “Papa Denke”. |
| 843 | -->'''Ben:''' Aka [[ToiletHumor “Stinky Denke”]], I think we know that!\ |
| 844 | '''Marcus:''' [[Film/ThePest Ah! Ah! Ah!]]\ |
| 845 | '''Henry:''' I hate this. I hate it… |
| 846 | ** This is actually a reference to the infamous [[https://youtu.be/cAB8dNMoXZ0 opening musical number]] to the 1997 cult classic The Pest which had the lyric "I'm Stinky Dinky ah ah ah" which was first brought up in a Round Table of Gentlemen episode and has become an inside joke on Last Podcast on the Left and Last Stream on the Left. |
| 847 | * "And in that moment... he ejaculated" although the unintentional catchphrase of this particular subseries was usually preceeded by many, many disturbing stories of what Peter Kürten did to humans and animals, there is just something about Marcus' timing and delivery of this phrase through both parts which provides a much needed giggle although the context behind it is beyond disgusting and horrifying. |
| 848 | ** The boys reaction to the story of Peter Kürten mutilating a swan in the middle of a park and drinking it's blood directly from it's decapitated stump leads to several funny moments to which Ben suggests it's a very dark and brutal alternate ending to the Ugly Duckling leading to Marcus pondering what it would be like to stumble upon the scene which leads Henry to re-enact the scenario, sound effects and all whilst screaming 'FINDING IT A GOOD DAY IN THE PARK? NOT ANYMORE BITCH!" |
| 849 | |
| 850 | !! Episode 340: Peter Kürten Part II - "Dr. Chuckles" |
| 851 | * A particularly bad moment of InsaneTrollLogic from Ben regarding the adage "A broken clock is right twice a day" [[DrivenToMadness drives Henry utterly insane.]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=105Ujn28aDk Now animated!]] |
| 852 | --> '''Ben:''' A clock is right four times a day! If you think about the minute hand and the second hand. Thank you. ''[laughter]'' The minute hand and the hour hand ''and'' the second hand, it can be right six times a day!\ |
| 853 | '''Henry:''' [[LittleNo No, Kissel. No.]] I'm, like, literally about to [[TearsOfBlood start crying blood.]]\ |
| 854 | '''Ben:''' If you think about the hour hand--\ |
| 855 | '''Henry:''' '''''[[RageBreakingPoint THEY ARE NOT TWO SEPARATE]]--!''''' No, asshole! No no no no! You can't just say--\ |
| 856 | '''Ben:''' So, it can be right six times a day.\ |
| 857 | '''Henry:''' You are incorrect! ''You are thinking about a clock completely wrong!'' A time is the coordination of the minute hand and hour hand--!\ |
| 858 | '''Marcus:''' [[OnlySaneMan All three of them. The minute, hour, and second.]]\ |
| 859 | '''Henry:''' So it can only be right twice!\ |
| 860 | '''Ben:''' But ''individually,'' they can also be correct.\ |
| 861 | '''Marcus:''' Well, no. That would mean it would be correct 24 times in a day.\ |
| 862 | '''Ben:''' Why?\ |
| 863 | '''Marcus:''' Because if you're only counting the minute hand...\ |
| 864 | '''Ben:''' No, I'm not just counting the minute hand.\ |
| 865 | '''Henry:''' [[DespairEventHorizon I want. To retire. From the podcast.]]\ |
| 866 | '''Ben:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Well, Henry, wait a couple of years and then you can get whatever clock you want. I mean, I don't know what kind of]]--\ |
| 867 | '''Henry:''' '''''[[FreakOut GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!]]'''''\ |
| 868 | '''Ben:''' Maybe you wanna get a clock that's right more than two times a day.\ |
| 869 | '''Henry:''' Oh God! Oh God! |
| 870 | * In a rather [[BlackComedy darkly humorous]] fashion, the boys are astounded by Peter Kürten’s reaction to his wife’s horror when he confessed his crimes. Being TheSociopath, he responded not with guilt, but with annoyance that Augusta was making a ''fuss'' about it. The trio wonder just what the hell he ''had'' been expecting to happen. |
| 871 | -->'''Henry (As Kürten):''' I’ve done something very silly. I ought not to have told you. |
| 872 | -->'''Ben:''' ''That'' was the silly part?! |
| 873 | |
| 874 | !! Episode 344: The Book of Revelation |
| 875 | * Henry reading one of the names of God in an alternate apocalyptic account, which is just [[TheUnpronouncable a long unbroken string of vowels]]. |
| 876 | * After Marcus reads the passage on how Jesus will ride forth on a horse named "Faithful and True" while shooting swords from his mouth, Henry starts singing [[Anime/NeonGenesisEvangelion "Cruel Angel's Thesis"]]. |
| 877 | |
| 878 | !! Episode 345: Hangmen and Headsmen |
| 879 | * Henry's SitcomArchNemesis-style contempt for Creator/EddieRedmayne, leading to his impression of the actor as bumbling executioner John Thrift. |
| 880 | ** "No, no, you don't understand, the reason I'm always so nervous is... [[OscarBait I am gay.]]" |
| 881 | |
| 882 | !! Episode 346: Mark Twitchell Part I - "Favourite Duck of the Month" |
| 883 | * The trio get to sample a clip of Twitchell's pitch for the comedy ''Day Players'', a ''blatant'' rip-off of ''{{Series/Extras}}''. None of them particularly enjoy it. |
| 884 | --> '''Henry:''' Blow my fucking brains out! |
| 885 | ** Many jokes, in fact, are made of how much of an unoriginal hack Twitchell was, with so much of his stuff being taken from somewhere else it causes Henry to [[FreakOut start screaming in fury]]. |
| 886 | * The case itself, despite the murder, is pretty hilarious when it comes to Twitchell, himself, his hubris and his habit of not being able to hide ANY evidence. |
| 887 | |
| 888 | !! Episode 347: Mark Twitchell Part II - "Some Kinda Ketchup Party" |
| 889 | * The [[TitleDrop episode's name]] comes from Joss, the guy who Twitchell dumped Altinger’s red Mazda on [[TooDumbToLive without cleaning the evidence first.]] Henry makes the joke that Joss saw the bloodstains on the car’s bumper and assumed it was ketchup. |
| 890 | |
| 891 | !! Episode 348: Josef Mengele Part I - "The Birth of Eugenics" |
| 892 | * Henry opening the episode by declaring that every time he sees Mengele, his brain immediately starts playing Mengele's name sung to the chorus of "[[Music/VanHalen Panama]]". |
| 893 | |
| 894 | !! Episode 349: Josef Mengele Part II - "The Crimes of Mengele" |
| 895 | * This episode is so dark with the crimes of Mengele at Auschwitz that Marcus explains that, when things get too heavy, he'll be trotting out random ''Series/HomeImprovement'' trivia. Over the course of the episode the hosts are stunned to learn that the original planned name for Al Borland was "Glen Borland" and the German title of the show translates to ''Listen to Who's Hammering''. |
| 896 | |
| 897 | !! Episode 350: Josef Mengele Part III - "The Hunt" |
| 898 | * The episode opens with Henry explaining that there was one specific thing about the last episode that's still haunting him: Glen Borland. His impression of what a Glen Borland character would sound like ends up being a toned-down, more pedophilic Richard Chase. |
| 899 | * During the time Mengele spent hiding from justice, he briefly went back to Germany to visit family and had a layover in New York. Henry points out that this is when L. Ron Hubbard was ''also'' in New York (and also in hiding), and laments that they never got to share a [[CallBack ketchup soup]]. |
| 900 | [[/folder]] |
| 901 | |
| 902 | [[folder:Episodes 351 to 400]] |
| 903 | !! Episode 351: Ouija |
| 904 | * [[https://twitter.com/LPontheleft/status/1095051721133445120 In a tweet advertising the episode]], there's a Ouija board in the bottom left corner of the video playing a clip from the episode. Watch the planchette move across the board as the video plays, and you can see it spell out D-I-C-K-B-U-T-T. |
| 905 | * Towards the end of the episode, the hosts describe a pair of incidents in which ''Radio/CoastToCoastAM'' attempted to do a Ouija reading live on the air. This, of course, brings out Henry's George Noory impression, asking ghosts and cryptids what kind of hat they would wear if they wore hats (according to Ben, the answer is G-R-E-E-N). On top of that, strange incidents, such as multiple blackouts, that occurred during the first Ouija attempt causes the show to back out of a second, larger reading because they realized if they went through with it, they would become TheScapegoat for ''every bad thing that would ever happen'' afterward. |
| 906 | |
| 907 | !! Episode 354: Skinwalker Ranch Part III - "The Investigation" |
| 908 | * Henry envisions the giant hyena-boar-fox-dog creature from Skinwalker Ranch as [[GentleGiant Bunko]] [[TheWoobie the]] [[MixAndMatchCritters Everything]] [[CuteMonster Dog]]. |
| 909 | --> '''Henry (as Bunko):''' I wish somebody'd come and pet me once, but everybody says I'm the scariest thing they've ever seen. |
| 910 | |
| 911 | !! Episode 356: Joseph Kallinger Part I - "The Shoemaker" |
| 912 | * Ben opens the episode by remarking that many people were asking them to cover Joseph Kallinger, but Marcus and Henry correct him: Kallinger is pretty obscure and ''they'' were in fact the only people that Ben heard talking about him. |
| 913 | * Kallinger used to wake his kids up in the middle of the night to go on long walks to test his shoes and go garbage-hunting. Ben snarks [[NotSoDifferentRemark Marcus would have loved to do that]]. |
| 914 | * At one point, Kallinger bought a house to use as storage and forced his children to rip up the floorboards and dig holes in the ground; Henry alleges that Marcus called him in the middle of the night to talk about how great that would be. Marcus is [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial quick to insist that Henry is misrepresenting him]] and that he actually said that [[NotHelpingYourCase it would be fun if Kallinger wasn't incredibly mentally ill]]. |
| 915 | |
| 916 | !! Episode 357: Joseph Kallinger Part II - 'The Perfect Waiter" |
| 917 | * Ben is incredulous that, of ''all'' the times Marcus might pick to plug something, he decides to plug ''The Story Must Be Told''[[note]]Another podcast on The Last Podcast Network[[/note]] after describing one of Kallinger's vivid hallucinations in which a man unknowingly eats the remains of his wife and her friends. Marcus justifies the plug by noting the description of the hallucination fits right in with the other show's storytelling style. |
| 918 | |
| 919 | !! Episode 358: The Electric Chair |
| 920 | * Marcus lets slip that he's been listening to "[[https://www.hotpipes.eu/ Hot Pipes]]", a podcast entirely about pipe organ music. Ben and Henry have to be convinced [[AluminumChristmasTrees the show is real]] and then proceed to mock Marcus about it throughout the rest of the episode. |
| 921 | -->'''Henry''': It sounds like the name of a restaurant that only serves [[ToiletHumor logs of shit]]! |
| 922 | |
| 923 | !! Episode 362: Israel Keyes Part I - "The Nu Metal Serial Killer" |
| 924 | * Marcus refers to Keyes as "[[TitleDrop the Nu Metal serial killer]]" prompting the guys to go on a tangent about different Nu Metal bands, which Ben refers to as "Uncle Corner" when ending it. |
| 925 | ** This tangent includes Marcus' retelling of how Music/CoalChamber broke up on stage in Lubbock, Texas, which gets a good round of laughs from both Henry and Ben. |
| 926 | * Ben describes Henry's impression of Israel's AnnoyingLaugh as sounding "like a pig getting buttfucked". |
| 927 | * How did Israel Keyes flirt over the chat line? Henry has an idea: |
| 928 | -->'''Henry''': Hey, what's going on? Name's Israel, [[CrossesTheLineTwice like the white country]]! I love ''Music/{{Slipknot}}'', getting laid, and I love skateboards! ''Ngyoyhoyhoyhoyhoyhoy!'' And that's my laugh! Which accompanies me everywhere I go! ''Ngyoyhoyhoyhoyhoyhoy!'' |
| 929 | |
| 930 | !! Episode 363: Israel Keyes Part II - "Mama Bones' Vodon Hamburger Bar'' |
| 931 | * Marcus and Henry debate on wherever famed rock band Crazy Town might actually count as Nu Metal. From that point on, a RunningGag starts where Henry insinuates that Israel has a secret love of Crazy Town. |
| 932 | * Ben's solution to the problem of Keyes' wife apparently having no idea what he was doing in the shed: [[StatingTheSimpleSolution "What are you doing, honey?"]] |
| 933 | * The episode's title comes from Israel Keyes going on a cruise from New Orelans to Mexico following his last confirmed murder. Henry pitches the idea of "Mama Bones' Vodon Hamburger Bar" as a sort of Louisiana-Mexico hybrid restaurant on the cruise, leaving Marcus in stiches. |
| 934 | |
| 935 | !! Episode 369: Bonnie and Clyde Part I - "Once You Go Short" |
| 936 | * Henry disputes the way Marcus pronounces Cumie Barrow’s name at the start of the episode: |
| 937 | -->You’re saying "Cumie", but it’s spelt "Cummie"! |
| 938 | ** He later pronounces it as Cummie again, and when Marcus corrects him [[{{Corpsing}} you can audibly hear him trying to compose himself.]] |
| 939 | * The [[TitleDrop episode title]] comes from a remark that Henry makes when Bonnie runs back to Clyde’s arms once he gets out of prison, leaving her new boyfriend to slink away. As Henry, [[TheNapoleon noted short man]] himself, puts it: “Once you go short, you don’t abort.” |
| 940 | * At one point, it's mentioned that Clyde Barrow got his start by stealing chickens of all things, before moving on to a ''truckload'' of turkeys. |
| 941 | --> '''Henry:''' I ''cannot imagine'' a louder crime. |
| 942 | |
| 943 | !! Episode 370: Bonnie and Clyde Part II: "Give Me The Money Now" |
| 944 | * To illustrate how badly outgunned the police were in comparison to the Barrow gang, Marcus plays sound clips of a .38 Smith & Wesson Special, the standard issue police firearm at the time, followed by the M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle that was the gang’s trademark. The difference is... [[MoreDakka marked.]] |
| 945 | -->'''Ben''': Whoooaaa! |
| 946 | -->'''Henry''': [[GatlingGood DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA]]! |
| 947 | -->'''Ben''': Yes, I think I know which gun ''I'' would prefer to have! |
| 948 | ** Immediately after that, Marcus accidentally triggers [[JumpScare a pistol firing sound]], startling all three. Ben takes pains to point out that despite knowing full well the sound was from Marcus’ computer, they all instinctively ducked. |
| 949 | * The glorious and brief return of [[RunningGag the Bonesplitter]], who flirts with Bonnie when he turns up. |
| 950 | * Ben acts with outrage when the Barrow gang gets accused of holding up a Piggly Wiggly, his favourite department store brand, despite the gang having committed several murders at this point in the story. Marcus is quick to call him out on this: |
| 951 | -->'''Marcus''': Oh, yeah, murder’s fine, but [[FelonyMisdemeanour fuckin’ rob a Piggly Wiggly]] and all of a sudden, you’re the devil! |
| 952 | -->'''Ben''': Okay, well, I didn’t realise that Free Speech Jail was open for both of us tonight. |
