History Recap / GleeS5E12100

** Harry Shum Jr as Mike Chang.

* FanficFuel: A small section of fic was spawned from this episode, mostly taking Biff and kicking the {{Jerkass}} traits up to eleven.

* HilariousInHindsight: Quinn kissing Puck in a super crowded hallway at the end of this episode will lead to "NO PDA" signs in season 6.
* LesYay: "Toxic", it helps that they've all canonically been with at least one of the other two.
** "Valerie" from Santana to Brittany.

We start the 100th Episode with Rachel, because of course, and Mercedes going down the old hallway. The dueling V/O's are egofueled, as you'd expect, both surprised that they're not being applauded as heroes given Rachel reviving the role of Theatre/FunnyGirl and Mercedes is about to release an album. Cut to the choir room where the graduating ex-ND members gush over Rachel, while Unique, in her last scene of relevance, gushes over Mercedes. More V/Oing ensues, Rachel asserting there's one way to show superiority, spying the empty chair front and center amongst their chatting friends. The girls see this and remember the high school importance of getting that seat, both bolting for it at the same time. Rachel just beats Mercedes, who dusts herself off like the adult she is and speaks cordially to Rachel before moving to the back of the room. Wouldn't work anyway, since sitting next to that seat is the love of Rachel's life. Will then enters, and announces that it's the 100th lesson of glee as well as the last. Therefore, he wants new takes on old numbers, and since this is old home week, he's gonna take one more trip down the back Rhodes and bring in the oldest ex-ND member. April arrives, being invited because she saved the glee club [[Recap/GleeS1E16Home way back when]]. After Tina reminds us of how April taught her how to smuggle under skirts, for the 100th time, we hit the TitleCard.

April regales the ex-ND members with her latest tale of conquest, which ends with her own island. Yes. Anyway, champagne glasses are handed out and the cider flows as we start the numbers, leading off with "[[Recap/GleeS2E16OriginalSong Raise Your Glass]]", which, as Blaine points out, was a Warblers number, not a New Directions one, but he's pretty much ignored as if he were at the start of season 3! Afterwards, as the alumni (Kurt and Artie especially) try to grab the actual alcohol, we cut to what is both startling and impressive: an Air Force dress uniform with the name "Puckerman". Yes, our boy Noah has done Finn Hudson proud, having been promoted to Airman First Class. He tries a V/O about how he hasn't looked back... only for the past to look at him. Yes folks, one Lucy Quinn Fabray bumps into her baby daddy, and this is where we'll slightly relax our RunningGag to say that, as we mentioned in Season 1, that these two do make for a cute couple. We, of course, know where our FanPreferredCouple lie. Anyway, she says that he's got a renewed confidence about him, referencing how when he was trying to [[Recap/GleeS3E22Goodbye graduate]] she was trying to restore his confidence. We ignore [[Recap/GleeS4E8Thanksgiving Thanksgiving]] as she also says that he's handsome and Puck thinks he actually has a chance with her before her new boyfriend Biff shows up and, in a record amount of time for Glee, we spot the inevitable not from a mile away, but from the first five damn minutes. You can clearly tell he's both appalled at this DisposableLoveInterest and disheartened that he's still too scared to admit he's still in love with her.

Now, the [[PortmanteauCoupleName Quick]] storyline is very closely knit with the slightly-less-sidelined Brittana one this episode, so we immediately cut to Brittany drawing graphs on a blackboard; seems that being at MIT has unlocked the dormant parts of her brain. She says that she's busy and tries to explain her work, but her ex knows her better than anyone, and thus asks if she enjoys it. Brittany likes being appreciated and all the perks. However, all the work makes her miss not being a genius, so to cheer her up Santana says that they should reunite the Unholy Trinity. And you're not the only one thinking that if Quinn and Brittany were to ever hook up then that name would take on a [[ThreeWaySex wholly different meaning]]. Thank god for fanfic. Cut to the Unholy Trinity performing a far more unholy "[[Recap/GleeS2E2BritneyBrittany Toxic]]" - imagine a sexier "[[Recap/GleeS1E2Showmance Say A Little Prayer]]" with more body draping and less clothes. Okay, they're in red and black lingerie and practically giving each other lap dances. See? [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Wholly. Different. Meaning.]] Still, DisposableLoveInterest Biff the Apple guy can't drag his attention away from his phone for long enough to actually notice the trio, his girlfriend included, doing an updated [[FanNickname "Sexy Little Prayer"]] dance in the choir room in skimpier-than-you-remember Cheerio! uniforms whilst singing. What, [[TheBeard is he gay]], or something? ...nope, not gonna waste a CatchPhrase on a DLI. Puck's also not quite drooling but that's because him and nearly everyone else are angry-confused glaring at the dude for not paying attention. None of the alumni are pleased at this blatant disrespect of women. When it's revealed that he didn't watch any of it, Quinn tries to defend him by saying that he's really busy with ''his'' secret society and she's pretty much on track to becoming her mother circa "[[Recap/GleeS1E10Ballad Ballad]]", with a dash of StepfordSmiler mixed in. Nice one, Biff, you caught Lucy on one of her off days, the ones where her inner Russell is tearing her a new one for existing. Whatever, anyway, Santana compliments Brittany on her dancing. Wanky. But Brittany points out the ''slightest'' irregularities, which she says means she should instead focus on math because that's what she's good at... well, that and webshows. Cut to the return of "Fondue for Two", where we find Mercedes and Rachel for guests. She drills them - wanky - on their dishonesty and irresponsible life choices[[note]]Such as returning to send ND off, or hiding dance skills in favor of laziness.[[/note]]. She also questions if she Rachel has ever actually been to New York, Rachel replying that [[Recap/GleeS2E22NewYork they've been together]], but the pair still take it to heart. When she asks what song they're remaking, they both answer "[[Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels Defying Gravity"]], and that they'll do it with Kurt. Brittany calls a diva-off as we got to break.

