History Quotes / Bottom

->'''Richie:''' (Preparing to haul a passed-out Eddie up the stairs by means of a rope tied to his leg) Well thank you, Lord, for making me such a nice person. Not many of use, ehh? Just me, Jesus, and Mahatma Ghandi. (Fixes rope to ceiling and sings:) "Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro? / Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? / Do you get a funny feeling when they're hanging from the ceiling? / Oh you'll never be sailor if your balls hang low..." (Yanks Eddie into the bannister, [[GroinAttack crotch first]].)\\

--> '''Eddie''': I've got it! We'll call it the Esther Rantzen.\\

-->Always keep your mouth open when you're insulting a lady.

-->'''Richie:''' Well, she had an earring.
-->'''Eddie:''' Yeah, through ''her'' foreskin!
-->'''Richie:''' Yes, which I found out later, much to my distress!

-->'''Richie:''' What's in this?!\\

-->'''Richie:''' (Preparing to haul a passed-out Eddie up the stairs by means of a rope tied to his leg) Well thank you, Lord, for making me such a nice person. Not many of use, ehh? Just me, Jesus, and Mahatma Ghandi. (Fixes rope to ceiling and sings:) "Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro? / Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? / Do you get a funny feeling when they're hanging from the ceiling? / Oh you'll never be sailor if your balls hang low..." (Yanks Eddie into the bannister, [[GroinAttack crotch first]].)\\

-->'''Richie:''' There's a 28 inch surround sound TV with fast text, FST, NICAM and loads of other bollocks that no-one understands that I've had my eye on for a couple of months now. Right, shopping list, shopping list... I'll grab my ballpoint.\\

-->'''Eddie:''' (disguised as that bird from the abattoir) Sleep on the sofa? on my honeymoon? My mother warned me about you, you bastard, [proceeds to beat Richie] you brute, Oh I've suffered in the name of love! Only women bleed!\\

-->'''Richie''' So who is she getting married to?\\

-->'''Eddie:''' Sprouts Mexicain?\\

-->'''Richie:''' Where's that packet of johnnies we used to have?\\

-->'''Richie:''' Fancy a cocktail before bed?\\

-->'''Eddie:''' Is that the one with napalm in it?\\

--> '''Waiter:''' Look it's Ted Rodgers in a dress.\\

-->'''Richie''': What would 007 have? Ooh! Vodka martini.\\

-->'''Richie''': What were the charges again?\\

-->'''Eddie''': We can't go on like this. Why did they take the telly away?\\

-->'''Eddie:''' Yeah, through "her" foreskin!
-->'''Richie:''' Yes. Which I found out later, much to my distress.

'''Richie''': ''[sarcastically with an effeminate voice and camp gesture]'' Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh\\

'''Eddie''': Because [[GargleBlaster it pulls your gums back over your teeth]]. ''(Takes a sip, grimaces, imitates Esther Rantzen's voice:)'' And on tonight's program, an interesting misprint that says "penis"!

'''Eddie''': Because [[GargleBlaster it pulls your gums back over your teeth]]. ''(Takes a sip, grimaces, imitates Esther Rantzen's voice:)'' And on tonight's program, an amusing misprint that says "penis"!

'''Richie:''' Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!\\

'''Richie:''' Drambuie?! [[CampGay Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!]]\\

-> '''Eddie''': I've got it! We'll call it the Esther Rantzen.\\

->Always keep your mouth open when you're insulting a lady.

'''Richie''' [[FoeYay He's not marrying Ted Rodgers?]]\\

'''Eddie''': Because [[GargleBlaster it pulls your gums back over your teeth]]. ''(Takes a sip, grimaces, imitates Esther Rantzen's voice:)'' And on tonight's program, an interesting misprint that says "penis"!

-->'''Eddie Hitler''', ''on chivalry.''

-->'''Richie:''' Well she had an earring.
-->'''Eddie:''' Yeah, through 'her' foreskin.
-->'''Richie:''' Yes, which I found out later much to my distress!

'''Eddie:''' Brandy!\\

'''Eddie:''' "[[CasanovaWannabe Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright! You've gotta put something in for the birds, haven't you?]]\\
'''Richie:''' *taking a whiff* Jesus! How are you alive?!\\
'''Eddie:''' "[[CloudCuckoolander I may very well not be!]]

'''Eddie''': Attempted asphyxiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed West London]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion of the Anti-Terrorism Act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an affray, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking wiggling our todgers at the Queen]].

'''Eddie:''' (mumbles as Richie pulls him upstairs) Take it easy, Selina, we've got all night. Do your worst your swarvy-eyed fiend I'll never talk. Good evening your madjesty I can see your pants from here.

'''Eddie:''' Oh -- No time for crap double entendres, Richie, the window of Curry's just blown. They've thrown Asswag through it!

'''Eddie:''' (mumbles) Take it easy, Selina, we've got all night.

'''Eddie''': Attempted asphyxiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed West London]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion of the Anti-Terrorism Act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an affray, and [[ArsonMurderJaywalking wiggling our todgers at the Queen]].

'''Richie:''' Oh come on ya big poof! what about a "bloody mavis"?\\

'''Eddie''': Attempted asphyxiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed West London]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion of the Anti-Terrorism Act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an affray, and wiggling our todgers at the Queen.

'''Richie''': Alright, let's change the subject, it's irrelevant. In fact, I forgive you.

-->'''Richie''': What were the charges again?
-->'''Eddie''': Attempted asphyxiation of the population of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed West London]], detonating 400 pounds of semtex in controversion of the Anti-Terrorism Act, attempted genocide, arson, causing an affray, and wiggling our todgers at the Queen.

-->'''Eddie''': I wonder what the pigmies do
-->'''Richie''': They wander around saying "cricky isn't everything big?"

-->'''Eddie''': We can't go on like this. Why did they take the telly away?
-->'''Richie''': You know very well. They took the telly away because according to you, while you were wending your merry way down to the telly shop with the rent money. You came across a strange old man who sold you 4 magic beans which cost exactly the £86.23 we owed in back-rent to Rumbalow's.
-->'''Eddie''': They are magic beans you know.
-->'''Richie''': Oh yes, and hear is the magic beanstalk(holds up an empty plant pot).

-->'''Eddie''': Well it wasn't me who let us get behind with rent was it? how did we get £86.23 behind in the first place?
-->'''Richie''': Alright let's change the subject, it's irrelevent in fact I forgive you.
-->'''Eddie''' It wasn't me who bypassed Rumbalow's for 3 months, saved up the money and took it to Dr. O'Grady's [[DoubleEntendre personal organ enhancement clinic]]
-->'''Richie''': Er... cup of tea Eddie or some money?
-->'''Eddie''' [[LargeHam WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY THAT'S THE PROBLEM]].

-->'''Eddie''': For a mere £85, you too can have your personal organ enhance so that is comparable in size to that of a fully grown mountain gorilla.
-->'''Richie''': Yes and when he said comparable in size I didn't think he meant an aweful lot smaller than.
-->'''Eddie''': What you mean it didn't work?
-->'''Richie''': Well he did enhance it temporarily, but when it said on the door "revolutionary, new enhancement technique" I didn't realise he just gonna stick me in a cubicle with a copy of razzle.

-->'''Richie''': You know very well. They toke the telly away because acording to you, while you were wending your merry way down to the telly shop with the rent money. You came across a strange old man who sold you 4 magic beans which cost exactly the £86.23 we owed in back-rent to Rumbalows.

-->'''Richie''': Oh yes and hear is the magic beanstalk(holds up an empty plant pot).