| 1 | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob All]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2007To2009Episodes 2007–09]] | '''2010''' | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2011Episodes 2011]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2012Episodes 2012]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2013Episodes 2013]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2014Episodes 2014]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2015Episodes 2015]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2016Episodes 2016]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2017Episodes 2017]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2018Episodes 2018]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2019Episodes 2019]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2020Episodes 2020]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2021episodes 2021]] | [[Funny/TheCinemaSnob2022Episodes 2022]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 4 | |
| 5 | ---- |
| 6 | |
| 7 | [[folder:ET The Porno]] |
| 8 | * The closing line: |
| 9 | -->'''Snob''': And that was Creator/UweBoll's adaptation of ''[[VideoGame/ETTheExtraterrestrial E.T]]'' for the Platform/{{Atari 2600}}. |
| 10 | [[/folder]] |
| 11 | |
| 12 | [[folder:Lady Terminator]] |
| 13 | [[/folder]] |
| 14 | |
| 15 | [[folder:Nudist Colony of the Dead]] |
| 16 | * The songs from ''Nudist Colony of the Dead'' are catchy enough to make him dance naked on his front porch. |
| 17 | * His remark about the credits listing a guy as having "written and rewritten" the script: |
| 18 | -->'''Snob''': Of course once you take a shit, and stick it back up your ass and shit again, it still isn't going to taste good on a cracker. |
| 19 | * [[RunningGag Looking up from the paper]] and singing "God's gonna show us". |
| 20 | [[/folder]] |
| 21 | |
| 22 | [[folder:Death Bed: The Bed That Eats]] |
| 23 | * Playing the "[[Franchise/IndianaJones Raiders March]]" over the bed "lassoing" its victim. |
| 24 | [[/folder]] |
| 25 | |
| 26 | [[folder:The Body Shop]] |
| 27 | -->Wait, I'm sorry, is this movie supposed to be the fucking origin story of ''WesternAnimation/ThePowerpuffGirls''? I forgot that Professor Utonium used sugar, spice, everything nice and fucking severed body parts! |
| 28 | [[/folder]] |
| 29 | |
| 30 | [[folder:The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine]] |
| 31 | [[/folder]] |
| 32 | |
| 33 | [[folder:Death Nurse 2]] |
| 34 | -->"Why haven't more movies done that? Why didn't ''[[Film/Halloween1978 Halloween]]'' just divide itself in half and then draw out its segments by inserting footage from ''Film/ScreamBlaculaScream''? Oh wait, I know why, it's because Creator/JohnCarpenter isn't fucking retarded! |
| 35 | * His [[NoJustNoReaction reaction]] to hearing that the star, Priscilla Alden, [[{{Squick}} acted in a porno movie]]. |
| 36 | [[/folder]] |
| 37 | |
| 38 | [[folder:The Astro-Zombies]] |
| 39 | * After three years of reviewing Z-movies, ''The Astro-Zombies'' is Snob's first foray into [[{{Creator/TedVMikels}} Ted V. Mikels's]] filmography. |
| 40 | --> '''Snob:''' I siphoned 15 seconds of blood out of 90 minutes of cheese. |
| 41 | * He looks at other Mikels "classics" such as ''Film/GirlInGoldBoots'', the later-reviewed ''Film/TheCorpseGrinders'', [[UnfortunateImplications and...]] |
| 42 | -->'''Snob:''' ''Apartheid Slave Women's Justice'', which is just 90 minutes of [[FetishRetardant Ted getting trampled on by stilettos!]] Oh, but it's okay because according to {{Website/IMDb}}, if you liked ''Apartheid Slave Women's Justice'', then you'll love ''[[{{Film/GoneWithTheWind}} GONE WITH THE WIND!]]'' |
| 43 | * Snob shreds the opening credits, which is just text atop footage of tacky toy robots on the street. |
| 44 | --> '''Snob:''' What? Did he get his fucking five-year-old nephew to design the opening credits? |
| 45 | ** Which he compares to a certain scene from [[{{Film/GodfreyHoNinjaMovies}} Godfrey Ho's]] ''Film/NinjaTerminator''. |
| 46 | --> '''Snob:''' AND THEY DON'T EVEN BELONG IN A GODFREY HO FILM! |
| 47 | * '''Snob:''' [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Why does]] [[{{UsefulNotes/LyndonJohnson}} LBJ]] look so smug about being in this movie? |
