open/close all folders
Episodes 1 to 100
Episode 61: The B.T.K. Killer Part II: "Detective Popcorn"
- As the name implies, this episode marks the birth of the hosts' recurring character, Detective Popcorn. It starts with commentary about how the police tracking B.T.K. are unable to do anything, a reminder of their nickname of "The Hot Dog Squad" (though Ben gets it wrong and calls them the "Sausage Gang") and Henry imagining the Anthropomorphic Food of the "Let's All Go to the Lobby" theater ads as police officers. The end result is the gang's go-to joke when they want to really highlight how useless the police are:Detective Popcorn: Aw, gee, boss, I'm just a bunch of popcorn! How am I supposed to find a BTK killer? Ohh sweet, sweet delicious butter all over. Mmm... salty kernels... mmmm, ohh... can't resist me. Trying to sit down watch a movie, mmm... you greedy fingers! Looking for my popcorny kernels, ohh... There's no way I'm gonna find that BTK killer, being so delicious.
Episode 35: There's Bones In The Chocolate!
- The titular source of the episode's name (and second to '...and that's when the cannibalism started...' among the show's catchprases); A reaction to the fact that Jeffrey Dahmer worked as a mixer at a chocolate factory. What follows is described as a factory worker and others screaming in horror over the possiblity of victim-bone-fragment contamination from Dahmer's fingernails in the creamy chocolaty goodness...
Episode 86: Spree Killers Part I: "If They Knew How Much Fun I Was Havin'..."
- While some parts of the Spree Killers two-parter haven't aged particularly well (their segment on Richard Speck, mass rapist and brutal spree killer, spends more time making fun of Speck's victims than Speck himself - an approach the boys deliberately avoid in later episodes), there are still a few gems to be found.
- Henry and Marcus reveal that they shared data on their hard drives. Ben immediately asks if the transaction was monitored by the FBI, and if they wore trench coats and exchanged the hard drives in a back alley.Henry: I wore a clown mask and roller skates!Ben: Right, right.Henry (adopting a Creepy Clown Voice): Heh heh heh! Taking down the paradigm! Any one of you kids want to come take down the paradigm with old...clowny here?Ben: God, you are specifically creepy today.Henry: Zippers the Clown wants you guys to help take down the government!
- Henry and Marcus reveal that they shared data on their hard drives. Ben immediately asks if the transaction was monitored by the FBI, and if they wore trench coats and exchanged the hard drives in a back alley.
Episode 87: Spree Killers Part II: "I've Been Getting These Headaches..."
- The boys do a...spirited table read of Virginia Tech shooter Seung-Hui Cho's bizarre stage play "Richard Macbeef". It has to be heard to be believed.
Episode 93: Gnomes!
- Pretty much everything said by the foul-mouthed, hyper-aggressive abomination that is Terry The Gnome counts.Henry (as Terry): I got my dick stuck in a fox's asshole earlier today.
Episodes 100 to 150
Episode 105: John Wayne Gacy
- Early in the episode Henry reads an excerpt from a book written about the case by Gacy's defense attorney, in which the man draws comparisons to himself and John Adams defending the British soldiers who perpetreated the Boston Massacre. Throughout the reading, Ben and Marcus frequently interject to remind everyone that Gacy had the bodies of over 30 young boys either in his basement or in a river.
Episode 124: Dahmer Part I: "Infinity Land"
- The trio fail to identify who Otto von Bismarck is, confusing him for the Kaiser and Archduke Franz Ferdinand.Marcus: I forgot that in our Dahmer outline! "Who's Otto von Bismarck!"
- As a child, Dahmer wore lifts on his legs, like Forrest Gump. This leads to the creation of Forrest Gump, Serial Killer.Henry: I went to Vietnam. But when I went there, I killed some pros-ti-tuutes.
Ben: That's a much better story. Forrest, we're friends now.
Henry: I went to a place called My Lai, where I found out who I really was. I am the blackness!
- Henry's explanation of a game he plays:Henry: What I love to do is... I play this game called "Sprinkler", where I stick my pinky up inside my penis hole and pee out the sides of it.
Ben: So even though it's your pinky, which is your smallest digit, it's still a very large digit to put into a very small hole.
Henry: Quarter-sized hole.
Henry: But you have to know you have a penis... [Beat] You gotta know it!
Ben: That's about a five-alarm Zebrowski piss-fire right there. We'll need about five Zebrowskis to piss that one out.
Episode 125: Dahmer Part II: "How to Be Left Alone in the Ghetto"
- Their description of Club Baths in Milwaukee, Dahmer's first haunt before he began killing:Ben and Henry: NO WAY!
Ben: The Club Baths in Milwaukee was filthy? I can't believe it. Oh, man! [as the owner] "Well, we got the cheese sauna, and we also have the spaghetti and meatball pit!"
Henry: And we're doing a bit of a brat boil in the Egyptian-themed room.
Ben: Yeap. Yeap, yeap. That's all the steam from the brats.
Ben: And it's just so funny: if you hear about, like, a "San Francisco gay bathclub", you're thinking: schvelte parties, beautiful nipples...
Henry: This is Milwaukee SECRET GAY!
Ben: This is underground... this is "da Bears" guys from SNL, all in a dark cave, trying to pretend like they're not gay and don't wanna fuck each other!
- Even the Nightmare Fuel that is Jeffrey Dahmer's shrine to necrophilia doesn't stop the jokes.
Marcus: [...] It was covered in photographs of all of his victims...
- First, they get to what Dahmer managed to finish— and Ben brings up an odd metaphor for it...
Henry: Like real Etsy-like.
Ben: It's sort of like that Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams— "if you build it, they will come"— but, like, he was just wanting a Marilyn Manson concert.
Henry: If he built it, he would come.
Ben: Yeah! "If I build it, I will come." That's true. I just wanna see Kevin Costner beating off on the pitcher's mound. [as Costner] Yeah! YEEAAAAHHHHH!
Henry: No, no, no! This is about old-timey baseball!
Ben (as Costner): No, not for me, it wasn't! YEAAAAAHHHHHH! This is my field of dreams! Field of Creams!
Henry: I really wish that I had not come to this old baseball field— I'm Shoeless Jackson! I should have worn some shoes if I knew— (Henry cracks up)— that Kevin Costner would be jerking off all over my feet!
Ben (as Costner): Mmm, yeah. Trickery, motherfucker!Ben: So, what are you shopping for today at Sealey's, sir?
Henry: I just kinda wanna— (switches to his Dahmer voice) I'm just kinda looking for a nice, relaxing chair that I can put in front of my bone altar so I can jerk off all over the bones.
Henry (as shopping assistant): Well, we're gonna need to get you... one of these Petersens. Beautiful, silver riveting. You've got a deep-pocket bucket seat...
Ben: Do you like to drink beer? Do you like to drink a little bit?
Henry (as Dahmer): Ohhh, I've got to drink beer, or else I'd be killing you right now!
Ben: Why don't you push that button right there on the left?
Henry (as Dahmer): Oh! It's a beer fridge! I can't believe I found something that works so perfectly! Eyyyy, you wanna come by my place?
Ben: We've got a couple of delivery guys coming. (as Dahmer) "Make 'em hairless!"
Episode 126: Dahmer Part III: "Paint it White"
- The show opens with Dahmer pitching shows to the Food Network.Ben: Well, Mr. Dahmer, I think we don't have room for you here on the Food Network. But I think it's a great show idea—
Henry (as Dahmer): But no! Here's my other pitch! Here's my other pitch! What we do is, right—?
Ben: Does it all involve human penises? We're not allowed to have a show where you cook human penises on the show.
Henry (as Dahmer): I think there could be a work-around to the human penis end. But I think that, mostly what I want is... Okay, we get Tyler Florence, right?
Ben: Mm. Yeah.
Henry (as Dahmer): I slit him from bush hair to Adam's apple—
Ben: I'm gonna say SECURITY! Security!
Henry (as Dahmer): Oh come on now! I'm having fun with cooking!
