Line #94 Funny/IntoTheWoods


1	!!Theater
2	* The Witch. This is what you get when you have Creator/BernadettePeters and Vanessa Williams as two of the iconic actresses in the role.
3	** This bit of the opening number:
4	--->'''Witch''': In return, however, I said "fair is fair, you can let me have the baby that your wife will bear . . . and we'll call it square".
5	--->'''Baker''': I had a brother?!
6	--->'''Witch''': annoyed No! sweetly But you had a sister...
7	** In the filmed version, the Baker echoes Jack's Mother's, [[TooDumbToLive "Giants never strike the same place twice."]] The way Bernadette Peters delivered that DeathGlare is ''hilarious.''
8	** "And then [[LargeHam BANG CRASH AND THE LIGHTNING FLASHED]]--[[MoodWhiplash well, that's another story]], nevermind, anyway..."
9	*** The fact that she explains all of this while ''rapping''.
10	** During "Your Fault", there's the hilarious way she does her tongue-twisting line about how "it's your father's fault that the curse got placed and the place got cursed in the first place".
11	** Also in the filmed version, the delivery of these lines:
12	---> '''Witch''': A giant has a brain. A giant is like us, only bigger...much ''muuuuuuch'' bigger...SO BIG...that to them we are only tiny insignificant bugs. (She then proceeds to squash a bug and eat it. She leaves the Baker's house.)
13	---> '''Baker's Wife''': [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere We are moving!]]
14	** Before that, we have this exchange when debating what made the footprints in the Witch's garden:
15	--->'''Baker's wife:''' Who could do such a thing?
16	--->'''Witch:''' Any''thing'' that leaves a footprint that large is no ''who''.
17	--->'''Baker:''' Could it be a bear?
18	--->'''Witch:''' A bear? Bears are sweet! Besides you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?
19	--->'''Baker's Wife:''' Dragon?
20	--->'''Witch:''' No [[PlayingWithFire scorch marks]], usually they're linked.
21	--->'''Baker:''' Manticore?
22	--->'''Witch:''' Imaginary!
23	--->'''Baker's Wife:''' Gryphon?
24	--->'''Witch:''' Extinct!
25	--->'''Baker:''' GIANT!?
26	--->(''{{Beat}}'')
27	--->'''Witch:''' Possible. Very, very possible.
28	--->'''Baker's Wife:''' We should tell someone.
29	--->'''Witch:''' ...Who are you going to tell?
30	** This exchange before hand:
31	--->'''Baker:''' (''when the Witch shows up in his house after the Giant crushes it'') Have you done this to our house!?
32	--->'''Witch:''' Always thinking of yourselves. (''beat'') ''[[HypocriticalHumor LOOK AT MY GARDEN!]]''
33	--->'''Baker's Wife:''' What of your garden?
34	--->'''Witch:''' ''Loooook!''
35	** Donna Murphy (who played the Witch in the Central Park production) has some pretty hilarious moments as well. For example, her improvised dialogue during the scene where she climbs Rapunzel's hair:
36	--->'''The Witch''' (as she is climbing Rapunzel's hair): I'm coming, darling, I'm coming! Just a little higher, darling! Have to use my ''pecs''! (struggles) My goodness, could you pull me a little higher, darling? (almost reaches the top of the tower) Yes, yes, so close! Ah, I could feel it, I could feel it! (finally reaches the top) AH, SATISFACTION!
37	** There was also a hilarious instance where Murphy briefly messed up her lines:
38	--->'''The Witch''': WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARES?! The cape is gone, get it back! I mean the ''cow'' for God's sake, GET IT!
39	* ♪ Into the woods, to bring some bread / To Granny, who is sick in bed / Never can tell what lies ahead / [[BlackComedy For all that I know, she's already dead...]] ''[beat]'' [[MoodWhiplash But into the woods...]] ♪
40	* Little Red's hysterical, over the top screaming when the Baker takes her cape from her, topped by:
41	-->'''Baker''': I just wanted to make sure you really love this cape! Now, you go to your granny's and you be careful no wolf comes your way...