| 48 | * ''The Astro-Zombies'' is also another Z-movie Snob reviews starring Creator/JohnCarradine as a mad scientist. |
| 49 | --> '''Snob:''' -pfft, duh- |
| 50 | ** Snob notes that Carradine's [[TheIgor hunchback sidekick, Franchot,]] looks like Yakov Smirnoff. |
| 51 | --> '''Snob:''' [[RussianReversal In Soviet Russia, movie fucks you!]] |
| 52 | * This: |
| 53 | --> '''Snob:''' Hey, [[KensingtonGore you ever see blood drain?]] |
| 54 | --> (Cue Franchot doing that into a milk carton [[{{Main/Filler}} for over a minute.]]) |
| 55 | --> '''Snob:''' [[SarcasmMode Exciting.]] The only thing that scene makes me want is a [[INeedAFreakingDrink strawberry daiquiri.]] |
| 56 | * The movie ends with a climatic shootout in a backyard between a gunman, cops, and random stock footage of a soldier in a field. |
| 57 | --> '''Snob:''' It's nice to know that this guy in the hills of fucking Wyoming with a shotgun manages to hit something in this Hollywood Hills backyard! |
| 58 | * Snob tears into the poster, which tells us to "SEE!" things [[NeverTrustATrailer not found in the movie.]] He gives us these suggestions instead: |
| 59 | --> '''Snob:''' SEE! Plastic entrails! SEE! John Carradine [[MoneyDearBoy die on the inside!]] [[GratuitousSpanish Or, ¡SI! This movie is ¡mierda!]] |
| 60 | |
| 61 | |
| 62 | [[/folder]] |
| 63 | |
| 64 | [[folder:Beaver and Buttface]] |
| 65 | * His reactions to the aforementioned duo: |
| 66 | ** "It looks like a pair of escaped child molesters crashed the set of ''WesternAnimation/ClutchCargo''!" |
| 67 | ** "I can't have that nightmare swimming around in my head like it's trying to win a gold medal in SYNCHRONIZED BRAIN-FUCKING!!!" |
| 68 | ** At the start, when he has a nightmare of ''E.T. The Porno'', Brad sits up and shouts out [[GratuitousGerman "Ich bin der Waffelautomat!"]], a CallBack to ''The Refrigerator''. |
| 69 | * "He was Beavising her Butt-head!" |
| 70 | [[/folder]] |
| 71 | |
| 72 | [[folder:Troll 3 (Creepers)]] |
| 73 | * On the film's overcliched, [[PoliceAreUseless useless]] law enforcement: |
| 74 | -->'''Snob:''' How do these fucking nitwit sheriffs keep getting elected? I'm afraid if someone told them that they won the election, ''they wouldn't believe them!'' |
| 75 | [[/folder]] |
| 76 | |
| 77 | [[folder:Troll 3 (Quest for the Mighty Sword)]] |
| 78 | * Noting how the wizard always brings along his cheery {{Leitmotif}}, even when [[SoundtrackDissonance the scenes are supposed to be serious]] (for reference, the Snob used that later as Lloyd's theme). |
| 79 | [[/folder]] |
| 80 | |
| 81 | [[folder:Bloodsucking Freaks]] |
| 82 | * The Snob wonders how Sardu hired Ralphus: |
| 83 | -->'''Snob:''' How did ''that'' ad read? "Looking for [[TheIgor clichéd midget sidekick]] for [[CardCarryingVillain diabolical villain]]. Must get horny at the sight of skull holes. Must love the [[ImAHumanitarian taste of cornea]]. Must love Whack-A-Mole." *cut to a shot of one of Sardu's nude slave girls popping out of a box and Ralphus whacking her back down with a stick* |
| 84 | * The Snob's bogglement at the final scene: |
| 85 | -->'''Snob:''' [The movie ends] on a shot of one of them [[ImAHumanitarian eating a fucking sandwich]] made out of — I'll give you a hint — [[CensorBox not a black box]]! Also it was nice of the detective to provide them with a fucking [[RagingStiffie steel footlong]] before he passed! Did ''everyone'' in the fucking [[TheSeventies seventies]] have a hard-on? |
| 86 | * Any time Creasy the snobby critic is brought up, Snob predictably agrees with everything he says...until he says a confusing series of statements involving Sardu's show.[[hottip:*:He says that Sardu cannot disgust him, but in the next breath says that ANYONE would find him disgusting.]] The Snob tries to agree, then finds himself utterly confused. Grabbing a pen and paper, he writes down some notes in an attempt to decipher the meaning behind it, before turning the pad around to reveal that he just wrote, "HE LOST ME." |
| 87 | [[/folder]] |
| 88 | |
| 89 | [[folder:Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates]] |
| 90 | * It starts with Brad holding his head in his hands, showing off his new wedding ring, and he says "I made a huge fucking mistake!" Looking down at the ring, he says, "Oh, no, not that, I mean watching ''Curse of the Cannibal Confederates''. |