Ben: We're gonna have to get Mr. Dahmer out of here. Thank you. Having Fun With Cooking with Mr. Jeffrey Dahmer will not be greenlit this season. However, I think there might be different shows over at Tru TV. Okay. Goodbye, Mr. Dahmer. Thank you.
- The whole bit with the imagined reation of what Dahmer was like when he attempted to zombify victim, Jeremy Weinberger. Henry's Dahmer is always hilarious and plays him as this gleeful child-like dork; upon initially thinking he succeeded, he decides to rename Weinberger "Zamzar" then, after a pause, says with quiet dismay: "Oh, no. He died!"
- What exactly was Dahmer chanting when he was with Tracy Edwards?Ben (as Dahmer): Sausage, penis... Sausage, penis...
Henry (as Dahmer) ~Do I suck his dick or dooo~ I~ turn it into soup~? Do I suck his feet or do I~ God, I'm off— and play with them for an hour?
Ben (as Edwards): I can hear you. I can hear what you're chanting!
Henry (as Dahmer): Oh, I'm just planning.
Ben: Well, that's terrifying.
Henry: I wanna play with your nipples like they're radio dials, but I kinda wanna just rip them off, like what I did to the radio dials on my radio.
- Henry imagines what the lost penis under Dahmer's bed thinks.Henry: That poor, shriveled, old penis must have been so alone.
Ben: You gotta cut off a lotta human penises to lose one.
Henry (as the penis): Nobody loves me. Jeffrey hasn't sucked on me in weeks. What do you think I did wrong, Mister Skeleton?
Ben: Nothing, human penis—
Henry (as the skeleton): I JUST DON'T THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE TO HIM ANYMORE! MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!
Ben: Awww, don't say that to the little penis.
Henry (as the penis): Awww.... I just— I just wish that somebody would just suck me and play with my balls, and give me some love. Or if I was still alive. That would be nice.
Henry (as the skeleton): YEAH!? YOU DON'T THINK I DON'T WANNA STILL BE ALIVE!?
- Every time they quote the colorful◊, mustachioed note Detective Patrick Kennedy and the silly voice they give him.Henry!Kennedy: "...DIJON!..."
Episodes 151 to 200
Episode 158: Nazis and the Occult Part 2: "White People Nerds"
- The Title Drop, where the Nazi leadership get dismissed as a bunch of nerds obsessed with Aryan purity, Norse gods and the Knights of the Round Table.
- The boys' imagining of the Night of the Long Knives.Nerdy Nazi: Hey guys, um... about the concentration camps... what I was thinking instead is what if we all take a group trip to Six Flags?
Top SS officer: Thank you so much for your feedback at the meeting, Mark.
Nerdy Nazi: You know, I'm just glad that you guys are still down to listen, I know that there's a lot—
SS Officer: IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE LONG KNIVES
Nerdy Nazi: NOOOO NOOO NOOOO--
- Similarly, a Nazi getting executed in the middle of suggesting they go out for pretzels.
Episode 171: Serial Killers of the American Frontier
- A quite literal case of And Your Reward Is Clothes, when Thomas Tate Tobin doesn't get his cash bounty for killing Felipe Espinosa.Ben (as Tobin): ... a coat?
Marcus (as the Governor of Colorado): An elaborate coat!
Ben: I just beheaded two people and I get a coat?!
Marcus: An elaborate coat!
Ben: I didn't win a golf tournament!
Marcus: ... and a rifle!
Ben: I'd like my 550 dollars please.
Marcus: You get a coat!
Ben: ... I don't like this country anymore.
- The boys' giddy excitement over forming a posse.
- The Gratuitous Spanish version of "I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE" as Espinosa's Catchphrase.¡VOY A TENER MI VENGAN— [Killed Mid-Sentence]
- Marcus's description of the Harpe brothers' hideout Cave-in-Rock. It is a cave... in a rock.
Episodes 201 to 250
Leonard Lake and Charles Ng
- Henry's impersonation of Charles Ng. A white dude impersonating an Asian using copious amounts of Asian Speekee Engrish? Not funny. A white dude impersonating an Asian Serial Killer using Asian Speekee Engrish— an Asian serial killer who, by all accounts, actually talked like that? Hilarious.
Episode 204: Leonard Lake and Charles Ng Part II: "What I Bring to Friendship"
- If Henry's impersionation of Ng is true (it's not), he apparently had trouble with the Marine Corps chants...Marine Sergeant: Private! Listen: I love your exuberance, alright? But I'm really gonna need you to hit some of the L's on this, okay? I know that's— there is a barrier here. And I understand that we are the Marines, where equal opportunity is what it is. Just— we're really gonna try to hit these L's, okay?
Charles Ng: Of course, of course, Commander! Yes sir, yes sir! No kirr...!
Marine Sergeant: Alright, just repeat after me— "No kill, no thrill!"
Charles Ng: No kirr—
Marine Sergeant: "No kill."
Charles Ng: No... thrirr... Just give me gun! JUST GIVE ME GUN! Lemme— JUST GIVE ME GUN! Everybody always comprain about how I say things, and what I do! All I bwing to fwiendship!
Episode 202: H.H. Holmes Part III: "Professional Uncle"
- The introduction of sisters Minnie (whom Holmes married) and Nannie Williams, whom Holmes murdered to get their land. These two are characterized by the hosts as two shrill bubbleheads who are constantly introducing themselves with the most shrill annoying voices immaginable. Their (Imagined take on) "Minnie & Nannie" makes the hosts end up feeling sorry for their (imagined take) on Holmes after all this. The guys surmise he killed them just so they could shut up note .Minnie: "Hi! I'm Minnie!"Nannie: "Hi! I'm Nannie! This is Minnie!"
Episode 218: Aum Shinrikyo Part I: "Mountain Wizards"
- Henry opens the episode proclaiming he will not be doing an Asian Speekee Engrish accent... only for him to slip into it without thinking when impersonating a blind Japanese acupuncturist.Henry: Can you imagine, though, it's kind of sexy to be with a blind Japanese woman who's just like, "Oh, where to stick pin, young Kissel? Ohhhh no...? Well— hold on, are these two anacondas? Oh no, these are your-"
Marcus: You made it thirteen minutes.
Henry: God damn it!
Episode 220: Aum Shinrikyo Part III: "The Soldiers of White Love"
- Their impression of General Westmoreland on acid involves him eating cereal out of a Vietnamese boy or his skull.Marcus: Yeah, Westmoreland was a psychopath.
Ben: He was eating it out of the boys'?
Marcus: Yeah, sure. He had a boy's skull that he ate breakfast out of.
Ben: Oh! I see.
Henry: You put a couple of expanders in a butthole, you can get some cereal in there. Technically, a serving of cereal is only three-fourths of a cup!
- The Cameo by Charles Ng.Henry (as Ng): Why nobody raugh!? WHY NOBODY RAUGH!!?
Ben: Well, I don't know I don't
Henry (as Ng): NOBODY KNOW WHAT I BRING TO AUM SHINRIKYO!!
Ben: It's kind of a serious time for Aum Shinrikyo
Henry (as Ng): NOBODY KNOWS! ERRYBODY JUDGE! ERRYBODY ALWAYS JUUUDGE!!
- Aum Shinrikyo's laser experiments and anime influences raises comparisons to Neon Genesis Evangelion— something Marcus has opinions about.Henry: [Shoko Asahara] wanted to be an anime guy! He wanted the whole thing to be an anime! He legitimately looked around, being like: "We need Mechwarriors!" And they're like "Yes, we know, but then we have to raise children that are essentially artificially intelligently designed— like, human cyborgs that will feed into the Mechwarriors, in order to create a union between man and machine that will not be like the union between God and Man..." Hello, Evangelion!
Marcus: Yeah! And one of them's going to be a super-annoying German redhead that's gonna ruin the whole show!
Henry: She's got great breasts, though!
Ben: I don't think she ruined it!
Marcus: Oh, she is AWFUL!
Ben: I love Evangelion. It's the only anime I watched.
Henry: But that's what he wanted.