42	-->'''Little Red''': I'd rather a wolf than you any day! (stomps on the Baker's foot and/or depending on the production, kicks him [[GroinAttack in the nuts]])
43	*
44	--> '''Jack's Mother:''' You need to be careful with your children.
45	--> '''Baker's Wife:''' ''(sadly)'' I have no children.
46	--> '''Jack's Mother:''' ...That's okay, too...
47	* The princes bickering in "Agony, Part 2", eventually getting to the "thing about dwarves". ("Dwarves are very upsetting!") And on the topic of "Agony, Part 2": "Ah well, back to my wife!"
48	** Not to mention in "Agony, Part 1": "Agony! Far more painful than yours! When you know she would go with you.... if there only were doors!"
49	* "On The Steps of the Palace". The sheer wordplay of the whole thing.
50	* In the filmed version, there's just something constantly hilarious about Red Riding Hood's theft of as much of the Baker's wares as possible while the Baker and his wife futilely attempt to stop her.
51	* The Baker believes that his father died...''[[spoiler: in a baking accident]].''
52	** Which turns into a pretty great BrickJoke when Red asks about the destruction caused by the Giantess and the Baker immediately answers that it was a [[spoiler: baking accident]].
53	*
54	--> '''Rapunzel:''' ''(offstage)'' hysterical, over-the-top screaming
55	--> '''Cinderella's Prince:''' looks startled
56	--> '''Rapunzel's Prince:''' ''(FacePalm, looks resigned)'' Rapunzel.
57	* "[[DeadpanSnarker You can talk to birds?]]"
58	** Even better when you consider that the character saying this (Little Red) had an entire conversation with a wolf in the first act.
59	* Red Riding Hood's grandmother is usually over the top and hilarious. In addition to the sheer silliness of Red and Granny climbing out of the wolf's stomach [[spoiler: after the Baker cuts it open]], Granny turns out to be surprisingly sadistic.
60	--> '''Grandmother:''' begins choking the wolf, who is already mutilated and writhing in pain Kill the devil! Take that knife and cut his evil head of! Let's see the demon sliced into ''a thousand bits''! No! Better yet, let the animal die a painful, agonizing, hideous death!
61	--> '''Red Riding Hood:''' Granny!
62	--> '''Grandmother:''' Eeeh, ''quiet'', child! This evil needs to be destroyed! Now, you fetch me some great stones. We'll fill his belly with them, and then we'll watch him try to run away! giggles gleefully
63	--> '''Baker:''' walks away, disgusted I will just leave you to your task.
64	--> '''Grandmother:''' Wait! Don't you want the skins?
65	--> '''Baker:''' Oh, no, ''please'' keep them!
66	--> '''Grandmother:''' What kind of a hunter are you?!
67	--> '''Baker:''' I'm a baker!
68	--> '''Grandmother:''' drags the baker back into the cottage to skin the wolf
69	* This little bit when Cinderella's Prince [[spoiler: is seducing]] the Baker's Wife:
70	--> '''Baker's Wife:''' This is ridiculous! What am I doing here? I'm in the wrong story!
71	* It's entirely possible that Sondheim wrote the musical just so he could include the line "If the end is right, it justifies the beans!"
72	* In the filmed Broadway production, Milky White is basically a prop cow. As a result, there are visual gags referring to its prop state. At one point, the Baker is trying to lead Milky White along, then makes a "screw it" gesture and picks up the cow quite easily by the handle on its back.
73	** In the 2022 Broadway revival, Milky White was a large puppet operated by a puppeteer. At this point in the play, the Baker just grabbed Milky White out of the puppeteer's hands and ran off-stage with it. The puppeteer stayed on stage for a moment, looking very offended.
74	*** To make the '22 puppet-shtick even better: When the Witch brought Milky White back to life, she made the puppeteer ran back on stage, who picked up the cow again, often to thunderous applause.
