| 1 | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob All]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2007To2009Episodes 2007–09]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2010Episodes 2010]] | '''2011''' | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2012Episodes 2012]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2013Episodes 2013]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2014Episodes 2014]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2015Episodes 2015]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2016Episodes 2016]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2017Episodes 2017]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2018Episodes 2018]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2019Episodes 2019]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2020Episodes 2020]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2021episodes 2021]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2022Episodes 2022]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 4 | |
| 5 | ---- |
| 6 | |
| 7 | [[folder:New Year's Evil]] |
| 8 | [[/folder]] |
| 9 | |
| 10 | [[folder:Pussy Talk]] |
| 11 | * Another talking vagina movie. |
| 12 | ** In the intro the normal theme song is replaced with [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog singing "Hello Mah Baby!"]] |
| 13 | ** In the same review, when the main female lead is escaping whilst in the background music plays with a "Hup! Hup! Hup!" sound in the background: |
| 14 | -->'''Snob:''' Is that the soundtrack or some annoying kids on a fucking plane?! |
| 15 | * The Big Box Model, erm... accompanied by the voice of Kung Tai Ted, to her horror. |
| 16 | * At the start, when he sees the logo of the company who makes the film |
| 17 | -->'''Snob:''' Why do I have the feeling someone is now going to fuck a horse in this movie? |
| 18 | * "Since this is the dub version, this means YOU'RE the English!" |
| 19 | * (About the scene of the lead actress as a teen having sex with her boyfriend) |
| 20 | * '''Snob:''' Hmmm, Creator/{{Natalie|Wood}} isn't the only one getting [[RagingStiffie wood]] in this scene! ''[protagonist strokes a toy Pinocchio's nose]'' Well, except for Pinocchio ... [[OhCrap Oh..]] Never seen [[PinocchioNose lying get someone into such a]] [[AssShove tight jam!]] |
| 21 | [[/folder]] |
| 22 | |
| 23 | [[folder:Dressed To Fire]] |
| 24 | * Referring to Pierre Kirby's girlfriend as Mr. B Natural. |
| 25 | [[/folder]] |
| 26 | |
| 27 | [[folder:Italian Batman]] |
| 28 | * ''Italian Batman'' doesn't have any subtitles, so the Snob decides to add in his own subtitles... taken from the ''Batman'' movies. |
| 29 | ** The Snob confirms that the actor playing Batman, Mark Shannon, was also in ''Porno Holocaust''. How can he tell? By the [[{{Squick}} genital warts]]. |
| 30 | --->'''Snob''': [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not even kidding here.]] Mark Shannon is the Italian porn star with the [[Literature/TheWonderfulWizardOfOz Wicked Witch of the West]] as his ''balls''. (begins counting) Let's see... yep... one, two, three, four, five. ...five genital warts. ([[Series/SesameStreet halfheartedly laughs as lightning happens]]) That's ''disgusting''. |
| 31 | ** "We all certainly remember the classic Music/DannyElfman ''Film/{{Batman|1989}}'' theme! Yeah, this isn't it!" (Cue the movie's SoBadItsGood Synth soundtrack.) |
| 32 | [[/folder]] |
| 33 | |
| 34 | [[folder:Driller Killer]] |
| 35 | * The Snob's comments about the in-universe No Wave band The Roosters, saying that "their music is so Punk, that even their ''snot'' is pierced!", Calling them "[[Music/SexPistols The Sucks Pistols]]" and the similar bass line in the practice scene. |
| 36 | -->'''Snob''': "Hey, they're ''almost'' playing the theme from ''Series/PeterGunn''." |
| 37 | * The Snob's reaction to the movie considering Reno the killer a huge twist, [[TheUntwist after we've seen him murder people with it.]] |
| 38 | -->'''Snob''': "Oh shit, ''Reno's'' the killer! (Confusedly shrugs.)" |
| 39 | [[/folder]] |
| 40 | |
| 41 | [[folder:Star Odyssey]] |
| 42 | * When the aliens destroy a bunch of cities on Earth, using some very old stock explosions (as in "the movie is in color but the stock footage is in black and white" old). |
| 43 | -->'''Snob:''' "Bastard! They destroyed the world's supply of StockFootage! Now how is Nick Phillips going to make another Death Nurse movie!" |
| 44 | * Being interrupted by the final shootout of ''WebVideo/TheHookerWithAHeartOfGold''. |
| 45 | -->... (concerned) I'm sure that will work itself out... |
| 46 | * Commenting on the villain, who is a scaly looking person. |
| 47 | -->The man from the fridge might have claimed that he is the Waffle Maker, but this guy, really IS the Waffle Maker! |
| 48 | * "Enderium... the mineral is called Enderium... That make you happy, James Cameron? '''YOU RIPPED OFF STAR ODYSSEY!!''' |
| 49 | ** "After endearing the Unobtainium... I mean, obtaining the Enderium..." |
| 50 | [[/folder]] |
| 51 | |
| 52 | [[folder:Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory]] |
| 53 | * Saying how black and white [[LeFilmArtistique makes everything more pretentious/artistic]]. |
| 54 | * "She's just upset because [[Literature/TheWizardOfOz someone dropped a house on her sister]]. Or she's [[Film/TheDayTheEarthFroze looking for that missing Sampo mineral]]." |
| 55 | [[/folder]] |