- Defectors from Aum Shinrikyo who are recaptured are subjected to a barrage of gruesome imagery like shootings and vehicular accidents. When Henry hears about it, however... well, let's just say Asahara was lucky he never met Henry.Henry: The whole time, I would literally just be sitting there going like, "Fuck yeah, dude! This is fucking metal, man! Yeah!"
Ben: I don't think that he would want your love, though, so...
Henry: WHOOOOOOO! Sign me up!
Ben: "Can you please get the man who tries to milk me every day outta here!?"
Henry: WHOOOOO! HAIL SATAN! HAIL SATAN!
Ben: You'd be the only one who gets kicked out of the cult because you annoyed the man so much!
Henry (as Asahara): I'm sorry, Zebrowski-san, but you are far too... gnarly for Aum Shinrikyo.
Episode 222: "Manifestos"
- Again, Henry's impressions, this time of the Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodger, adopting what Ben calls the shooter's "inner monologue" (In reality, Rodgers voice and mannerisms erred on the side of Camp Straight.)
- The revelation that Rodgers often annoyed his roommates by blasting soft rock from his room, and, in particular, his favorite song was "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood (incorrectly identified as Phil Collins in the episode). Made all the better when Henry begins singing along to the song...in the Elliot Rodger voice.Elliot Rodger: Bring me a higher love / bring me a higher love, oh...
Roommate: Hey, Rodger, I got a test in the morning...hey Rodger, it's my finals week—
Elliot Rodger: THIS IS MY PHIL COLLINS TIME! YOU DO NOT INTERRUPT MY PHIL COLLINS TIME! Oh, thank god I bought these white sneakers, so I can walk down the avenue while listening to this song...
Roommate: All right. Well, I'm gonna move out next week.
Elliot Rodger: Wait a second, can you go check in the kitchen to see if we have any...clean knives?
Roommate: Yep! All clean!
- The voice is like some bizarro overly-melodramatic Alfred Hitchcock.
- The revelation that Rodgers often annoyed his roommates by blasting soft rock from his room, and, in particular, his favorite song was "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood (incorrectly identified as Phil Collins in the episode). Made all the better when Henry begins singing along to the song...in the Elliot Rodger voice.
- The exchange that immediately follows that bit:Marcus: Oh, there is no musical artist I hate more than Phil Collins.
Ben: Is it Phil Collins' fault, or his fans' fault?
Henry: It's Phil Collins' fault. I'm gonna say this whole killing spree is Phil Collins' fault!
- Henrys immediate desire to bully Elliot Rodger after the first clip of the video he made before his killing spree:Henry: Here here here, its the wedgie patrol! Were gonna give him a wedgie so hard HIS FATHER DIES!
- Henry calls Kyle Odom someone with "a nine-thousand yard stare".
- Odom's manifesto describes his encounter at a Safeway with three aliens disguised as old men, who molested him telepathically. The trio are understandably skeptical... that it happened in public at a Safeway.Henry: At a bakery in a Safeway!?
- Ben's impression of Odom revising his catchphrase of "100% sane, 0% crazy" upon getting a Raging Stiffie from the aliens doing things to him:Ben: I gotta change it a little bit to 95% sane, 5% ROCK! HARD! RRRRRRRRROCK HARD!
Episode 235: Albert Fish Part II: "That's How They Do It In Hollywood"
- Albert Fish got his hobby of writing horrifically dirty letters to unsuspecting people from a bunch of guys at a mental asylum who used to read patients' main. Henry describes this activity as "like Sesame Street, if Sesame Street was in shit-covered Hell!"
- Björk, guardian angel.Ben: For some reason, I pictured the angel as Björk, wearing her swan suit. She would be a good angel, if I had to have an angel in my life.
Marcus: If you had to have an angel come and tell you to stop murdering the boy?
Henry: No! Don't murder! Neeeeever murder! Only... Jump!
Marcus: Did you just... She sounds Jamaican!
Ben: No! That sounds like Björk!
Henry: If you're doing Björk, then you have to sound like thi~is! Björk!
Marcus: I am Björk! Neeeever kill! Jump! Only jump!
- Henry finishes reading Fish's account of how he murdered a little boy, then cooked and ate his flesh. How do the other two respond?
Episode 236: Albert Fish Part III: "The Werewolf of Wysteria"
- Henry has a brilliant idea to catch the pedophile killer Albert Fish: disguising himself as a little girl.Henry (as little girl): Come get me, yeah!
Ben: Alright, Marcus, hit him with the club!
Henry (as little girl): Pour some sugar on me!
Marcus: Get him! Get him! Yeah!
Ben: Officer, I actually don't know Marcus or Henry, and I thought what they did to that man was terrible.
Episodes 251 to 300
Episode 253: The Gulf Breeze Sightings Part II: "Gary, Don and Bob"
- The name of the episode comes from the names of the three bungling MUFON investigators who tried to help Ed Walters with his UFO encounters. The hosts derive great laughter from their general incompetence, which can easily be compared to The Three Stooges.
- At one point, Ed is reported to have put himself into a trance in order to recall a supposed abduction. This leads to a very trippy sequence of events aboard a UFO, which culminates in him fleeing from a trio of bipedal Komodo dragons while carrying two children in a bucket. And he apparently foiled the supposed Reptilians by throwing his shirt over their heads.Marcus: Yeah, so you can defeat a Komodo dragon with cotton?!Henry: ...Yeah!
Episode 254: Jack the Ripper Part I: "Cockney Yoga"
- The moving of the workers from London's West End to its East End leads to the mention of "Cockney yoga shops".Henry: [in exaggerated Cockney accent] Ya gotta take yer nuts and ya gotta ram 'em up inside yer nose and ya gotta get em in there, Gabriel! Lemme put some oil on yer back! Breef through it, ya fuckin' ape! Breef through it, ya fuckin' fat ape!!
Episode 256: Jack the Ripper Part III: "Oh Murder!"
- In a sterling bit of Black Comedy, Henry and Ben keep asking Marcus if Mary Kelly's dying cry of "Oh, murder!" was actually what she said when she orgasmed. An exasperated but still amused Marcus has to concede, but gets a parting shot of:Marcus: ...fucking monsters.
Episode 265: Chris Benoit
- Henry Zebrowski's impersonations of Chris Benoit, portraying him as a hammy Cloud Cuckoolander.
- First off, when discussing the incident that gave Benoit the nickname of "the Crippler" (Benoit accidentally broke Sabu's neck with a botched move), Henry gets a bit of mileage out of Sabu's nickname of "the Elephant Boy".Henry (as Benoit): The saddest part about what I did to the Elephant Boy— I did not mean to cripple him, so I know that he has an incredible memory. And he would remember every second of the excruciating pain THAT THE CRIPPLER TOOK HIM THROUGH THE LABYRINTH OF! LABYRINTH OF PAIN!!
Henry (as "Sabu the Elephant Boy"): I'm just bein' an elephant boy! I guess now, I'm just gonna sit in my chair. You know what? Thanks, Crippler, 'cos I hated walkin' around the mall!
- Then, when Ben says that "technical wrestler" is used to describe wrestlers who can't speak, "Chris" interrupts to prove he can, in fact, speak.Henry (as Benoit): Whaddya mean I can't speak?
Ben: No, wait, I—
Henry (as Benoit): I can speak! Listen! A, B, C, D, E... F... H?
Ben: (laughs) Yes, yes.
Henry (as Benoit): Seven.... fourteen! WrestleMania 27!
Henry (as Benoit): Ummm... Nancy's my wife! Right?
Ben: Yes, yes she is.
Henry (as Benoit): I can speak.
Ben: Okay. You gotta get to the ring now!
Henry (as Benoit): Now the ring's the big circle?
Ben: It's the— well, it's the "squared circle" they call it...
Henry (as Benoit): That's a funny name for it!
Ben: (laughs) Go get technical in there!
Henry (as Benoit): You're right! A plus B equals... WrestleMania 27!
- After the sober mention of how Benoit took more chair shots to the back of the head than he could count, Henry provides a bit of Mood Whiplash:Henry (as Benoit): No one can tell me that I can't count, alright!? 'Cos I've had one... two... niner... fi-five-fif! Fif-- fif-- Fifty. Fifty! Fi-fi-fifty! Gahhhh...
