History Quotes / Bottom

-->'''Richie''': They wander around saying "cricky isn't everything big?"

-->'''Eddie''': Attempted asphyxiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed West London]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion of the Anti-Terrorism Act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an affray, and wiggling our todgers at the Queen.

-->'''Eddie''': Attempted asphixiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed west london]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion to the anti-terrorism act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an afray and wiggling our toggers at the queen.

'''Eddie''': Attempted asphixiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed west london]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion to the anti-terrorism act, Attempted genocide, arson, causing an afray and wiggling our toggers at the queen.

'''Richie''': Well that'll have to do. Have we got any glace cherries? (Eddie shakes his head) Well, just bung a blob of marmalade in,then.

'''Richie''': Well that'll have to do. Have we got any glace cherries? (Eddie shakes his head) Well, just bung a blob of marmalade in, then.

-> And on tonights program an intersting missprint that says penis!
-->'''Eddie''', after drinking a mixture of [[GargleBlaster ouzo, pernod and marmalade.]]

-->'''Richie''' What would 007 have? Ooh! Vodka martini.\\
'''Eddie''' We've only got ouzo and Pernod.\\
'''Richie''' Well that'll have to do. Have we got any glace cherries? (Eddie shakes his head) Well, just bung a blob of marmalade in, then.

->'''Richie:''' Well she had an earring.
->'''Eddie:''' Yeah, through 'her' foreskin.
->'''Richie:''' Yes, which I found out later much to my distress!

-->'''Richie:''' Why can't we ever bloody win anything?\\
'''Eddie:''' Oh, don't be stupid, Richie. People like us aren't meant to "win" things.\\
'''Richie:''' Well what are we meant to do then?\\
'''Eddie:''' Look, you get born, you keep your head down, and then you die. If you're lucky.\\
'''Richie:''' Oh come on. There must be more to it than that.\\
'''Eddie:''' Well, there's the telly... well, there ''was''. ...Do you want me to switch the gas on?\\
'''Richie:''' What do you mean?\\
'''Eddie:''' Go on, top yourself. The telly's bust, it'd be a good bit of entertainment...\\
'''Richie:''' ''(laughs)'' I know you're just trying to cheer me up.

-->'''Eddie:''' (disguised as that bird from the abatoure) Sleep on the sofa? on my honeymoon? My mother warned me about you, you bastard, [proceeds to beat Richie] you brute, Oh I've suffered in the name of love! Only women bleed!\\

-->'''Richie''' So who is getting married to?\\
'''Eddie''' Well ya know Ted Rodgers?\\

'''Eddie''' No. He getting married to that bird from the abatoir who looks like Ted Rodgers.

'''Richie:''' Well it's er sprouts, pinch of chilli powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce, well 3 bottles actually, and the secret ingredient gunpowder!\\

'''Richie:''' Yes I know they were a bit frisky... but the spices'll cover any embarisment.\\

'''Eddie:''' We stuck 'em on our heads remember when Norman came round with that sherry.\\

'''Richie:''' Oh come on ya big poof! what about a "bloody mavis"\\

'''Waiter:''' But it is Ted Rodgers in a wedding dress. With a seven foot Neanderthal figure!\\

-->'''Richie''' What would 007 have? Ooh! vodka martini.\\
'''Eddie''' We've only got oozo and pernod.\\
'''Richie''' Well that'll have to do. Have we got any cherries (eddie shakes his head) shove some marmalade in then.\\
'''Eddie''' (both take a drink) And on tonight's program an interesting missprint that says penis.

-->'''Eddie:''' (disguised as that bird from the abatoure) Sleep on the sofa? on my honeymoon? My mother warned me about you, you basterd, (proceeds to beat richie) you brute, Oh I've suffered in the name of love! Only women bleed!\\
'''Richie:''' Yeah I think I'd dispute that actually Eddie.\\

'''Richie:''' [[GroinAttack Get this!]] (kicks eddie in the balls)

'''Eddie''' No. He getting married to that bird from the abertoure who looks like Ted Rodgers.

-->'''Eddie:''' Sprouts mexicain?\\
'''Richie:''' Sprouts mexicain.\\

'''Richie:''' Yeah they were left over from last christmas!(immitates ASDA theme)\\

'''Eddie:''' That's not Ted Rodgers. That's that bird from the abertoure that's getting married to Canonball Taffy O'Jones.


-->'''Richie''' What would 007 have ooh vodka martini.\\

'''Eddie''' (both take a drink) And on tonight's program an interesting missprint that says penis.\\

'''Eddie:''' That's not Ted Rodgers. That's that bird from the abertoure that's getting married to Canonball Taffy O'Jones.

'''Eddie:''' "[[LeisureSuitLarry Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright! You've gotta put something in for the birds, haven't you?]]\\

'''Eddie:''' That's not Ted Rodgers. That's that bird from the abertoure that's getting married to Canonball Taffy O'Jones.\\

'''Richie:''' Don't pull that one on me!
'''Waiter:''' But it is Ted Rodgers in a wedding dress. With a seven foot Neanderthal figure!
'''Eddie:''' That's not Ted Rodgers. That's that bird from the abertoure that's getting married to Canonball Taffy O'Jones.

'''Richie:''' O.K what about a "coconut suprise?"\\

'''Eddie:''' Is that the one with napalm in it?\\

'''Richie:''' O.K what about a "coconut suprise"\\

'''Richie:''' well it's a bit of something from that tin I found with the skull and crossbones on it that dissolved the spoon and sent me blind for a fortnight!\\

-->'''Richie:''' Fancy a cocktail before bed?
'''Eddie:''' Absolutely not.
'''Richie:''' Oh come on ya big poof! what about a "bloody mavis"
'''Eddie:''' Now that's the one that's made of [[StockYuck Gin, blood and porcupine shit]]. Err without the gin.
'''Richie:''' O.K what about a "coconut suprise"
'''Eddie:''' Is that the one with napalm in it?
'''Richie:''' well it's a bit of something from that tin I found with the skull and crossbones on it that dissolved the spoon and sent me blind for a fortnight!

'''Richie:''' Yes I know they were a bit frisky but the spices'll cover any embarisment.\\

'''Eddie:''' We stuck 'em on our heads remember when came round with that sherry.\\

-->'''Eddie''' Sprouts mexicain?\\
'''Richie''' Sprouts mexicain.\\
'''Eddie''' What's that?\\
'''Richie''' Well it's er sprouts, pinch of chilli powder, jar of curry powder, hint of tobasco sauce, well 3 bottles actually, and the secret ingredient gunpowder!\\
'''Eddie''' Sprouts?\\
'''Richie''' Yeah they were left over from last christmas!(immitates ASDA theme)\\
'''Eddie''' But it's October!\\
'''Richie''' yes I know they were a bit frisky but the spices'll cover any embarisment.\\

-->'''Richie''' Where's that packet of johnnies we used to have?\\
'''Eddie''' We stuck 'em on our heads remember when came round with that sherry.\\