| 56 | |
| 57 | [[folder:Billy the Kid vs. Dracula]] |
| 58 | * After noticing that ''Billy the Kid vs. Dracula'' is the ''sixth'' movie starring Creator/JohnCarradine he's reviewed, he changes the opening credits of the show to "The Creator/JohnCarradine Show starring The Cinema Snob". The theme song? ''[[Film/RedZoneCuba Night Train to Mundo Fine]]'', of course! |
| 59 | [[/folder]] |
| 60 | |
| 61 | [[folder:Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter]] |
| 62 | * His not-so-subtle reasoning for public domain month. |
| 63 | -->'''Snob''': Why did I even do this {{Public Domain}} Month, anyway?! [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud Cough]], [[CoughSnarkCough DVD]], [[AsideComment cough]]. |
| 64 | ** |
| 65 | -->'''Snob''': Don't feel bad for [[TragicMonster Hank]] though: he's left with one of the greatest tombstones ever! |
| 66 | -->''(Tombstone reads HANK TRACY. HE WAS JESSE JAMES' FRIEND.)'' |
| 67 | -->'''Snob''': I hope to God that when I die, my tombstone reads something like "Here Lies The Cinema Snob. He once reviewed ''Troll 4'' with Phelous"! |
| 68 | [[/folder]] |
| 69 | |
| 70 | [[folder:Night Trap]] |
| 71 | * The bootlegs the Snob DOES get in the mail |
| 72 | -->'''Snob:''' Brazillian Wizard of Oz? TURKISH Wizard of Oz? Oh, a [[SarcasmMode classic]], ''Film/StrippedToKill'', and... ''the HELL?'' [[BreadEggsMilkSquick The Charles "Tex" Watson 1990 Parole Hearing?!]] |
| 73 | -->{{Beat}} |
| 74 | -->[[ComicallyMissingThePoint What the hell am I gonna do with THAT?]] |
| 75 | * Snob pointing out the obvious DawsonCasting. |
| 76 | ** "...And GODDAMN! They're all FORTY YEARS OLD!! This slumber party is gonna get a little awkward!" |
| 77 | ** When one of the girls admits that one day, she borrowed her parents' car and eventually got lost: |
| 78 | --->'''Snob:''' Pretty juvenile problem for someone who is 29-years-old! |
| 79 | * "They had to settle with the bed trap 'cause the [[Film/HomeAlone paint cans on a string]] wasn't set up yet." |
| 80 | * When the SCAT team arrive to save the remaining girls and Dana Plato tells them about the rumor of "ogres": |
| 81 | -->'''Black officer:''' ''[in disbelief]'' "Ogres"? [[JiveTurkey Ya gotta be jivin' me! Let's cuff these freaks and drag 'em downtown!]] |
| 82 | -->'''Snob:''' Y'hear that? Not even Officer {{Blaxploitation}} is impressed! |
| 83 | [[/folder]] |
| 84 | |
| 85 | [[folder:Las Tortugas Mutantes Pinjas]] |
| 86 | * "For those of you who are curious the full title for the film is ''Las Tortugas Mutantes Pinjas'', which I think stands for ''(shot of naked torso)'' EEEEEWWW!!!" |
| 87 | * Also, the opening of the review. |
| 88 | -->'''Snob:''' Oh, sure! Sure! This is what I want to see. '''TURTLES FUCKING!''' Well, why don't you just pop in a ''[[{{Mondo}} Mondo Cane]]'' film? I'm sure that's got turtles fucking! |
| 89 | * Regarding the scene in which Raphael looks in a telescope and finds a close-up shot of a sex act: |
| 90 | -->'''Snob:''' Oh, so Raphael's a voyeur now? Well that's going to cost him about ten wall flips. I can't show you what he's looking at, there's no subtitles so I don't know what she's saying, but judging by the sound of her voice... ''[audio clip of woman moaning in ecstasy]'' Mikey, I think she likes it... in the ''ass!'' |
| 91 | * Regarding the movie ending with a "''Fin?''" ("[[TheEndOrIsIt The End?]]"): |
| 92 | -->'''Snob:''' Fin, question mark? Well of course this isn't the end! In the sequel, they learn about the "[[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesIITheSecretOfTheOoze Secret of the Ooze]]"! Here's a hint...''[stage whisper]'' It's jism! |
| 93 | [[/folder]] |
| 94 | |
| 95 | [[folder:Grizzly 2]] |
| 96 | * The Snob explaining why the prospect of reviewing the movie scares him: It is [[NoEnding unfinished.]][[note]]Incidentally, this ended up being the excuse of the movie's creator to force Brad Jones to pull down the review, though it's still available in bootlegs.[[/note]] |
| 97 | -->'''Snob:''' ''Chatterbox''. Finished. ''Superman: the 1975 Musical''. Finished. ''[[Film/LasVegasBloodbath Las Vegas]] ''[[PrecisionFStrike Fucking]]'' [[Film/LasVegasBloodbath Bloodbath]]''! Finished! ''Grizzly 2''? Yeah... we're not gonna bother finishing ''that.'' |
| 98 | * Snob noticing that Music/MichaelJackson songs are used for background music leads to this: |
| 99 | -->'''Unnamed Character:''' Destroyed campsite...two dead bodies, kids. ''[musical stinger as the scene changes]'' |
| 100 | -->'''Snob:''' Hrm, sorry. It's just not the same if the music cue ISN'T Michael Jackson! |
| 101 | -->''[the scene is repeated, only with the opening bars to "Music/{{Thriller}}" played over the stinger]'' |
| 102 | -->'''Snob:''' ''[grinning awkwardly]'' ...Perfect? |
| 103 | * "I recognise those lyrics, it's from every {{Emo}} Website/LiveJournal entry I've ever read!" |
| 104 | * Snob for some reason ends up in a discussion of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''[='=]s {{Overly Long|Gag}} {{Cutaway Gag}}s and does a parody of one by trying to pick up a box on his porch only to have it repeatedly fall from his grip. He eventually grabs it and throws it over the balcony. |
| 105 | -->'''Snob:''' '''THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!''' |
| 106 | * "I'll stick with good 1980s George Clooney movies like..." ''[long silence]'' |