| 953 | -->'''Henry''': Welcome to the cell next to me. It’s you, me, Sirhan Sirhan and [[SarcasmMode it’s wonderful.]] And there’s ''no'' rehab in here! |
| 954 | |
| 955 | !! Episode 374: Belle Gunness Part I - "Holes in the Hog Pit" |
| 956 | * Henry's impression of Belle Gunness, which can only be compared to what the [[Franchise/TheMuppets Swedish Chef]] would sound like if he became a serial killer. |
| 957 | * Belle was obsessed with getting children [[LawOfInVerseFertility but was never able to conceive]], so she decided that she could just take one of her sister Nellie's kids. Naturally, Nellie isn't a fan of this idea. |
| 958 | -->'''Ben:''' (as Nellie) Uh, cause they're my kids? They're children! |
| 959 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Belle) Ya, but what if you just let me have it? |
| 960 | -->'''Ben:''' (as Nellie) Because they're not Pogs; it's not a trading card. |
| 961 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Belle) Here's a trade for you: you get one ''(smooch)'' forehead kiss from me. |
| 962 | -->'''Ben:''' (as Nellie) For the kid...? |
| 963 | * Ben is baffled by Belle and her first husband buying a candy store where they also sold cigarettes, and Henry quips that "Nicotine and Candy" sounds like the name of a store Marcus would run. |
| 964 | * Marcus lists off the various inventors who lived in La Porte, Indiana at the time, including a man named S.B. Collins, who made "Collins' Painless Cure for Opium Eaters". |
| 965 | -->'''Ben:''' It's meth! |
| 966 | * A tried-and-true tactic of Belle's to deflect suspicion from her crimes was her "crying lady" act. Naturally Henry plays it up to InelegantBlubbering levels, to the point that Ben compares her crying to [[Series/TheKidsInTheHall Chicken Lady]]. |
| 967 | |
| 968 | !! Episode 375: Belle Gunness Part II - "I Love Being a Farmhand" |
| 969 | * Everything about [[UnrequitedLove Ray Lamphere]], Belle's wimpy former servant and occasional fuckbuddy. |
| 970 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Ray) "Belle! Wait! Belle, wait a second... ''(sings) [[Music/TheCarpenters Don't you remember when you told me you loved me babyyyyyy...]]"'' |
| 971 | * Ray's alibi for the night the Gunnesses were killed? He was out [[LikesOlderWomen having sex with a 70-year-old woman]]. Hilariously, this alibi somehow makes him ''more'' guilty of murder in the eyes of the La Porte citizens. |
| 972 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Ray) I'm a connoisseur of Nanas, alright? I am a abuela-licker, I absolutely love it! And I'm not ashamed of it! |
| 973 | ** And speaking of Ray's lover Elizabeth Smith, she had a human skull in her possession that police initially believed was evidence of her complacency in the Gunness murders, but it turned out to be an unrelated voodoo object. The hilarious bit comes when Marcus mentions how she had inscribed the name of a local police officer named Phil [[UnfortunateName Bongerz]] on the skull, but had mispelled the name as [[FromBadToWorse Bungerz]] instead. Marcus is [[{{Corpsing}} audibly trying and failing to keep his composure]] as he relays the information, and this case of the giggles predictably sends Ben and Henry into laughter as well. |
| 974 | |
| 975 | !! Episode 378: Mormonism Part I - "When You're Here You're Family" |
| 976 | * The episode's title comes from a moment when Joseph Smith sees a vision of the angel Moroni, who Ben and Henry turn into an Italian stereotype, leading to Ben quoting the catchphrase of Olive Garden. |
| 977 | * Ben expresses concern over Marcus' appreciation for the fantasy elements in Mormonism, and jokes that between this and Henry's love of L. Ron Hubbard, both Henry and Marcus are destined to become cult members. |
| 978 | * When Joseph Smith suffered a severe infection as a child, his parents had to negotiate with the barber surgeon to not amputate their son's leg on the spot. |
| 979 | -->'''Barber surgeon:''' Ya, ya, I take the whole leg. |
| 980 | -->'''The Smiths:''' We know you're excited to take the whole leg, but we think maybe we can save it. |
| 981 | -->'''Barber surgeon:'''...I take half the leg? |
| 982 | |
| 983 | !!Episode 379: Mormonism Part II - "I'm in the Bible Now" |
| 984 | * The RunningGag of Moroni being and old Italian stereotype continues into this episode, with Henry portraying him as a middle-aged mafioso from Queens. |
| 985 | * At one point, Joseph Smith tries to take the Golden Plates home, only to be stopped by a "toad-like creature", who then proceeds to ''beat the crap out of Smith'' for trying to take the plates. |
| 986 | -->'''Ben:''' This is where I check out of Mormonism. I can't be following a leader who got beat up by a toad! |
| 987 | * Ben argues that the purpose of polygamy is to get a reality show, ala ''Sister Wives'', while Henry quips that the real purpose is [[HenpeckedHusband "suicide by nagging"]]. |
| 988 | * In an attempt to convince Martin Harris' wife Lucy that he wasn't a fraud, Joseph Smith allowed Martin to take the manuscript of the Golden Plates to her to try and convince her. Predictably, Lucy doesn't buy it and hides the pages, telling Smith she'll only believe him if he manages to recreate the whole manuscript from scratch. Henry portrays [[OhCrap Joseph's understandable panic]] at the situation as he realizes how deep into his story he's gotten. |
| 989 | -->'''Henry:''' (as Joseph) So you did what?! Oh you...hid the manuscript, huh? So I could just do it again? Wow...that makes...perfect sense, Lucy! |
| 990 | * The argument over wherever the physical aspect writing (Ben) is harder than the worldbuilding aspect (Henry and Marcus). Ben "wins" via InsaneTrollLogic. |
| 991 | |
| 992 | !!Episode 380: Mormonism Part III - "The Level of Leakage" |
| 993 | * The episode begins with Henry whining about how Marcus won't let him go in depth on Mormonism's Hermetic foundations, even though he knows full well the audience [[RageQuits audibly shuts off the podcast]] every time he talks about such subjects. |
| 994 | ** He offers to get into it after Marcus gives a ''very'' abridged version of Mormonism's cosmology, whereupon Ben "fast forwards" the conversation by fifty years. |
| 995 | * Ben refuses to believe the name of the original publisher of the Book of Mormon was actually named [[UnfortunateName Egbert]] Grandin. |
| 996 | -->'''Ben:''' Nope, not a name. Sounds like a man with two legs but no knees. |
| 997 | -->'''Henry:''' Well, [[TemptingFate you be careful what you say]], because someday you're gonna be the godfather to Egbert Zebrowski! |
| 998 | * Marcus brings up a disastrous series of embarrassments for Joseph Smith at the first LDS assembly. High on a rush of adrenaline, Smith attempted to heal the disfigured hands of a congregant, only to fail miserably and make a fool of himself in front of the assembly. He then tried to heal a man with a lame leg, but the man just fell to the ground when Smith tried to get him to walk. It only got worse when a couple brought in their dead son, demanding that Smith revive him to prove his godliness. Naturally, [[OhCrap Smith immediately realizes just how screwed he really is.]] |
| 999 | -->'''Henry:''' (as Joseph Smith) Fuck. Oh man, this is just... y'all are brutalizing me. |
| 1000 | * The people of Independence, Missouri realizing that the supposedly murderous army of Mormons out to destroy them are actually just a band of [[PottyFailure cholera-stricken]] nerds led by a foppish prophet. |
| 1001 | -->'''Ben:''' (as Joseph Smith) Alright men, now line up in a single file, turn around, spread your cheeks, POOP! POOP! ''POOP!'' |
| 1002 | -->(laughter from Henry and Marcus) |
| 1003 | -->'''Henry:''' I can just see them being so scared. "Hide, Betty! Hide, Betty, h-hide Wilma! You can see the thirsty look in their eyes! Oh, look! Oh no, there's just literally... Is that just a pack of nerds?" |
| 1004 | * Ben tries to logic his way past the Mormon ban of "hot drinks" (coffee and tea) by bringing up ice coffee. |
| 1005 | |
| 1006 | !! Episode 381: Mormonism Part IV - "I Invented This Scam" |
| 1007 | * Ben accuses Marcus of purposefully including sexual wordplay in the script during the discussion about polygamy, however Marcus emphatically denies that it was on purpose. |
| 1008 | -->'''Ben:''' Are you purposely just putting in all of these sexual puns? I've heard "shrinkage", "swallow", and "seed". |
| 1009 | -->'''Marcus:''' ([[{{Corpsing}} through his laughter]]) This is you, because I did not do that on purpose. Or maybe it is just a subconscious thing. |
| 1010 | -->'''Ben:''' Maybe we've been alone for two weeks! And I think we do have some subconscious, like "I am also very horny!" |
| 1011 | -->'''Henry:''' You have been at, I'm gonna say, a lot of different [[HighClassCallGirl institutions]] than Marcus and I over the last two weeks. |
| 1012 | * Henry and Marcus try to replicate the "Five Points of Brotherhood" ritual from Mormonism, and Ben has to narrate the bizarre events to the audience. |
| 1013 | -->'''Henry:''' I like to call it a "sweaty snake of brotherhood". |
| 1014 | |
| 1015 | !!Episode 382: Mormonism Part V - "King of Beaver Island" |
| 1016 | * Henry's portrayal of Brigham Young throughout the episode, depicting him as a [[DirtyOldMan creepy]], foul-mouthed, shit-obsessed old coot with a god complex, which actually isn't too far off from how Young actually was. |
| 1017 | ** At one point, Ben asks if Brigham actually ''was'' a "scat man". |
| 1018 | --->'''Henry:''' No, but in the back of one of his journals, they did find that he'd written [[Music/ScatmanJohn "Wee bop ba bodda bope!"]] |
| 1019 | * When discussing a family curse that Brigham Young's great-grandfather experienced, Ben says that he also received a [[Film/TheRing haunted VHS tape]]. But while Henry jokes that Brigham Young's great-grandfather would have made friends with Sadako, Ben argues that Brigham himself [[HorrifyingTheHorror would have just molested her]], catching Henry in a SpitTake. |
| 1020 | * Ben briefly mixes up US president Millard Fillmore with the protagonist of the similarly named comic strip ''ComicStrip/MallardFillmore''. Even after being corrected, he still slips up a few minutes later and says "Mallard" again. |
| 1021 | |
| 1022 | !!Episode 383: Mormonism Part VI - "X-Men Cult Edition" |
| 1023 | * Ben claims that Rulon Jeffs (Warren Jeffs' father) sounds like a character from ''Street Fighter'', and Henry follows it up by saying he'd be the easiest character to fight in the roster. |
| 1024 | -->'''Henry:''' It would be a short fight, cause [[BoisterousWeakling you can kill him with a car horn.]] |
| 1025 | * While the eventual result is quite grim, the bizarre journey of Ron Lafferty and his brother Dan on their "divine mission" is a roller-coaster of stupidity, including the brothers picking up a homeless guy on the road and smoking weed stems, Dan randomly picking up a wife along the way, and camping out in an abandoned double-decker bus. |
| 1026 | ** Marcus then mentions how during Ron's trial, Ron completely went off his rocker with the divine message defense, insisting that Moroni was a "[[DepravedHomosexual homosexual spirit]] who was constantly trying to [[AssShove invade his anus.]]" And his solution to prevent such an event? An "Exit only" sticker. |
| 1027 | -->'''Ben:''' If I'm the judge, I'm like "I know you said you weren't crazy, and technically if I say you are crazy, it's gonna be easier for you. Can we just say, for the record, he's batshit nuts?" |
| 1028 | |
| 1029 | !! Episode 388: The Vampire Hunters of Highgate Cemetery |
| 1030 | * Sean Manchester and David Farrant getting foiled in their hunts multiple times by [[ObstructiveBureaucrat the cops]] of all people. |
| 1031 | -->'''David Farrant (mid-séance):''' Okay, now it's time for the incantations to--\ |
| 1032 | '''Policeman:''' [[AntiClimax ALL RIGHT YOU PIECES OF SHIT, EVERYBODY UP AGAINST THE WALL!]] |
| 1033 | ** Followed shortly after by Farrant's failed attempt at casting a spell to disappear and evade arrest. |
| 1034 | * The fact that the rivalry between Farrant & Manchester is the real story focus and not the alleged paranormal phenomena that started the whole thing. The mysterious vampire is pretty much a footnote (A ghostly entity with LifeDrain abilities at Highgate Cemetery that people were reporting being attacked by). |
| 1035 | |
| 1036 | !! Episode 390: Hadden Clark Part II - "Women's Panties" |
| 1037 | * At one point, Marcus asserts that Hadden [[NoAccountingForTaste wasn't too bad-looking]]. This promptly sends Henry into horrified, screaming hysterics as he argues against both him and Ben, comparing Hadden to "Creator/{{Raul Julia}} with cancer" among other things. And then Ben concludes with this: |
| 1038 | -->'''Ben:''' I think he looks like an in-shape Creator/SteveBuscemi! |
| 1039 | -->'''Henry:''' [[SarcasmMode Wow.]] |
| 1040 | |
| 1041 | !!Episode 393: The Murder of Girly Chew Hossencoft Part I - "My Sweet Goon" |
| 1042 | * The gang briefly goes on a tangent about new slang, with Henry using the word "stan". Marcus and Ben quickly inform him that it's no longer cool to say. |
| 1043 | -->'''Henry''': God damn it! I'm so hype to learn new words. |
| 1044 | -->'''Marcus''': ''(completely deadpan)'' ...You're fire. |
| 1045 | * At one point, Henry, in-character as Diazien Hossencofft, claims to have acquired a flute which can block cancer, leading to a ''long'' string of a capella notes. Finally, Marcus ''explodes.'' |
| 1046 | -->'''Marcus''': [[SuddenlyShouting SHUT THE FUCK UP DIAZIEN!]] |
| 1047 | |
| 1048 | !!Episode 394: The Murder of Girly Chew Hossencoft Part II - "President Goon" |
| 1049 | * In the middle of an explanation of the beliefs of David Icke, Marcus veers the conversation towards Icke's belief in "Aryan" rulers descended from Reptoids: |
| 1050 | -->'''Ben''': ...although I'm not sure how to square the whole "Aryan breeding" thing with President Barack Obama. Do you know that, Henry? |
| 1051 | -->'''Henry''': ''[assured laughter]'' [[BaitAndSwitch I'm not even gonna attempt.]] |
| 1052 | |
| 1053 | !!Episode 397: Heaven's Gate Part I - "A Cabo or a Wabo" |
| 1054 | * The boys finally revisit the topic of Heaven's Gate after several years, and Henry wastes no time in joking about how several of the members of the cult were [[GroinAttack chemically castrated.]] |
| 1055 | ** Marcus repeatedly has to remind Henry and Ben that only 6 of the 39 members of Heaven's Gate chose to be castrated. Ben still thinks that even one person is still too many. |
| 1056 | * Henry can't help but make fun of Marshall Applewhite's middle name: [[EmbarrassingMiddleName Herff.]] |
| 1057 | -->'''Henry:''' It's short for Herffendorf! |
| 1058 | * The voice Henry decides to give Bonnie Nettles can only be described as a cross between Popeye the sailor and a wrinkled old crone. The voice becomes more and more incomprehensible as the series goes on, much to the amusement of Marcus and Ben. |