Ben: Did I hear a "niner" in there?
- Finally, after Marcus sums up the conspiracy theories drifting around Benoit's murder-suicide, Henry does it again:Marcus: At the end of the day, the Chris Benoit case— much like Sandy Hook and other tragedies— is so terrible and so unthinkable that people attach conspiracy theories to it to try to give a simple answer to a complicated question. But the facts remain that Benoit committed a senseless act that was preventable, for which there can be no justification or excuse.
Henry (as Benoit): And the only way that we're gonna be able to reverse this horrible tragedy is I'm coming back for WrestleMania 31! They're bringing me back! There, my bones will be versus Goldberg in a one-time only, World Federation Heavyweight event in which my bones will be placed on top of a squirming giant Jewish man, and prevail me once and forever as champion of the WWE!
- The trio then go on to mention a theoretical Benoit vs. Owen Hart match where their skeletons are wired like marionettes and clacked together.
- First off, when discussing the incident that gave Benoit the nickname of "the Crippler" (Benoit accidentally broke Sabu's neck with a botched move), Henry gets a bit of mileage out of Sabu's nickname of "the Elephant Boy".
Episode 264: L. Ron Hubbard Part IV: "Sea Org"
- It's discussed that in Hubbard's later years, he returned to the United States and had an apartment in Queens, where he was frequently mocked and harassed by the neighborhood kids, which prompts Henry to launch into an extended bit as a pair of New York juvenile delinquents who mug Hubbard for his shoes.Henry: (as Delinquent Kid #1) "Ey, Tommy, c'mere! C'mere, come look at this guy! Hey! You look like a homeless clown, you piece ah shit! Haha! Hey, gimme a dollar. Gimme a god-damn dollar. We got— H-hey, Tommy, look!" (as Delinquent Kid #2) "Oh, hey, look at dat dere, Billy, I think dat guy's wearin' our shoes. Eh, yeah, yeah, looks like he's wearin' our shoes!" (as Hubbard) "I'm not wearing your shoes, these are my shoes, I bought them from the thrift store!" (as Delinquent Kid #2) "Yeah, but it seems like maybe you're wearin' our shoes. Take off yer shoes. Take off our damn shoes!" (as Hubbard) "No, I will not, no, no, you have not flied your rudes! You have not been flying your rudes!" (as Delinquent Kid #1, Henry's voice breaking) "Take off. Ya god. Damn. Shoes. Ya got a knife?!"Henry: That would've been so much fun as a nine-year-old, having a good old-fashioned adult victim.
Episode 275: Timothy McVeigh Part II: "Noodle McVeigh"The boys have a lot of fun dunking on Timothy McVeigh in this episode.
- Henry depicts the older woman who took McVeigh's virginity as "Guntha", a woman with a raspy voice and a habit of giving Too Much Information.Henry (as Guntha): Hey there, Noodle, how's you doin'? Can't help but see you seem to trade your daytime shift for a nighttime shift so you can be closer to ol' Guntha. Yeah, they call me Guntha. Ooh, tell me! How'd you get your hair lookin' like it's all at the very top of your head? That's so nice, it's so economical... I bet you fuck good!
Ben: Ugh. She sounds like a woman whose favorite show would be Storage Wars.
Henry: You don't know what's in there! Well, these clearing guys outside, they guessin', but they don't know! That's where the drama is!
Ben (as Timothy): So did you want the Whopper, and what... the onion rings?
Henry: Yeeeahh, I tell you what, you want my onion ring...
Ben: Ma'am, I—
Henry: Unhhhh.... uhhh....
Ben: ...I, I guess I do.
Marcus: Well, McVeigh eventually worked up the courage to ask her over to his dad's house while his dad was at work, and the older woman took li'l Noodle's virginity.
Ben: Ugh. So gross.
Henry (as Guntha): Tell me something. Tell me, do they call you "Noodle" for a reason? I sure hope so. 'Cos I like 'em long and thin!
Ben: Alright! I do not wanna hear this—!
Henry: You can stick it in my key slot! It's just a tiny little hole because they had to stuff up all the rest, 'cos I split it too much when I was riding my scooter around! [Marcus laughs hysterically] I split my vagina up all the way to the top of my bitty-butt, so a doctor had to staple it shut and now I've got a tiny little hole!
Ben: That's— a lot of detail. I don't think we need to go into it any more. I think we've covered her... I think we've covered the most unsavory character we've ever covered: the woman who took Timothy McVeigh's virginity!
Henry: That American hero.
- Henry's impression of McVeigh's Conspiracy Theorist tendencies:Henry (as Timothy): I'll tell you what the first problem is— it's these Jew-clouds! These Jew-clouds are bringing us this Jew-snow! And you know who's not getting out here fast enough? The black snowplowman!
Ben: That might've been something Timothy McVeigh might've thought, because he's anti-Semitic and racist.
Marcus: Yes. Thank you, Ben.
Henry: Thank you, Kissel.
Ben: No problem.
- Even delving into the racist diatribe that is The Turner Diaries gives them time for a few jokes.Marcus: Now, Henry, as our resident expert on The Turner Diaries...
Henry: Good. Good. Yes, keep saying that. Make sure it's recorded.
Marcus: Would you care to elaborate a little bit more on this book, as someone who's actually read this hunk of fucking shit?
Ben: And I also wonder, Henry: How many times did you have to say "I'm doing research!" when people found you reading that book?
Henry: Constantly. Because also, when we're in heavy research mode for the show, it's all I can talk about. So I'm in there, like, talking about The Turner Diaries to people, and I realize that if anybody just turns a corner and I'm in the middle of being like— if I just say anything you could take out of context, like "And they show exactly how to take down the FBI headquarters!"— and then all of a sudden, I'm the one. I'm the fucking problem.
Ben: Stu? Is that Stu!?
Marcus: Not Stu!
Henry: We didn't get to "T" for a reason on A to Z.
- Henry's impression of The Vietnam Vet talking about what people thought the Gulf War would be like— before it proved to be a total Curb-Stomp Battle in favor of the USA.Henry (as Vietnam veteran): Take your worst nightmare. Then quadruple it. Then quadruple it again! And you still won't get to where you'll be this time tomorrow!
Ben: Wait, hold on. Is this a Common Core math question? I am completely confused. I quadruple the quadruple...? What's the number I start with?
Henry (as Vietnam veteran): Let's say what you expect is a two! You're gonna wanna make that into two apples! And then four times that is... that's two, four sets of... I have to draw it! That's Common Core! You gotta draw it, and everything's done in apples!
- The Running Gag of Timothy McVeigh renaming his Bradley IFV "Bad Company" after the song Bad Company, by Bad Company, off of the album... Bad Company. And how he'd play it over and over again on his Walkman. BAAAAAAAD COMPANY!Marcus: It's like, there's this other great band called Pantherman. There's the song "Pantherman", by Pantherman, off of the album Pantherman!
Henry: You won't forget it. Unless you just never, ever, ever think about Pantherman.
Henry: So you mean to tell me that McVeigh was just a DJ from Jack FM?
Ben: Hey, hey, Tim, we all love Bad Company in the troop—
Henry (as Timothy): Baaaaad Company! No I can't deny!
Ben: Yeah, I know. I got this new Metallica song, and we were wondering—
Henry (as Timothy): BAAAAAAAD COMPANY! Till the day I die!
Ben: We were just—
Henry (as Timothy): You know there's only four bands, right? I haven't heard of... I can't have this "Metallica" around here. This is some kinda fake band! There's only four real bands. It's Bad Company; Bad Company's side band Worse Company; Queen; and White Rabbit. I don't even know the name of the band, I just know that one song.
Ben: So we won't be hearing any other music other than "Bad Company", correct?
Henry (as Timothy): BAAAAAAAD COMPANY!
Ben: Okay. Thank you so much for being with us, Tim.
- Henry's impression of Terry Nichols' Filipina mail-order bride, Marife. Complete with accent.Ben: Poor Marife.