| 107 | * Overplaying the music in the film with [[Music/{{Bananarama}} Cruel Summer]], "In a Big Country," and "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades." |
| 108 | * In a repeat of a similar joke from his "Video Violence 2" review, Snob decides to call himself (from before he reviewed "Las Tortugas Mutantes Pinjas") to suggest a joke he just came up with,[[note]]"At least in this movie, you actually get to see them [[{{Pun}} cumming out of their shells]]."[[/note]] which Past!Snob bluntly thinks is shit. |
| 109 | -->'''Snob:''' ''[scoff]'' Asshole! ''[hangs up the phone; to the audience]'' [[TimeyWimeyBall Paradox!]] |
| 110 | [[/folder]] |
| 111 | |
| 112 | [[folder:Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy]] |
| 113 | * The ending to this review, where he states that the movie could have been a lot worse...which he acknowledges that it isn't much of a compliment coming from ''him'': |
| 114 | -->'''Snob''': When you know what [[ContinuityNod E.T's asshole looks like]] and [[ContinuityNod what the word "Conchadunga" means]]...yeah...it could be a LOT worse. |
| 115 | * Referring to Alice's lover as "her misogynistic boyfriend", as well as this: |
| 116 | -->'''Alice:''' I'm just not that kind of girl! |
| 117 | -->'''Boyfriend:''' ''[offended]'' Who says I wanted ''that'' kind of girl?! |
| 118 | -->'''Snob:''' ''[scoffs]'' The script? |
| 119 | * Behold: |
| 120 | -->'''Alice''': That's my breast. |
| 121 | -->'''Wonderland creature:''' ...What's it for? |
| 122 | -->'''Alice:''' Well, someday when I have a baby, it'll have milk in it. |
| 123 | -->'''Snob''': ''(fake laughs, then points down at his crotch)'' [[FanDisservice Erection, GONE]]! |
| 124 | ** "You're just gonna have to take my word for it that he goes Tweedle-deep in her Tweedle-dump." |
| 125 | [[/folder]] |
| 126 | |
| 127 | [[folder:Geek Maggot Bingo]] |
| 128 | * The entire review of this MindScrew of a movie (Which surprisingly has no maggots, or no bingo) is full of gems: |
| 129 | ** Commenting on Professor Frankenberry sounding more and more like Professor Farnsworth from ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'' near the end of the film, culminating with: |
| 130 | -->'''Frankenberry:''' YOUUUUUU FUCKING WIENER HEAD!! |
| 131 | -->'''Snob:''' Can't say I've ever heard Farnsworth say that! |
| 132 | ** He later calls Frankenberry [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Doctor Forrester]], an arguably more apt comparison given the guy's appearance. |
| 133 | ** A characters death from falling played out via [[SpecialEffectsFailure an animated falling sequence]] |
| 134 | -->'''Snob:''' You realize it would have been cheaper, just to throw a DUMMY off the cliff! |
| 135 | ** When the monster gets struck by lightning: |
| 136 | -->'''Snob:''' The Rawhide Kid has a bit of luck, because the monster is randomly struck by lightning! I guess because he [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd walked longer as Mr. Hyde than he did as Dr. Jekyll]]! |
| 137 | ** And that's the end of ''Geek Maggot Bingo''! *laughs a little* ''What the hell?!'' Where do I start? Where do I finish? What the ''FUCK'' do I even need to say about this?! |
| 138 | ** "Are you happy, movie? Your BADNESS killed your actor!" |
| 139 | ** His comment on the full title for the movie - ''Geek Maggot Bingo, or The Freak From Suckweasel Mountain''. |
| 140 | -->'''Snob:''' Maybe the title even goes on from there! "The Freak From Suckweasel Mountain, [[Film/DrStrangelove And Love The Bomb]] [[Film/TheEnglishmanWhoWentUpAHillButCameDownAMountain Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain]], [[Film/DontBeAMenaceToSouthCentralWhileDrinkingYourJuiceInTheHood While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood]]!" |
| 141 | ** Hell, even the tagline is hilarious |
| 142 | --->'''Tagline:''' ...[[FlatWhat what]]? |
| 143 | ** "Wanna be in my movie, Mountain Biscuit Corpse?" |
| 144 | ** "[[ItMakesSenseInContext Fortunately for him, he found the world's only man with a transvestite hunchback fetish]]." |
| 145 | ** The "most pretentious last words ever" sequence is hilarious. The [[SelfDeprecation Snob is disappointed, as]] ''[[SelfDeprecation he]]'' [[SelfDeprecation wanted to use the speech for his last words.]] |
| 146 | [[/folder]] |
| 147 | |
| 148 | [[folder:Cannibal Holocaust]] |
| 149 | * Jerrid as Detective Bolla: |
| 150 | -->'''Bolla:''' This tapwater tastes like cola... |
| 151 | -->'''Mrs. Snob:''' Yeah, he only has [[TrademarkFavoriteFood Crystal Pepsi]] flowing through our pipes... |
| 152 | -->'''Bolla:''' Well that's stupefyingly nostalgic. |
| 153 | ** And speaking of Mrs. Snob: |
| 154 | -->'''Bolla:''' Mrs. Snob? |
| 155 | -->'''Jillian:''' I have a name, you know? |
| 156 | -->'''Bolla:''' Big Box Model? |
| 157 | -->'''Jillian:''' [sighs] Mrs. Snob will do. |
| 158 | * Jerrid taking a jab at video commentors: |
| 159 | -->'''Bolla:''' First! |
| 160 | -->'''Mrs. Snob:''' What? |
| 161 | -->'''Bolla:''' I'm the first person to comment on this video! |
| 162 | ** Followed up by a hilariously exasperated look from Mrs Snob. |
| 163 | * From a montage of interviews with people who knew Alan Yates, the director of the film crew: |
| 164 | -->'''Yates' father:''' My son is no good. He doesn't work. He doesn't go to school. He wants to lay around the house all day, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment and he's no good]]. Period, pal. That's it. |
| 165 | -->'''Snob:''' *looking shocked* D-d-dad? |