| 1059 | ** Later on, Marcus casually remarks that it's the exact same voice Henry uses whenever he does an impression of his sister. |
| 1060 | * The full title of the book written by Sawyer, a former member of Heaven's Gate. [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Henry assures the audience]] before reading it out that the title is 100% real.[[labelnote:The book's full title]]"This Little Book Provides The Backside Evidence Showing How All Jesus's Prophesied Revelations Were Fulfilled By The Ones Who Were Known As TI & DO The Father and "Jesus" Heaven's Gate UFO Two Witnesses, Who Returned Incarnate With Their "Saints," From 1972 to 1997 Prophesied in the Book of Revelations Termed by Christians as "The Second Coming" From The Physical "Evolutionary" Level Above Human The Kingdom of God in Heaven Whose Membership: "Wear" Physical Vehicles (Bodies), Grown on a Vine (That Human bodies are Designed to Resemble) To Work Within planet Sized Spacecrafts Like Pluto and Ceres That Serve as Laboratories for Their Earth Soul-Growing "Garden" Experiments That Incorporate the Negative Influence of The Luciferian "Space" Aliens, aka "The Fallen Angels" So Prospective New Members, Directed By Incarnate Older members May Overcome the Human "Evolutionary" Kingdom To Graduate Into the Next Level Kingdom In the Literal Heavens."[[/labelnote]] |
| 1061 | -->'''Ben:''' Can you imagine copyrighting that book? Just the legal-ese, the legal work that you have to put that in every single document in its entirety. |
| 1062 | ** The reason why Sawyer left the cult in the first place wasn't because of any abuse or a disagreement about the group's beliefs. The reason he left? He was so pent up and needed to masturbate so badly, he got on a bus and left. |
| 1063 | * Henry argues that the main reason why Clarence Clugg's cult fell apart and joined Heaven's Gate instead is because he didn't have a discipline system, and posits that this is why L. Ron Hubbard was more successful. |
| 1064 | -->'''Henry:''' And that's why a good cult, honestly, you need a little bit of corporal punishment. And I know you're gonna push back on me, everybody pushes back. |
| 1065 | -->'''Marcus:''' But Heaven's Gate didn't have any corporal punishment. Never! |
| 1066 | -->'''Henry:''' That's what I'm saying. Again, L.R.H understood that sometimes you have to put a guy in a trashcan and dump a bunch of cold water on him so he understands who's boss! |
| 1067 | -->'''Ben:''' Well that's not very nice to do, though. |
| 1068 | -->'''Henry:''' It's not nice to do, but how the hell are you gonna walk through walls and talk to Xenu?! |
| 1069 | |
| 1070 | !!Episode 398: Heaven's Gate Part II - "Tomb Time" |
| 1071 | * Henry spends most of the episode making fun of the diet of the Heaven's Gate cultists, which mostly consisted of bland, plain foods like lentils and beet soup. |
| 1072 | * Heaven's Gate members followed a strict regiment to avoid all "vices", up to and including sex, and weren't even allowed to be aroused. So if a member felt any sort of sexual urges, they had to go to sit outside the cult's campsite in the "Decontamination Zone" until they calmed down. Naturally, Henry laments that he wouldn't last a second with these rules in place. |
| 1073 | -->'''Henry:''' You can just see Brother Zebrowski out there in the middle of the Decontamination Zone, [[RagingStiffie my tent is pitched inside of my pants,]] just going "GET DOWN, GET DOWN! C'MON, GET DOWN!" Rubbing it on a rock, just yelling "I'm not cumming, I'm trying to scratch it!" |
| 1074 | * Marcus brings up how the cult remained huge fans of ''Franchise/StarTrek'' and ''[[Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine Deep Space Nine]]'' up until the end, and how they all killed themselves before the Deep Space Nine finale. He then mentions how this came as a huge surprise to Carolina, who expressed shock that they didn't stick around to see how the show ended. |
| 1075 | -->'''Marcus:''' She was shocked that they killed themselves before the Deep Space Nine series finale. She was like "They didn't find out how it ended? They didn't find out what happened to Captain Sisko?!" |
| 1076 | * In response to the Heaven's Gate members incredibly nerdy and weird routines, Ben makes jokes about college football teams driving in to spray them with beer and other such pranks. |
| 1077 | |
| 1078 | !!Episode 399: Heaven's Gate Part III - "Burrito Heaven" |
| 1079 | * When Marcus is talking about the book the Heaven's Gate crew bought which had the instructions for them to commit mass suicide, Ben rather inappropriately chooses that moment to plug the then ill-fated "Last Book on The Left Book Tour" which was due in April to which Marcus shoots down Ben and Henry (although Henry was caught in the crossfire and was an innocent party) by saying "Nice plug you fucking ghouls!". This leads Ben to go on a rant to how he has been told by managment to plug the book and is hurt by Marcus calling him a ghoul although he applauds not being called a goon which was a running joke in the Girly Chew Hossencroft series. This leads Henry to do a mocking impression of Ben promoting the book by saying there is a "Go to Sleep" potion at the back page of the book to which Ben shouts his catchphrase, "You're being mean to me!" |
| 1080 | * The topic of the infamous group castration is finally brought up, and is met by [[AndThereWasMuchRejoicing monotone cheers]] from Ben and Henry. |
| 1081 | ** Henry later speculates that the reason why Marshall Applewhite's eyes were so bugged out following the neutering is because his balls weighed down his eyelids. |
| 1082 | * Marcus talks about how on their last day on earth before the mass suicide, the Heaven's Gate members had pizza as their final meal, then goes into more serious detail about how the suicides took place. [[MoodWhiplash Ben, however, has a different question:]] |
| 1083 | -->'''Ben:''' I ask this question, and this is not supposed to be in jest, it's literally the only question I've had since we started talking in the past three minutes. [[ComicallyMissingThePoint What kind of pizza?]] Do we know what kind of pizza it was? |
| 1084 | -->(Henry and Marcus burst into uproarious laughter) |
| 1085 | [[/folder]] |
| 1086 | |
| 1087 | |
| 1088 | [[folder:Episodes 400 to 450]] |
| 1089 | !!Episode 400: JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald Part I - "Lone Nut" |
| 1090 | * Marcus brings up how nearly every description of Lee Harvey Oswald calls him a "lone nut", which Ben says sounds like the name of a masturbation magazine. |
| 1091 | * Henry plays up JFK's rumoured affairs throughout the episode, culminating in him launching into an impersonation of JFK having sex with Marilyn Monroe, leaving Marcus and Ben in stitches. |
| 1092 | * Henry starts a RunningGag throughout the series about Oswald taking knock-knock jokes way too seriously, thinking that someone is actually knocking on his door and shouting obscenities when Ben tries to correct him. |
| 1093 | -->'''Ben:''' No, Lee. Lee, you're supposed to say "who's there?" |
| 1094 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Oswald) Don't tell me what the fuck to say! |
| 1095 | -->'''Ben:''' No, I'm not telling you, but that's the point of a knock-knock joke. I say "knock-knock", you say "who's there?" |
| 1096 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Oswald) ''[[SuddenlyShouting COME INTO MY HOUSE WITHOUT INVITING YOURSELF?!]]'' I didn't invite you to my home, and you just show up?! Just invited yourself over?! |
| 1097 | -->'''Ben:''' "Knock-knock, who's there?" Say "orange". |
| 1098 | --> '''Henry:''' (as Oswald) I ain't playing your wizard games with you anymore. |
| 1099 | |
| 1100 | !!Episode 401: JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald Part II - "The Grease Boy" |
| 1101 | * Henry immediately starts snickering when Marcus says the line [[HehHehYouSaidX "the titular Bay of Pigs"]], and Ben accuses Marcus of trying to set up him and Henry. |
| 1102 | -->'''Ben:''' He sets us up for that. That's why I didn't laugh, because Marcus always sets us up. Because he always says "And that's when he returned to duty! Oh, titular! Oh, the fat boys are gonna laugh at this!" he says as he writes! |
| 1103 | * Marcus mentions how Oswald spent an extended amount of time in Mexico trying to get to Cuba, but because he couldn't speak Spanish, he didn't know how to order at restaurants and ended up with way too much food. Henry parlays this anger into another running gag for the next few episodes. |
| 1104 | |
| 1105 | !!Episode 402: JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald Part III - "The Assassination" |
| 1106 | * Henry and Marcus immediately open the episode by making a series of bizarre alien-like noises, much to the confusion of Ben. |
| 1107 | -->'''Ben:''' We are on probably the most serious topic we've ever covered, and you guys want to start by making sounds as if you're an alien spacecraft made out of hamburger meat! |
| 1108 | * Henry struggles throughout the entire episode to not go into the various conspiracy theories surrounding JFK, and at one point gets so worked up that he starts screaming "THE TRUTH!", while Ben claims to see Henry's "conspiracy vein" popping in his neck. |
| 1109 | -->'''Henry:''' I'm getting a fucking ''twitch''! |
| 1110 | |
| 1111 | !!Episode 403: JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald Part IV - "OSWALD!" |
| 1112 | * Henry and Ben acting as the police officers putting together the physical description of Lee Harvey Oswald. |
| 1113 | -->'''Henry:''' (Police officer #1) He's got a big head, uh, bigger than it should be, he looks weird. Tiny eyeballs, [[RunningGag he will probably be talking about potatoes, and talking about how he can't go into a Mexican restaurant because they force dessert on him.]] |
| 1114 | -->'''Ben:''' (Police officer #2) Alright, so we're looking for someone with a big head, little eyes, talking about potatoes, and can't go into a Mexican restaurant. You've just described everyone in Dallas, sir. Can you please narrow this down? |
| 1115 | * Henry's voice for Jack Ruby, making him sound like he's being shaken around every time he talks, coupled with a very thick Dallas accent. |
| 1116 | * [[BlackComedy The boys can't help but find amusement]] in one of Jack Ruby's bizarre suicide attempts while in jail for killing Oswald. In a split second while his guard was distracted, he broke a light fixture, dumped a cup of water on the floor, and tried to stick his fingers in the exposed sockets to electrocute himself. However, the fixture was too high up, so Ruby restored to jumping up and down trying to reach the sockets, all while his guard watched the display with a vague hint of malicious amusement. |
| 1117 | |
| 1118 | !!Episode 404: JFK/Lee Harvey Oswald Part V / The Conspiracy Part I - "Snarlin' Arlen" |
| 1119 | * Ben jokes that Lyndon B. Johnson chose the members of the Warren Commission by pointing his dick at random people, and Henry immediately points out that Ben has a strange fascination with the penises of historical figures. |
| 1120 | * Any time something mildly suspicious comes up during episode, Henry immediately responds with a highly exaggerated cry of ''"COINCIDENCE?"'', no matter how small of a detail. |
| 1121 | |
| 1122 | !!Episode 405: JFK Part VI - The Conspiracy Part II - "Executive Diapers and Also the Truth" |
| 1123 | * Part of the episode's title comes from a moment where the boys are discussing a whispered conversation between Lyndon B. Johnson and his mistress, and Ben guesses that Johnson was telling her that [[PottyFailure he'd wet himself]], and Henry claims that he'd asked her to go get his "executive diapers". |
| 1124 | * While discussing the story given by a heroin-addicted stripper, Marcus brings up how she was hit by a car not once, but ''twice'' not long before her death. Henry immediately bursts out laughing and says she died like The Roadrunner. |
| 1125 | |
| 1126 | !!Episode 408: The Yorkshire Ripper Part II - "The Chorlton Glumpers" |
| 1127 | * The [[FunWithAcronyms unfortunate acronym]] of the Special Homicide Investigation Team. Henry and Ben make it into a running gag by making fart noises whenever Marcus brings them up. Even better, the police themselves tended to refer to the team as "the Shit Squad" in real life. |
| 1128 | |
| 1129 | !!Episode 409: Gef the Talking Mongoose |
| 1130 | * Ben briefly conflates a mongoose with an actual goose, leading him to declare "honk honk" whenever the term "mongoose" is mentioned. |
| 1131 | * Henry espouses a bit on Gef's political views, then decides to cover his own ass. |
| 1132 | --> '''Henry (As Gef):''' I think we should burn down the White House!...This is Gef talking, by the way! |
| 1133 | |
| 1134 | !! Episode 416: Herbert Mullin Part I - "Blow Grass" |
| 1135 | * When Marcus goes into his "lead theory"[[note]]the theory that all the lead in gasoline caused brain damage that increased violence and resulted in the serial killers in the late 20th century[[/note]]: |
| 1136 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Marcus's wife Carolina)'' "Marcus... um, this has been such a wonderful date. Thank you so much for the--I love these breadsticks, and the fact that the soup is unlimited is wonderful." |
| 1137 | -->'''Marcus:''' Right now I'm describing my fourth date with Carolina, when we went into, like, what our particular opinions on David Parker Ray were. |
| 1138 | -->'''Ben:''' "Uh, hey, I'm the waiter here at Olive Garden. Um, so did you still want that soup? It's cold enough for you, you said that you only wanted it chilled, but you guys have had like, two bowls, and two total platters of breadsticks, so, um, you guys are kind of freaking--" |
| 1139 | -->'''Henry:''' "More soup please, more soup and more breadsticks, whatever is..." |
| 1140 | -->'''Ben:''' "But you want the soup cold still, or...? Because most of the time people have it hot." |
| 1141 | -->'''Henry:''' "Yes please, let it sit and then bring it, yes please. Now Marcus, tell me again, [[MoodWhiplash when he cut off her breasts, what did he do with them?]]" |
| 1142 | * Henry reinterprets the voices that allegedly came from Herbert's penis as Creator/BillCosby (who insists he doesn't sound anything like Bill Cosby) and Ted Koppal (or, as Ben refers to him, "Ted Cockal"). This carries over to the next episode. |
| 1143 | * The term "blow grass", which Henry [[NoJustNoReaction cannot handle]], comes up, which then leads to comparison with the old "blowing bubbles" joke. |
| 1144 | * Ben gets a little too real as he delves into SarcasmMode concerning UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan defunding state mental hospitals, which contributed to Herbert not getting the institutional help he needed and roaming free to commit his murders. |