We return to Breadstix, where we see Santana, some of the other alumni, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and Biff]]. Biff asks them to tell him about Quinn in high school because he wants to get to know her. They all realize that revealing anything would actually hurt Quinn way more than it would in any way effect Biff or make them feel good for telling, so they make general statements about her intelligence and- oh, no, wait, they realize what Quinn's playing at, so they respond in kind, telling him every last detail about her "skank" phase, her burning up a purple piano, her tattoo of Ryan Seacrest... wait. Actually, they are trying to believe that he's a good guy for Quinn (no they're not). However, Quinn still doesn't want him to think she's really from Lima, and she plays it off that they're joking just as they're about to start talking about pregnancy and lesbian sex. What's the point of this guy, again? For Quinn to re-learn lessons she already got dropped on her in high school? Yes, because then she tells her friends that he's really rich and if she can [[MarriageOfConvenience marry him she'll be set for life]]. Sounds like something in New England has made her think that she's not studying theater, but getting an MRSDegree. Either that, or Ryan Murphy's vendetta for Quinn and/or Dianna kicked back in. Flip a coin, Gleeks, bitch fits and shaky writing go hand in hand with him. Of course, there are other people in this episode that aren't rich Ken & Barbie, and we head over to [=McKinley=] for what might be the actual plot! Will and April confront Sue in her office, saying that since April donated the funds to maintain the Auditorium, her foundation is in charge of who uses it - the glee club can be based in there! Yay! They're not shutting up shop! Except, we've already stated that they are, [[ForegoneConclusion as did the episode listing for the rest of the season]]. Whilst that's happening, Mercedes and Rachel have their diva-off, and include Kurt so he can go and own that high note this time. Will enrages the divas/gets the audience to stay tuned for the next act by saying that they can all vote on the diva winner tomorrow.

After the break, and this [[SarcasmMode tremendous plotline]] comes Brittany playing human chess like she's [[AliceAllusion Alice]] out in the courtyard. Santana thinks she's gone mad. She reminds Brittany that she's good at dancing, and she's better at it than math because of how much she loves it. Knowing that the song they did before cheered Brittany up, she suggests dancing together properly to remind Brittany just how much. Cut to Rachel and Mercedes trying to convince everyone to vote for them. As seen previously, high school politics are nearly as corrupt as real life politics, [[TwoferTokenMinority Jake]], getting one of only two lines any of the newbies will have this episode, is torn because "one's black and one's Jewish", so this means there's actually a chance that people will be voting on talent. They're both girls, though, so God knows how Quinn will choose[[note]]We know how, and it's sadly not the one we want[[/note]]. Cut to April congratulating Klaine on their engagement, offering booze as a gift. With what's to come, we'll need ''all'' of it. Will tries to stop the haranguing by proposing someone do a song. Santana interrupts Puck in true Santana style to declare her dance duet with a reluctant Brittany. She gives up and enigmatically brushes off a dance partner as "[[Recap/GleeS2E9SpecialEducation Valerie]]" starts - just like last time! - before Brittany, feet tapping more than Artie's hands, shrugs off her strange animal jacket and starts singing. Initially, Santana pulls Mike up to dance with her but Brittany soon joins in - Santana's blasé act of not forcing Brittany making it obvious that Brittany cannot resist dance. They rework the dance to be dancing together this time, amping up the gay rating, with Jake joining in now that Mike's been left alone. It's really impressive, and gets the not-math cogs turning in Brittany's head.

It also gives Jacob Artist a chance to do something, as it's now abundantly clear he and the other S4 newbies aren't long for this Glee world.

Will says that if Puck wants to follow that, he can, and Puck decides to drag everyone to the auditorium to make his song even better. That song is an acoustic solo of "[[Recap/GleeS1E7Throwdown Keep Holding On]]" that he performs for Quinn, like he should have done four years ago but whatever. And either everyone else gets the same idea to get up and do the dance again at the same time, or he's really put some thought into his dedication. Quinn reaches for her crucifix but just finds pearls as she starts crying. Apparently, she managed to forget that the song ever happened the first time, but we'll forgive her because she had a lot of stuff ("homework, football, teen pregnancy, lunch") going on at the time. Puck tries to convince her that she can't go into her future just leaving her past... metaphorically?... but she says that she loves [[IdleRich Biff]] and can't have her past if she wants to have a future with him. Bullshit. No wonder these two have a problem with tenses around each other.