75	* In the original Broadway production, the way Rapunzel cries her healing tears on her Prince is hilarious.
76	* In the two scenes where characters step forward and state dramatic, foreshadow-heavy advice, Rapunzel's contribution... is to sing. Wordlessly. Both times. Right in the middle of the number. In her final note, she looks rather perplexed as she does it.
77	* The first time Rapunzel's Prince hears her angelic singing, he listens in on the Witch calling her name.
78	-->'''Rapunzel's Prince:''' ''(besotted)'' Rapunzel...''(confused)'' What a strange name.
79	* This bit when they're trying to get Jack to give up his cow:
80	-->'''Baker's Wife:''' [[BadBadActing These are no ordinary beans, son. These beans carry magic]].
81	-->'''Jack:''' Magic? What kind of magic?
82	-->''({{beat}})''
83	-->'''Baker's Wife:''' ''(to Baker)'' Tell 'im.
84	-->'''Baker:''' Magic that... defies description!
85	* This little bit, where the Baker's Wife had lost the cow, but hasn't told her husband yet:
86	-->'''Baker's Wife''': I see you've the red cape.
87	-->'''Baker''': I've the cape. Only two items left to locate.
88	-->'''Baker's Wife''': ''Three''.
89	-->'''Baker''': ''Two''. I've the cow and the cape.
90	-->'''Baker's Wife''' (fake enthusiasm): ...You've the ''cape''!
91	* Everyone standing around with no idea what to do after [[spoiler:killing the narrator]].
92	** The [[spoiler:death of the narrator]] itself is pretty amusing in a BlackComedy kind of way, if only because who the hell expected ''that''?
93	-->'''Narrator:''' You need an objective observer to push the story along!
94	-->'''Witch:''' ''(would-be casual tone)'' Some of us don't ''like'' the way you've been telling it...
95	** The entire scene makes glorious sense in context. First, we have the Narrator's "ThisIsGonnaSuck" reaction when everyone gives him a DeathGlare. Then he tries to talk them out of it only for Red to pull a knife on him and the Baker to literally drag him into the story. After that, he manages to keep them from sacrificing him by reminding them that he's the only one who knows how the story ends...only for [[spoiler:the Witch to hand him over to the Giantess anyway]].
96	* The PrinceCharmless trope summed up in a single line:
97	--> "I was raised to be ''charming'', not ''sincere''."
98	* Upon getting "the hair as yellow as corn":
99	-->'''The Baker:''' Where did you find this?
100	-->'''Baker's Wife:''' ''(in a think-nothing-of-it tone)'' Pulled it from a maiden in a tower.
101	** Especially the way Joanna Gleason delivers it in the original cast recording.
102	* Jack's mother standing up to the Giantess, though it segues into a TearJerker, is still darkly hilarious. In particular:
103	-->'''Jack's Mother:''' What about ''our'' misery!? [[TooDumbToLive Do you think it was a picnic getting rid of your husband's remains!?]]\
104	'''Giantess:''' '''''YOU ARE MAKING ME VEEEEERY ANGRY!!!!!!'''''\
105	'''Jack's Mother:''' ''[[DiggingYourselfDeeper What about]] [[ItsAllAboutMe OUR anger!?]]''
106	* Towards the end of Act I, after the first Giant has been killed, Jack's Mother rushes in on the Baker, his Wife, Cinderella's Prince and the Steward, wailing hysterically about how she fears Jack has been crushed by the falling Giant/beanstalk. No one has any idea of what to say or do to comfort her so Cinderella's Prince decides to take control of the situation. He strides forwards with a purpose, hesitates for a moment, and what does he eventually decide is the best thing to say..?
107	-->'''Cinderella's Prince:''' [[NoSympathy Worrying will do you no good.]] If your boy is safe, then he's safe. If he's been crushed...[[BrutalHonesty Well, there's nothing any of us can do about that, is there?]] ''{{Beat}} as this sinks in and then he [[LargeHam dramatically spins round]] to his steward'' '''''[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere We must be off!]]'''''