| 1145 | -->'''Ben:''' But then again, you gotta think about the stock market! Let's go pubic with the suffering of people! Put money on top of money! |
| 1146 | -->'''Henry:''' This is straight-up too much truth and [[HeKnowsTooMuch we're gonna have to put you... in a room!]] |
| 1147 | -->(''Laughter from Ben and Marcus'') |
| 1148 | |
| 1149 | !! Episode 417: Herbert Mullin Part II - "Big Herb" |
| 1150 | * After Herb kills Father Tomei, some witnesses saw him fleeing the scene, but just said that they saw a tiny guy. Ben says that the police missed their opportunity to just arrest all the short people until they found their man, and Henry jokes that the cops would hate him because he'd gather all the other guys together and they'd sing "[[Film/TheWizardOfOz Lollipop Guild]]" until the cops start [[PoliceBrutality beating them with a hose]]. |
| 1151 | * Marcus's description of Mullin's murder of a mother and two children is completely derailed by Henry randomly comparing it to ''VideoGame/{{Cuphead}}'', to Ben's confusion and annoyance that ''this'', not the now-quintuple homicide, is what makes Marcus lose focus. |
| 1152 | * Ben and Henry get into an argument regarding taking firewood from a national park: |
| 1153 | -->'''Marcus:''' On February 7, Herb was gathering firewood in Henry Cowell State Park when a forest ranger stopped him, told him that what Herb was doing was against the rules, "you gotta put all that wood back." |
| 1154 | -->'''Ben:''' Yeah, he's just ''stealing'' wood from the forest! |
| 1155 | -->'''Henry:''' Yeah, but it's there for free! It's just wood from the forest. |
| 1156 | -->'''Ben:''' No, but--I mean, it's still not ''free''. You can't just go pillage the forest. |
| 1157 | -->'''Henry:''' I don't know. [[WaxingLyrical You ever walk in another man's footsteps? You ever]] ''[[WaxingLyrical seen]]'' [[WaxingLyrical the warm colors of the earth? You ever]] ''[[WaxingLyrical looked]]'' [[WaxingLyrical at all the wonders that surround you, and you ever wonder what they're worth?]] Have you ever--is there a price on the [[WesternAnimation/{{Pocahontas}} color of the wind]]?! |
| 1158 | -->''(Marcus laughs)'' |
| 1159 | -->'''Ben:''' No! First of all, wind doesn't have a color. Second of all, ''no'', you can't just go to a national park, or a state park, and steal all the wood! |
| 1160 | -->'''Henry:''' It's not stealing if there's no ''ownership''. |
| 1161 | -->'''Marcus:''' You know what's interesting, is that I thought these opinions would be switched. Between the two of you. |
| 1162 | -->'''Ben:''' I just--you can't do it! I mean, the wood is there--you have to use that when you're camping! And then can you imagine you're camping and then everyone's like "Who took all the wood?" And you're cold at night! |
| 1163 | -->'''Henry:''' I'm only with Herb because Herb--this guy comes here like, "Hey, you gotta put all this wood back." And Herb's like, "I didn't happen to see 'Mr. Forest Ranger' written on all of these logs, that they belong to you!" |
| 1164 | -->'''Ben:''' It says "state park" right above the damn thing! |
| 1165 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Herb)'' "Oh, lemme see if one of these logs says it belongs to ''Maurice the Squirrel''! Did he write his fuckin' name on 'em?!" |
| 1166 | -->'''Ben:''' Spoken like a man who grew up in a home that stole cable. |
| 1167 | -->''(Marcus laughs)'' |
| 1168 | * When Herbert Mullin was arrested, he insisted that murder was a natural disaster like earthquakes and trying to make murder illegal is like trying to make ''earthquakes'' illegal. |
| 1169 | -->'''Ben:''' He sounds like the, like, 18th most successful candidate for Libertarian for President. I can already see, he, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vermin_Supreme Vermin Supreme]]--who's genius--just being like, "Murder should be legal!" There would be some people being like, "It's about freedom." |
| 1170 | -->'''Henry:''' "He's got a point. Got a point." And yeah, that's where you get to the point where [[RunningGag Maurice the Squirrel]] is your--he's in charge of the Interior. "And this 7-Eleven cup is my Vice President." |
| 1171 | |
| 1172 | !! Episode 419: Jodi Arias Part I - "WAP" |
| 1173 | * A RunningGag starts over Ben's confusion over the term "WAP", short for "Wet-Ass Pussy", as he initially believes that the wetness comes from the butt. It gets to the point where all three are [[HehHehYouSaidX laughing in immature glee over it.]] |
| 1174 | -->'''Henry:''' We've degraded as men! |
| 1175 | * Marcus begins to compare having a relationship with someone like Jodi Arias to raising a bear in your backyard, which prompts Ben to immediately ask if [[BestialityIsDepraved he's implying a sexual relationship with the bear.]] |
| 1176 | -->'''Ben:''' What, do you wanna have sex with it?! |
| 1177 | -->'''Marcus:''' No! I-- |
| 1178 | -->'''Ben:''' Where is this analogy going? "It's kinda like fucking a bear you're raising you're raising for a little while. It turns out, you skipped lunch for the bear, and [[GroinAttack he ate your cock off!]]" |
| 1179 | * Henry and Marcus get into a debate over who was more attractive, Casey Anthony or Jodi Arias. Ben isn't amused: |
| 1180 | -->'''Ben:''' There's a dead child and a dead man, but ''[[SarcasmMode which one of these two chicks had better hoo-hahs?!]]'' |
| 1181 | -->''(Laughter from Marcus and Henry)'' |
| 1182 | * Ben mentions how his part of helping with research involved looking at the nude photos Travis Alexander took of Jodi, which Marcus and Henry claim Ben called his "beaver inspection". |
| 1183 | |
| 1184 | !! Episode 420: Jodi Arias Part II - "Juror #7" |
| 1185 | * The title character is a joint venture between Ben and Henry - the only man in Mesa, Arizona who believes Jodi might be innocent. He brings booze to the court, masturbates while Jodi gives testimony and falls asleep with the classic ping pong ball eyes on. |
| 1186 | * Henry's impression of Jodi during the investigation phase, playing the part of the grieving girlfriend. |
| 1187 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Jodi)'' I was... I'm just bushwhacked! I'm bushwhacked about this whole scenario! |
| 1188 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(as a detective)'' Well, ma'am, we've actually seen your beaver. We know you're not bushwhacked. |
| 1189 | -->''(All three hosts burst into laughter)'' |
| 1190 | * Since one of the more incriminating photos is of Jodi's genitals and anus, jokes about her butthole abound during the trial phase of the story. |
| 1191 | * Marcus talks about how Jodi attempted to gain sympathy from the jury during trial by making it appear that the prosecutor Juan Martinez was purposely bullying her, trying to make him look like "a mischievous gnome haranguing an abused woman". |
| 1192 | -->'''Henry:''' Don't subtweet my relationship with my wife. |
| 1193 | -->''(Ben and Marcus burst out laughing)'' |
| 1194 | * Marcus notes that Jodi escaped the death penalty due to the jury being deadlocked ''twice'', [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey presumably due to her relative attractiveness.]] |
| 1195 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(imitating Huey Lewis)'' And that's the power of tits! |
| 1196 | |
| 1197 | !! Episode 421: The Beast of Boggy Creek |
| 1198 | * Ben forgets the name of ''Film/HarryAndTheHendersons'' and calls it "Henry and the Harrison Fords," which leads Henry to pitch a reality show in which he lives with Creator/HarrisonFord and his family and bothers Ford into making new ''Franchise/StarWars'' films. |
| 1199 | * Henry and Marcus spend an extended amount of time trying to replicate the call of the Beast, which had been described as a mixture of a housecat, a goat, and an owl. Marcus dubs the experience "Fun Noises With the Boys". |
| 1200 | * After a story in which the titular beast bothers a single woman, there is a brief discussion on whether or not having sex with a [[BigfootSasquatchAndYeti Bigfoot/Sasquatch/etc.]] counts as [[BestialityIsDepraved bestiality]]. Ben thinks that it does, and Henry thinks that it doesn't... then there's Marcus. |
| 1201 | -->'''Marcus''': I actually agree with Henry here, because what many people say about specifically the Fouke monster is that its face is much more human than ape. In fact, it's eerily human. |
| 1202 | -->'''Ben''': Alright. |
| 1203 | -->''{{Beat}}'' |
| 1204 | -->'''Marcus''': [[NotSoAboveItAll I think it's fine to have sex with a Sasquatch.]] |
| 1205 | -->'''Ben''': Buddy, I was going to let both of you move on! |
| 1206 | |
| 1207 | !!Episode 432: Adolfo Constanzo Part III - "Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs" |
| 1208 | * The reason that police ended up on Adolfo's tail [[PoliceAreUseless wasn't through police work or dogged persistence]]. It was because one of his associates, Serafin Hernandez, [[MinorCrimeRevealsMajorPlot shot through a police checkpoint at full speed]], because he [[LiteralMinded genuinely believed that Adolfo's black magic made him invisible to the cops.]] Needless to say, it didn't work out that way. |
| 1209 | * Mark Kilroy getting fed scrambled eggs brings up the Frasier theme tune in Ben's mind, much to his own annoyance. |
| 1210 | |
| 1211 | !!Episode 433: The Murderous Madness of the Eriksson Twins |
| 1212 | * The hosts' pronunciation of ''folie à deux'' gets more and more mangled throughout the episode, despite Marcus's insistence that he practiced saying it beforehand. |
| 1213 | * Henry thinks that the idea of suffering from a "puff of madness" is fun and that he, Ben, and Marcus should try it sometime. He is vocally disappointed when Marcus points out that the three of them can't be considered sufferers of ''folie à deux'' because they all have diagnosed pre-existing mental health conditions. |
| 1214 | * At the end, Marcus relays the conspiracy theory that the twins were, in fact, artificial life-forms who escaped from an underground government facility in a crazed voice, and Henry joins in, to Ben's confusion and exasperation. |
| 1215 | |
| 1216 | !!Episode 439: John List Part II - "Daddy Train" |
| 1217 | * Ben uses this episode to pitch his brand-new, billion-dollar idea: instead of handguns, guns for feet! [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere When Henry hears this, he gets up and walks towards the fridge]]. |
| 1218 | * John List sat his children down to tell them that he was planning on murdering them, and then proceeded to ask whether they wanted to be buried or cremated[[note]]They all wanted to be buried, but he had them cremated[[/note]]. Inspired, Ben asks the other guys which they'd prefer: |
| 1219 | -->'''Ben:''' I mean, what do you think, Marcus? How do you wanna go, we're all gonna die. What do you think, Marcus? |
| 1220 | -->'''Marcus:''' I would've said "buried" at sixteen, and I'm saying "buried" now. |
| 1221 | -->'''Ben:''' Okay, you're a ground guy, Henry? |
| 1222 | -->'''Henry:''' Uh, I'm going to live forever. [[WetwareCPU I'm going to have my brain uploaded into a computer]]. The goal is to save my body, and we're gonna freeze me until that's possible. |
| 1223 | -->'''Ben:''' Alright, [[DeadpanSnarker thrown in the trash]]. And me, I'm gonna go with just a nice old cremation. Okay, perfect! |
| 1224 | -->'''Henry:''' Cool, we're all three flavors. |
| 1225 | -->'''Marcus:''' I mean, if I had my druthers, I'd go for a ''mausoleum'', but... |
| 1226 | -->'''Henry:''' Yeah, we gotta get you a tomb. |
| 1227 | -->'''Marcus:''' Yeah, a tomb, that's what I want. |
| 1228 | -->'''Ben:''' With the fact that we're saving so much money on Trash Boy's funeral, because we're gonna throw him away, we can actually double up and get you a mausoleum. |
| 1229 | * After John List murders his family, he wrote letters to several people apologizing for the inconvenience and distress his family members' absence would cause. [[SkewedPriorities Ben incredulously points out that this isn't what he should be apologizing for]]. |
| 1230 | * Ben insists that the house ''must'' have smelled following the murders, but Marcus and Henry contradict him. Ben snaps and flies into a sarcastic rant that causes Henry and Marcus to collapse with laughter. |
| 1231 | -->'''Ben:''' ...you know, what, guys? I'm a [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] idiot, then! He's sitting there, and it smells like a Glade plugin and it's just a beautiful summer rain! |
| 1232 | * Marcus relates how John List met his second wife at a Lutheran singles social, and eventually wore her down until she married him. Ben jokes that that's how ''every'' couple met back in the day: |
| 1233 | -->'''Ben:''' "He stalked me, uh, for ''five years'', he uh, he actually killed the guy I was dating--" |
| 1234 | -->'''Henry:''' "And then I just gave in! Just something about him, I kinda gave in, and just let him control me..." |
| 1235 | -->'''Ben:''' "But the funny thing is, I've been making ''his'' life miserable for 35 years. So isn't that nice?" |
| 1236 | |
| 1237 | !!Episode 441: Lake Monsters" |
| 1238 | * At one point, Ben confuses the word [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dressage "dressage"]] for ''[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charcuterie charcuterie]]'', leaving Henry and Marcus bewildered. |
| 1239 | -->'''Henry:''' I think that's the dumbest you've ever sounded. |
| 1240 | |
| 1241 | !!Episode 445: Jack Unterwager Part I - Mr. Nobody |
| 1242 | * Henry reads an excerpt from Jack's poem "Ode to Death", a genuinely profound piece. Ben then counters with one of Dennis Rader's awful poems, causing Henry to audibly wretch in disgust. |
| 1243 | * Ben grills Marcus on how many people ''he's'' killed since the book came out. This leads Marcus to start rambling on how emotionally dependant he was on the book and the upcoming tour (which was cancelled by the COVID-19 pandemic), to the point where Ben and Henry start yelling [[RunningGag "GET THE NET!"]] |
| 1244 | |
| 1245 | !!Episode 446: Jack Unterwager Part II - I Love LA |
| 1246 | * Since Jack Unterwager couldn't produce a single alibi for any of his murders, Henry spins it as Jack being ''literally'' unable to understand the word "alibi". |
| 1247 | * Ben is bewildered that Jack tried to get an interview with Cher, of all people, comparing him to idiot tourists who go to London just to see the Queen. Only for Henry to claim that ''he himself'' did that when they were on tour in England. |
| 1248 | -->'''Henry:''' I know for a fact, when I was in London, I was like "Where dat Queen at?" |
| 1249 | -->'''Ben:''' Well, yeah, because you're an idiot! |
| 1250 | |
| 1251 | !!Episode 448: Alcatraz Part I - "Bird Is The Word" |