After the break, [[MoodWhiplash we're voting for the diva winner in the choir room]]! Obviously, tensions are high and {{OneLiner}}s are rife. Then Santana's 1000-liners come out when she stops the voting to explain that she now lives with Rachel Berry. Rachel smiles, it sounds like it's going to be nice or something. Um, Rachel, have you forgotten you're in the presence of Auntie Snixx? She tends to be blunt. The harshest thing she says is everything, because they're just true facts, plain and simple, about what a horrible person Rachel is: Rachel has literally sold out half the people in the room over a dozen times for a solo. Only half? That's because she couldn't name the rest of them, proven when Ryder asks her his name and Rachel replies "Rick?" It's not looking good until Santana really hits her where it hurts by revealing that she and Quinn ("the two people you hate most in the world") rigged the vote to make Rachel win Prom Queen. It was a nice thing to do, but apparently screaming it at her is a bitchy thing, because [[BerserkButton Rachel doesn't react well]]. Either she gets the pity vote in the diva-off, which may have been [[TheChessmaster Santana's plan]], or half of everyone's so scared of how she'll react to losing something after witnessing this that they vote for her. Well, there's lots of possibilities for how it ended up equal, one being that the votes were rigged again, but we'll give it the benefit of the doubt and believe it was fair and on merit. Mercedes is the one that runs to the bathroom after her, because apparently Quinn's having another breakdown or something, and more than ever the word "Faberry" is a term most foul. Back in Sue's office, we find that Sue never liked April, that all the money in the Auditorium fund has been used - and it was millions. Will can't believe it, but then Sue drags out the ([[RealitySubtext very real]]) receipts for all the sets and costumes they've had over the years. Which answers the frequent [[Headscratchers/{{Glee}} headscratchers]] about/criticisms of the show and how all the performance paraphernalia can be afforded InUniverse. Sue then reveals that April's assets (including her private island) are under indictment because of that rich boyfriend she mentioned earlier being kinda shady. Will is crushed as we go to break.

We return to see Quinn is settling the score with ''her'' rich, shady, boyfriend, owning up to everything. He doesn't like it. He calls her a bad name. She goes all Lima Heights on his pretty white boy face. No, seriously, ''[[HiddenBadass she krav maga's his face]]''. (Or, you know, [[ThreeStoogesShoutOut Moe Howard]].) There's a reason why she's the Lion Quinn. Puck also heard the name (hint: it sounds like "thirty whittle shutbag". [[ElmuhFuddSyndwome Just like it]].) and decides to show Biff that though he flies planes, that part of Basic Training does involve hand to hand combat, and Noah can throw down with the best of them. Therefore, Biff ends up in the dumpster. Puck then tells his poor [[DamselOutOfDistress Quinn in distress]] that she can pull him out or join her [[RagtagBandOfMisfits real friends]] in the choir room. She [[TakeAThirdOption doesn't actually do either]]. The people who are in the choir room, though, are now finally voting on the diva-off and gosh that was a drawn out bit of a story for Rachel and Mercedes. But guess what? The pair decide that they don't need a vote because it would be nearly as narcissistic as them. Whatever, Will still tells them that the vote happened and they tied already. Glad that that's over. April enters and Holly slides in, thanking April for buttering the floor, having known each other thanks to a Facebook group of ND guests. April then apologizes for getting the club's hopes up about saving them. Holly says they can still be optimistic, but that remixes aren't her style, and performs "Happy". Originally, it was going to be "[[Recap/GleeS2E9SpecialEducation Dog Days]] Are Over", but then a new song came out and that got changed. Everyone's really happy, so it must be time for a break...

...and we start the home stretch with another MoodWhiplash!... . . . . . . Because she missed [[Recap/GleeS5E3TheQuarterback Finn's memorial]], Quinn has her own moment with his jersey in the locker room and Puck joins her. In this, it's Quinn who [[Recap/GleeS1E22JourneyToRegionals now answers]] a question of Puck's with the wrong tense, even though it is heartwarming. She adds that Rachel was his soulmate, so Puck does the predictable and cheesy thing and asks her if she thinks Biff is hers, because he knows who his is ([[CoughSnarkCough *cough* Quinn *cough*]]). Cut to Brittana in that classroom again, Brittany is back doing her math thing. Santana finds her and says that [=MIT=] can't keep her locked up as a math monkey if she doesn't want them to. [[GeniusDitz Brittany now also thinks that math monkeys are real]]. Santana dutifully ignores the NonSequitur and says that she belongs out in the world. Back to Quick in the locker room, where Puck just says that he's heading off unless Quinn gives him a reason to stay before we're back to Brittana. They're eating churros but Brittany still leans over and makes out with Santana. Santana stops her and admits that it was so hard to get over Brittany (didn't have to be hard, all you had to do was NOT DUMP HER IN THE FIRST PLACE), so it's not a good idea (no mention of the girlfriend, though, primarily because Music/DemiLovato made her appearances prior to this, plus everyone knew this was coming). Quinn also rejects Puck, saying that nobody would want to be with her because she's kind of amazing at screwing up relationships. At least she's honest? Exactly so, as Puck points out: he loves her and he's the only guy she's ever been truly honest with. Apparently, that constitutes as her loving him? Brittany then takes her turn to respond, saying that being with Santana feels so good - wanky - and that she's seen the world but only wants Santana and that if Santana wants her, she's always there. This is where we'll say once again, that Brit-Brit's always been ahead of the curb. She senses Santana is at a place where she has a job, a future, and knows she's ready to be with her. Now it's up to her. Santana looks contemplative. Then Brittany leaves. Puck asks Quinn to [[{{Foreshadowing}} just give him a reason]] to stay. She's pretty damn quiet, and he leaves. For two people who want to be around their not-yet-other so much, they're really good at leaving. Suddenly, just as Puck's about to leave the school, looking really blue, we hear his name being shouted and Quinn running down the hall and right into him. She's attacking his face, too, but with her lips, giving him the one thing he's wanted since sophomore year. ''In the middle of the hallway no less.'' She simply says "Stay". And we admit, if it wasn't for our RunningGag and the fact we think this was a RomanticPlotTumor of the highest degree, this would be cute. To the auditorium! Will has brought only the 2009 New Directions to where he has hung Finn and Lillian's plaques in the wings. They all get emotional and Will says that he didn't gather this group of them to cheer them up, but to thank them for being part of the glee club [[IncrediblyLamePun jour]][[Music/{{Journey}} ney]]. Group hug. But, wait, who's in the rafters? Holly and April, vowing to save the glee club. More exercises in futility to follow, Gleeks...