| 166 | * "Aw shit! They just found [[Film/TheBlairWitchProject Heather Donahue pissing in the woods]] again." She sees a spider and screams. "Oh wait, never mind. It's just [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom Willie Scott]]." |
| 167 | * "I, for one, am offended by that unnecessary political comment." "Hey look, titties!" "Ooh!" |
| 168 | * The Snob declines to show the infamous impaling scene. Then he receives an email from the artist working on the title card of this episode. It depicts the aforementioned scene, with the Snob in place of the native woman. "Oh my God! My...my poor ass." |
| 169 | * The executives order all the FoundFootage to be destroyed. "On second thought, just stick it in a vault next to Film/TheDayTheClownCried." |
| 170 | * The film's last line: |
| 171 | -->'''Monroe:''' I wonder who the real cannibals are. |
| 172 | -->'''Snob:''' I know the answer to this: the people who eat people. If you eat people, you're the real fucking cannibals! |
| 173 | * This exchange: |
| 174 | -->'''Bolla:''' So you see, Mrs. Snob, it appears that your husband was so obsessed with making a great review that he ran outside and was promptly murdered. |
| 175 | -->'''Mrs. Snob:''' So where did his body go? |
| 176 | -->'''Bolla:''' ''[thinks, then looks offscreen]'' Where did your body go? |
| 177 | -->'''Snob:''' ''[offscreen]'' Cannibals ate it. |
| 178 | -->'''Bolla:''' Oh. ''[to Mrs. Snob]'' Cannibals ate it. |
| 179 | [[/folder]] |
| 180 | |
| 181 | [[folder:Night of Horror]] |
| 182 | * At the beginning, the Snob realizes that he's about to watch another movie about zombie Confederates. He interrupts his own ThemeSong to yell [[PrecisionFStrike "FUCK!"]] |
| 183 | ** Also, playing Music/CreedenceClearwaterRevival's [[SoundtrackDissonance Fortunate Son over Civil War reenactment footage]]. |
| 184 | [[/folder]] |
| 185 | |
| 186 | [[folder:Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars]] |
| 187 | * The post-script scene of the movie revealed to be a concert where the heroine is performing. |
| 188 | -->'''Cinema Snob:''' ''[when he realises the movie isn't over]'' It's just the lead actress verbally-assaulting a microphone? Mmm... I DON'T CARE!! |
| 189 | * Calling an investigator "Detective [[Creator/HumphreyBogart Harumph-rey]] Bogart". |
| 190 | * "Meanwhile, on planet Apple..." (the object in the establishing shot probably ''is'') |
| 191 | [[/folder]] |
| 192 | |
| 193 | [[folder:Dracula: The Dirty Old Man]] |
| 194 | * The shower he takes when he sees the sexual assault/rape scene being dubbed over. |
| 195 | * Jerrid [[GagDub dubbing over]] the Snob at the end while parodying said movie's Narmful dubbing (overly describing the Snob's actions and making him sound like a [[AlterKocker Jewish sterotype]]) |
| 196 | [[/folder]] |
| 197 | |
| 198 | [[folder:Pieces]] |
| 199 | * After seeing [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment a track-suit-wearing Asian man jump out of nowhere and assault a woman before explaining that he ate some "bad chop-suey" and running off]], the Snob asks if it "could be more out of nowhere." Seconds later he is repeatedly punched in the face by WebVideo/KungTaiTed: |
| 200 | -->'''Kung Tai Ted''': [[CallBack That's for shooting me in the kneecap last year!]] **walks off** |
| 201 | -->'''Cinema Snob''': Owwwwwwwwww! |
| 202 | -->'''Creator/AllisonPregler''': [[BrickJoke Ha]]! |
| 203 | [[/folder]] |
| 204 | |
| 205 | [[folder:Beware! Children at Play]] |
| 206 | * When the sheriff's teen daughter wants the protagonist to touch her breast. |
| 207 | -->'''Daughter''': Uncle John...will...you...touch...me now? |
| 208 | -->'''John''': What do you mean, Amy? |
| 209 | -->'''Snob''': She wants a purple nurple. Sweet fuckin' statutory...WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE MEANS? |
| 210 | * The Snob orders a bucket off [=eBay=], of all places, just to vomit into it. |
| 211 | [[/folder]] |
| 212 | |
| 213 | [[folder:A Clockwork Orgy]] |
| 214 | * "But why am I saying this? This isn't a review of ''Film/AClockworkOrange''! As if there needed to be another review. It's a classic. Watch it! And if you haven't seen it...then you're probably five years old. And if you're five years old...[[HarmfulToMinors WATCH CLOCKWORK ORANGE! IT'S SO AWESOME!]]" |
| 215 | ** The Snob's reaction to the orgy scene in where they replace "Singin' In The Rain" with "Take Me Out To The Ballgame": |
| 216 | --->'''Snob:''' Oh yeah, Creator/GeneKelly's ''[[ObviousSecondChoice second]]''-most popular song! Let me guess, they're going to replace Beethoven with "On Top of Spaghetti"! |
| 217 | ** "Okay, now I think you're confusing a ''Clockwork Orange'' spoof with a ''Caligula'' spoof." |
| 218 | ** The Snob dubbing over the mainstream pornos during the treatment scene with clips from ''E.T. The Porno'', ''Beaver and Buttface'' and ''Super Hornio Bros''. |
| 219 | ** "Is it really such a problem in this futuristic society that citizens roam around having ''consensual sex'' with each other? This future's so bright I've got to wear Trojans!" |
| 220 | ** "...The hell? Did she fuck him so hard it put him in a wheelchair? Eh, worth it." |
| 221 | ** After making an IncrediblyLamePun about the characters being "a street gang I could get behind... or in front of", Brad looks off camera to make sure that Jillian isn't around. |
