History Quotes / WorldWarII

-->-- '''{{SFDebris}}''', "The Killing Game Pt. 2"

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, as Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.)\\\
After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]].\\\
Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the Ark of the Covenant was thwarted by IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Film/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw.\\\
America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but luckily some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just shake our fist impotently at the sky."\\\

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]].\\\
So, as Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].)\\\
[[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back.\\\
A girl named [[TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]]\\\
Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]].\\\
As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out.\\\
And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

Today, at 4:00 a.m., without presenting any claims against the Soviet Union or issuing a declaration of war, German troops have attacked our country [...] This perfidious aggression against our country is a treachery without precedent in the history of civilized nations. [...] This war has not been imposed on us by the German people, nor by the German workers, peasants, or intellectuals whose suffering we can well understand, but by the clique of bloodthirsty German leaders who have enslaved the French, the Czechs, the Poles, the Serbs, Norway, Belgium, Denmark, Holland, Greece, and other nations. The Government of the Soviet Union expresses its unshakable conviction that our valiant Army and Navy and the daring hawks of the Soviet Air Force will discharge with honour their duties towards the Motherland and the Soviet people and will deal a crushing blow to the aggressor. This is not the first time that our nation has had to deal with an arrogant, aggressive enemy. In its time our nation has risen to the challenge of [[NapoleonBonaparte Napoleon]]'s campaign into Russian in the Patriotic War, and Napoleon suffered defeat and came to his undoing. The same fate will befall the arrogant Hitler, who has proclaimed a new campaign of aggression against our country. The Red Army and our entire nation will once again conduct a victorious Patriotic War for the Motherland, for honour, for freedom. [...] The whole country must now be joined and united as never before. [...]\\

And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just impotently shake our first at the sky."\\\

[[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back.\\

Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]].\\

And Oppenheimer built a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

->''In front of the barracks, In front of the main gate,''
->''Stood a lamppost, It still stands out front,''
->''We want to see each other there again,''
->''We want to stand by the lamppost, As before, Lili Marleen,''
->''As before, Lili Marleen.''

After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]].\\

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.)\\

Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the Ark of the Covenant was thwarted by IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Film/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw.\\
America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just impotently shake our first at the sky."\\
'''UsefulNotes/FranklinDRoosevelt:''' ''The only thing we have to fear is Franchise/{{Batman}}.''\\
"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]].\\
So, as Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].)\\

A girl named [[TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]]\\

As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out.\\
And Oppenheimer built a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd... [[DasBoot somewhere in there in a submarine]], I don't know what it does though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

[[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back.\\

After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]].\\

-->-- '''Joseph Goebbels''', October 10, 1941

-->-- '''BBC Foreign Service German-language Radio Broadcast''', set to sound of ticking clock, Autumn 1941 [[note]] From Gilbert's ''The Second World War'' (2009), pp.242-243 [[/note]]

-->-- '''BBC Foreign Service German-language Radio broadcast, set to sound of ticking clock''', Autumn 1941 [[note]] From Gilbert's ''The Second World War'' (2009), pp.242-243 [[/note]]

-->-- '''NKVD Officer to the first exploration/supply party to attempt crossing Lake Ladoga''', November 1941[[note]] third month of the 900 Day Siege of Leningrad[[/note]]

-->-- '''Unnamed German Priest''', Eastern Theatre, Autumn 1941[[note]] As detailed in Lucas, ''War of the Eastern Front 1941-1945'', p.207 [[/note]]

->''When I saw a very strong light, a flash, I put my arms over my face unconsciously.... The whole city was destroyed and burning. There was no place to go.''

->''"Today the guns are silent. A great tragedy has ended. A great victory has been won. The skies no longer rain death... men everywhere walk upright in sunlight. The entire world lies quietly at peace. The holy mission has been completed. And in reporting this to you, the people, I speak for the thousands of silent lips, forever stilled among the jungles and the beaches and in the deep waters of the Pacific which marked the way....\\

->''"Believe me, Lang, the first twenty-four hours of the invasion will be decisive...the fate of Germany depends on the outcome...for the Allies, as well as Germany, it will be the longest day."''

By the grace of Almighty God, our forces stand again on Philippine soil.... Rally to me!"''

And Oppenheimer built a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd.... [[DasBoot somewhere in there in a submarine]], I don't know what it does though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

-->-- '''Unnamed German Priest''', Eastern Theatre Autumn 1941[[note]] As detailed in Lucas, ''War of the Eastern Front 1941-1945'', p.207 [[/note]]

-->-- '''Unnamed German Priest''', Autumn 1941[[note]] As detailed in Lucas, ''War of the Eastern Front 1941-1945'', p.207 [[/note]]

-->-- '''Unnamed German Priest'', Autumn 1941[[note]] As detailed in Lucas, ''War of the Eastern Front 1941-1945'', p.207 [[/note]]

-->-- '''Anonymous'', Autumn 1941[[note]] As detailed in Lucas, ''War of the Eastern Front 1941-1945'', p.207 [[/note]]

-->-- '''Heinz Guderian's''' [[UnreliableNarrator post-war-memoirs]], reflecting on [[AC: Fall Taifun]]

->''"[The News] is almost too positive and too optimistic. When, for example, the press are given the headline: 'The War Is Decided!'[[note]] As announced verbatim ('The campaign in the east has been decided by the smashing of Army Group Timoshenko') by the Imperial Press Chief Dr otto Dietrich the previous day [[/note]] that surely goes too far. [...] I hope to God that the military operations develop so that we don't suffer a psychological reverse."''

[[RedsWithRockets They]] [[ItCanThink were learning]].

''"[The News] is almost too positive and too optimistic. When, for example, the press are given the headline: 'The War Is Decided!'[[note]] As announced verbatim ('The campaign in the east has been decided by the smashing of Army Group Timoshenko') by the Imperial Press Chief Dr otto Dietrich the previous day [[/note]] that surely goes too far. [...] I hope to God that the military operations develop so that we don't suffer a psychological reverse."

''"Today I buried some more of my former parishioners, Gebirgsjäeger [mountain troops], who have died in this frightful land. Three more letters to write to add to the total of all those which I have written already in this war. The deleted names of the fallen are now more numerous in my pocket diary than the names of the living. My parish is bleeding to death on the plains of this country. We shall all die out here."''

-->-- '''LeonTrotsky''', ''What is National Socialism?'' (November 2, 1933)[[note]] note the date - Trotsky correctly predicted Hitler's actions less than a year after the Nazis took power[[/note]]

-->-- '''ErwinRommel''', to his aide, April 22, 1944

-->-- '''JosephStalin''', upon being informed of Hitler's suicide.

-->-- '''WinstonChurchill''', Victory Speech (May 8, 1945)