| 1252 | * The title comes from Alcatraz inmate Robert Stroud, a sociopathic, pedophilic murderer with an obsession with birds, particularly canaries. Naturally, jokes about birds and bird shit abound for the next two episodes. |
| 1253 | * Marcus mentions how prisoners in [=McNeil=] Prison were forced to carry around extremely heavy ball and chains tied to their feet, and Ben makes a crack that Marcus and Henry, both being married, already have balls and chains of their own. |
| 1254 | -->'''Ben:''' [[AloneAmongTheCouples Woo! Single life!]] Where are my dogs? Where are my dogs? |
| 1255 | * Robert Stroud's younger brother Marcus went on to become a magician, in sharp contrast to his criminal older brother. Henry predictably takes the opportunity to annoy his co-hosts with an over-the-top impression of "The Great Marcus". |
| 1256 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as The Great Marcus)'' ''Kazam!'' It's me, brother! Always ready for a little tricksy! Oho! Guess a card, guess a card, guess a card! Oh, this man is [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction stabbing me in the belly for tricksies!]] |
| 1257 | -->''(Laughter from Marcus)'' |
| 1258 | -->'''Ben:''' You know, I believe in massive prison reform, you know that. But the one thing if I was a warden I would demand: no magicians! Are you kidding me? They can make-- I saw an elephant disappear when I was a kid! And that wasn't a camera trick, that really happened. He could make the whole prison disappear! |
| 1259 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as The Great Marcus)'' Kazoo, kazee! Ah, abracadabra! I have a chisel [[AssShove up my ass!]] |
| 1260 | -->'''Ben:''' Oh my God, who let the magician in here with the gaping butt?! |
| 1261 | * Ben's complete incredulity at the fact that [[WhatDoesSheSeeInHim Della Jones fell in love with Robert Stroud.]] |
| 1262 | -->'''Ben:''' He's covered in more shit than a Roman statue, he's surrounded by birds, and he's in prison for double murder! Am I missing something here? How am ''I'' single!? |
| 1263 | |
| 1264 | !!Episode 449: Alcatraz Part II - "The Dark Hole" |
| 1265 | * When Ben learns about the small family communities that used to live on Alcatraz Island, he worriedly asks how many kids were carried away by the island's many pelicans. |
| 1266 | * Many of the prison guards on Alcatraz were given colorful nicknames, ranging from somewhat intimidating ones like "Saltwater", "Slaughterhouse", and "Weasel-Eyes", to more wacky names like "Big Stew", "Big Stiff", and "Big Donkey". Of course, Marcus's favorite one is "Ass-Kicking Fats", prompting laughter from Henry and Ben. |
| 1267 | |
| 1268 | !! Episode 450: Alcatraz Part III - "We Gotta Get Off This Rock" |
| 1269 | * Marcus describes how most of the time, an Alcatraz inmate's first thoughts about the island were how he could get off it, but Ben [[HehHehYouSaidX takes the phrase "get off" a much different way.]] Marcus then admits that he phrased it that way on purpose to test Ben on his immaturity, and he failed. |
| 1270 | * Ben's disappointment at the fact that the so called "shark infested waters" around Alcatraz were grossly exaggerated. |
| 1271 | -->'''Ben:''' That is going to greatly inhibit my plan of putting a harness on a shark and sorta having him carry me to the shore. |
| 1272 | * Henry's impression of inmate Ted Cole makes him sound like The Riddler on an acid trip. |
| 1273 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Ted Cole)'' Hm, don't think I like it here. Doubt I'll stay long! (cackles maniacally) |
| 1274 | -->'''Ben:''' That's pretty scary, bro. That's kinda ominous. |
| 1275 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Ted Cole)'' Oh, they're serving Salisbury steak on Wednesdays, huh? (cackles wildly again) |
| 1276 | * After detailing how kids were able to swim back and forth between Alcatraz Island (under adult supervision), Marcus tries to move on to the next subject, but immediately collapses into laughter when Henry calls the supervisor the "Raft Molester" and struggles to get through the next point. |
| 1277 | * Ben's brilliant idea to keep the Alcatraz inmates from trying to escape through the walls? [[BeeAfraid Fill the walls with bees.]] |
| 1278 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as a guard)'' Kissel, I'm glad you're here as a part of the prison reform movement. I'm glad that you're here- |
| 1279 | -->'''Ben:''' BEES! |
| 1280 | -->'''Henry:''' The only thing about the bees, we've thought about the bees. It's that bees, one thing about them, they're not loyal. To the guards. They don't seem to understand, they don't seem to differentiate between what are guards and what are prisoners. The bees just sort of seem to be everywhere, and are now, um, attacking the birds. |
| 1281 | -->'''Ben:''' Listen you motherfucker, I've got 18 crates of bees I gotta move or my wife is gonna leave me. Do you want these goddamn bees? |
| 1282 | [[/folder]] |
| 1283 | |
| 1284 | [[folder:Episodes 451 to 500]] |
| 1285 | !!Episode 452: Danny Rolling Part I - "I Need A Job" |
| 1286 | * Henry's impression of Danny Rolling, which can only be described as like a southern Eeyore. |
| 1287 | * Danny Rolling's father James was given the nickname [[EmbarrassingNickname "Baby Dumpling"]] by his fellow police officers, which Henry claims sounds like the moniker of a pedophile. |
| 1288 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(in a a high pitched voice)'' Hi kids! Y'all don't even need to hide from me! You know what I do~! |
| 1289 | * Henry says that the crime "peeping" sounds too adorable, so he suggests the phrase "snarping" instead. This gag continues into the next episode. |
| 1290 | * All three hosts quickly get annoyed with Rolling's constant apologizing after committing crimes. Marcus likens it to a small child who got caught sneaking cookies. |
| 1291 | * At one point, Rolling tries to escape a prison work detail, only to get caught immediately and [[GroinAttack whacked in the nuts so hard, he suffered a torn testicle]] for the rest of his life. In the background, Ben can be heard [[ShareTheMalePain groaning in discomfort at hearing this.]] |
| 1292 | * While discussing how Danny got fired from two separate buffet restaurants, Henry shares his family's philosophy in regards to buffets: |
| 1293 | -->'''Ben:''' I feel like when your family walked into the buffet, they reminded you there was a two-hour time limit. |
| 1294 | -->'''Henry:''' Uh, yeah, dude. Because we pushed it. That was what my father understood ''best'' about the economy, is that you have to make the buffet work for you. |
| 1295 | -->'''Ben:''' "Can we get it to go?" "No, it's whatever you eat ''in'' the restaurant." I can see the Zebrowskis being like "Can I get a doggy bag for this?" and just going to the mac and cheese-- |
| 1296 | -->'''Henry:''' No, you fucking act like my parents didn't understand, you have to go off the grid for that. My mom used to line her purse with a Ziploc bag. |
| 1297 | -->''(Marcus and Ben start laughing)'' |
| 1298 | -->'''Henry: '''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer That is true]]. We do this to this day, an inner joke that Natalie and I do all the time, because my mom does this, she goes "Put it in your purse, put this in your purse," and she's like, a whole turkey leg, like, wrapped in napkins. |
| 1299 | -->'''Ben:''' Well, that's classic, yeah. |
| 1300 | -->'''Henry:''' And then it goes in the freezer, and it's good for two years! |
| 1301 | -->'''Ben:''' Of course, yeah. |
| 1302 | |
| 1303 | !!Episode 453: Danny Rolling Part II - "Bingo Bango Bongo" |
| 1304 | * The episode's title comes from a bizarre rant Ed Humphrey (a bipolar Gainesville local and former suspect in the murder case) made at a bar during a bipolar break. When turned away at the door, he started shouting threats at the bouncer and the manager, culminating in him screaming "Bingo Bango Bongo!" at them before running away. |
| 1305 | * Henry comes up with a new character for this episode: Night Horse, a self-described enigmatic horse musician on the run from capitalism. This bizarre gag pops up frequently throughout the episode, much to Ben's annoyance. |
| 1306 | * Danny Rolling's first criminal venture in Gainesville involved him climbing onto a second floor apartment balcony, stripping completely nude except for a fanny pack. Naturally, Ben and Henry take this info and make a sketch out of it. |
| 1307 | -->'''Ben:''' Oh my God, Wendy, look! It's Ham Man! Isn't that nice? |
| 1308 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Rolling)'' I protect the whole world from salts by absorbing them myself! |
| 1309 | -->'''Ben:''' Wow, Ham Man! He's here again to save the day! |
| 1310 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(as Rolling)'' Hold onto my varicose veins! I'll save you, young girl! |
| 1311 | ** Henry then brings up an old story from when he did a nude comedy sketch, and a lady in the very back of the audience screamed out ''"HE NAKED!"'' in shock. |
| 1312 | * Rolling's arrest for armed robbery following the murders fell on a day when the Ocala police force were out training, which Ben notes was incredibly convenient. |
| 1313 | -->'''Ben:''' And you know one sergeant looked over at a trainee and said, "Not every day is this fun. Don't get used to it." |
| 1314 | ** Henry then declares that Rolling's shirtless run from the police through the telemarketing office makes him an official resident of Florida. |
| 1315 | * The bizarre love connection between Danny Rolling and Sondra London, which included over-the-top love letters from Sondra and a love song from Danny during a sentencing for his armed robberies. In the recording of the song, the annoyed judge can be heard trying to get Danny to stop, before telling him "Okay, you get one song and that's it, Mr. Rolling." |
| 1316 | |
| 1317 | !!Episode 456: The Black Death Part I - "Stomp A Gerbil, Bribe A Rat" |
| 1318 | * The RunningGag in the title comes from a piece of information from Marcus that implies gerbils were the main source of the original string of the plague. This leads to an episode long debate between Henry and Ben over whether or not gerbils deserve to live, with Henry insisting there's a "Gerbil Mafia" out in the world scheming. |
| 1319 | * Marcus refuses to say the technical name of the plague due to the difficulty in pronouncing it, preferring to say "bubo" or just "the black death". Ben immediately notes that "bubonic" sounds like a pubic hair gone rogue. |
| 1320 | * Ben mishears the pronunciation of "bubonic" as "boob-onic", prompting him to ask if tits started the plague. Henry claims they grow next to the tits, which leads to this exchange. |
| 1321 | -->'''Ben:''' Oh my God! Titties shouldn't have neighbors. |
| 1322 | -->'''Henry:''' [[ChivalrousPervert Unless it's me!]] |
| 1323 | -->'''Ben:''' You're not a neighbor, you're an intruder. |
| 1324 | * When describing the way the bubonic plague causes a person to [[BodyHorror become full of pus and plague bacteria]], Henry remarks that the plague "[[CrossesTheLineTwice turns you into applesauce]]". |
| 1325 | * Marcus goes on a rant about how infected fleas spread the plague to humans, and Henry tries to imagine Marcus telling this story on a date. |
| 1326 | -->'''Marcus:''' I married the one who said [[NightmareFetishist "Tell me more."]] |
| 1327 | * When Marcus mentions how four cougars were killed by bubonic plague in 2006, both Henry and Ben immediately make the same joke about a [[MrsRobinson different kind of cougar.]] |
| 1328 | -->'''Ben:''' It killed four middle-aged beautiful women? |
| 1329 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(laughs)'' I was just about to say that! |
| 1330 | -->'''Ben:''' I knew you were! |
| 1331 | -->'''Henry:''' I was just about to say something about the idea of "How many appletinis will not go drunk?" |
| 1332 | -->''(Marcus erupts into squeaking laughter)'' |
| 1333 | * Henry's reenactment of a Caffa citizen witnessing the Mongols toss plague-infested corpses over the city walls. |
| 1334 | -->'''Henry:''' Those Mongols look pretty sick. What's that coming over the... wall? Oh my God, ''that's a fucking dude!'' |
| 1335 | ** Ben then compares the exploding rotten corpses to old pumpkins left on a front porch after Halloween. |
| 1336 | * The fact that early Christians believed bathing was a vice completely befuddles Ben, especially the old notion that sitting naked in a tub of warm water could potentially lead to "impure thoughts". |
| 1337 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(in a gravelly voice)'' Folks, folks, listen to me here. I'm Alex Jones, circa 400. Uh, water's making you gay. Water's making your kids gay, water's making the frogs gay. Are you gay? Am ''I'' gay? I wish someone would love me. |
| 1338 | * The topic of hygiene in medieval European cities is brought up, leading to a lot of [[ToiletHumor literal shit talk.]] Marcus, Ben, and Henry can [[HehHehYouSaidX barely contain themselves]] when talking about the various jobs people had in order to keep the shit rivers flowing. |
| 1339 | ** Marcus listing off the different streets in France named after human waste, most of which are just variations of the French word for "shit"[[note]]merde[[/note]]. Then he mentions the street named after piss, "Route du Peepee", sending all three men into hysterical laughter. |
| 1340 | |
| 1341 | !!Episode 457: The Black Death Part II - "Passport To Hell" |
| 1342 | * Henry's vendetta against gerbils continues into this episode, much to Ben's displeasure. |
| 1343 | * Even animals were afflicted by their own type of plague called rinderpest, where the afflicted animal loudly and violently shits itself to death. This led to many farmers being kept awake at night by the sounds of their cows and pigs dying en masse via shit diseases. Ben remarks that one of those pigs was Henry's ancestor, which cracks up everyone. |
| 1344 | -->'''Henry:''' My great-great ancestor! |
| 1345 | * Marcus relays a story about how a Venetian fishmonger caught the plague and died after speaking to a galley crew, prompting this bit from Henry. |
| 1346 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(in a bad Italian accent)'' I was supposed to die in a war! ''[agonized death gurgle]'' |
| 1347 | |
| 1348 | !!Episode 458: The Black Death Part III - "The Horny Popes" |
| 1349 | * The title comes from an episode-long RunningGag about how many of the popes in the medieval era were horny as all get out. One such pope was Clement V, who was so horny, he moved the entire papacy to Avignon, France so he could be closer to his mistress. |
| 1350 | * Henry briefly forgets the word for the Crusades, and sheepishly admits that he was going to say "charades" instead. |