| 222 | * Pointing out the irony that the movie doesn't spoof the "William Tell Overture" scene, a scene that, if you freeze frame it at the right moment, is actual porn. |
| 223 | [[/folder]] |
| 224 | |
| 225 | [[folder:The Tormentors]] |
| 226 | * He realizes that the phone number on the [[ItMakesSenseInContext Nazi business card]] is an actual phone number. He decides to call the number, only to be greeted by a loud clip of UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler giving a speech, causing him to drop his phone in surprise. |
| 227 | ** His reaction to Dear Leader's accent: |
| 228 | --->Yeah, you're about as Southern as [[Creator/LarryTheCableGuy Dan Whitney]]. |
| 229 | ** "Directed by [[PunnyName B. Eagle? Beagle?!]] So [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Snoopy]] directed this?! Well, now we know it's gonna have great aerial battles!" |
| 230 | [[/folder]] |
| 231 | |
| 232 | [[folder:Nightdreams]] |
| 233 | * "Huh, the director's cut of ''Film/SuckerPunch'' really ''is'' that different." And after that, struggling not to make ''Sucker Punch'' references... and eventually failing. |
| 234 | ** During one scene where the female lead finds and plays with a fetus: |
| 235 | --->'''Snob:''' ...this scene reminds me of something. |
| 236 | --->'''[[Film/ASerbianFilm "NEWBORN! PORN!]] [[SickAndWrong NEWBORN!"]]''' |
| 237 | --->'''Snob:''' Ha ha, no, ''that'' scene was directed by pedophiles! This one is just weird. |
| 238 | [[/folder]] |
| 239 | |
| 240 | [[folder:Pink Flamingos]] |
| 241 | * The Cinema Snob celebrates what looks like the end of the movie with "my usual post-review Caramello"... and then, in the film's most famous scene, [[{{Squick}} Divine eats the dog turd]]. He stares at the film with a slack jaw... and then eats the Caramello. |
| 242 | -->'''Snob:''' "What? This isn't shit, it's a candy bar. ''That'' was shit. Grow up." |
| 243 | ** When Edie repeatedly demands to see the eggman, the Snob goes "[[Music/TheBeatles Goo goo g'joob.]]" |
| 244 | ** "If this movie had any less of a point, it'd be a sphere!" |
| 245 | ** The ''Film/CannibalHolocaust'' theme makes another appearance, this time over Babs' trailer burning down. |
| 246 | -->'''Snob''': "Look at it like this Snob, [[TakeThat still better than]] ''Film/{{Gummo}}''." |
| 247 | * In response to the Marbles deciding to challenge Divine for her "Filthiest Person Alive" title, the Snob points out "you're starring in Pink Flamingos. You're ALL the filthiest people alive!" |
| 248 | ** "Forget the filthiest people alive. Now they're on another list: the FBI's ten most wanted." |
| 249 | ** The actor in the "Surfin' Bird" scene chose to leave his name off the credits. "It's a good thing there's no other way to identify him, like his fucking face!" Cue a shot of the actor's face. |
| 250 | ** "It's easy to see why Creator/RogerEbert gave this movie zero stars. The real question is...why did he watch it in the first place? For that matter, why did I watch it?" |
| 251 | [[/folder]] |
| 252 | |
| 253 | [[folder:Caligula II: Messalina, Messalina]] |
| 254 | * The Snob begins his review of ''Caligula II'', a (spoof) sequel to a movie where the title character died at the end, by staring incredulously at the DVD case for several seconds, before finally just saying "...''what?''" Cut immediately to the Snob's theme music. |
| 255 | * A disclaimer saying the ''Caligula'' sets were used without the permission of art director Danilo Donati has Snob translating it as "Hey Donati: FUCK YOU!" |
| 256 | [[/folder]] |
| 257 | |
| 258 | [[folder:Nekromantik]] |
| 259 | * The SoundtrackDissonance of a beautiful composition to [[ILoveTheDead corpse-fucking]]. The Snob even tries to think of something better, but his dream of seagulls soon turns into the village fire from ''Film/CannibalHolocaust''. |
| 260 | * "Imagine how many Oscars ''Film/KramerVsKramer ''wouldn't'' have won if it was about a corpse!" |
| 261 | * The Snob's increased bafflement at the FauxSymbolism. |
| 262 | * "This movie went from pretentious art film to ''Film/ViolentShit'' fast." Followed by another pretentiousness moment. |
| 263 | * [[TakeOurWordForIt "What? I can't show it, so I might as well awkwardly describe it."]] |
| 264 | ** For those of you who are interested, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcjMJv1FWW4 here's what he was talking about.]] In the very words of the Snob himself, you're welcome. |
| 265 | [[/folder]] |
| 266 | |
| 267 | [[folder:Violent Shit III: Infantry of Doom]] |
| 268 | * The Snob's increased anger at the bad dubbing, and increased apathy regarding the characters. |
| 269 | * A character dies through forced brain surgery, and the Snob says he would've preferred that to watching the movie. |
| 270 | * "What a fucking sad state we're in, when our CGI-filled horror films could learn something from the ''Violent Shit'' movies!" |
| 271 | * Comparing the video quality to "the camera that shot my Christmas Eve party in 1989!" |
| 272 | * "I don't want any ninjas in a forest unless it has Pierre Kirby or GodfreyHo involved! But that can be fixed..." Cue the scene with Alphaville's "Jet Set" in the background. |
| 273 | * "This movie has less to do with ninjas and zombies than ''Zombie vs. Ninja''!" |
| 274 | * |
| 275 | --> '''Asian Guy: ''' [[PreAsskickingOneliner I'll show you guys how fuckin' boy scouts open their hunting season.]] |
| 276 | --> '''Snob:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You're gonna fight them with a Pinewood Derby?]] |