Henry (as Marife): Terry... Terry.. Can I say plis? I don't like de song "Bad Company".
Ben: Oh my God!
Henry (as Marife): Plis tell— I love Terry; I like being— I love Buffalo; I love hot sauce, it remind me of the Philippine... but plis. No more— no more White Rabbit. He does not even know de name of de band!
Ben (as Timothy): Terry, I love you, man. But you gotta get rid of her! She doesn't like Bad Company!
- After Terry and Marife leave, McVeigh gets into betting on football matches. Namely betting on his favorite team (a bad idea in general): the Buffalo Bills. In the early 90s. Where the Bills lost four consecutive Super Bowls.Ben: You get the feeling Timothy McVeigh, by the last Super Bowl they lost, he'd be like: "It was MATHEMATICALLY IMPLAUSIBLE! How did they lose—!?"
Henry (as Timothy): IT WAS THE JEWISH CABAL THAT DID THIS! DAMN IT, JEWISH CABAL!
- At the very end of the episode, the trio reach a conclusion about Tim:Ben: All right. Well, that was a little insight into the life of Timothy McVeigh. My goodness! What a colossal LOSER.
Henry: You think, after all of this, we could all change his nickname to "Regretti Spaghetti" instead of "Noodle McVeigh"?
Ben: [laughs]] "Regretti Spaghetti" McVeigh.
Episode 278: Creepypasta 12: "U-Turn To Madness"
- Bigfoot Erotica! The whole cringy thing, especially the Sasquatch's "U-Turn Penis"!
Episode 285: Norwegian Black Metal Part I: "Chainsaw Gutsfuck"
- When discussing Mayhem's vocalist Per "Dead" Ohlin, Marcus mentions that his name comes from the fact that he believed he was dead and was "in a dream that he would soon wake up from". Henry follows that up with a very... special impression of Dead.Henry: Ze only thing zat I can hope for is that one day I vake up in the bedroom of a nobleman, as a beautiful nude illuminated boy. Because deep inside of me, somewhere... that is vat I'm trying to find this in my music-- is the wonderful, innocent, nude illuminated boy zat is inside every mind.
Ben: Your name is Dead.
Henry: It's pronounced DEED!
Ben: Ohhh! I see.
Episode 286: Norwegian Black Metal Part II: "Orc Urinal"
- Varg Vikernes' first band, "Old Funeral" is the subject of much mockery.
- At one point, The Ramones are compared to Guy Fieri.WELCOME TO FLAAAAAAVORTOWWWWN! DOOH-DUH-DEEP-DESPAIR! DOOH-DUH-DEEP GRAVY! IT'S GRAVYYYYY!
- The origin of the episode's name is hilarious: in the middle of discussing the influence of The Lord of the Rings on Varg and his music, and how Varg thinking the Elves are "stereotypically Jewish" is wrong, the discussion gets flipped to Liv Tyler.Ben: Now where does Liv Tyler come into this? Because I thought she was wonderful in those movies.
Henry (as Varg): All the guys in the band, all they wanted to say was, "Ooh! I wanna bang Liv Tyler, Queen of the Elves! Please put me in the Forever Place with Liv Tyler! Wouldn't that be amazing?" And I said, "No! Put me in Mordor! That's where everything that's cool is happening! Give me a King Kong arcade game— that's the one American thing I like— and you put it in the main hall of Mordor, next to the bathroom so I don't have to wait behind all those stinky Orcs! So I can play my game and use the bathroom freely, as a free man!
Ben: "Orc Bathroom"... that sounds more disgusting than Woodstock '99. "The Orc Bathroom Situation"— I don't ever wanna think about it again!
Marcus: And even that's a better name for a band than Old Funeral! "Orc Bathroom"!
Ben: Orc Bathroom's a great name for a band!
Henry: Orc Bathroom's a good name for a fucking band! That's pretty sweet! Orc Urinal!
- While delving into the origins of Varg's nom de plume, "Count Grishnakh", the trio take a quick look at the lore of Lord of the Rings. Somehow, it leads to them guessing which race they'd be in the world of Middle-Earth. Ben, being tall, is an Ent ("one specific tree named 'Bent', who just sits off to the side getting hammered and telling the other trees what to do"); Henry, who is short and hairy, is a Hobbit; and Marcus, who's tall and fair, is an Elf. Henry, ever the conspiracy theory connoisseur, quickly comes to the expected conclusion:
Episode 287: Norwegian Black Metal Part III: "This Laughable Society"
- While delving into the murder of Mayhem's Euronymous, Henry pulls up a document he found online that he claims will explain just what happened in Euronymous' apartment on that night. It turns out to be an explicit Varg/Euronymous Slash Fic.Ben: What on Earth did we just listen to!?
Episode 288: Robert Pickton Part I: "Pig Sense"
- The murderer's farm-boy upbringing gets compared to Marcus'.Marcus: The rumor is, when Willie got upset or got in trouble, he'd burrow into the butchered carcass of a hog until he felt better again.Henry: How is this different than you, Marcus?
Episode 289: Robert Pickton Part II: "La Costra Pigstra"
- Starting from the end of this episode, Henry starts a Running Gag of ironically pushing the "Illuminati Clone" conspiracy by Donald Marshall, even trying to fit it into the Pickton story. It's obvious that he's merely being a troll, but he talks like someone who's wholly convinced, as is his way. Ben even muses about cutting off his internet.
- It actually starts earlier in the episode, when Henry talks about him diving into the conspiracy angle behind Robert Pickton's murders. He explains that the moment he read the phrase "And that's when I knew Robert wasn't killing clones of me", he immediately realized "Oh, this guy's insane."
Episode 291: Robert Pickton: Part IV: "Out To Lunch"
- Henry mentions having obtained an extremely rare copy of the book Robert Pickton: In His Own Words (which was only on sale for five days on Amazon before the Canadian government took it down), where Pickton explains his own account of the murders. Henry claims that this is one of the more taxing things he has ever read, even more so than the Scientology documents and The Turner Diaries...because Pickton is an atrocious writer:Henry: [as Pickton] "There I dispersed from the specific area and feeling a whole lot better of the whole process, I decided to stop at this convenience store that is just up from the Purchase to Hastings indicating that the site location is on the left hand side where the store is facing onto Hastings Street. There I have bought myself a light snack, that involves a filled donut, one liter of 2% chocolate milk, and a packet of plain potato chips to munch on while I continued to overdrive my own tiredness so that I could proceed on driving homebound. But holding to my homeward route, as playing with the supported speech 'killing two birds with the same stone' and being in Vancouver, which I am going on the onside location where Ms. Georgina Dickins works the Shell service station located on the junction of Powell Street and I would desperately like to talk to her in person..."Henry: We haven't even gotten to it! This is just one paragraph.
- In over the top Canadian accents, the guys mocking investigators's failure to immediately test ground meat found in freezers, then waiting two years before issuing a public health warning despite discovering human remains mixed with that pork and knowledge Pickton distributed a large amount of meat to the market.Ben: (as investigator) Now people of Coquitlam and Port Coquitlam, now I hate to break it to ya, now that lovely sausage you've been enjoying, uh...It's just sausage. (aside) We're not gonna ruin this for them.Henry: And you can just see him be like, "And now, I just wanna to say, in unity with the people of Port Coquitlam, I will now eat this human foot. I don't know where we got this foot. I'm not asking questions, right? Right, Sergeant Lansky? No questions asked. Now, I am gonna eat this foot so I will also know what it's like. (chomping) Honestly, it's quite good."
- Marcus expertly puts down Henry's Illuminati Clone Running Gag when discussing why the judge on Pickton's trial made the decisions he did.Henry: Donald. Marshall.(Laughter from Ben)
Episode 295: Black Widows Part I: "The Polish Prognosticator"
- Early in the episode, Marcus brings up H.H. Holmes as the closest male equivalent to Black Widow killers. As soon as Minnie and Nanny Williams get mentioned, Henry proceeds to do his "I'm Minnie and I'm Nanny" bit from the Holmes episodes, but does it completely deadpan. This then prompts Ben to go full ham and do the routine properly and Henry quickly joins in.