We start the 100th Episode with Rachel, because of course, and Mercedes going down the old hallway. The dueling V/O's are egofueled, as you'd expect, both surprised that they're not being applauded as heroes given Rachel reviving the role of Theatre/FunnyGirl and Mercedes is about to release an album. Cut to the choir room where the graduating ex-ND members gush over Rachel, while Unique, in her last scene of relevance, gushes over Mercedes. More V/Oing ensues, Rachel asserting there's one way to show superiority, spying the empty chair front and center amongst their chatting friends. The girls see this and remember the high school importance of getting that seat, both bolting for it at the same time. Rachel just beats Mercedes, who dusts herself off like the adult she is and speaks cordially to Rachel before moving to the back of the room. Wouldn't work anyway, since sitting next to that seat is the love of Rachel's life.
Will then enters, and announces that it's the 100th lesson of glee as well as the last. Therefore, he wants new takes on old numbers, and since this is old home week, he's gonna take one more trip down the back Rhodes and bring in the oldest ex-ND member. April arrives, being invited because she saved the glee club [[Recap/GleeS1E16Home way back when]]. After Tina reminds us of how April taught her how to smuggle under skirts, for the 100th time, we hit the TitleCard.

April regales the ex-ND members with her latest tale of conquest, which ends with her own island. Yes. Anyway, champagne glasses are handed out and the cider flows as we start the numbers, leading off with "[[Recap/GleeS2E16OriginalSong Raise Your Glass]]", which, as Blaine points out, was a Warblers number, not a New Directions one, but he's pretty much ignored as if he were at the start of season 3! Afterwards, as the alumni (Kurt and Artie especially) try to grab the actual alcohol, we cut to what is both startling and impressive: an Air Force dress uniform with the name "Puckerman". Yes, our boy Noah has done Finn Hudson proud, having been promoted to Airman First Class. He tries a V/O about how he hasn't looked back... only for the past to look at him. Yes folks, one Lucy Quinn Fabray bumps into her baby daddy, and this is where we'll slightly relax our RunningGag to say that, as we mentioned in Season 1, that these two do make for a cute couple. We, of course, know where our FanPreferredCouple lie. Anyway, she says that he's got a renewed confidence about him, referencing how when he was trying to [[Recap/GleeS3E22Goodbye graduate]] she was trying to restore his confidence. We ignore [[Recap/GleeS4E8Thanksgiving Thanksgiving]] as she also says that he's handsome and Puck thinks he actually has a chance with her before her new boyfriend Biff shows up and, in a record amount of time for Glee, we spot the inevitable not from a mile away, but from the first five damn minutes. You can clearly tell he's both appalled at this DisposableLoveInterest and disheartened that he's still too scared to admit he's still in love with her. Oh, and if you thought that what happened [[Recap/GleeS4E14IDo last time]] we saw Lucy was going to affect her at all, you were clearly wrong. We wish you weren't. At least it's not her professor this time[[note]]RACHEL GODDAMMIT![[/note]].