| 277 | [[/folder]] |
| 278 | |
| 279 | [[folder:Hitler - Dead or Alive]] |
| 280 | * The actor playing Hitler does a surprisingly good job, leading the Snob to look up the actor on IMDB, curious as to the actor's place of origin. He discovers that the actor, Bobby Watson, is from Springfield, Illinois... the Snob's (and Brad's) place of residence. "That's... that's where I'm from!" |
| 281 | * The Snob's own version of Douchey [=McNitpick=] shouting [[CuteKitten "Lloyd!"]] prompting Lloyd to appear behind the Snob. |
| 282 | ** What truly sells the moment is when Snob looks over his shoulder at Lloyd...prompting Lloyd to look into the camera, seemingly as surprised by his appearance as Snob (and the audience) is. |
| 283 | [[/folder]] |
| 284 | |
| 285 | [[folder:Entrails of a Virgin]] |
| 286 | [[/folder]] |
| 287 | |
| 288 | [[folder:Blood Feast]] |
| 289 | * |
| 290 | -->'''Fuad:''' [[ChewingTheScenery Have you ever had... an egyptian feast?]] |
| 291 | -->'''Snob:''' Judging from that line delivery, I'm guessing that the catering service specializes in ''ham.'' |
| 292 | [[/folder]] |
| 293 | |
| 294 | |
| 295 | [[folder:Child Bride]] |
| 296 | * |
| 297 | -->'''Snob:''' Given that this a 1930s' picture, I'm sure it's got some [[SoundtrackDissonance inappropriate music for the opening titles]]. |
| 298 | -->*cheerful 1930s music plays* |
| 299 | -->'''Snob:''' Classy. Nothing says "anti-pedophilia" like hijinks music. |
| 300 | * The Snob's conclusion: |
| 301 | -->'''Snob:''' WORST LITTLE RASCALS EPISODE EVER! |
| 302 | * At the eventual wedding: |
| 303 | -->'''Preacher:''' ''[awkwardly]'' If there is anyone here among you who knows of any reason why these two should not be joined together in holy wedlock, let him speak now -- |
| 304 | -->'''Snob:''' '''SHE'S ''TWELVE!!!!''''' |
| 305 | * |
| 306 | -->'''Snob:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext That's a laugh that says, 'I think you're funny, but I also wanna wear your skin.']] |
| 307 | * At the beginning of the video before the music intro, he explains how the crew of [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K]] refused the film. |
| 308 | -->'''Snob:''' Well I have no standards. I'll do it. |
| 309 | * |
| 310 | -->'''Snob:''' There, just chuck the body down the cliff. That way it will look like the ground stabbed him. |
| 311 | * |
| 312 | -->'''Snob:''' (over a time lapsing montage) Seasons go by as we see this shot (clip of snowfall) of the community's dandruff. |
| 313 | * |
| 314 | -->'''Snob:''' The lead child actor in the film is young Jenny, who has fallen asleep reading "Child Marriage is a Crime." I heard the alternate title for the book is "Fucking Duh!" |
| 315 | [[/folder]] |
| 316 | |
| 317 | [[folder:TheSinfulDwarf]] |
| 318 | * After a scene where they use a stunt dummy for Olaf's suicide via window jump: |
| 319 | -->"And there you have the first onscreen appearance by the My Buddy doll." |
| 320 | * "Just touching the doorknob would get you addicted to crack!" |
| 321 | [[/folder]] |
| 322 | |
| 323 | [[folder:Angel Above, The Devil Below]] |
| 324 | * When the psychiatrist is having a conversation with the heroine's demonically-possessed vagina, the Snob [[SexyDiscretionShot cuts to a shot of]] [[VisualPun Lloyd]] lounging on the floor every time the vagina is talking. |
| 325 | * When the Devil appears, it's not the traditional kind |
| 326 | -->'''Snob:''' She dabbles in Satanism long enough to where eventually '''*scene cuts to show the Devil, looking more like a Quaker than a normal devil*''' *Chuckles* What? No, that's the Quaker Oats curse! Your vagina's about to become part of this balanced breakfast! |
| 327 | * Then a few seconds later, we see his face, and the Snob has flashbacks to other things: |
| 328 | -->'''Snob:''' Ultimately he shows his face '''*The scene shows a close-up of the Devil, whose face looks partially rotted*''' and heh, damn! Is that Satan or the villain from Star Odyssey? Either way I'm craving waffles! |
| 329 | -->'''Devil:''' Come taste my cock... |
| 330 | -->'''Snob:''' '''*Over a shot of the female lead*''' I think not! I like my cock rare, and yours is clearly well done! |
| 331 | -->'''Devil:''' I'll give you some fun... for your cunting foolishness! |
| 332 | -->'''Snob:''' ...Good God! I feel like I'm watching a missing segment from ''Night Dreams''! |
| 333 | -->'''Night Dreams! Satan:''' Choice? Who likes a choice? Not me! Nuh-uh! Not for this boy! |
| 334 | -->'''Snob:''' '''*shudders*''' I never thought that a talking vag movie would give me nightmares about Satan! |
| 335 | * "''(the movie's opening titles of a book)'' Goddammit! I seem to have got the novelization. I hope it's a pop-up book!" |
| 336 | [[/folder]] |
| 337 | |
| 338 | [[folder:Dr. Sex]] |
| 339 | * At the beginning of the episode, the Snob remembers that he actually referenced the movie in one of his first episodes. This prompts him to take a look at said episode, only to be horrified by the [[OldShame terrible set, lame jokes]] and the Critical Research Failure. |
| 340 | * His reaction to Dr. Sex's introduction: |
| 341 | -->'''Dr. Sex:''' Some people have called me a ''great'' psychoanalyst. Others have called me... a quack. |
| 342 | -->'''Snob:''' I think you're an asshole! |
| 343 | [[/folder]] |
| 344 | |
| 345 | [[folder:Maniac]] |