| 1351 | * Marcus talks about how medieval doctors would prescribe bloodletting treatments depending on the positions of particular constellations, and how they'd avoid certain areas during specific times. When he mentions how they'd avoid slicing near [[GroinAttack the testicles]] or [[AssShove the anus]] while the moon was in Scorpio, this promptly sends Ben and Henry into laughter. |
| 1352 | ** Doctors would also predict whether or not a patient would live based on numerology. If the number was odd, the patient would live. If it was even, they would die. Naturally, Henry takes this piece of backwards medical thinking and runs with it. |
| 1353 | --->'''Henry:''' ''(in a rough European accent)'' I don't understand, I feel fine! I feel fine! What do you mean? What is even an odd number?! What are numbers? ''(sputters incomprehensibly)'' Is this a type of bet? |
| 1354 | --->'''Ben:''' ''(as a doctor)'' We're not even listening, buddy. You're in even. You might as well be dead. |
| 1355 | --->'''Henry:''' Will my insurance cover this? |
| 1356 | --->'''Ben:''' ''(laughs mockingly)'' No, but thanks for paying every fucking month! |
| 1357 | * Upon learning how Queen Joanna of Naples gave Pope Clement VI the city of Avignon in exchange for an indulgence "forgiving" her of her first husband's murder, Ben wryly remarks that not much has changed when it comes to female killers getting away with crimes. |
| 1358 | |
| 1359 | !!Episode 459: The Black Death Part IV - "Meet The Flagellants!" |
| 1360 | * The episode's title comes from a long discussion about individuals called flagellants, who would torture and whip themselves as penance for humanity's sins. Naturally, this leads to an episode long RunningGag about how the flagellants were the progenitors of [=BDSM=]. |
| 1361 | * To join the Brotherhood of the Flagellants, an aspiring member would first have to ask ''their spouse'' for permission to enroll. Naturally, this amuses Henry greatly. |
| 1362 | -->'''Henry:''' Is it okay if I go to my group today? I just gotta go. I know we were supposed to do brunch, but I guess it's just these rotten eggs. |
| 1363 | |
| 1364 | !!Episode 460: The Black Death Part V - "Mark Of The Beaver" |
| 1365 | * The title comes from a piece of new research that mentions how the very first string of the original source of the black death came from a beaver bite, which Ben immediately dubs the "Mark of the Beaver". |
| 1366 | * When discussing how medieval English people believed that toothaches were caused by worms in their teeth, and how they also believed worms would erupt from their bodies after death, Ben compares them to [[WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas Oogie Boogie.]] |
| 1367 | * Marcus brings up the septicemic varient of the plague, and all the [[BodyHorror disgusting ways it would warp the human body]], and Henry [[BrickJoke once again]] makes a gag out of it saying it "turns you into raspberry jelly." |
| 1368 | |
| 1369 | !!Episode 461: USS Indianapolis |
| 1370 | * Marcus and Henry introduce the episode's topic, which is still on record as the worst naval disaster in US history. They set the horrific scene and mention that some of the victims of the Indianapolis's sinking lost their minds over the four days in the water, making the comparison to the previously-covered [[NoPartyLikeADonnerParty Donner Party]]. [[MoodWhiplash Ben has this to say:]] |
| 1371 | --> '''Ben:''' But four days? You're gonna lose your mind over the course of a long weekend? It takes two weeks before I'm gonna allow you to kinda lose your mind. If you look at me like I'm a ham hock after 24 hours, I would have been like, "48 hours ago, you must have been thinking the same thing!" |
| 1372 | * Marcus brings up how the ''USS Indianapolis'' disaster might not have happened if the ship had been given a battleship escort, to which Ben quips that [[HighClassCallGirl "everything's better with an escort"]]. The three hosts predictably [[HehHehYouSaidX burst into laughter.]] |
| 1373 | -->'''Henry:''' Forty years old today, Ben Kissel! |
| 1374 | |
| 1375 | !!Episode 462: Billy the Kid Part I - "Butter Bandit" |
| 1376 | * The title of the episode comes from an amusing incident in Billy the Kid's youth, where he stole a bucket of butter and sold it for a tidy profit, which greatly amuses Henry. |
| 1377 | * Henry describing Billy the Kid as "the white [[WesternAnimation/{{Aladdin}} Aladdin]]", which confuses Ben, thinking he's talking about the Genie rather than the titular thief hero. |
| 1378 | * A discussion about Billy's [[DisappearedDad absentee father Michael]], and the fact that history only records his name and nothing else, leads Henry into a joke about one-night stands that somehow warps into involving Ben's parents, much to the latter's disgust. |
| 1379 | -->'''Henry:''' That's all you need to know for a father. |
| 1380 | -->'''Ben:''' That's one of the more important elements. |
| 1381 | -->'''Henry:''' All you need is cum and... one night. |
| 1382 | -->''(Marcus laughs and Ben shudders in disgust)'' |
| 1383 | -->'''Ben:''' God, I don't want to think about about [[ParentalSexualitySquick my father and "cum" and "one night"...]] |
| 1384 | -->'''Henry:''' One night, one special night, when he laid his beautiful wife down and he said "I'm gonna put a Ben in ya!" |
| 1385 | -->'''Ben:''' Oh my God, you are disgusting! I'm gonna kill you! |
| 1386 | -->'''Henry:''' And she's like "Oh Bengt! Oh Bengt!" |
| 1387 | -->'''Ben:''' Never ever-- [[BrainBleach oh, my mother...]] just--[[BigShutUp SHUT UP]]! You shut up! |
| 1388 | |
| 1389 | !!Episode 463: Billy the Kid Part II - "Regulators Gonna Regulate" |
| 1390 | * Marcus brings up a story about Billy the Kid getting arrested for stealing horses belonging to an Englishman named John Tunstall, and then proceeded to charm his way into getting hired by Tunstall instead. Ben is completely flabbergasted by the situation. |
| 1391 | -->'''Ben:''' That is like if Richard Ramirez breaks into your house and you're like "You know what? We could actually use a cleaning person. Do you wanna stay? You wanna come by on Tuesdays?" |
| 1392 | * Henry questions how it's possible to steal a horse, considering how stubborn they can be. |
| 1393 | -->'''Henry:''' How do you take a horse against its will with you someplace? I have no fucking clue how you do that, besides just like [[GroinAttack pulling on its pecker]] until you become its wife. |
| 1394 | -->'''Ben:''' You put a little carrot in your mouth and then the horse eats it. (mimes a horse munching on food) Little carrot, then you guys kiss! |
| 1395 | -->'''Henry:''' See, that's worse than pulling on its penis. |
| 1396 | -->'''Ben:''' No, it's not. And then the horse is like "Hmm, that kiss was pretty nice." And then he says "You know what? You don't even have to take me. ''[[BestialityIsDepraved You can have me.~]]''" |
| 1397 | ** Marcus then quips that Henry's idea of stealing a horse is a physical affair, while Ben's is an emotional affair. |
| 1398 | * When discussing John Tunstall's death at the hands of James Dolan's men, the trio can't help but laugh at the fact that the reason why Billy and his companions weren't there to protect their boss was because [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny they'd run off to chase a flock of wild turkeys.]] |
| 1399 | |
| 1400 | !!Episode 464: Billy the Kid Part III - "Juan Largo" |
| 1401 | * The complete irony that on the night a peace treaty was signed between the Regulators and the Dolan gang, a one-armed lawyer was shot to death by accident after a confrontation with a drunken member of Dolan's group. Henry jokes that he's familiar with drunken cowboys, having attended Marcus' bachelor party. |
| 1402 | -->'''Henry:''' I mean, I saw some at your bachelor party, and man, they can really lift their knees! |
| 1403 | * Henry suggest that they use some old west style music for the scenes where Marcus reads out excerpts from Billy's time period, prompting this bit from Ben: |
| 1404 | -->'''Ben:''' Oh, I got some for you. "''AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'' Oh my God, life is miserable! Where are the crops?! Becky, goddamnit!" There we go! |
| 1405 | -->(Henry and Marcus chuckle) |
| 1406 | -->'''Marcus:''' ''(in a stereotypical cowboy voice)'' Does that look infected to you? ''(normal)'' It was a lot of that. |
| 1407 | -->'''Ben:''' No, no, that looks great...''(whispers)'' Guys, guys, he's got twenty minutes to live. |
| 1408 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(whispers)'' Take his stuff! |
| 1409 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(still whispering)'' Take his shit, man! |
| 1410 | -->'''Marcus:''' ''(in the cowboy voice again)'' Give my boots to my son! |
| 1411 | |
| 1412 | !!Episode 465: Billy the Kid Part IV - "Wanted Dead or Alive" |
| 1413 | * Ben suggests the perfect way to catch Billy the Kid: exploding turkeys. |
| 1414 | -->'''Ben:''' Hear me out: exploding turkeys! Billy the Kid loves his turkeys, put a couple of bombs on some turkeys, send them loose, suicide bomb turkeys. Billy the Kid runs after the turkey, picks it up...[[WhyAmITicking "Three, two, one! Oh no!"]] Boom! |
| 1415 | * Marcus mentions a story where Pat Garrett and his deputies overheard Billy and his girlfriend Paulita having a romantic encounter, and Henry jokes that Billy was a giggler during sex. |
| 1416 | -->'''Henry:''' He's a giggler! [[BrickJoke Just like Mama Kissel!]] |
| 1417 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(sputters in disgust)'' Don't you ever besmirch my mother's sense of humor once again! |
| 1418 | |
| 1419 | !!Episode 466: Rodney Alcala Part I - "Wanna See a Pretty Picture?" |
| 1420 | * Ben and Henry both share a laugh over Rodney Alcala's full birth name, [[OverlyLongName Rodrigo Jacques Alcala Buquor.]] |
| 1421 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(as a doctor)'' Uh, ma'am, we can't get his head out because of the bowtie! Oh my goodness, could he change his last name into something less French? |
| 1422 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(mimics a spray bottle noise)'' Make this pussy wetter! |
| 1423 | * Rodney's attempt to murder a young girl in a park is inadvertently foiled by a park ranger, who smelled the weed Rodney had forced the girl to smoke beforehand. Ben can't help but make the ranger into a caricature, giving him the voice of Yogi Bear. |
| 1424 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(in a Yogi Bear voice)'' I'm just a park ranger bear! And oh, I smell marijuana! [[DissonantSerenity Oh my God, there's something far worse going on!]] |
| 1425 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(As Alcala)'' Oh my God! It's a fucking bear with a hat on! |
| 1426 | -->'''Ben:''' Yup! I'm sorry, you're gonna have to let that young girl go. Give me that joint! |
| 1427 | * The brief return of Henry's David Berkowitz impression, and it's just as nebbish as ever. |
| 1428 | |
| 1429 | !!Episode 467: Rodney Alcala Part II - "Bananas For Dinner" |
| 1430 | * The title of the episode comes from a question Rodney Alcala was asked during his stint on The Dating Game. One of the questions was along the lines of "If you were a dinner food, what would you be?", and Rodney responded with the bizarre and slightly risqué answer of [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything "a banana".]] This leads to an episode-long RunningGag about Rodney's fascination with bananas. |
| 1431 | ** Ben repeatedly calls back to this gag throughout the episode, trying and failing to come up with other "sexy food names", much to the annoyance of Henry. |
| 1432 | |
| 1433 | !!Episode 470: Karla Homolka & Paul Bernardo Part I - "Coroners, Coffins, and Crabs" |
| 1434 | * The title of the episode comes from a discussion about Paul Bernardo and his friends/minions, and how they would hang out at the coroner's office and watch the mortician tend to dead bodies. Ben quips that this sounds like a Guy Fieri spin-off, which Marcus dubs "Coroners, Coffins, and Crabs". |
| 1435 | * Ben asks for a clarification on what the word "paraphilia" means, which leads into a conversation about what can be considered "normal" in terms of fetishes. This prompts Ben to make some assumptions about Henry and Natalie's personal interests, much to Henry's annoyance. |
| 1436 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(in a high-pitched rasp)'' "Henry, come and play dog!" |
| 1437 | -->'''Henry:''' Don't you fucking--Why are you giving my beautiful model wife the voice of a bent over crone woman that looks for roadkill?! |
| 1438 | -->''(Marcus collapses into uncontrollable laughter)'' |
| 1439 | -->'''Henry:''' ''She is a model!'' |
| 1440 | |
| 1441 | !!Episode 471: Karla Homolka & Paul Bernardo Part II - "Deadly Innocence" |
| 1442 | * Henry opens the episode apologizing on Marcus's behalf for his pronunciation of the Canadian province Ontario in the previous episode[[note]]He'd spent most the episode pronouncing it as "On-TAR-ee-oh" rather than "On-TAIR-ee-oh", much to the annoyance of Canadian listeners.[[/note]], claiming it was his "Latin-American influence" mixing up his words. |
| 1443 | * Marcus has Henry read out some of Paul Bernardo's god-awful rap lyrics, and poor Henry sounds like he's dying inside as he's reading the lines out loud. |
| 1444 | -->'''Ben:''' He sounds like Terry the Gnome! |
| 1445 | -->'''Henry:''' He does! This is technically, if [[Film/ChildsPlay Chucky]] raps, this is what it would sound like. |
| 1446 | |
| 1447 | !!Episode 472: Karla Homolka & Paul Bernardo Part III - "Canadian Psycho" |
| 1448 | * Ben and Henry rag on Paul Bernardo's decision to change his name to his stage name of Paul Jason Teale. Ben says the name sounds like "a CEO of a scam cookie company", and Henry says he sounds like a presidential assassin. |
| 1449 | * Yet another instance of Canadian Backseat Driving comes up when Paul claims that he would have mixed those concrete blocks ''properly''. This causes Henry to reach the end of his tether: |
| 1450 | -->'''Henry:''' (''stereotypical Canadian accent'') See, what ya gotta do there is--(''normal voice'') I'm gonna ''fucking'' '''''screeeeaaaam!''''' |
| 1451 | |
| 1452 | !!Episode 473: Anneliese Michel Part I - "The Devil Is Inside You" |
| 1453 | * Ben immediately finds amusement in the Catholic Church naming their new reform plan "Vatican 2", claiming it sounds like cheap movie sequel. |
| 1454 | -->'''Ben:''' I love Vatican 2. Vatican 3 is the best, when they adopt a kid from India. Man, that one is really fantastic! |
| 1455 | * In addition to supposedly being possessed by demons such as Emperor Nero and Lucifer (as well as others), Anneliese was also possessed by Hitler, who would just shout "HEIL!" over and over whenever he'd appear. According to one of the priests who oversaw the exorcisms, the other demons would mock Hitler and say things along the lines of "Oh, he never says anything of substance.", which Marcus argues is a fair enough judgment for 1970's Germany. |