Now, the [[PortmanteauCoupleName Quick]] storyline is very closely knit with the slightly-less-sidelined Brittana one this episode, so we immediately cut to Brittany drawing graphs on a blackboard; seems that being at MIT has unlocked the dormant parts of her brain. She says that she's busy and tries to explain her work, but her ex knows her better than anyone, and thus asks if she enjoys it. Brittany likes being appreciated and all the perks. However, all the work makes her miss not being a genius, so to cheer her up Santana says that they should reunite the Unholy Trinity. And you're not the only one thinking that if Quinn and Brittany were to ever hook up then that name would take on a [[ThreeWaySex wholly different meaning]]. Thank god for fanfic. Cut to the Unholy Trinity perform a far more unholy "[[Recap/GleeS2E2BritneyBrittany Toxic]]" - imagine a sexier "[[Recap/GleeS1E2Showmance Say A Little Prayer]]" with more body draping and less clothes. Okay, they're in red and black lingerie and practically giving each other lap dances. See? [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Wholly. Different. Meaning.]] Still, DisposableLoveInterest Biff the Apple guy can't drag his attention away from his phone for long enough to actually notice the trio, his girlfriend included, doing an updated [[FanNickname "Sexy Little Prayer"]] dance in the choir room in skimpier-than-you-remember Cheerio! uniforms whilst singing. What, [[TheBeard is he gay]], or something? ...nope, not gonna waste a CatchPhrase on a DLI. Puck's also not quite drooling but that's because him and nearly everyone else are angry-confused glaring at the dude for not paying attention. None of the alumni are pleased at this blatant disrespect of women. When it's revealed that he didn't watch any of it, Quinn tries to defend him by saying that he's really busy with ''his'' secret society and she's pretty much on track to becoming her mother circa "[[Recap/GleeS1E10Ballad Ballad]]", with a dash of StepfordSmiler mixed in. Nice one, Biff, you caught Lucy on one of her off days, the ones where her inner Russell is tearing her a new one for existing. Whatever, anyway, Santana compliments Brittany on her dancing. Wanky. But Brittany points out the ''slightest'' irregularities, which she says means she should instead focus on math because that's what she's good at... well, that and webshows. Cut to the return of "Fondue for Two", where we find Mercedes and Rachel for guests. She drills them - wanky - on their dishonesty and irresponsible life choices[[note]]Such as returning to send ND off, or hiding dance skills in favor of laziness.[[/note]]. She also questions if she Rachel has ever actually been to New York, Rachel replying that [[Recap/GleeS2E22NewYork they've been together]], but the pair still take it to heart. When she asks what song they're remaking, they both answer "[[Recap/GleeS1E9Wheels Defying Gravity"]], and that they'll do it with Kurt. Brittany calls a diva-off as we got to break.

We return to Breadstix, where we see Santana, some of the other alumni, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and Biff]]. Biff asks them to tell him about Quinn in high school because he wants to get to know her. They all realize that revealing anything would actually hurt Quinn way more than it would in any way effect Biff or make them feel good for telling, so they make general statements about her intelligence and- oh, no, wait, they realize what Quinn's playing at, so they respond in kind, telling him every last detail about her "skank" phase, her obsession with Rachel, how they've been together for years... wait. Actually, they are trying to believe that he's a good guy for Quinn (no they're not). However, Quinn still doesn't want him to think she's really from Lima, and she plays it off that they're joking just as they're about to start talking about pregnancy and lesbian sex. What's the point of this guy, again? For Quinn to re-learn lessons she already got dropped on her in high school? Yes, because then she tells her friends that he's really rich and if she can [[MarriageOfConvenience marry him she'll be set for life]]. Sounds like something in New England has made her think that she's not studying theater, but getting an MRSDegree. Either that, or Ryan Murphy's vendetta for Quinn and/or Dianna kicked back in. Flip a coin, Gleeks, bitch fits and shaky writing go hand in hand with him. Of course, there are other people in this episode that aren't rich Ken & Barbie, and we head over to [=McKinley=] for what might be the actual plot! Will and April confront Sue in her office, saying that since April donated the funds to maintain the Auditorium, her foundation is in charge of who uses it - the glee club can be based in there! Yay! They're not shutting up shop! Except, we've already stated that they are, [[ForegoneConclusion as did the episode listing for the rest of the season]]. Whilst that's happening, Mercedes and Rachel have their diva-off, and include Kurt so he can go and own that high note this time. Will enrages the divas/gets the audience to stay tuned for the next act by saying that they can all vote on the diva winner tomorrow.

Will says that if Puck wants to follow that, he can, and Puck decides to drag everyone to the auditorium to make his song even better. That song is an acoustic solo of "[[Recap/GleeS1E7Throwdown Keep Holding On]]" that he performs for Quinn, like he should have done four years ago but whatever. And either everyone else gets the same idea to get up and do the dance again at the same time, or he's really put some thought into his dedication. Quinn reaches for her crucifix but just finds pearls as she starts crying. Apparently, she managed to forget that the song ever happened the first time, but we'll forgive her because she had a lot of stuff ("homework, football, teen pregnancy, lunch") going on at the time. Puck tries to convince her that she can't go into her future just leaving her past... metaphorically?... but she says that she loves [[IdleRich Biff]][[note]]RACHEL RACHEL RACHEL.[[/note]] and can't have her past if she wants to have a future with him. Bullshit. No wonder these two have a problem with tenses around each other.

After the break, [[MoodWhiplash we're voting for the diva winner in the choir room]]! Obviously, tensions are high and {{OneLiner}}s are rife. Then Santana's 1000-liners come out when she stops the voting to explain that she now lives with Rachel Berry. Rachel smiles, it sounds like it's going to be nice or something. Um, Rachel, have you forgotten you're in the presence of Auntie Snixx? She tends to be blunt. The harshest thing she says is everything, because they're just true facts, plain and simple, about what a horrible person Rachel is: Rachel has literally sold out half the people in the room over a dozen times for a solo. Only half? That's because she couldn't name the rest of them, proven when Ryder asks her his name and Rachel replies "Rick?" It's not looking good until Santana really hits her where it hurts by revealing that she and Quinn ("the two people you hate most in the world"[[note]]No, the one person you hate most in the world and the one person who'd like to spend their life with you.[[/note]]) rigged the vote to make Rachel win Prom Queen. It was a nice thing to do, but apparently screaming it at her is a bitchy thing, because [[BerserkButton Rachel doesn't react well]]. Either she gets the pity vote in the diva-off, which may have been [[TheChessmaster Santana's plan]], or half of everyone's so scared of how she'll react to losing something after witnessing this that they vote for her. Well, there's lots of possibilities for how it ended up equal, one being that the votes were rigged again, but we'll give it the benefit of the doubt and believe it was fair and on merit. Mercedes is the one that runs to the bathroom after her, because apparently Quinn's having another breakdown or something, and more than ever the word "Faberry" is a term most foul. Back in Sue's office, we find that Sue never liked April, that all the money in the Auditorium fund has been used - and it was millions. Will can't believe it, but then Sue drags out the ([[RealitySubtext very real]]) receipts for all the sets and costumes they've had over the years. Which answers the frequent [[Headscratchers/{{Glee}} headscratchers]] about/criticisms of the show and how all the performance paraphernalia can be afforded InUniverse. Sue then reveals that April's assets (including her private island) are under indictment because of that rich boyfriend she mentioned earlier being kinda shady. Will is crushed as we go to break.