| 346 | * The Snob goes full SarcasmMode throughout the review as a TakeThat to the critics who were appalled about the gritty violent movie about a serial killer… being a gritty violent movie about a serial killer. |
| 347 | * "[[CreepyDoll Is that little shit]] giving me the finger? Well, right back at you, Baby Bob!" |
| 348 | ** Also, Jillian being visited by The Messiah from The Tormentors, who reads from [[AsTheGoodBookSays "the book]] [[{{Pun}} of]] [[Music/PaulMcCartney Paul"]]. ([[WaxingLyrical "When I find myself in times of trouble,]] [[Music/TheBeatles mother Mary comes to me..."]]) |
| 349 | * "I swear, if this turns out to be another story from the mannequin guy from ''Dr. Sex'', then I'm going to write my [[StronglyWordedLetter 34th angry letter]] to [[Film/GirlInGoldBoots Ted V. Mikels]]." |
| 350 | * "Nurses, what are you doing here? This movie is going to kill you!" |
| 351 | [[/folder]] |
| 352 | |
| 353 | [[folder:Bat Pussy]] |
| 354 | * He reviews ''Bat Pussy'' while wearing a horse head. |
| 355 | ** Just the way he says "Holy shit, ''The Anal Dwarf''!" after sitting through the main movie. |
| 356 | ** Also, the random cut to [[CuteKitten Lloyd]] while the Snob is talking. |
| 357 | * "That's it? Really!? This is the closest I've come to just simply snobbing [[PornWithoutPlot two people fucking for an hour]]!" |
| 358 | * "[[Film/BloodsuckingFreaks Ralphus]] is very well hung, by the way. This is one horse that's impressed!" |
| 359 | * This exchange: |
| 360 | --> '''Brad:''' Until Bat Pussy gets there, we have to hear riveting lines like this... |
| 361 | --> '''"Buddy":''' Yeah, well, what was she doin', takin' yer temperature in yer pussy? |
| 362 | --> '''Brad:''' ...ewww! What does that even ''mean?!'' |
| 363 | * Just his written description of the movie is hilarious. It simply says: |
| 364 | --> '''Wow. This one's bad.''' |
| 365 | * "If you can't ''fuck'', get out of my bed!" "'kay, [[TakeThat then you should all get out of bed]]..." |
| 366 | * Snob decides his review is too short, so looks on his laptop to see if there was something quick he could review. |
| 367 | -->"Holy shit, ''The Anal Dwarf''! |
| 368 | [[/folder]] |
| 369 | |
| 370 | [[folder: Badi (The Turkish E.T.)]] |
| 371 | * Cinema Snob riffs not just on Badi, but on the TV pop-ups that were recorded along with it. |
| 372 | --> '''Snob:''' Why, yes, the movie ''does'' make me want to have phone sex! How did you ''know''? |
| 373 | ** "I'm sorry, was that commercial about to turn into porn?" |
| 374 | ** "Good thing they're flying away now, as the town looks like it's been hit by extreme radiation!" |
| 375 | ** The very end, where the word "SON" appears on screen. [[note]](It's Turkish for END, by the way)[[/note]] |
| 376 | -->'''Snob:'''I am NOT your fucking son! |
| 377 | [[/folder]] |
| 378 | |
| 379 | [[folder:Keep Up The Lust E.T.]] |
| 380 | * Snob's reaction to the twangy Jawharp music in the background. |
| 381 | -->'''Snob:''' Perfect! We're in for a good porno when [[WesternAnimation/ABoyNamedCharlieBrown Snoopy does the soundtrack]]. |
| 382 | ** His frustration of most of the movie not even having E.T. |
| 383 | -->'''Snob:''' And so far, none of it contains E.T. getting fucked! Although do I even care about ''that'' kind of false advertising!? |
| 384 | [[/folder]] |
| 385 | |
| 386 | [[folder:Nukie]] |
| 387 | * His reaction to a particularly bad scene. |
| 388 | -->'''Snob:'''...you can't convince me that Creator/GeorgeLucas ''didn't'' write this movie! |
| 389 | * His reaction to a character bringing up a previously unmentioned "Harvey" is just so goddamn earnest, it's amazing. |
| 390 | -->'''Snob:''' WHO'S HARVEY!? |
| 391 | * |
| 392 | -->'''Snob:''' Never thought I'd be so glad to be back in the deserts of Africa. Will something hilarious happen, please? ''(one of the children is struck by a cobra)'' '''HA!''' |
| 393 | * Snob thinks ''Nukie'' is so bad an ''E.T.'' knockoff that he compares it unfavorably to yet another notorious ''E.T.'' knockoff: |
| 394 | -->'''Snob:''' Why am I doing this for "E.T. Week"? I should have saved it for "''Film/MacAndMe'' Week". And this movie's a lot shittier than ''Mac and Me'', so I'm guessing it was endorsed by Hardee's. |
| 395 | * The failed attempt to bring "[[WebVideo/BadMovieBeatdown Matt]]" to come and say his phrase. It's followed by the Snob trying to sound enthusiastic saying "Symbolism!". |
| 396 | * After complaining the whole movie why Nukie just doesn't fly to America, this happens at the end: |
| 397 | -->'''Nukie:''' I have an idea! If we can't walk, we can fly together! |
| 398 | -->'''Snob:''' ''(dripping with hate)'' You don't ''FUCKING'' say! |
| 399 | * |
| 400 | -->'''Snob:''' Good thing I reviewed this movie on hump day, because I feel like I just got ''' ''fucked!'' ''' |
| 401 | [[/folder]] |
| 402 | |
| 403 | [[folder:Homoti (The Other Turkish E.T.)]] |
| 404 | * Upon seeing a random animation scene of ''Homoti'': "They're trying to make the credits for ''[[Film/CasinoRoyale2006 Casino Royale]]''!" Cue "You Know My Name" over the CG. |
| 405 | * Ed Glaser's attempt at giving the history of the film. "It was directed by... Turk Turkman" |
| 406 | * Snob's numerous jokes about Homoti's huge ass. |
| 407 | ** "What's in that briefcase? Reese's Pieces? No, wait. This is a ripoff, so it's probably [[Film/MacAndMe Coca-Cola and Big Macs]]. Either way, it's going straight to his ass." |
| 408 | ** "And are you [the woman who takes Homoti in] sure you want your catty neighbor around when you're [Homoti] showing off your Jello pudding ass?" |