| 1456 | |
| 1457 | !!Episode 474: Anneliese Michel Part II - "Dig Up the Corpse!" |
| 1458 | * Henry finds it extremely ironic that the Virgin Mary asked Anneliese to atone for the sins of Germany's youth in the 70's, rather than the [[UsefulNotes/NaziGermany much more obvious atrocities]] of the 30's and 40's. |
| 1459 | -->'''Ben:''' Well, I guess we can't trust a Virgin Mary who has a child. |
| 1460 | * The demons constantly calling Anneliese "snot-nosed" and insulting the priests during the exorcisms. During one particular session, Judas Iscariot, supposedly possessing Anneliese, angrily chastises one of the priests for traveling to China and "snatching souls", which greatly amuses Henry. |
| 1461 | |
| 1462 | !!Episode 475: Lizzie Borden Part I - "41 Whacks" |
| 1463 | * Considering how the episode's topic involves one of the most famous axe murders in history, Henry naturally takes every opportunity he can to mimic the "Freebird" guitar riff over the course of the two part series. |
| 1464 | ** Even Marcus gets in on the gag, occasionally playing a Rock & Roll guitar solo for moments of emphasis. |
| 1465 | * Marcus brings up the criminal activity that happened around the Borden residence prior to the murders, including an incident where a flock of ''pigeons'' were stolen from the family's barn. |
| 1466 | -->'''Ben:''' It seems like a very ''loud'' burglary. |
| 1467 | * A discussion of Lizzie Borden's incredibly dull morning routine on the day of the murders, which included just wandering around the yard picking up pears, leads to a long and bizarre debate between the hosts about whether or not pears can be considered a "fancy fruit". |
| 1468 | -->'''Henry:''' I hate pears. |
| 1469 | -->'''Marcus:''' I love pears. Why do you hate pears? |
| 1470 | -->'''Henry:''' I like a ''stewed'' pear. |
| 1471 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(disgusted sigh)'' Just eat a fucking pear, bro. |
| 1472 | -->'''Marcus:''' You're a fucking fancy boy. |
| 1473 | -->'''Henry:''' No, I-- |
| 1474 | -->'''Marcus:''' How did you become such a fancy boy growing up in fucking Queens? |
| 1475 | -->'''Ben:''' He's always been a fancy boy, I know. He's the most fancy boy in Queens. |
| 1476 | -->'''Henry:''' ''Pears are a fancy fruit, you fucking pieces of shit!'' Bananas are for the people, oranges are for the people-- |
| 1477 | -->'''Marcus:''' But that’s the thing, you don't even ''like'' pears! No, pears are not a “fancy fruit”. |
| 1478 | -->'''Henry:''' Pears ''are'' a fancy fruit! |
| 1479 | -->'''Ben:''' We could do this all day. |
| 1480 | -->'''Henry:''' I’m gonna--I’m gonna Google, I’m gonna Google… |
| 1481 | -->'''Ben:''' “Are pears a fancy fruit?” |
| 1482 | -->'''Henry:''' ''(typing in his computer)'' “Are pears a fancy fruit?” |
| 1483 | -->'''Ben:''' You think Google has a fucking answer for that? |
| 1484 | -->'''Henry:''' I wanna see what it says. “Are pears a fancy fruit?” ''(Beat)'' “What are fancy pears? The pear is the Prince of Fruits.” |
| 1485 | -->'''Ben:''' Jesus Christ... |
| 1486 | -->''(laughter from Marcus)'' |
| 1487 | -->'''Henry:''' No, people are saying right here, “the pear is the Prince of Fruits”! |
| 1488 | -->'''Ben:''' This is where we want to talk about the dangers of the internet, right? |
| 1489 | -->''(Henry and Marcus both burst out laughing)'' |
| 1490 | -->'''Ben:''' If you ask a very pointed question like that, you will get the answer that you want. |
| 1491 | -->'''Henry:''' “The pear is the Prince of Fruits, you just need to know when to eat them.” That’s what they’re saying here. Oh, you wanna talk about how fancy is that? There’s only a tiny window to eat them. |
| 1492 | -->'''Marcus:''' Yeah, you just got told because you were always fucking Googling fancy things, and your computer knows that you wanna see fancy shit, so it tells you that “Yes, pears are fancy, Mr. Fancy Boy!” |
| 1493 | -->'''Henry:''' Whatever man, whatever. I hold my truth! |
| 1494 | -->'''Ben:''' You just proved why journalism is dead. |
| 1495 | * The reason why there were so few police officers on staff when the Borden murders occurred? The killings just so happened to fall on a day when [[PoliceAreUseless the entire police force was out on an annual excursion to the local amusement park.]] Marcus assures the audience [[{{Corpsing}} through his laughter]] that this is [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer 100% true.]] |
| 1496 | * When discussing the various theories of how Lizzie might have committed the murders, Marcus briefly mentions the theory suggested by ''Film/TheLegendOfLizzieBorden'' that Lizzie committed the crimes [[FullFrontalAssault in the nude]]. The conversation moves on to the logistics of the whole ordeal, but Ben is still stuck on the mental image of a [[DistractedByTheSexy naked Elizabeth Montgomery]] [[InLoveWithYourCarnage covered in blood]]. |
| 1497 | -->'''Ben:''' Maybe I'm just really lonely, but man, when you said she was naked, I was like "That's kinda hot.~" |
| 1498 | -->(Marcus bursts into laughter) |
| 1499 | -->'''Henry:''' You're still stuck on it? |
| 1500 | -->'''Marcus:''' Well, no, because you're thinking of [[MsFanservice naked Elizabeth Montgomery]]. ''That's'' hot, yeah. |
| 1501 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(obviously distracted)'' Yeaaaaah. |
| 1502 | * Several gags are made about the fact that Lizzie Borden was menstruating at the time of the murders, which frequently sends the hosts into [[HehHehYouSaidX immature giggling.]] |
| 1503 | -->'''Henry:''' (laughing) I'm a fucking nine-year-old! |
| 1504 | * Ben and Henry can't help but laugh at the last name of one of Borden family's friends: Dr. Benjamin [[HehHehYouSaidX Handy]]. |
| 1505 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(as Dr. Handy)'' You don't wanna know how I got my name. |
| 1506 | -->'''Henry:''' I'm about to get a house visit from "Dr. Handy" in our hotel room. |
| 1507 | ** When Marcus mentions Dr. Handy's name again, [[{{Corpsing}} Henry can be heard snickering in the background.]] |
| 1508 | |
| 1509 | !!Episode 476: Lizzie Borden Part II - "...With An Axe!" |
| 1510 | * Henry's portrayal of Dr. Dolan, the coroner who performed the autopsies on the Bordens, which can only be described as a combination of the Bonesplitter and an American version of Chef Louis from ''WesternAnimation/{{The Little Mermaid|1989}}''. |
| 1511 | -->'''Henry:''' (as Dr. Dolan) ''[[EvilLaugh AHAHAHA!]]'' Excellent! Yes! So soft, [[IAmAHumanitarian so delicious!]] I mean, scientific... |
| 1512 | ** The Bonesplitter himself actually makes a brief return, as Dr. Dolan's assistant. |
| 1513 | * When discussing the various rumours about what Lizzie's motive for killing her parents would be, Henry brings up one particularly "out there" theory that suggests Lizzie was caught in a lesbian tryst with the maid. While Henry explains that this particular rumour was complete fanfiction, [[NotSoAboveItAll Marcus]] slyly comments that [[GirlOnGirlIsHot "It's nice fanfiction, though."]] |
| 1514 | |
| 1515 | !!Episode 482: MK Ultra Part I - "The Manchurian Candidate" |
| 1516 | * A running gag in this series is Henry, who has spent years trying to tame his worst paranoid ConspiracyTheorist tendencies, joking that he's going to backslide the more he learns about MK Ultra and the people behind it. |
| 1517 | * While discussing the various backwards ways that medical professionals in the 50's would use to try to "cure" mental illness, Ben adds that the C.I.A also has a long history of trying to "fix things." |
| 1518 | -->'''Ben:''' I mean, back in the day, we were at the point where in the 1950's if you sneezed wrong, they were like "He's gay." And there was very little social science. Or mental science. |
| 1519 | -->'''Henry:''' But that's also why they invented all of these various truth serums, too, was to test if their people were gay or communist. They couldn't handle anyone having a good time in the C.I.A! |
| 1520 | * One of the first forays the O.S.S took into psychological warfare was both incredibly clumsy and insanely stupid. They believed that the Nazi regime would collapse if Hitler was demoralized. Their solution? By airdropping piles upon piles of dirty German pornography across the country, apparently hoping that Hitler would be too DistractedByTheSexy to focus on the war. |
| 1521 | -->'''Marcus:''' I mean, the logic is unclear on this one. I can't quite figure it out. I mean, I guess the thought that if Hitler saw German fraus in compromising positions, he'd lose faith in the whole thing and the Third Reich would just fall apart? |
| 1522 | |
| 1523 | !!Episode 483: MK Ultra Part II - "No Shirt, No Bodies, No Problem" |
| 1524 | * The episode's title comes from a discussion on how the C.I.A constantly referred to body disposal as being "no problem", which prompts Henry to utter the titular line in a mock-mobster accent. |
| 1525 | * After two whole episodes, Henry finally cracks and starts ranting in his "stoner voice" about how objective reality doesn't exist. |
| 1526 | -->"We're living in the fucking CIA metaverse, dude!" |
| 1527 | * Ben completely forgets how to pronounce [[Creator/BenedictCumberbatch Benedict Cumberbatch's]] name, instead calling him "Bendelbink Humberbump", much to Henry's amusement. |
| 1528 | -->'''Henry:''' His name is Benedict Cubberbunch, and that's it from now on. |
| 1529 | * During a discussion on how Nazi doctor Kurt Blome was acquitted for war crimes at Nuremberg despite the mountains evidence against him, Marcus dubs Blome the "Casey Anthony of Nuremberg", sending both Henry and Ben into hysterical laughter. |
| 1530 | -->'''Ben:''' (as Blome) Thank God they never checked my Firefox account. |
| 1531 | |
| 1532 | !!Episode 484: MK Ultra Part III - "The Cup and Balls" |
| 1533 | * Henry opens the episode by trying to create his own secret C.I.A code phrase, deciding on "The pizza is done." Ben concludes that this just means that Henry is hungry, and Marcus pipes up with his own phrase of "The raspberries are back in season." |
| 1534 | -->'''Ben:''' [[NeverLiveItDown He's bleeding from his asshole again!]] |
| 1535 | * Marcus mentions how the American public and media couldn't comprehend why some of the American soldiers freed from Korean POW camps after the Korean War Armstice of 1953 would prefer Communism over the ways of the US, so they came up with a long list of excuses for their behavior. One of which was because they apparently had "homosexual tendencies", a notion that greatly amuses the hosts. |
| 1536 | -->'''Marcus:''' That's the funny thing about this. It's so fucking childish, where these guys have thoughts that are different from the American public, and the best they can come up with is "It's probably because you're fucking gay!" |
| 1537 | * The escapades of MadScientist Dr. Jolyon West, who was tasked with experiments into how LSD can alter personalities. One of his "experiments" involved shooting an elephant with a blow dart containing of 300,000 grams of LSD and watching the results. Predictably, the experiment didn't go well, and the poor elephant keeled over, shat itself, had a seizure, and died. |
| 1538 | -->'''Ben:''' (horrified laughter) That's horrible! What science - what is this science?! |
| 1539 | -->'''Henry:''' You know what you just did? You made four end tables. |
| 1540 | |
| 1541 | !!Episode 485: MK Ultra Part IV - "App-opp-alypse" |
| 1542 | * Henry mentions how over the course of the previous episodes, he's received emails from professional hypnotist and starts defending authenticity behind the practice, which prompts Ben and Marcus to joke that Henry got duped by a scam artist. |
| 1543 | * The discussion about Operation: Midnight Climax, a C.I.A mission to test the effects of LSD after sex. Needless to say, all three hosts quickly devolve into [[HehHehYouSaidX immature laughter]] over the course of the story. |
| 1544 | |
| 1545 | !!Episode 486: MK Ultra Part V - "Acoustic Kitty" |
| 1546 | * The episode's title comes from the name of a C.I.A experiment where a tiny microphone was implanted into a cat to test if the audio quality would be better in a covert setting. Surprisingly enough, it actually worked, except for when the cat wandered off by itself because there wasn't an animal handler on staff to actually train the cat to follow orders. |
| 1547 | ** Ben then jokes that ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} was a spy, which then prompts an argument about whether or not Garfield spoke normally, telepathically, or just had an inner monologue. |
| 1548 | -->'''Henry:''' Well yeah, of course, because Garfield could fucking talk. Or at least mentally talk. I guess telepathy? |
| 1549 | -->'''Ben:''' Telepathy, yeah. |
| 1550 | -->'''Henry:''' And so, I mean Jon, well obviously using that [[BestialityIsDepraved for some way, shape, or form,]] because he certainly wasn't getting laid. |
| 1551 | -->'''Marcus:''' It wasn't telepathy, because he wasn't conveying the thoughts to Jon, he was just thinking. |
| 1552 | -->'''Henry:''' They talk! |
| 1553 | -->'''Marcus:''' No, they never talk. |
| 1554 | -->'''Ben:''' No, Jon understood Garfield. Well, how would he be able to know that he wanted lasagna? |
| 1555 | -->'''Marcus:''' Because he fed him lasagna once. I mean, if I'm gonna get into "Garfield lore", I would imagine that because Jon left out some lasagna once and Garfield went up and fucking ate it, because Jon is a fucking disgusting bachelor. And so, since he saw how fucking Garfield loved the lasagna, he just kept giving him lasagna, and Jon- |
| 1556 | -->'''Henry:''' ''Jon and Garfield could talk!'' ''JON AND GARFIELD COULD TALK!'' |
| 1557 | -->'''Ben:''' Jon and Garfield can talk, yeah. |
| 1558 | -->'''Marcus:''' I'm not fucking budging on this one. |
| 1559 | * When discussing the various schemes of Sidney Gottlieb, Henry describes him as "an evil Keebler elf from the Bronx", which cracks up Ben and Marcus. |
| 1560 | -->'''Ben:''' All I know is that I'm not eating anything at that dude's house. |
| 1561 | |
| 1562 | !!Episode 489: The Children of Thunder Part I: "That's Not Gritz!" |
| 1563 | * Henry and Ben both mention multiple times (in this and and the following episode) that Justin Helzer would commonly eat his food on the floor like a dog. |
| 1564 | |
| 1565 | !!Episode 490: The Children of Thunder Part II - "Yada Yada Yada" |
| 1566 | * One of Taylor Helzer's ''WesternAnimation/PinkyAndTheBrain''-esque schemes to become head of the Mormon church involved adopting a bunch of Brazilian orphans and training them to become assassins. |
| 1567 | |
| 1568 | !!Episode 491: Blackbeard Part I - "Dead Men Tell No Tales, Literally" |