...and we start the home stretch with another MoodWhiplash!... . . . . . . Because she missed [[Recap/GleeS5E3TheQuarterback Finn's memorial]], Quinn has her own moment with his jersey in the locker room and Puck joins her. In this, it's Quinn who [[Recap/GleeS1E22JourneyToRegionals now answers]] a question of Puck's with the wrong tense, even though it is heartwarming. She adds that Rachel was his soulmate (GRR and [sigh]) - so Puck does the predictable and cheesy thing and asks her if she thinks Biff is hers, because he knows who his is ([[CoughSnarkCough *cough* Quinn *cough*]]). Cut to Brittana in that classroom again, Brittany is back doing her math thing. Santana finds her and says that [=MIT=] can't keep her locked up as a math monkey if she doesn't want them to. [[GeniusDitz Brittany now also thinks that math monkeys are real]]. Santana dutifully ignores the NonSequitur and says that she belongs out in the world. Back to Quick in the locker room, where Puck just says that he's heading off unless Quinn gives him a reason to stay before we're back to Brittana. They're eating churros but Brittany still leans over and makes out with Santana. Santana stops her and admits that it was so hard to get over Brittany (didn't have to be hard, all you had to do was NOT DUMP HER IN THE FIRST PLACE), so it's not a good idea (no mention of the girlfriend, though, primarily because Music/DemiLovato made her appearances prior to this, plus everyone knew this was coming). Quinn also rejects Puck, saying that nobody would want to be with her because she's kind of amazing at screwing up relationships. At least she's honest? Exactly so, as Puck points out: he loves her and he's the only guy she's ever been truly honest with. Apparently, that constitutes as her loving him? Brittany then takes her turn to respond, saying that being with Santana feels so good - wanky - and that she's seen the world but only wants Santana and that if Santana wants her, she's always there. This is where we'll say once again, that Brit-Brit's always been ahead of the curb. She senses Santana is at a place where she has a job, a future, and knows she's ready to be with her. Now it's up to her. Santana looks contemplative. Then Brittany leaves. Puck asks Quinn to [[{{Foreshadowing}} just give him a reason]] to stay. She's pretty damn quiet, and he leaves. For two people who want to be around their not-yet-other so much, they're really good at leaving. Suddenly, just as Puck's about to leave the school, looking really blue, we hear his name being shouted and Quinn running down the hall and right into him. She's attacking his face, too, but with her lips, giving him the one thing he's wanted since sophomore year. ''In the middle of the hallway no less.'' She simply says "Stay". And we admit, if it wasn't for our RunningGag and the fact we think this was a RomanticPlotTumor of the highest degree, this would be cute. To the auditorium! Will has brought only the 2009 New Directions to where he has hung Finn and Lillian's plaques in the wings. They all get emotional and Will says that he didn't gather this group of them to cheer them up, but to thank them for being part of the glee club [[IncrediblyLamePun jour]][[Music/{{Journey}} ney]]. Group hug. But, wait, who's in the rafters? Holly and April, vowing to save the glee club. More exercises in futility to follow, Gleeks...

April regales the ex-ND members with her latest tale of conquest, which ends with her own island. Yes. Anyway, champagne glasses are handed out and the cider flows as we start the numbers, leading off with "[[Recap/GleeS2E16OriginalSong Raise Your Glass]]", which, as Blaine points out, was a Warblers number, not a New Directions one, but he's pretty much ignored as if he were at the start of season 3! Afterwards, as the alumni (Kurt and Artie especially) try to grab the actual alcohol, we cut to what is both startling and impressive: an Air Force dress uniform with the name "Puckerman". Yes, our boy Noah has done Finn Hudson proud, having been promoted to Airman First Class. He tries a V/O about how he hasn't looked back... only for the past to look at him. Yes folks, one Lucille Quinn Fabray. Dear Lucille, regaled in curls and a pearl necklace she clearly got from the Judith Fabray collection, bumps into her baby daddy, and this is where we'll slightly relax our RunningGag to say that, as we mentioned in Season 1, that these two do make for a cute couple. We, of course, know where our FanPreferredCouple lie. Anyway, she says that he's got a renewed confidence about him, referencing how when he was trying to [[Recap/GleeS3E22Goodbye graduate]] she was trying to restore his confidence. We ignore [[Recap/GleeS4E8Thanksgiving Thanksgiving]] as she also says that he's handsome and Puck thinks he actually has a chance with her before her new boyfriend Biff shows up and, in a record amount of time for Glee, we spot the inevitable not from a mile away, but from the first five damn minutes. You can clearly tell he's both appalled at this DisposableLoveInterest and disheartened that he's still too scared to admit he's still in love with her. Oh, and if you thought that what happened [[Recap/GleeS4E14IDo last time]] we saw Lucy was going to affect her at all, you were clearly wrong. We wish you weren't. At least it's not her professor this time[[note]]RACHEL GODDAMMIT![[/note]].