Episode 297: The Lost Continent of Lemuria
- The real reason the name of Churchward's mystical guru is lost to time:"They call me Ice Cream!"
- Ben's subsequent response:
Episodes 300 to 350
Episode 300: Jonestown Part I: "Everyone in the World is My Friend"
- The trio discovering Jones' career as a salesman of spider monkeys sends them into hysterics. Double so when Marcus plays a clip from Jonestown where one of the former members talks about her grandmother going to Jones for another monkey because her previous one had hanged itself.
Episode 301: Jonestown Part II: "Sidestep and Bullshit"
Episode 302: Jonestown Part III: "Check Please"
- Jones' excuse for wearing sunglasses all the time is that he'd achieved such a holy state so powerful that if he looked at someone else unfettered, the holy energy emanating from his eyes would hurt anyone he looked at. Ben compares Jones to Cyclops, "but instead of flames, it's amphetamines flying from his eyes into his audience's face".
- The faith healings involve tricks with chicken guts to stand in for cancerous tumors. If anyone got too close to them, the People's Temple would have to quickly gobble it up. Now, what sort of person would do this? Henry knows:Henry: Hi there, Mr. Jones! I'll do it!Henry (as Jim Jones): Sure thing, Johnny Garbage!Henry (as Johnny Garbage): There's nothing I like better than something that's stinky and falls on the ground!Henry (as Jim Jones): That's alright— Get away from me, Johnny Garbage! We all hate you! You got one purpose, and that's why you're part of a socialist society. We've given you a purpose!Ben: That's a big purpose, gobbling up the chicken guts. In a socialist society? Big-time stuff!
- Jim Jones' favorite word to attack dissenters? "Bourgeois". Henry takes the ball and runs with it by using a stereotypical French accent.Ben: Bourgeois... does that mean they wanna have any kind of amenities in their life whatsoever?Marcus: Hey, man. You didn't like eat oatmeal for breakfast and peanut butter for lunch every day? Bourgeois.Henry: Bourgeois pig! Zat's what you are!Ben: How does that make me bourgeois!?Marcus: Don't like shitting in front of other people? Bourgeois.Henry: Bourgeois pig! Eh, de revolution will take you down!Ben: I just don't want to feel like Charles Manson taking a bath!Marcus: Don't wanna have sex with Jim Jones?Ben: No!Marcus: Bourgeois~!Ben: WHAT!?Henry: Eyyyyyy, you, stinky butt! You got shit all over ze fazzeir's dick! How dare you! You know 'e likes a clean dipstick when 'e pulls eet oot, so that he can put it in his weef and 'e doesn't get any shit in ze pussay!Ben: Well, you know what? I actually feel better for the first time. I am part of the bourgeoisie.
- Jonestown's chimpanzee mascot, Mr. Muggs, brings a lot of laughs.
Henry (as Mr. Muggs): Run, children, run. Save yourselves. Save Muggs. Save Muggs the monkey. Get monkey into police car.
- Henry portrays Jonestown's chimpanzee mascot, Mr. Muggs, as having a Congo-style voicebox installed in him. The first lines of Henry's Mr. Muggs impression portray him as the Only Sane Man amidst the growing madness in Jonestown.
Henry (as Mr. Muggs): Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? You are frightening me. Please stop trying to make love to me! I will not douche! I will not douche!Ben (as Jim Jones): Hey, uh... why don't you shut up, Mr. Muggs? Just shut up.
- The cover story for Mr. Muggs is that Jim Jones saved him from a laboratory (in reality, he was bought from a pet store). Henry has different ideas as to why he did it:
Henry: So, you mean to tell me they allowed a chimp to run an entire television show? And was it just cancelled because it tore Raquel Welch's face off and they're like "We've got to figure out a way to put it back on"?Ben: Can you just imagine Ed McMahon getting slam-wasted with that monkey?Henry: "I tell you what, this chimp makes a lot of sense when he talks about immigration."
- Then, the three get sidelined by a discussion on Mr. Muggs' namesake, The Tonight Show's chimp mascot Jayfred Muggs. Henry is astounded that they let a chimp on stage— even more so that they gave him his own spin-off.
Henry (as Mr. Muggs): I'll never tell what happened here.Ben: Oh, man!Henry: And then they shot him like Che Guevara.Ben: Oh! Just let him go in the forest!Marcus: They absolutely could have! There were no chimps there, but... you know, like, those forests in Jonestown were full of monkeys. They said that was actually— in the mornings were their roosters.Henry: That's terrifying. "Monkeys are our roosters". Like— [imitating a monkey] AAAHHHHHHH! AAAHHHAAHHHH!Ben: Time to make the donuts!
- Even Mr. Muggs' tragic end gets a humorous portrayal.
- Marcus compares Jones breaking the rules for his cult to Animal Farm's "Some animals are more equal than others". Ben comments "The book, huh?" Hilarity Ensues as Ben deliberately misses the point the whole way through and confuses the book with Charlotte's Web.Henry: D-you-!? God, you must have been such a difficult high school English student!Marcus: What did you think of Animal Farm, Ben? I just wanna know.Ben: Love pigs!Henry: That's not an opinion on the book.Ben: No—! Animal Farm... Charlotte with the web...Henry: You're talking about Charlotte's Web!Marcus: You don't know what Animal Farm is, do you?Henry: Didn't you get a degree in Political Science!? It's like the book!Ben: We don't read books about pigs.Henry: IT'S NOT A BOOK ABOUT PIGS! It's not Babe!Marcus: That's, like, 8th grade Political Science. It's Animal Farm.[laughter]Ben: Are people in the book?Henry: No! It's Animal Farm!Marcus: There's a couple of people in the book, but—Ben: So it's all lies. Because animals don't have political parties.Henry: Oh my God... Oh my God.Ben: Is it an analogy for something?Marcus: Yes. It's an allegory.Henry: "Some animals are more equal than others."Ben: All I know is...Marcus: "All animals are equal, but some animals—"Ben: I don't care what the spider is spelling. I hate the web. Get it outta here!Henry: (snickering) I'm mad. I'm mad that he doesn't know.Ben: No... I— No, I know the book.
- Even the forced boxing matches between cult members has room for a few jokes.
Henry (as Mr. Muggs): I don't want to hurt you, but I will. Look at what I did to Raquel Welch!
- The idea of someone going up against Mr. Muggs, who is very reluctant.
Henry: You were saying the other day, that you had the idea that they were to fight and fight until they get up to Jim Jones himself— and then it's like Mike Tyson's Knock-Out.Ben: Yeahhhhh! Boss level! You know what to do! Did Jim Jones fight himself?Henry: No. If you knocked his sunglasses off, he could kill you with the power of his gaze!
- While the original idea was to have the cult member being punished fight person after person until they lose, the trio imagines it a bit differently:
Episode 307: Casey Anthony Part II: "The Dancing Belvins"
- The title comes from the name of the judge presiding over the trial, Judge Belvin. Ben imagines a late night spoof called "The Dancing Belvins", which tickles Henry.
- Henry tells a story of a court spectator, allegedly Casey Anthony's co-worker at a TGI Friday's, who was surreptitiously throwing the finger at the prosecution and got fined for contempt of court. That's not the funny part - the funny part was the fifteen minutes Judge Belvin spent chewing the guy out.
- Ben finally zeroes in on what the prosecutions big mistake was... not handing out $25 Applebees gift cards in their closing statement.
Episode 310: Rasputin Part I: "Greg Drunk"
- The episode's title comes from the rumour started by Rasputin's enemies that his surname was a corruption of the Russian word for "debaucherous". Henry immediately latches onto this and decides his English name is "Greg Drunk", despite Marcus' attempts to dispel the myth.
Episode 311: Rasputin Part II: "Agrarian"
- Henry admits to having studied for this episode the same way he studied for high school history. A Running Gag starts here in which he lapses into rattling off random terms like he's delivering a presentation to the class. "Agrarian" being one of them.
- Ben desperately searches for a nickname Rasputin would give him. With Henry's help, he becomes "Long Fuck".