| 1569 | * Given that this series is about one of the most famous pirates in history, the boys take any opportunity they can to bust out their stereotypical pirate accents. |
| 1570 | * Henry opens the episode by insisting that the term "searover" is a slur, and constantly brings up throughout the episode that the "seafaring community" are going to cancel them. |
| 1571 | * After a particularly goofy comment from Ben, Henry relays to the audience that he and Ben were recently at a weed conference, which might explain Ben's odd behavior. Ben insists that he didn't smoke while there, but says that smelling weed might have had some influence. |
| 1572 | -->'''Ben:''' And I heard the word "terpene" more than I've ever heard it before in my life, and I'm about to go take a "terpene" off a fucking bridge. |
| 1573 | |
| 1574 | !!Episode 492: Blackbeard Part II - "P is for Pirate" |
| 1575 | * Henry's impression of pirate Stede Bonnet, whose execution was delayed seven times because spectators found him so "[[NotWorthKilling pitiful]]" during his trial. |
| 1576 | -->'''Henry (as Bonnet):''' [[InelegantBlubbering YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME]]! YOU CAN'T, I'VE GOT SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! I WANT TO WEAR THE HAT AGAIN! I JUST WANTED TO WEAR THE HAT IN THE FIRST PLACE! |
| 1577 | -->'''Ben (as spectator):''' Send him back and have him return when he's more confident. This is not fun. |
| 1578 | -->'''Henry (as Bonnet):''' I AM SIMPLY DEVASTATED BY THIS TOO! |
| 1579 | -->'''Ben (as spectator):''' Becky, this is one of the worst [[PublicExecution executions]] I've ever been to. I'm so sorry this is our first [[BadDate date]]. |
| 1580 | -->'''Henry (as Bonnet):''' YOU CAN'T HANG ME! I HATE ROPE! I'M ALLERGIC TO THE FIBERS! |
| 1581 | |
| 1582 | !! Episode 495: Leopold and Loeb Part I - "The Übermensch" |
| 1583 | * Marcus relates that Nathan Leopold became popular at school through ornithology[[note]]the study of ''birds''[[/note]] and Ben remarks that he always thought that ornithology had to do with [[GeniusDitz studying popcorn kernels]]. Marcus and Henry try to reconstruct his train of thought, but only manage to get up to [[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orville_Redenbacher Orville Redenbacher]]. |
| 1584 | * Starting with this episode and continuing throughout the Leopold and Loeb series, Henry insists on referring to Creator/FriedrichNietzsche as "Freddy Nachos". |
| 1585 | [[/folder]] |
| 1586 | |
| 1587 | [[folder: Episode 500 Onwards]] |
| 1588 | !! Episode 500: The Salem Witch Trials Part I - "Get Your Buckles!" |
| 1589 | * Marcus takes a moment to dispel the myth about how ergot poisoning led to the Witch trials, which just results in Henry and Ben repeatedly saying "ergot poisoning" in increasingly incomprehensible [[SimpletonVoice bumpkin accents.]] |
| 1590 | |
| 1591 | !! Episode 504: Charles Starkweather Part I - "One Teddy Bear Please" |
| 1592 | * While introducing the episode's subject, Ben describes Charles Starkweather as having the last name of "a businessman who carries around a briefcase containing photocopies of his own buttocks." Henry then points out that he just described Tony Stark. |
| 1593 | * The title of the episode is inspired by an extremely petty incident that ended up being the catalyst for Starkweather's first murder. When Starkweather tried to buy a teddy bear for his girlfriend Caril Ann on credit, the gas station attendant informed him that they only accepted cash, which led Charles to decide to kill the attendant during his upcoming robbery. Naturally, Ben and Henry get a kick out of the fact that the inciting incident of this entire story was a teddy bear. |
| 1594 | |
| 1595 | !! Episode 506: Fred and Rose West Part I - "A Match Made in Hell" |
| 1596 | * Henry gets a kick out of the names of some of the more obscure English towns that appear throughout the episode, and half-jokingly quips that their UK audience is going to hunt them down for their mispronunciations. |
| 1597 | * While discussing ''Cider with Rosie'', a book set in the time period Fred West grew up in, Marcus lists off some of the characters that appear in the story while Henry and Ben react to the bizarre names. |
| 1598 | -->'''Marcus:''' Colorful British names. Crabby B., Albert the Devil... |
| 1599 | -->'''Henry:''' Oh, he's cute! |
| 1600 | -->'''Marcus:''' Granny Trill. |
| 1601 | -->'''Henry:''' (shudders in disgust) |
| 1602 | -->'''Marcus:''' Spadge Hopkins... |
| 1603 | -->'''Henry:''' Don't let him anywhere near your fucking daughter [[BestialityIsDepraved or your farm animals.]] |
| 1604 | -->'''Ben:''' For some reason, I feel like he would make a great omelette, though. |
| 1605 | -->'''Marcus:''' Yeah. And my favorite, Cabbage-Stump Charlie. |
| 1606 | * Henry and Ben repeatedly express disbelief that [[KavorkaMan Fred West]] somehow keeps managing to get women to fall for him, despite his hideous appearance and abhorrent behavior. This also extends to Henry's criticism of Fred's parents, who he describes as looking like "if Humpty Dumpty was a landlord". |
| 1607 | |
| 1608 | !! Episode 507: Fred and Rose West Part II - "Mum and Dad's Room" |
| 1609 | * Henry continues to mock the idea that Rose West was able to seduce so many people during her time in sex work, and plays up her troll-like behavior frequently. Marcus then brings up that the commonly thought of image of Rose West is her in her later age, but Henry argues that she wasn't much better when age was younger. |
| 1610 | -->'''Henry:''' I looked at the old pictures of her, too. She looks like fucking Ringo Starr! |
| 1611 | -->'''Ben:''' I don't know, folks. You heard it here first, Marcus thinks that Rose West is a real ten! |
| 1612 | -->'''Marcus:''' (sputtering) I did not-- I do not think Rose is a-- No, no, no, no! |
| 1613 | -->''(Henry breaks down laughing)'' |
| 1614 | |
| 1615 | !!Episode 531: The Chicago Rippers Part II - "Lets Get Into It" |
| 1616 | * When Henry [[RunningGag once again brings up MK Ultra while discussing something completely unrelated to it]], Ben exasperatedly asks "[[Film/TheBigLebowski What does this have to do with Vietnam, Walter?]]" |
| 1617 | |
| 1618 | !!Episode 533: The Manhattan Project Part I - "The Living Dead" |
| 1619 | * While Marcus talks about the history of radium and its use in the 1930s, Ben and Henry act like bored students, joking that "Mr. Parks" has a crush on Marie Curie and complaining when he uses his "old-timey" voice to talk about radium. |
| 1620 | * During a discussion on how a Nazi won a Nobel Prize in biology in 1934: |
| 1621 | -->'''Henry:''' There was a man named, um, Gruber Kissel, that was there, giving out these incredible peanuts, was he in the catering company? |
| 1622 | -->'''Ben:''' My grandfather was working with labor unions at the time... |
| 1623 | -->'''Marcus:''' [[ArmorPiercingQuestion Labor unions that were manufacturing what?]] |
| 1624 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(Beat)'' Labor. |
| 1625 | [[/folder]] |
| 1626 | |
| 1627 | [[folder:Side Stories, Livestreams, and Others]] |
| 1628 | * On the [[https://www.adultswim.com/videos/last-stream-on-the-left/friday-december-2nd-2016 Thanksgiving 2016]] episode of Last Stream, Ben is subject to many a roast from Marcus' Garfield joke book as well as an infamous rude phone call from a Round Table of Gentlemen fan called Destiny. This all culminates in Ben slowly getting angrier and more annoyed throughout the episode. |
| 1629 | -->'''Henry:''' I'm gonna say this: Your German is really showing today, Kissel! [[note]]([[RunningGag referring to]] Ben's NaziGrandpa)[[/note]] |
| 1630 | -->'''Ben:''' Yeah? You wanna fucking-- [[BewareTheNiceOnes you wanna be baked?!]] |
| 1631 | -->''Marcus erupts into laughter, after a {{Beat}}, Henry dissolves into horrified laughter'' |
| 1632 | -->'''Jackie:''' Oh my ''God!'' We're Polish! |
| 1633 | -->''More hysterical laughter from Marcus'' |
| 1634 | -->'''Henry:''' That's disgusting! |
| 1635 | -->'''Ben:''' ''(unfazed)'' Yeah? Yeah? Good. Good fucking Christ Almighty. |
| 1636 | * A darkly funny moment happens in the February 20th 2018 episode of Last Stream during Ben's Mandate. Although Ben usually picks videos that are "innocent" and less "out there" compared to Marcus and Henry, a sudden dark moment occurs when Ben shows a man severely injuring themselves trying to do a backflip watching a Michael Jackson impersonator. The chat claims that the man died which puts Ben in a genuinely shocked and somber mood (although sources do say the man just severely injured himself and did not die). The next video he plays (of a Man wailing horrifically with a Hurdy Gurdy instrument) is the icing on the cake as the tune sounds like a weird funeral tune which just cracks Marcus and Henry up. |
| 1637 | [[/folder]] |
| 1638 | |
| 1639 | [[folder:General Things in All The Above]] |
| 1640 | * Whenever the legendary "WHO WAS PHONE?!?" story is brought up on several of the Creepypasta episodes. Mostly due to Marcus' frantic yet overdramatic re-telling of the story (sometimes hidden in other stories to catch out Ben and Henry) and usually Ben's follow up reaction of screaming "Fuuuuuuuuck" which has since became a meme to a twist ending whenever a Creepypasta episode occurs. |
| 1641 | * Ben's unintentional catchphrase of "Fuuuuuuuuck" comes from a rather humourous re-telling of a story called "Ten" in which a man is lured to a fence outside of a Mental Asylum after hearing ominous voices chanting "Ten, Ten, Ten". The man looks into a hole in the fence and is immediately poked in the eye with a stick whilst the voices start to chant "Eleven, Eleven, Eleven". The man yells "Fuck" in the story, likely in pain and frustation. But Ben overacts and yells "Fuuuuuuuuck" in a strange way which causes Henry to lose it. |
| 1642 | * Usually when Ben is attempting to read a long Creepypasta or horror story and begins to stumble when reading, usually due to not reading the story ahead of time or reacting to something in the story. This usually causes Marcus and Henry to crack up imagining Ben trying to rush through reading a fairy tale to his future children. |
| 1643 | * Whenever the guys mention Ted Bundy, one of them makes sure to bring up how, in college, Henry was asked to leave a Chi Omega party for bringing up the fact that Bundy killed members of the sorority during his time in Tallahassee, Florida |
| 1644 | * The impressions! Some of these impressions of the figures in these stories become complete reoccurring characters in their own right. |
| 1645 | ** Henry's take on [[SerialKiller Richard Chase]] is a CloudCuckoolander who sounds like a perpetually-screeching, deranged Mickey Mouse. |
| 1646 | ** Jeffrey Dahmer has been turned into a [[https://youtu.be/GomkGdD6vZk?t=1261 childlike dork]] with a cacophonic "nerd" voice and an exagerated Midwestern accent (as opposed to the soft, gentle, pleasant-sounding, Midwest CreepyMonotone [[https://youtu.be/BrmybrKSp4M he actually]] had [[note]]The real-life Jeffrey Dahmer is the sad-sack sounding guy in soundbite in the beginning theme that goes, "That's when the cannibalism started..."[[/note]]). |
| 1647 | ** The same "Dahmer" episode also has the [[https://youtu.be/GomkGdD6vZk?t=2321 funniest take]] on Det. Patrick Kennedy known to humanity (here's [[https://youtu.be/UFx1B8aVUkE the real deal]] for [[https://youtu.be/S0ILJ3Csi98 comparison]], which, at times, is almost as amusing). |
| 1648 | --->'''Henry!Kennedy:''' (when describing Jeff's fridge) "DIJON!", "...an' ''Arm & Hammer'' Bakin' Soder, to keep it fresh", "...And there was this black guy! [[note]]a severed head[[/note]]..." |
| 1649 | *** Much is made of everyone's Midwestern-ness it's like the case was populated by men who were low-key [[Film/{{Fargo}} "Marge Gunderson"]] or stereotypical Canadians [[note]]"...Yeap yeap yeap. Dat's the steam from all the brats!"..."...an ''Arm & Hammer'' bakin' ''soder'', to keep it fresh..."[[/note]]. |
| 1650 | ** Charles Ng who's an over-the-top {{McNinja}} Asian [[https://youtu.be/UMaPijjvdg0 stereotype]] with his AsianSpeekeeEngrish and catchphrase of "What I bwing to fwienship" and variations thereof. |
| 1651 | ** David Berkowitz (the 'Son of Sam') [[https://youtu.be/kJuQ0YPk6co being the biggest]] "nebbish" imaginable, having weird allergies and generally being a complete stereotypically-Jewish dweeb who allergic to everything. |
| 1652 | ** Henry's impression of Charles Manson, a raspy-voiced, [[TheStoner stoner]] who's a TalkativeLoon. |
| 1653 | ** Minnie & Nannie; Two victims of H.H. Holmes who have been recharacterized as these [[https://youtu.be/JayjysWzE-c shrill weird women]] who constantly introduce themselves. |
| 1654 | ** Mr. Muggs, Jim Jones' pet chimp. The OnlySaneMan of The Peoples Temple, with a mechanical voicebox ''Film/{{Congo}}''-style. |
| 1655 | ** Elliot Rodger's [[https://youtu.be/W8XECis21ew?t=394 inner monologue]] sounds something like a slightly effete, overly-melodramatic Creator/AlfredHitchcock. |
| 1656 | ** Henry's impersonation of his own mother, which includes her quirk of referring to him by his first and middle names (Henry Thomas, or rather Henry Tahwmas, [[FunetikAksent in her accent]]). It reaches new heights in Episode 333: The Andreasson Affair, where Henry entirely bases his impression of Betty Andreasson (the alien abductee) off his mother and even throws in quotes from her. |
| 1657 | ** Henry's take on [[https://youtu.be/usenzg4lIEA Peggy Hodgson]] (and others) in the Enfield Poltergeist case. Hilarious Cockey accents and English-stereotypes abound. If Henry's David Berkowitz is a hypochondriac who's allergic to everything then Ms. Hodgson has weird ailments like "Hook-Feet", "Sandy Ankles" and "Rag Lung" (she's the 'Rag Woman', you see). |
| 1658 | ** Henry's impression of Joseph Kallinger, which despite his intention of making it a generic "old Jewish man" voice, ends up, perhaps inevitably, morphing into an impression of UsefulNotes/BernieSanders. |
| 1659 | ** The impression of Dennis Nilsen is a most glorious, Celtic, cacophonic symphony of SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, {{Scotireland}}, TrillingRs and LargeHam. |
| 1660 | ** Norwegian Black Metal musicians (and Scandinavians in general) are also often hilarious. |
| 1661 | ** Chris Benoit, a raspy-voiced [[LargeHam hamtastic]] CloudCuckoolander who's [[DumbMuscle none too smart]]. |
| 1662 | ** Danny Rolling becomes a sullen, overly apologetic Eeyore with a dopey southern accent. |
| 1663 | ** Robert Pickton is a goofy Canadian with a silly exaggerated accent and a [[https://youtu.be/zC-Xqwd-E-c horrid style of writing]] that rambles on and on and on and on and... |
| 1664 | --->'''Ben:''' "AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" |
| 1665 | [[/folder]] |
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