| 91 | * In reaction to the characters' [[GoshDarnItToHeck weaksauce swearing]]: |
| 92 | --> '''Snob''': Whenever someone curses like that, [[Series/GrowingPains Kirk Cameron]] loses one of his [[TheFundamentalist glued-on angel wings]]. |
| 93 | * "If they wanted the footage to melt any quicker, they should point the camera at the fucking [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Ark of the Covenant]]!" |
| 94 | [[/folder]] |
| 95 | |
| 96 | [[folder:Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky]] |
| 97 | * The "Creator/MorganFreeman narration". |
| 98 | -->'''Snob (imitating Freeman):''' [[Film/TheShawshankRedemption I wish I could tell you that Zorro fought the good fight]] and that Ricky let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but prison is no [[Creator/HayaoMiyazaki Miyazaki]] fairy tale world. |
| 99 | [[/folder]] |
| 100 | |
| 101 | [[folder:Video Violence 2]] |
| 102 | * The above moment was given a callback at the start of his review of the sequel. |
| 103 | -->'''Snob:''' Interesting... I forgot the DVD I had was the limited "Glass Case" edition. |
| 104 | * The time-travelling CallBack joke between Current!Snob and Past!Snob. |
| 105 | [[/folder]] |
| 106 | |
| 107 | [[folder:Deathrow Gameshow]] |
| 108 | [[/folder]] |
| 109 | |
| 110 | [[folder:Las Vegas Bloodbath]] |
| 111 | * Snob only gets a minute into the movie before the special effects (or lack thereof) get to him: |
| 112 | -->'''Snob:''' Watch this! [''Pulls out his phone''] Hey John, do you think you can add a flashbang effect to this movie footage? You can?! That's great! You're sending it over now? Well let's take a look! |
| 113 | -->[Previous film-scene, with an obvious muzzle-flash edited in] |
| 114 | -->'''Snob:''' Y'see that? In two seconds, I just gave your movie a budget! |
| 115 | * '''Snob:''' [[SpecialEffectsFailure Ahh! Look! There's a drill in my head!]] [[DeadpanSnarker Aren't you]] '''[[DeadpanSnarker TOTALLY]]''' [[DeadpanSnarker convinced that there's a drill in my head?]] |
| 116 | ** After ''30 minutes'' of watching a group of girls [[{{Padding}}have a baby shower, play cards and truth or dare, watch ''themselves'' on TV, and eat pizza,]] the killer ''finally'' arrives to kill them all, so a choir singing Hallelujah is overdubbed. |
| 117 | * "I have a list of jokes here to go along with that [[BlackComedy fetus-removal scene]]!" *looks at list* "But they are incredibly [[SubvertedTrope tasteless and offensive]]." |
| 118 | * "I was going to go with either ''Film/{{Deadfall}}'' or ''Film/{{The Wicker Man|2006}}'', so I went with [[TakeTheThirdOption both.]]" |
| 119 | [[/folder]] |
| 120 | |
| 121 | [[folder:Alien 2: On Earth]] |
| 122 | [[/folder]] |
| 123 | |
| 124 | [[folder:Ax 'Em]] |
| 125 | * The Snob begins the video by reading a letter from a fan, "Blind in Rikers", who supposedly asked him to review the film, saying that watching the film led her to murder her entire family and pluck her eyes out. The Snob then says that he discovered that the film was released in 2002, and since his cutoff date is 1995, he doesn't have to review it, after which he goes to check his mailbox. There he finds another letter by "Blind in Rikers" saying that she thought he might use the "released in 2002" excuse, but that unfortunately for him the film was actually made in 1992, making it perfectly eligible for review. But what sells it is Snob's reaction to the revelation: Reenacting the "Worst Line Reading Ever" from ''Film/ToughGuysDontDance''. |
| 126 | * The Snob can't believe that the slasher movie begins with a [[YourMom "Yo Momma"]] contest. And that said contest is {{Padding}}. |
| 127 | -->''[after one too many "Yo momma is so dumb" jokes by a character [[CreatorCameo played by the director]]]''\ |
| 128 | '''Snob:''' Yo momma is so dumb, ''her son made Ax 'Em!'' |
| 129 | * A character gets "zanied to death". |
| 130 | * "I'm of the opinion that rap has the power to ruin something as great as ''Film/{{Casablanca}}''. So what do you think it does to ''Ax 'Em''?" |
| 131 | [[/folder]] |
| 132 | |
| 133 | [[folder:American Commando 3: Savage Temptation]] |
| 134 | * "What? Hairy pits? I had to pay extra for that at my bachelor party!" |
| 135 | * Also, the {{Squee}} sound and the Snob's expression after he realizes that Pierre Kirby is in this movie. |