108	* From the revival soundtrack:
109	-->'''Baker's Wife:''' No, what matters is that
110	-->Everyone tells tiny lies.
111	-->What's important, really is, the size.
112	-->'''The Baker:''' What? '''''
113
114
115	!!Film
116	* Jack's mother's utter exasperation with her son in the prologue is hilarious. She has to continuously remind Jack that Milky White is a ''she'' not a he, makes him repeat back to her how much money to ask for (and subsequently has to remind him that it's ''no less than'' five pounds, when he predictably registers it as "no more than five pounds"), and seems to be on her last nerve when he insists that the cow is his best friend.
117	--> '''Jack's Mother:''' We've no time to sit and dither, while her withers wither with her! ''And no one keeps a cow for a friend''! Sometimes, I wonder what's going on in that head of yours...
118	* Jack's Mother wakes up when one of the beanstalk's leaves pokes her, so she runs outside to get a better look. [[DelayedReaction THEN she shrieks at the top of her voice]].
119	* When Little Red is stealing bread and pastries in the prologue, the Baker's Wife is perfectly fine with giving her the sweets, making the Baker's reactions that much funnier.
120	-->(''Little Red grabs a pastry before walking out the door'')\
121	'''Baker:''' Oh my-\
122	'''Baker's Wife:''' Just leave it.\
123	'''Baker:''' She's a thief!
124	* Creator/MerylStreep's spell casting pose. She basically poises herself like Tim the Enchanter, one hand high over her head, and wiggles her fingers. It is hilarious.
125	* The Wolf, while still very dark and creepy, is portrayed in a somewhat cartoony fashion in the movie. He wears a zoot suit a la Creator/TexAvery, he tries to lure in Little Red with a collection of candy in his jacket, he zips around Red at impossible speeds, etc. It's almost as if he was ripped straight from a cartoon.
126	* Shortly after Red Riding Hood's encounter with the wolf, we see the Baker ambushed by the Witch to check his progress. The Witch sliding into frame upside-down in the air (presumably hanging from a branch like Spiderman) and James Corden's girly scream as he falls over is always worth a sensible chuckle.
127	* The scene of the Baker cutting Little Red and her grandmother out of the wolf's stomach is considerably shorter in the movie, but it's made up for by the hilarity of the grandmother screaming at the Baker as he staggers off, clearly unable to believe what he just did.
128	* When the Baker's Wife meets Cinderella, she says that her husband's off undoing a spell - in the same tone of voice one would use to say "He's off having dinner with the president" or something of the sort. And Creator/AnnaKendrick's excited "ooh" seals it.
129	* The movie's incarnation of "Agony" has Cinderella's prince rip open his shirt, then Rapunzel's Prince makes an awkward face that says, "We're doing that? Well, okay," and opens his own shirt.
130	** There's subtext of Rapunzel's Prince being the younger brother, so he's constantly mimicking Cinderella's Prince, including sheepishly ripping open his shirt. Plus it takes place on a waterfall.
131	** There's also the second time he mimics Rapunzel's song. The first time, it's passionate and very emotional. The second time is...less so, since he does it while leaning back while hanging off of a vine. The awkward positioning makes his voice squeak and sputter awkwardly as he hits the end of the note.
132	** The song number takes place in a stream. Just after ripping open his short, Rapunzel's prince kicks water right into Cinderella's prince's face.
133	* Rapunzel's prince jumps out of the window after a make-out session, dramatically catching her hair on the way down - and then bashing into the side of the tower.
134	--> '''Rapunzel's Prince:''' Nope, bad idea!
135	** There's also Rapunzel's reaction. She's [[OhCrap taken by surprise]] when he jumps and has to rush to grab her hair so it isn't yanked when he swings down.
136	* "On the Steps of the Palace" where everything freezes, including the Prince in the background, while Cinderella paces, changes positions, and considers what she's going to do.