- The trio imagine Rasputins reaction to travelling by first class train after spending years doing so on foot. "Ooh, cupholders!"
- The introduction of the Duchesses of Monte Negro, aka the "Black Pearls", leads Henry to divulge a little Too Much Information about his hygienic habits, much to the disgust of the others.Ben: You're like a dog!
Episode 312: Rasputin Part III: "The Rise of Rasputin"
- The Running Gag of Henry barking whenever Ilidor is mentioned, due to Marcus referring to him as a "mad dog".
- "Rasputin wiggled his dick free..." Cue Corpsing from all parties.
- Ben's resigned tone of voice when he declares:
Episode 320: Biggie and Tupac Part I: Sugar Bear
- The early confrontations between the Bloods and the Crips were noted as being extremely goofy, to the point that a time-out had to be called on a gang brawl so that both sides could help the DJ pack his stuff... and then the moment he left, the fighting picked right back up.
- Ben becomes immediately enamoured by the Dr Dre-produced song "Monster Rappin'".
- The increasingly ridiculous saga of Tupac being terrible with guns.
Episode 321: Biggie and Tupac Part II: Scuttled
- The episode opens with Henry trying to make a Bloods gang sign. Ben tells him that he just signed "bread" instead.
- Henry compares Russell Poole's descent into conspiracy madness to Philip K. Dick writing the VALIS trilogy as a response to his own deteriorating mental state. This is met with much incredulity by Ben.
Episode 322: Biggie and Tupac Part III: The Murders
- When describing how Wardell Poochie Fouse was allegedly ordered to murder William Rat Ratcliffe just for pestering Suge Knight in a bathroom, Henry takes Rats Punny Name to heart and imagines the guy pitching songs about cheese.
- This episode provides a few zingers from Henry in quick succession as they cover the circumstances behind Biggies murder:
- After Marcus points out how useless eyewitness accounts are, he takes on the role of an eyewitness claiming Biggie was killed by a twelve-foot tall liquorice monster.
- One of the guys in the Toyota Land Cruiser that tried to cut into Biggies caravan was a screenwriter who wanted to make a movie of Biggies life. Henry takes on the role and pitches a movie where Biggie is a dinosaur, which Ben enthusiastically approves of.
- Orlandos alleged bragging of killing Tupac leads to Henry confessing that he is the ghost that inspired the Twitter series Dear David. The kicker is that Marcus and Ben have no idea what hes talking about at first.
- Henry leans into the whole Tupac is Alive conspiracy with such gusto that Marcus cant control his laughter at points. It leads to a back-and-forth between them near the end of the episode, with Marcus playing the debunker and Henry parodying the average conspiracy theorist by screaming YOURE WRONG!.
Episode 324: The Men in Black Episode II: "Pig Transport"
- In what will become a continuing controversy on the show, Henry accuses Ben of...loving Bud Light Lime.Henry: Kissel likes the taste of Bud Light Lime.
Ben: I don't drink Bud Light Lime! No, you started this lie -
Henry: He enjoys the taste of it, which is a mystery -
Ben: That's a Tulpa! That is a Tulpa! They are conjuring up images of me with Bud Light Limes - it's not happening!
Henry: I will always remember this sentence - I will always remember you sucking on a tallboy of Bud Light Lime, going, "It's like a margarita, except they got it in a can!"
Ben: No, you fucking dick -
Marcus: And then - oh my god - and then after you said that they started selling margaritas in a can! So, that means that you, very possibly, through your love of Bud Light Lime -
Ben: I don't like - or love - or even DRINK Bud Light Lime! It tastes like poison!
Henry: Someone doth protest too much...
Episode 325: The Men in Black Episode III: "Time Crime"
- Henry's vision of the Men in Black "Time Cops" theory.Marcus: Pretty soon after that pig got slaughtered, the Men in Black showed up. Now, could it be that slaughtering that prized pig had some sort of ripple effect on time? That something in that pig's future could have set off a chain of events that could affect someone millions of years in the future? Was the pig a time fulcrum?
Ben: It was a time pig!
Henry: It was a time pig. And then it cuts to the year 3,000,000, Donald Trump's head's in a big floating glass jar like in Futurama, with his big floating robot dick, and that pig was supposed to be his wife.
Ben: Oh, man. Time pig!
Henry: Time pig! I love time cops, by the way. I love the whole theory. Cuts to, also, them back - you know who's a part of the whole crew? Rasputin.
Episode 331: The Donner Party Part I: "Salt of the Earth"
- Henry reads a letter from one of his ancestors, who was on the wagon trains. It's another Zebrowki special:We are excited to see Mexicans and are assured by many that they do not have horns and poison sacs, like some of the older members of our party have read in scientific papers.
- Henry also rattles off the many, many, many awful ways in which children died on wagon trains. At some point, it stops being tragic and horrifying and becomes hilarious.
- It also has to be explained to Ben that wandering off into the grass was a very real danger and that meeting a coyote out there wouldn't end the same way as The Jungle Book:Henry: It's like if Mowgli was a skeleton.
- It also has to be explained to Ben that wandering off into the grass was a very real danger and that meeting a coyote out there wouldn't end the same way as The Jungle Book:
Episode 332: The Donner Party Part II: "The Forlorn Hope"
- Marcus and Ben cant resist making digs at Charles Stantons fatal flaw - he was short. Henry, who is touchy about his size, isnt amused, and at one point is silently seething in mock fury as Marcus and Ben howl with uncontrollable laughter.
- Henry and Ben's uncontrollable glee when Marcus finally says "That's when the cannibalism started," a line that's been in the podcast's intro for almost all of its run.
- Marcus exasperation at their glee only adds to the hilarity.
Episode 340: Peter Kürten Part II: "Dr. Chuckles"
- A particularly bad moment of Insane Troll Logic from Ben regarding the adage "A broken clock is right twice a day" drives Henry utterly insane. Now animated!Ben: A clock is right four times a day! If you think about the minute hand and the second hand. Thank you. [laughter] The minute hand and the hour hand and the second hand, it can be right six times a day!
Henry: No, Kissel. No. I'm, like, literally about to start crying blood.
Ben: If you think about the hour hand—
Henry: THEY ARE NOT TWO SEPARATE—! No, asshole! No no no no! You can't just say—
Ben: So, it can be right six times a day.
Henry: You are incorrect! You are thinking about a clock completely wrong! A time is the coordination of the minute hand and hour hand—!
Marcus: All three of them. The minute, hour, and second.
Henry: So it can only be right twice!
Ben: But individually, they can also be correct.
Marcus: Well, no. That would mean it would be correct 24 times in a day.
Marcus: Because if you're only counting the minute hand...
Ben: No, I'm not just counting the minute hand.
Henry: I want. To retire. From the podcast.
Ben: Well, Henry, wait a couple of years and then you can get whatever clock you want. I mean, I don't know what kind of—
Henry: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Ben: Maybe you wanna get a clock that's right more than two times a day.
Henry: Oh God! Oh God!
Episode 344: The Book of Revelation
- Henry reading one of the names of God in an alternate apocalyptic account, which is just a long unbroken string of vowels.
- After Marcus reads the passage on how Jesus will ride forth on a horse named "Faithful and True" while shooting swords from his mouth, Henry starts singing "Cruel Angel's Thesis".
Episode 345: Hangmen and Headsmen
- Henry's Sitcom Arch-Nemesis-style contempt for Eddie Redmayne, leading to his impression of the actor as bumbling executioner John Thrift.
- "No, no, you don't understand, the reason I'm always so nervous is... I am gay."
Episode 346: Mark Twitchell Part I: "Favourite Duck of the Month"
- The trio get to sample a clip of Twitchell's pitch for the comedy Day Players, a blatant rip-off of Extras. None of them particularly enjoy it.Henry: Blow my fucking brains out!
- Many jokes, in fact, are made of how much of an unoriginal hack Twitchell was, with so much of his stuff being taken from somewhere else it causes Henry to start screaming in fury.