| 136 | [[/folder]] |
| 137 | |
| 138 | [[folder:Hardgore]] |
| 139 | * "That's funny. I thought the 70's cure for nymphomania was just 'more cocaine'" |
| 140 | * "Any minute now I expect her to just break down and fuck the boom mike!" |
| 141 | * "What the hell am I looking at here? Was that Film/{{Zardoz}}'s cock?!" |
| 142 | [[/folder]] |
| 143 | |
| 144 | [[folder:Superman: The 1975 Musical]] |
| 145 | * "Even this box cover has more personality than the fucking movie! Is that Superman or Music/FreddieMercury? I can't tell if this movie is supposed to be taking place in Metropolis or inside Creator/VincentDOnofrio's head from ''Film/TheCell''!" |
| 146 | * "What's with this background? It looks like a kindergarten class put on their own production of ''Film/DickTracy''!" |
| 147 | * The Snob's reaction to the chapter breaks: |
| 148 | --->'''Narrator''': "Stay tuned for Chapter 2: Merchant of Doom." |
| 149 | --->'''Snob''': "Nope!" (Snob gets up and leaves, only to turn around, sit back in his chair and shrug.) |
| 150 | --->'''Snob''' (To Chapter 3): "This is the chapter where Creator/RichardPryor [[Film/SupermanIII comes in for comic relief!]]" |
| 151 | --->'''Narrator''': "Will Clark Kent find happiness with a new love? stay tuned for Chapter 6: Clark Kent Finds Happiness!" |
| 152 | --->'''Snob''': "Whoa-ho-ho, spoiler alert, movie!" |
| 153 | * The Snob's response to Lois cheering up a depressed Superman: |
| 154 | --->'''Lois''': "What I've always wanted./Just to be a wife, no corny life." [[note]] Lois is singing A Cappella.[[/note]] |
| 155 | --->'''Snob''': "Well that's sad, even the background music's given up on this movie." |
| 156 | * Again, the Snob offers his opinion on the songs of the musical: |
| 157 | --->'''Snob''': "Lois gets captured by Dion & the Belmonts, but luckily Loretta Swit is here to sing us a song this time with background music!" |
| 158 | --->'''Sydney''': "Someone in this world thinks you're-" |
| 159 | --->'''Snob''': "I don't ''care''." |
| 160 | ** The Snob tries flying off his porch. It doesn't work. |
| 161 | --->'''Snob:''' I am Superman! Ow! |
| 162 | ** Earlier in the film, the gangsters singing along to the theme from ''Series/TheSopranos''. |
| 163 | ** The critic dubs the Adam West ''Series/Batman1966'' theme over a fight scene done in almost the exact same style...with a little alteration: |
| 164 | --->'''Music''': Nanananananananana |
| 165 | --->'''Snob''': ''[Deadpan]'' Superman... |
| 166 | --->'''Music''': Nanananananananana |
| 167 | --->'''Snob''': ''[Deadpan]'' Superman... |
| 168 | --->'''Music''': Nanananananananana |
| 169 | --->'''Snob''': ''[Deadpan]'' Fucking Superman... |
| 170 | * "I would call this a total fucking embarrassment, but the one nice thing I can say about it is that [[TakeThat at least it doesn't have]] [[Film/SupermanIVTheQuestForPeace Jon Cryer in it!]]" |
| 171 | [[/folder]] |
| 172 | |
| 173 | [[folder:Island of Death]] |
| 174 | [[/folder]] |
| 175 | |
| 176 | [[folder:Hell's Bloody Devils]] |
| 177 | * TheCameo from the real Colonel Sanders. His reaction might be one of the greatest [[BigWhat Big "WHAT THE FUCK?!"]] moments ever recorded. |
| 178 | -->'''Col. Sanders:''' ''[walks onscreen]''\ |
| 179 | '''Snob:''' ''[blink blink blink]''\ |
| 180 | '''Col. Sanders:''' ''[stands there]''\ |
| 181 | '''Snob:''' ''[leans forward, squints]''\ |
| 182 | '''Col. Sanders:''' Isn't that the most wonderful chicken you ever ate?\ |
| 183 | '''Snob:''' ''[sits back down]'' ...WHAT THE FUCK! |
| 184 | [[/folder]] |
| 185 | |
| 186 | [[folder:Redneck Zombies]] |
| 187 | -->'''Snob:''' Naming your movie ''Redneck Zombies'' is sorta like naming your movie ''Transylvanian Vampires''... Or ''Emo Vampires''... Or ''Gay Vampires''... [beat] '''STOP MAKING FUCKING VAMPIRE MOVIES'''. |
| 188 | [[/folder]] |
| 189 | |
| 190 | [[folder:Super Hornio Bros]] |
| 191 | * ALL the Mario references. |
| 192 | * |
| 193 | -->''In space with electrical balls''\ |
| 194 | '''Snob''' Oh, well, it apparently opens in ''VideoGame/SuperMarioGalaxy'', that's nice. |
| 195 | * |
| 196 | -->'''Snob:''' *humps air to the sound of coins* [[PunctuatedForEmphasis This! Is How! You Make! A Fucking! Porn! Parody!]] *stops for a few seconds, then does one last thrust, prompting the one-up sound effect* |