We return to Breadstix, where we see Santana, some of the other alumni, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and Biff]]. Biff asks them to tell him about Quinn in high school because he wants to get to know her. They all realize that revealing anything would actually hurt Quinn way more than it would in any way effect Biff or make them feel good for telling, so they make general statements about her intelligence and- oh, no, wait, they realize what Lucille's playing at, so they respond in kind, telling him every last detail about her "skank" phase, her obsession with Rachel, how they've been together for years... wait. Actually, they are trying to believe that he's a good guy for Quinn (no they're not). However, Quinn still doesn't want him to think she's really from Lima, and she plays it off that they're joking just as they're about to start talking about pregnancy and lesbian sex. What's the point of this guy, again? For Quinn to re-learn lessons she already got dropped on her in high school? Yes, because then she tells her friends that he's really rich and if she can [[MarriageOfConvenience marry him she'll be set for life]]. Sounds like something in New England has made her think that she's not studying theater, but getting an MRSDegree. Either that, or Ryan Murphy's vendetta for Quinn and/or Dianna kicked back in. Flip a coin, Gleeks, bitch fits and shaky writing go hand in hand with him. Of course, there are other people in this episode that aren't rich Ken & Barbie, and we head over to [=McKinley=] for what might be the actual plot! Will and April confront Sue in her office, saying that since April donated the funds to maintain the Auditorium, her foundation is in charge of who uses it - the glee club can be based in there! Yay! They're not shutting up shop! Except, we've already stated that they are, [[ForegoneConclusion as did the episode listing for the rest of the season]]. Whilst that's happening, Mercedes and Rachel have their diva-off, and include Kurt so he can go and own that high note this time. Will enrages the divas/gets the audience to stay tuned for the next act by saying that they can all vote on the diva winner tomorrow.

We return to see Dear Lucille is settling the score with ''her'' rich, shady, boyfriend, owning up to everything. He doesn't like it. He calls her a bad name. She goes all Lima Heights on his pretty white boy face. No, seriously, ''[[HiddenBadass she krav maga's his face]]''. (Or, you know, [[ThreeStoogesShoutOut Moe Howard]].) There's a reason why she's the Lion Quinn. Puck also heard the name (hint: it sounds like "thirty whittle shutbag". [[ElmuhFuddSyndwome Just like it]].) and decides to show Biff that though he flies planes, that part of Basic Training does involve hand to hand combat, and Noah can throw down with the best of them. Therefore, Biff ends up in the dumpster. Puck then tells his poor [[DamselOutOfDistress Quinn in distress]] that she can pull him out or join her [[RagtagBandOfMisfits real friends]] in the choir room. She [[TakeAThirdOption doesn't actually do either]]. The people who are in the choir room, though, are now finally voting on the diva-off and gosh that was a drawn out bit of a story for Rachel and Mercedes. But guess what? The pair decide that they don't need a vote because it would be nearly as narcissistic as them. Whatever, Will still tells them that the vote happened and they tied already. Glad that that's over. April enters and Holly slides in, thanking April for buttering the floor, having known each other thanks to a Facebook group of ND guests. April then apologizes for getting the club's hopes up about saving them. Holly says they can still be optimistic, but that remixes aren't her style, and performs "Happy". Originally, it was going to be "[[Recap/GleeS2E9SpecialEducation Dog Days]] Are Over", but then a new song came out and that got changed. Everyone's really happy, so it must be time for a break...

** Creator/DiannaAgron as Lucille Quinn Fabray.

April regales the ex-ND members with her latest tale of conquest, which ends with her own island. Yes. Anyway, champagne glasses are handed out and the cider flows as we start the numbers, leading off with "[[Recap/GleeS2E16OriginalSong Raise Your Glass]]", which, as Blaine points out, was a Warblers number, not a New Directions one, but he's pretty much ignored as if he were at the start of season 3! Afterwards, as the alumni (Kurt and Artie especially) try to grab the actual alcohol, we cut to what is both startling and impressive: an Air Force dress uniform with the name "Puckerman". Yes, our boy Noah has done Finn Hudson proud, having been promoted to Airman First Class. He tries a V/O about how he hasn't looked back... only for the past to look at him. Yes folks, one Lucille Quinn Fabray. Dear Lucille, regaled in curls and a pearl necklace she clearly got from the Judith Fabray collection, bumps into her baby daddy, and this is where we'll slightly relax our RunningGag to say that, as we mentioned in Season 1, that these two do make for a cute couple. We, of course, know where our FanPreferredCouple lie. Anyway, she says that he's got a renewed confidence about him, referencing how when he was trying to [[Recap/GleeS3E22Goodbye graduate]] she was trying to restore his confidence. We ignore [[Recap/GleeS4E8Thanksgiving Thanksgiving]] as she also says that he's handsome and Puck thinks he actually has a chance with her before her new boyfriend Biff shows up and, in a record amount of time for Glee, we spot the inevitable not from a mile away, but from the first five damn minutes. You can clearly tell he's both appalled at this DisposableLoveInterest and disheartened that he's still too scared to admit he's still in love with her. Oh, and if you thought that [[BiTheWay what happened]] [[Recap/GleeS4E14IDo last time]] we saw Lucy was going to affect her at all, you were clearly wrong. We wish you weren't. At least it's not her professor this time[[note]]RACHEL GODDAMMIT![[/note]].

