| 1 | * This exchange: |
| 2 | --> "Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend?!" |
| 3 | -->"Everyone wants that, dear. It doesn't exist." |
| 4 | * "How do you write women so well?" "I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability." |
| 5 | ** Made twice as funny when you take into account that this was an actual reply from John Updike when he was asked the same question. |
| 6 | * Simon's dead-on Jack Nicholson impression. |
| 7 | * Melvin stealing Frank's ScaryBlackMan routine when dealing with a cop. While Frank is [[ImStandingRightHere less than twenty feet up the hallway,]] and [[ActuallyPrettyFunny grinning as he watches.]] |
| 8 | * Spencer gives the doctor who visits glowing praise. "[[LittlestCancerPatient I'm an expert on doctors!]]" |
| 9 | * "You are not still writing that thank you letter!" "I'm on the last page!" |
| 10 | * Melvin introducing Carol to Simon: "Carol the waitress, Simon the fag." Not to mention Carol and Simon both taking it in stride. |
| 11 | * Melvin confronting Simon after his disastrous date with Carol; "Did you have sex with her?" Carol enters, ignoring Melvin as she discusses taking the hotel's complimentary soap and other supplies. Melvin looks taken aback; "Sorry. Didn't realise she was still here. (to Simon) DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER?!" |
| 12 | * Early in the film, Carol's disastrous date; the guy lays her down on a couch and begins to ''tongue her forehead'' in a manner seemingly meant to be erotic, but instead causes her to ''burst out laughing''; after Carol cleans up a minor health incident for her son, they then try to resume only for her date to get kid-puke on his hand trying to grope her. |
| 13 | * This exchange, when Carol, Melvin, and Simon have pulled over after Simon tells Carol about his DarkAndTroubledPast, to Melvin's annoyance: |
| 14 | -->'''Carol:''' We all have these terrible stories to get over, and you-\ |
| 15 | '''Melvin:''' That's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories, that take place at lakes, with boats and friends and noodle salad, just no one in this car. |
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