| 197 | * |
| 198 | -->'''[[YourPrincessIsInAnotherCastle THANK YOU, BUT YOUR ORGASM IS IN ANOTHER VAGINA!]]''' |
| 199 | * Wondering about the film's sequel. |
| 200 | --> And I could only assume that Part 2 is just some [[DolledUpInstallment Japanese porno with]] [[VideoGame/SuperMarioBros2 Squeegie and Ornio's voices dubbed in to it]]. What a way to make us wait for ''[[VideoGame/SuperMarioBrosTheLostLevels Super Hornio Bros: The Lost Orgasms]]''! |
| 201 | * The Snob shortening the film by turning the lead-in to one of many sex scenes into a JizzedInMyPants joke. |
| 202 | * After telling that the movie's shooting schedule was shortened. |
| 203 | -->'''Snob:''' That's pornography, where even the shooting schedule prefer to be circumcised! |
| 204 | * The definition of "Squeegie" |
| 205 | -->'''Snob:''' The Squeegie: Having a quickie on someone's car window in the middle of traffic, and then forcing the driver to pay you and your partner, once you finished. Time to put in a call to the Website/UrbanDictionary! |
| 206 | * "The walking chlamydia here is actually a computer virus. Great, I sure hope my Avast can take care of gonorrhea." |
| 207 | [[/folder]] |
| 208 | |
| 209 | [[folder:The Expendables]] |
| 210 | [[/folder]] |
| 211 | |
| 212 | [[folder:Caligula]] |
| 213 | * The cameos from the other contributors. |
| 214 | ** That Guy With The Glasses’s history lesson, "Who Was Caligula?" |
| 215 | -->'''TGWTG''': That’s a very good question. Actually it turns out that Caligula was the third Roman emperor. The name "Caligula" actually means "little soldier’s boot". Now personally, I would never name anyone after a little soldier’s boot. That’s just fucking stupid. Though I did name a child once after a toaster. His name, you might ask? [[ShapedLikeItself Toaster.]] I also named a child "Condom" once, but, [[CrossesTheLineTwice he was a mistake. A tad ironic when you think about it.]] |
| 216 | ** Lord Kat's long improv in the gag reel is an OverlyLongGag at its finest. |
| 217 | * A sudden instance of ''Brad Tries''. |
| 218 | ** Made all the more amusing by the product Brad tries and his reaction to it. [[spoiler:It's human blood.]] |
| 219 | -->'''Brad:''' It's OK but why does have to be warm?! Why does it have to be heated up?! |
| 220 | ** There's also the random cut-in from ''The Bruno Mattei Show''. |
| 221 | * The Snob's "comedic breakdown" of the fisting scene. |
| 222 | -->'''Snob:''' Trivia note: [[ThrowItIn McDowell actually ad-libbed the bit with the flower]], and it's kind of amazing watching the gears work in his head as it hits him to do that to this actor. I think it was right about...here. ''[Shows a freeze-frame of [=McDowell=] grinning]'' Yep. ''That's'' the look of a man who has the bright idea to stick a flower in a guy's ass. |
| 223 | * The introduction of 80's Dan. |
| 224 | * His tone of voice as he says "Is that a fucking snake?!" during one of the scenes he can't show. |
| 225 | * "Have you given him more wine? What the... I meant ''a glass'' of wine! What in Jupiter's name are you doing to this man?!" |
| 226 | * This exchange: |
| 227 | -->'''Caligula:''' Gemellus, we are alone. We must love each other. |
| 228 | -->'''Snob:''' You shall be the first one that I fist. |
| 229 | * Kung Tai Ted's summation of Caligula's death. |
| 230 | * The Snob freaking out when the first scene shows a herd of sheep. |
| 231 | -->'''Snob:''' Whoa, no. [[NoJustNoReaction No. No, no, no. No. (etc.)]] |
| 232 | * "I'm really glad these two are happy, but I don't know why! Given that this movie was filmed in TheSeventies, and that's Creator/MalcolmMcDowell, [[Film/AClockworkOrange I can only assume this sequence is going to end with]] ''[[Film/AClockworkOrange rape!]]''" |
| 233 | * "Yes, that's what I want; to have balls delivered to my house by a guy named Longinus!" |
| 234 | * "...so don't get mad if I can't show you the hermaphrodite with the penis growing out of her vagina, because apparently, that's how ''that'' works!" |
| 235 | * [[DeadpanSnarker "What the hell does 'Adapted From An Original Screenplay' supposed to mean?! Adapted from a screenplay that was probably much better than this film?!"]] |
| 236 | * After Caligula names his "son" Juila Drusilla: |
| 237 | -->'''Snob:''' What is this, reverse ''Film/SleepawayCamp'' all of a sudden? |