137	* When the Baker's Wife tells Cinderella she needs her slipper to have a baby, Cinderella says that doesn't make any sense. Later, during Cinderella and the Prince's wedding, they pass the Baker, his Wife, and their newborn son, and she tells Cinderella "Thanks for the slipper!" with the Baker pointing giddily at his son. [[http://picture-of-sophisticated-grace.tumblr.com/post/107343521686 Cinderella gives the most hilarious look of bafflement that just screams "...Wtf?"]]
138	* The movie is basically a masterpiece in the art of the FlatWhat.
139	-->'''Baker:''' (''after Red Riding Hood steals a final pastry from the baker and his wife lets her'') Oh my--!\
140	'''The Steward:''' (''after the Prince tells him to let the Baker's Wife keep one of Cinderella's shoes'') Oh... okay.\
141	'''The Witch:''' (''after failing to cast magic twice'') [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Oh. My. God.]]\
142	'''Red Riding Hood:''' (''after Cinderella talks to some birds'') You can talk to birds?
143	* The BlackComedy of Cinderella's family trying to impress the prince. First, Florinda cuts off a toe so the shoe will fit, but the Steward notices some blood. He wipes it off, and shows the blood drop on his finger to the prince. The Prince doesn't even need to ask where the blood came from, he just rolls his eyes like 'OMG, this is the tenth time some girl's cut off her toe for me' and pushes her off his horse. Then Lucinda cuts off some of her heel, and tries to walk down the stairs with a smile. Her hyperventilation is clearly audible, and the prince is watching her fascinated, like 'wow, how much longer is she going to be able to keep this up?'. The answer; not long, as she passes out before she's even halfway down the stairs. And then, to top it off, when the scene ends and the very matter-of-fact narrator explains to the audience how the birds proceeded to blind the trio.
144	** The movie also has a relatively subtle gag later, in regards to the fate of the stepsisters. When the giantess is demanding to know where Jack is, the characters lie about where he is, so she'll leave. To try to make the lie more convincing, one of the stepsisters calls out that she "saw him". Keep in mind that this is said while both stepsisters are using very obvious walking canes and wearing black sunglasses.
145	* When the Witch discovers the new cow is only covered in flour. Creator/MerylStreep's switch between utter annoyance and complete deadpan is golden:
146	-->'''Baker:''' We thought that you would prefer a ''live'' cow!\
147	'''Witch:''' ''(SurroundedByIdiots tone) Of course'' I would prefer a live cow, ''(going completely deadpan)'' so show me the dead cow, I'll bring her back to life.
148	* The Baker's Wife gets visibly and heavily pregnant immediately after the Witch drinks the milk.
149	-->'''Baker:''' Well that was quick!
150	* During "Moments in the Woods", the Prince's lyric says "Life is often so unpleasant. You must know that as a peasant" and Creator/EmilyBlunt gives him the best annoyed look at being called a peasant.
151	** And her reaction when the Prince leaves and she realizes what just happened.
152	--->'''Baker's Wife:''' What was that?!
153
154	!!Other
155	* In one memorable local production, [[spoiler: after being seduced by Cinderella's Prince]], the Baker's Wife comes in with her hair all messed up... including a ''wire coathanger''.
156	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-1_4VwHGdo This blooper]] in a production of the musical, where [[spoiler: Jack accidentally breaks off Milky White's leg]]. Bonus points for the actors just continue with the scene after the understandable shock. Even more bonus points to the audience member [[spoiler:who sees the leg go flying into the audience.... and quietly sets it back on the edge of the stage]].
157	--> '''Mystery Man:''' That cow is barely worth a bag of beans!
158	--> ''Audience loses it''
159	--> '''Jack:''' ''(visibly trying not to laugh)'' I don't know about that.
160	** Jack milks the scene for all its worth, though he doesn't pick up the leg as he exits the sage.
161	* This tumblr, [[http://lowbudgetmilkywhites.tumblr.com Low Budget Milky Whites]], shows off the SpecialEffectsFailure that is often the cow.

Context Funny / IntoTheWoods