...and we start the home stretch with another MoodWhiplash!... . . . . . . Because she missed [[Recap/GleeS5E3TheQuarterback Finn's memorial]], Quinn has her own moment with his jersey in the locker room and Puck joins her. In this, it's Quinn who [[Recap/GleeS1E22JourneyToRegionals now answers]] a question of Puck's with the wrong tense, even though it is heartwarming. She adds that Rachel was his soulmate (GRR and [sigh]) - so Puck does the predictable and cheesy thing and asks her if she thinks Biff is hers, because he knows who his is ([[CoughSnarkCough *cough* Quinn *cough*]]). Cut to Brittana in that classroom again, Brittany is back doing her math thing. Santana finds her and says that [=MIT=] can't keep her locked up as a math monkey if she doesn't want them to. [[GeniusDitz Brittany now also thinks that math monkeys are real]]. Santana dutifully ignores the NonSequitur and says that she belongs out in the world. Back to Quick in the locker room, where Puck just says that he's heading off unless Quinn gives him a reason to stay before we're back to Brittana. They're eating churros but Brittany still leans over and makes out with Santana. Santana stops her and admits that it was so hard to get over Brittany (didn't have to be hard, all you had to do was NOT DUMP HER IN THE FIRST PLACE), so it's not a good idea (no mention of the girlfriend, though, primarily because Music/DemiLovato made her appearances prior to this, plus everyone knew this was coming). Quinn also rejects Puck, saying that nobody would want to be with her because she's kind of amazing at screwing up relationships. At least she's honest? Exactly so, as Puck points out: he loves her and he's the only guy she's ever been truly honest with. Apparently, that constitutes as her loving him? Brittany then takes her turn to respond, saying that being with Santana feels so good - wanky - and that she's seen the world but only wants Santana - {{waff}}y - and that if Santana wants her, she's always there. This is where we'll say once again, that Brit-Brit's always been ahead of the curb. She senses Santana is at a place where she has a job, a future, and knows she's ready to be with her. Now it's up to her. Santana looks contemplative. Then Brittany leaves. Puck asks Quinn to [[{{Foreshadowing}} just give him a reason]] to stay. She's pretty damn quiet, and he leaves. For two people who want to be around their not-yet-other so much, they're really good at leaving. Suddenly, just as Puck's about to leave the school, looking really blue, we hear his name being shouted and Quinn running down the hall and right into him. She's attacking his face, too, but with her lips, giving him the one thing he's wanted since sophomore year. ''In the middle of the hallway no less.'' She simply says "Stay". And we admit, if it wasn't for our RunningGag and the fact we think this was a RomanticPlotTumor of the highest degree, this would be cute. To the auditorium! Will has brought only the 2009 New Directions to where he has hung Finn and Lillian's plaques in the wings. They all get emotional and Will says that he didn't gather this group of them to cheer them up, but to thank them for being part of the glee club [[IncrediblyLamePun jour]][[Music/{{Journey}} ney]]. Group hug. But, wait, who's in the rafters? Holly and April, vowing to save the glee club. More exercises in futility to follow, Gleeks...

* NamesTheSame: Quinn's boyfriend, Biff [=McIntosh=] has a strangely similar name to a WesternAnimation/{{My Little Pony|FriendshipIsMagic}}, [[ShoutOut Big MacIntosh]].

* CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming: Quinn gets her moment for remembering Finn, which she missed out on in the tribute episode.

* {{WASP}}s: Quinn in her Yaley persona, wearing pearls and refusing to talk about anything that happened in high school. No, seriously, her perfect {{WASP}}y boyfriend - [[PreppyName Biff McIntosh]] - doesn't know that she has a kid. When she tells him and he flips, she stops faking it and tries to break his nose.

Welcome to a celebration of this gleeful noise.

We start the MilestoneCelebration 100th Episode with Rachel, because of course, and Mercedes going down the old hallway. The dueling V/O's are egofueled, as you'd expect, both surprised that they're not being applauded as heroes given Rachel reviving the role of Theatre/FunnyGirl and Mercedes is about to release an album. Cut to the choir room where the graduating ex-ND members gush over Rachel, while Unique, in her last scene of relevance, gushes over Mercedes. More V/Oing ensues, Rachel asserting there's one way to show superiority, spying the empty chair front and center amongst their chatting friends. The girls see this and remember the high school importance of getting that seat, both bolting for it at the same time. Rachel just beats Mercedes, who dusts herself off like the adult she is and speaks cordially to Rachel before moving to the back of the room. Wouldn't work anyway, since sitting next to that seat is the love of Rachel's life.