| 238 | * Snob syncing up the launching of the Orgy Boat with "We Sail The Ocean Blue" from ''Theatre/{{HMS Pinafore}}''. |
| 239 | * "I personally find it funny that the writer of the film left, the director of the film left, and the movie was released to audiences who at this point in the movie [[RuleOfThree mostly left]]." |
| 240 | * "Unfortunately, you cannot lick something to bring it back to life. Believe me, I know." *starts licking a [[UsefulNotes/NintendoEntertainmentSystem NES]]* |
| 241 | * His response to Caligula mocking the harry nipples of a senator's wife: |
| 242 | -->'''Snob:''' Since when does anyone in this movie have standards? ''Hello?!'' Ass-Stomach Man?! |
| 243 | * The irony in Brad Jones giving his ''favorite'' movie the Snob treatment. |
| 244 | * He decides to see how many sets of genitals he has to blur from one still shot. Cue the 'coin get!' sound from ''Franchise/SuperMarioBros''... and he gets a life. |
| 245 | * Caligula asks the dying Nerva whether he can see the Goddess Isis. Cue clips from ''Series/TheSecretsOfIsis''. |
| 246 | -->'''Snob''': Wait wait! I see her! She's standing on a cliff! And now she's flying through the air and using her powers against a crooked real estate agent! |
| 247 | * "Roman basketball. Sodomizing the other player is worth 3 points!" |
| 248 | * The Snob calls Blip to ask if he can show two lesbians urinating on a corpse. "Why does it matter how long the corpse has been dead?" |
| 249 | * Bob Guccione made extra money off the movie by doubling the ticket cost in some theaters. "[[TakeThat So this film was a hit in the same way some 3D movies consider themselves a hit.]]" |
| 250 | * Upon finding out one of the actors who played in ''Salo And The 120 Days Of Sodom'' is in the movie: |
| 251 | -->'''Snob:''' Well, as long as we keep feces and the mouths of children away from this guy, we should be fine. |
| 252 | * The Snob's reaction to the giant head chopping machine. |
| 253 | -->'''Snob:''' That machine did not exist! |
| 254 | [[/folder]] |
| 255 | |
| 256 | [[folder:Violent Shit]] |
| 257 | * "The movie we have today is ''Violent Shit''. Yep, it's literally called ''Violent Shit''. Though I think the context of the title is a little different than they were hoping for. I think they wanted us to leave the theater saying, 'Damn, that was some violent shit!' But instead, we leave saying to ourselves, 'Damn, that was some violent '''SHIT!''''" |
| 258 | * Him criticizing the film's editing when it comes to cutting between scenes. |
| 259 | -->'''Snob:''' It's funny when a movie cuts frames out of the MIDDLE of their scenes, but makes up for it, by forgetting to trim a one second cut out of the end of their scenes! |
| 260 | ::: We then have a very brief shot of a naked Snob sitting in the chair and reading a newspaper before cutting back to the film. |
| 261 | * He sees the top billed name is "K The Butcher Shitter" and asks "Is he the father of L from ''Manga/DeathNote''"? |
| 262 | -->'''L:''' You may not know this, but my father K was a butcher shitter. |
| 263 | -->'''Light:''' Uh, what? |
| 264 | * During the end when Karl the Butcher is [[MisterSeahorse giving birth]]: |
| 265 | -->'''Snob:''' WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? |
| 266 | * Playing the WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes theme over a scene to complain about the circle cut. |
| 267 | * This: |
| 268 | -->'''Drunk:''' "Listen to this one. I just started at the site... and said: 'Excuse me, can I fuck you?' She says to me: 'No sorry, I'm on my period.' So I say: 'Can I at least fuck you in the ass?' And she says 'Sorry, I have hemorrhoids.' So I tell her 'Now don't even tell me you have a toothache!'"\ |
| 269 | The Snob can only reply with a DeathGlare. |
| 270 | [[/folder]] |
| 271 | |
| 272 | [[folder:Creepozoids]] |
| 273 | * A group of people are investigating an empty building in an explicitly [[AfterTheEnd post-apocalyptic]] setting. |
| 274 | -->'''Girl:''' You don't think this setup's weird? |
| 275 | -->'''Male Character:''' I just think they left in a hurry, that's all. |
| 276 | -->'''Snob:''' I know. ''Something'' must have scared 'em away, like possibly THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!!! |
| 277 | ** When two characters are looking on a computer to find history: |