| 409 | * "It's time to teach ET how to be straight so they can [[Film/TheBirdcage fool Gene Hackman!"]] |
| 410 | [[/folder]] |
| 411 | |
| 412 | [[folder:Extra Terrestrial Visitors]] |
| 413 | * The Snob's recap of E.T. Week. |
| 414 | --> '''Snob:''' We've come to the end of E.T. Week. *chuckles briefly* '''Thank fucking GOD!!!''' At this point, I really don't fucking care. I've seen enough Turkish aliens, [[RuleThirtyFour double-penied E.T.s]], and '''''[[BerserkButton "NUKIE"]]''''' to make me wanna blast off to my own planet where no human's interpretations of extra terrestrials can ever hurt me again! |
| 415 | * His realization that ''Extra Terrestrial Visitors'' has a much better-known title: |
| 416 | --> '''Snob:''' Oh my God, ''it's fucking '''Film/PodPeople'''!'' |
| 417 | * "Welcome to 2011! Where the word "Centipede" takes on a whole new set of connotations..." |
| 418 | [[/folder]] |
| 419 | |
| 420 | [[folder:Porno Midnight Heat]] |
| 421 | [[/folder]] |
| 422 | |
| 423 | [[folder:Blood Rage]] |
| 424 | * His review for ''Film/BloodRage'', made funnier by that his voice keeps cracking throughout the review. |
| 425 | * On a clip of two of the characters playing a computer game |
| 426 | --> '''Snob:''' "Did I just watch the original LetsPlay?" |
| 427 | * He does a brief comparison between this film and ''Film/HomeSweetHome'', which he reviewed a year previous. |
| 428 | --> '''Snob:''' The only difference between these two movies is that in ''Blood Rage'', I don't get to see Body By Jake[[note]]Brad apparently didn't know who he was the year before, as he failed to mention his name once during the "Home Sweet Home" review[[/note]] acting like a fucking nutbar! |
| 429 | * Upon a character having their hand chopped off |
| 430 | --> '''Snob:''' Hey! He just did you a favor - he stopped you from drinking a whole thing of Old Style! |
| 431 | * And when a female character is shown in the shower... |
| 432 | --> '''Snob:''' Hmm...not as gorgeous as ''my'' luscious breasts! |
| 433 | ** He proceeds to display a screenshot from his website, which has recently updated the icon for the Cinema Snob series. It's [[http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/311797_1945413495096_1835304777_1282356_2061092344_n.jpg an illustrated 3/4 profile of the Snob]]...but it's perfectly situated above [[http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/381689_1945406214914_1835304777_1282353_1524037896_n.jpg an image of the Big Box Model's rack]], giving it the appearance that he is sporting double-D cups. |
| 434 | *** Jillian specifically had to reassure the fans that the above alignment will still be there after the site is redesigned. |
| 435 | [[/folder]] |
| 436 | |
| 437 | [[folder:The Corpse Grinders]] |
| 438 | * At the start, [[CuteKitten Lloyd]] is seen sitting in the Snob's chair. As the camera zooms in, Lloyd perks up and meows, causing the Snob to back off. |
| 439 | ** Then TheReveal that Lloyd had a role in the movie. (Doing pretty good for a 40-year-old cat! Heh.) |
| 440 | -->'''Snob:''' ...Really, Lloyd? Were you ''that'' hard up for fucking money in the Seventies? Did those ''Film/ThatDarnCat'' residuals not plan out? |
| 441 | -->..... |
| 442 | -->'''Nurse:''' You know Baby-san cares about you. |
| 443 | -->'''Snob:''' Baby-san? You let them call you Baby-san? ''Nice!'' |
| 444 | -->'''Doctor:''' I swear you think more about that cat than you do me. |
| 445 | -->'''Snob:''' Well, Lloyd is a much better actor than you. |
| 446 | [[/folder]] |
| 447 | |
| 448 | [[folder:Elves]] |
| 449 | * The title card where the Snob is hiding behind his chair from the title monster. |
| 450 | * When the main character laments that her cat is the only friend she has left. |
| 451 | -->'''Snob:''' *Awkward Pause* [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Psh, whatever... I have friends. This movie isn't speaking to me in a weird way...]] |
| 452 | * "Merry Christmas, [[TheBadGuyWins the Nazis win!]]" |
| 453 | * His amusement when [[Series/TheLifeAndTimesOfGrizzlyAdams Dan Haggerty's]] character points out the ridiculousness of the occult section being in aisle 666. |
| 454 | * "I'll stick with ''Film/ErnestSavesChristmas''." |
| 455 | * "Did that girl's life just get saved by an ''elf'' who stopped her from getting ''raped '''by a NAZI!?'''''" |
| 456 | * |
| 457 | -->'''Mike [=McGavin=]''' I want to know the connection between the elves and the Nazis. |
| 458 | -->'''Snob''': [[ARareSentence Are you aware that that's a sentence that just came out of your mouth]]!? |
| 459 | * When one of the girls says a dirty rhyme that jokes about a guy's size, one of the girls asks if it's actually true. |
| 460 | -->'''Snob''': Yes, his dick is literally three feet long. '''You fucking idiot!!!''' |
| 461 | * When the teenage girls compare breasts. |
| 462 | -->'''Girl''': So, guys...''(lifts up shirt)''...what do you think? |
| 463 | -->'''Snob''': I think we're still not getting higher than a PG-13. |
| 464 | * During the opening scene: |
| 465 | -->'''Girl''': Is this a script? |
| 466 | -->'''Snob''': Funny. That's what the producers of the movie said. |
| 467 | ** Additionally, "If she's a virgin, [[AndImTheQueenOfSheba then I watch good movies for a living!]]" |
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FollowingContext Funny / TheCinemaSnob2011Episodes
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