Episode 347: Mark Twitchell Part II: "Some Kinda Ketchup Party"
- The episode's name comes from Joss, the guy who Twitchell dumped Altingers red Mazda on without cleaning the evidence first. Henry makes the joke that Joss saw the bloodstains on the cars bumper and assumed it was ketchup.
- Marcus' growing glee as he describes Twitchell being fooled by a fake online persona, the same way he lured in his own victims, leading to the amazingly cathartic scene of him being jumped by a white van full of tactical officers on the way to the alleged meet-up.Henry: (joyful glee) GOTCHA, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
Episode 348: Josef Mengele Part I: "The Birth of Eugenics"
- Henry opening the episode by declaring that every time he sees Mengele, his brain immediately starts playing Mengele's name sung to the chorus of "Panama".
Episode 349: Josef Mengele Part II: "The Crimes of Mengele"
- This episode is so dark with the crimes of Mengele at Auschwitz that Marcus explains that, when things get too heavy, he'll be trotting out random Home Improvement trivia. Over the course of the episode the hosts are stunned to learn that the original planned name for Al Borland was "Glen Borland" and the German title of the show translates to Listen to Who's Hammering.
Episode 350: Josef Mengele Part III: "The Hunt"
- The episode opens with Henry explaining that there was one specific thing about the last episode that's still haunting him: Glen Borland. His impression of what a Glen Borland character would sound like ends up being a toned-down, more pedophilic Richard Chase.
Episode 351 to 400
Episode 351: Ouija
- In a tweet advertising the episode, there's a Ouija board in the bottom left corner of the video playing a clip from the episode. Watch the planchette move across the board as the video plays, and you can see it spell out D-I-C-K-B-U-T-T.
- Towards the end of the episode, the hosts describe a pair of incidents in which Coast to Coast AM attempted to do a Ouija reading live on the air. This, of course, brings out Henry's George Noory impression, asking ghosts and cryptids what kind of hat they would wear if they wore hats (according to Ben, the answer is G-R-E-E-N). On top of that, strange incidents, such as multiple blackouts, that occurred during the first Ouija attempt causes the show to back out of a second, larger reading because they realized if they went through with it, they would become The Scapegoat for every bad thing that would ever happen afterward.
Episode 354: Skinwalker Ranch Part III: "The Investigation"
- Henry envisions the giant hyena-boar-fox-dog creature from Skinwalker Ranch as Bunko the Everything Dog.Henry (as Bunko): I wish somebody'd come and pet me once, but everybody says I'm the scariest thing they've ever seen.
Episode 357: Joseph Kallinger Part II: 'The Perfect Waiter"
- Ben is incredulous that, of all the times Marcus might pick to plug something, he decides to plug The Story Must Be Told after describing one of Kallinger's vivid hallucinations in which a man unknowingly eats the remains of his wife and her friends. Marcus justifies the plug by noting the description of the hallucination fits right in with the other show's storytelling style.
Episode 358: The Electric Chair
- Marcus lets slip that he's been listening to "Hot Pipes", a podcast entirely about pipe organ music. Ben and Henry have to be convinced the show is real and then proceed to mock Marcus about it throughout the rest of the episode.Henry: It sounds like the name of a restaurant that only serves logs of shit!
Episode 370: Bonnie and Clyde Part II: "Give Me The Money Now"
- To illustrate how badly outgunned the police were in comparison to the Barrow gang, Marcus plays sound clips of a .38 Smith & Wesson Special, the standard issue police firearm at the time, followed by the M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle that was the gangs trademark. The difference is... marked.Ben: Whoooaaa!Ben: I think I know which gun I would prefer to have!
- Immediately after that, Marcus accidentally triggers a pistol firing sound, startling all three. Ben takes pains to point out that despite knowing full well the sound was from Marcus computer, they all instinctively ducked.
Episode 374: Belle Gunness Part 1: "Holes in the Hog Pit"
- A tried-and-true tactic of Belle's to deflect suspicion from her crimes was her "crying lady" act. Naturally Henry plays it up to Inelegant Blubbering levels, to the point that Ben compares her crying to Chicken Lady.
Episode 375: Belle Gunness Part 2: "I Love Being a Farmhand"
- Everything about Ray Lamphere, Belle's wimpy former servant and occasional fuckbuddy.Henry (as Ray): Belle! Wait! Belle, wait a second... (sings) Don't you remember when you told me you loved me babyyyyyy...
Episode 388: The Vampire Hunters of Highgate Cemetery
- Sean Manchester and David Farrant getting foiled in their hunts multiple times by the cops of all people.David Farrant (mid-séance): Okay, now it's time for the incantations to—
Policeman: ALL RIGHT YOU PIECES OF SHIT, EVERYBODY UP AGAINST THE WALL
- Followed shortly after by Farrant's failed attempt at casting a spell to disappear and evade arrest.
Episode 401 Onwards
Episode 408: The Yorkshire Ripper Part II: The Chorlston Glumpers
- The unfortunate acronym of the Special Homicide Investigation Team. Henry and Ben make it into a running gag by making fart noises whenever Marcus brings them up. Even better, the police themselves tended to refer to the team as The Shit Squad in real life.
Episode 409: Gef The Talking Mongoose
- Ben briefly conflates a mongoose with an actual goose, leading him to declare "Honk Honk" whenever the term "mongoose" is mentioned.
Side Stories, Livestreams, and Others
- On the Thanksgiving 2016 episode of Last Stream, Ben is subject to many a roast from Marcus' Garfield joke book as well as an infamous rude phone call from a Round Table of Gentlemen fan called Destiny. This all culminates in Ben slowly getting angrier and more annoyed throughout the episode. When Henry acknowledges this by saying "Your German is really showing today Kissel" (referring to Ben's Grandfather's history with the Nazi party), Ben immediately replies "Yeah, you wanna fucking, you wanna be baked?!?" leaving a shocked Henry and Jackie whilst Marcus erupts in laughter in the corner.
General Things in All The Above
- The impressions! Also; Some of these impressions of the figures in these stories become complete reoccurring characters in their own right...
- Jeffrey Dahmer has been turned into a childlike dork with a nerdy voice and Midwestern accent (as opposed to the deep, gentle, soft-spoken, monotone, Mid-Western-accented voice he actually had note ).
- The same "Dahmer" episode also has the funniest take on Det. Patrick Kennedy known to humanity...Henry!Kennedy: (when describing Jeff's fridge) "...DIJON!...", "...an' Arm & Hammer Bakin' Soder...to keep it fresh...", "...and there was this black guy! note ..."
- Charles Ng who's an over-the-top McNinja Asian stereotype with his Asian Speekee Engrish and catchphrase of "What I bwing to fwienship" and variations thereof.
- David Berkowitz (the 'Son of Sam') being the biggest "nebbish" imaginable, having weird allergies and generally being a complete stereotypically-Jewish dweeb who allergic to everything.
- Henry's impression of Charles Manson is a hoot and a half!
- Minnie & Nannie; Two victims of H.H. Holmes who have been recharacterized as these shrill weird women who constantly introduce themselves.
- Mr. Muggs, Jim Jones' pet chimp; The Only Sane Man of The Peoples Temple.
- Elliot Rodger's Inner Monologue...Which sounds something like a slightly effete, overly-melodramatic Alfred Hitchcock.
- Henry's impersonation of his own mother, which includes her quirk of referring to him by his first and middle names (Henry Thomas, or rather Henry Tahwmas, in her accent). It reaches new heights in Episode 333: The Andreasson Affair, where Henry entirely bases his impression of Betty Andreasson (the alien abductee) off his mother and even throws in quotes from her.
- Henry's take on Peggy Hodgson (and others) in the Enfield Poltergeist case. Hilarious Cockey accents and English-stereotypes abound! If Henry's David Berkowitz is a hypochondriac who's allergic to everything then Ms. Hodgson has weird ailments like "Hook-Feet", "Sandy Ankles" and "Rag Lung" (she's the 'Rag Woman', you see...).
- Henry's impression of Joseph Kallinger, which despite his intention of making it a generic "old Jewish man" voice, ends up morphing into essentially "Serial Killer Bernie Sanders".