| 278 | --->'''Character:''' You figure out what this place is? |
| 279 | --->'''Snob:''' I know what type of place this is! [[CaptainObvious IT'S A BUILDING!]] |
| 280 | ** "[The titular Creepazoid] looks like ''Franchise/{{Alien}}'' crossbred with ''[[Franchise/MastersOfTheUniverse Battlecat]]''. In space, no one can hear you have the power!" |
| 281 | [[/folder]] |
| 282 | |
| 283 | [[folder:Super Hornio Bros. 2]] |
| 284 | * The Snob nitpicking about the main characters' names still being wrong. (The Mario character is still "Squeegie", and the Luigi character is still "Ornio") |
| 285 | -->'''Snob:''' You could've changed their names for the sequel and nobody would have noticed! Well, except for me. ''I'' would've noticed, and then I'd have given you shit for changing character names in the middle of the story. So either way, you lose. But at least you'd look less of an idiot for doing it! |
| 286 | [[/folder]] |
| 287 | |
| 288 | [[folder:Satan's School for Girls]] |
| 289 | * "He was a dissolve cut all along! [camera pans down] ... and he pooped." |
| 290 | * The "[[DoubleEntendre Ball Buster]]" commercial. |
| 291 | [[/folder]] |
| 292 | |
| 293 | [[folder:Dolemite]] |
| 294 | * Snob, upon hearing the [[SmokyVoice gravelly voice]] of the Mayor. |
| 295 | -->'''Snob:''' God, this guy sounds like Harvey Fierstein's frog! |
| 296 | * The Snob begins a drinking game for every time the boom mic is visible in frame, which is such a problem that one shot includes the ''arm and face of the operator''. Of course, when it happens that a character onstage at the club is barely audible, the irony is quickly noted. |
| 297 | -->'''Snob:''' Well, there we have it: a scene where we desperately need a microphone, ''and it's nowhere in fucking sight!'' |
| 298 | * During a sex scene, the camera cuts to a poorly lit unflattering low angle shot of Dolemite. |
| 299 | -->'''Snob:''' What is he raping the ''fucking'' cameraman now?! |
| 300 | [[/folder]] |
| 301 | |
| 302 | [[folder:The Geek]] |
| 303 | * It's a porno spoof about [[BigfootSasquatchAndYeti Sasquatch]]: |
| 304 | -->'''Snob:''' You don't have to be an expert on the Golden Age of Pornography to know that not only is "[[ParallelPornTitles Sas-Crotch]]" a better title, but it's an AMAZING title! |
| 305 | * His reaction to the movie's [[CutShort sudden stop]] (which he has since turned into a RunningGag): "That is... actually kind of genius!" |
| 306 | ** "[[Film/FridayThe13thPartVIJasonLives Someone needs to stop Jason!]] ''Too bad I'm in jail...''" "[[Music/AliceCooper HE'S BACK! THE MAN BEHIND THE MASK!]]" |
| 307 | * The movie has no director credit: "At least people claim to have seen Sasquatch--any takers on the director of ''The Geek''?" |
| 308 | * After Bigfoot's reveal: "Oh, never mind, it's just [[Franchise/HarryPotter Hagrid]]!" |
| 309 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8XQ6bar2f8&t=20s The absolutely beautiful timing of the intro]][[note]]Brad is wondering when he's ''ever'' going to find a use for his Sasquatch costume again[[/note]]: |
| 310 | -->''(Brad Googles "Sasquatch porn")'' |
| 311 | -->'''Brad''': (closeup on his face) [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingME Oh,]] ''[[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingME what?!]]'' |
| 312 | -->''(SmashCut to the opening credits[[note]]This go around, it features a clip of the Geek beginning to feel up one of the girls.[[/note]])'' |
| 313 | -->'''[[AstonishinglyAppropriateInterruption Intro:]]''' ''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Believe it or not!]]'' |
| 314 | [[/folder]] |
| 315 | |
| 316 | [[folder:Chatterbox]] |
| 317 | * It's a movie about a woman with a talking vagina. |
| 318 | -->'''"Virginia"''': Hey, you see the way she looked at me? |
| 319 | -->'''Snob''': Oh, so now it's also got EYES? '''[[FridgeHorror THIS IS TERRIFYING!!]]''' |
| 320 | ** And: |
| 321 | --->'''Snob''': At least it's better than ''The Vagina Monologues''. ''[smiles]'' And that's the first joke I wrote for this review! |
| 322 | * [[ItMakesSenseInContext "Holy shit, a fucking Cylon!"]] |
| 323 | ** During the production of a movie starring "Virginia": |
| 324 | --->'''Director''': Yeah, I want people to know that this is more than the first movie starring a real cunt.[...]This is a...social document. |
| 325 | --->'''Snob''': Yeah, and ''Film/ASerbianFilm'' [[TakeThat is a political commentary]], you putz! |
| 326 | * |
| 327 | -->'''Snob''': So you see? The moral of the story is if you have a great title, your movie will get made. No matter how fucking awful the finished product is. ''[cheerful]'' Well this really bodes well for my unsold screenplay, ''Card Shark''! "When the casino gets flooded, ''everyone'' has a full house. Of sharks." |
| 328 | * The look on his face as it dawns on him why the movie is called "Chatterbox"... |
| 329 | [[/folder]] |
| 330 | |
| 331 | [[folder:Weasels Rip My Flesh]] |
| 332 | * The Snob describes one of the monsters as looking like "[[ClusterFBomb a giant shit that has just shit out several tiny shits!]]" |
| 333 | * "Doesn't matter that you're tied together with toilet paper and can easily break free..." |
| 334 | [[/folder]] |
| 335 | |
| 336 | [[folder:Home Sweet Home]] |
| 337 | * The film has a character named--for real--Mistake, who spends the entire film wearing mime makeup. |
| 338 | * Snob's reaction when Mistake first appears onscreen. |
| 339 | -->'''Snob:''' "What. The. Shit?" |
| 340 | * Brad doesn't realize the actor playing [[spoiler:the killer]] is fitness guru "Body by Jake" Steinfeld. |
| 341 | [[/folder]] |
| 342 | |
| 343 | [[folder:Violent Shit II]] |
| 344 | ** His reaction when Karl yet again kills a character who has only been on screen for a minute: |
| 345 | --->'''Snob:''' (deadpan) Nooo, he was my favorite character who had to take a piss in this film! |
| 346 | * When the killer cuts off someone's head and the girl screams in the most OTT manner: |
| 347 | -->'''Snob:''' ... Why? |
| 348 | [[/folder]] |
| 349 | |
| 350 | [[folder:Zombi 7 (AKA Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence)]] |
| 351 | * At one point, the Snob theorizes that the only reason this movie has the alternate title ''Zombi 7'' on IMDB was because a fan of his added it in the hopes that he would review it and that months later he will be reviewing "''Night of the Seagulls'' AKA ''Zombi 8''". [[TemptingFate Sure enough]] for a while after this episode aired, the [[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073461/releaseinfo#akas IMDB page for Night of the Seagulls]] DID have the alternate title ''Zombi 8''. |
| 352 | ** His reaction to one of the dub voices. Keep in mind, this was for a young, thin German guy: |
| 353 | --->'''Snob:''' When you take a look at this doctor, wouldn't you think "voice like a Southern black man"?! |
| 354 | ** His nicknames for the main doctor, including "Doctor L. Jackson" and "Doctor [[Film/{{Airplane}} I Speak Jive]]". |
| 355 | ** His comment on the main characters, who bear striking resemblance to two Channel Awesome contributors: |
| 356 | --->'''Snob:''' Hmm. Nice to see what Handsome Tom and 8-Bit Mickey were up to during the early nineties. |
| 357 | ** His comment on the fat woman dubbed with a male voice. |
| 358 | --->'''Snob:''' Now this movie only serves as a warmup to Uwe Boll's Blubberella! |
| 359 | ** "Seriously, were these dub actors on loan from the Godfrey Ho studios?! This doctor is like listening to Chris Rock dub Brit Hume! And the other guy sounds like fucking Creator/ClintHoward!" |
| 360 | ** The Snob's reaction to "Special Forces?" |
| 361 | --->'''Snob:''' You can't say "Special Forces" with that kind of dubbing, because then I'm gonna expect Pierre Kirby and General Karpov to show up! And when they don't, I'm going to be pretty fucking disappointed! |
| 362 | ** His take on how the film would play like subtitled. |
| 363 | --->'''Tall Doctor:''' Alright. Lets... Lets... Lets go now... Lets separate... now. |
| 364 | --->'''Short Doctor:''' Oww!! Look at dis! Ewwwwwww!!! |
| 365 | [[/folder]] |
| 366 | |
| 367 | [[folder:Silent Night Deadly Night, Part 2]] |
| 368 | * Realizing the meme has been for every holiday except one... |
| 369 | -->'''Snob:''' [[MemeticMutation Christmas Day!]] |
| 370 | -->*Tries to shoot Jerrid, but hits someone across the street* |
| 371 | * The Snob pointing out how the MoralGuardians who hated the original movie for supposedly having Santa Claus as a killer would've ''shat their pants'' at ''Film/SantasSlay''. |
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