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It's inevitable that due to its [[DoorStopper massive length]] and being one of the earliest serious ponyfics, unintentional humour can pop up from time to time.
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It's inevitable that due to its [[DoorStopper massive length]] and being one of the earliest serious ponyfics, [[{{Narm}} unintentional humour humour]] can pop up from time to time.time.
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* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but [=FoE's=] solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers'', making the cartoon horse gunfights even harder to visualise without breaking down into a fit of giggles.
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* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but [=FoE's=] solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers'', making the cartoon horse gunfights even harder to visualise without breaking down into a fit of giggles.giggles.
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** That said, for some that [[DissonantSerenity adds to the horror more than anything]].
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Seems to be intentional
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* The badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox. Rainbow Dash even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the ridiculousness of the name.
** Making matters worse, he's paired with Applejack. A canon x OC couple where the OC's name is just the canon character's name tweaked slightly.
** Making matters worse, he's paired with Applejack. A canon x OC couple where the OC's name is just the canon character's name tweaked slightly.
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* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox. Rainbow Dash even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the ridiculousness of the name.
to:
* To start with, Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by (and to) candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
* The badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox. Rainbow Dash even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the ridiculousness of the name.
* The badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox. Rainbow Dash even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the ridiculousness of the name.
Deleted line(s) 8 (click to see context) :
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by (and to) candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
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Changed line(s) 9 (click to see context) from:
* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but FoE's solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers''.
to:
* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but FoE's [=FoE's=] solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers''.triggers'', making the cartoon horse gunfights even harder to visualise without breaking down into a fit of giggles.
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None
Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
** Making matters worse, he's paired with Applejack. A canon x oc couple where the OC's name is just the canon character's name tweaked slightly.
to:
** Making matters worse, he's paired with Applejack. A canon x oc OC couple where the OC's name is just the canon character's name tweaked slightly.
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Added line(s) 7 (click to see context) :
** Making matters worse, he's paired with Applejack. A canon x oc couple where the OC's name is just the canon character's name tweaked slightly.
Changed line(s) 7 (click to see context) from:
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by (and to) candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
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* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by (and to) candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.''Ponies''.
* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but FoE's solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers''.
* Unicorns can wield weapons by magic, but FoE's solution to earth ponies and pegasi using guns? They strap them to their bodies or hold them in their mouths, using ''tongue-operated triggers''.
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None
Changed line(s) 7 (click to see context) from:
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
to:
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by (and to) candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
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None
Changed line(s) 6 (click to see context) from:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on its own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "You're a bad pony!"
to:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on its own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "You're a bad pony!"pony!"
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
* Let's face it: for all the war, misery and horror the characters endure, nothing can change the fact that it's all being done by candy-coloured, talking ''Ponies''.
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None
Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox.
to:
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox. Rainbow Dash even [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the ridiculousness of the name.
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None
Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
It's inevitable that due to it's [[DoorStopper massive length]] and being one of the earliest serious ponyfics, unintentional humour can pop up from time to time.
to:
It's inevitable that due to it's its [[DoorStopper massive length]] and being one of the earliest serious ponyfics, unintentional humour can pop up from time to time.
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None
Changed line(s) 6 (click to see context) from:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "You're a bad pony!"
to:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's its own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "You're a bad pony!"
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wrong You're.
Changed line(s) 6 (click to see context) from:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"
to:
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your "You're a bad pony!"
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None
Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox.
to:
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party Steel Hooves, has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox.
Changed line(s) 4,5 (click to see context) from:
** Take Arbu for example. Littlepip's morally questionable massacre of cannibalistic villagers is derailed when the minimalist prose devolves into a few paragraphs of pfffft, pou pou, bangs, and so on gives the impression of a kid making silly noises or a toy water gun.
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes down to over the top suggestive innuendo, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes down to over the top suggestive innuendo, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
to:
** Take Arbu for example. Littlepip's morally questionable massacre of cannibalistic villagers is derailed when the minimalist prose devolves into a few paragraphs of pfffft, pou pou, bangs, and so on gives giving the impression of a kid making silly noises or a toy water gun.
* For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes down to over the top suggestive innuendo, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
* For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes down to over the top suggestive innuendo, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
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None
Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
* Kkat is a decent writer when it comes to tense and action scenes, which unfortunately have a tendency to lose the atmosphere with all the [[WrittenSoundEffect Written Sound Effects.]]
to:
* Kkat is a decent writer when it comes to tense and action scenes, which unfortunately usually involving lots of gunfire, running, and nasty creatures out of the Equestrian Wasteland. Which unfortunately, have a tendency to lose the atmosphere with all the [[WrittenSoundEffect Written Sound Effects.]]
Changed line(s) 5,6 (click to see context) from:
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes out to over the top sex puns, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[ SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[ SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"
to:
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes out down to over the top sex puns, suggestive innuendo, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and[[ SanitySlippage [[SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"
* In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
None
Added DiffLines:
It's inevitable that due to it's [[DoorStopper massive length]] and being one of the earliest serious ponyfics, unintentional humour can pop up from time to time.
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox.
*Kkat is a decent writer when it comes to tense and action scenes, which unfortunately have a tendency to lose the atmosphere with all the [[WrittenSoundEffect Written Sound Effects.]]
** Take Arbu for example. Littlepip's morally questionable massacre of cannibalistic villagers is derailed when the minimalist prose devolves into a few paragraphs of pfffft, pou pou, bangs, and so on gives the impression of a kid making silly noises or a toy water gun.
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes out to over the top sex puns, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
*In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[ SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"
* To start with, the badass, steel-clad, pony cyborg Ranger of the party has his name revealed in the flashback. What's his real name? Applesnack. Not only does that sound cheesy and hilarious, but it sounds like something out of a kid's lunchbox.
*Kkat is a decent writer when it comes to tense and action scenes, which unfortunately have a tendency to lose the atmosphere with all the [[WrittenSoundEffect Written Sound Effects.]]
** Take Arbu for example. Littlepip's morally questionable massacre of cannibalistic villagers is derailed when the minimalist prose devolves into a few paragraphs of pfffft, pou pou, bangs, and so on gives the impression of a kid making silly noises or a toy water gun.
For the most part, the fic stays serious and dark, evoking an atmosphere of desolation and violence. This normally works fine, aside from when the story does try to lighten the mood, which comes out to over the top sex puns, squicky cursing by Pip, and one-liners by Calamity that wouldn't be out of place in an 80s action flick.
*In the backstory, Pinkie Pie uses mind-enhancing drugs to spy on enemies of the government with her Pinkie Sense. This might be enough on it's own, but what pushes it over the line is that through all the propaganda, smuggling, 1984esque surveillance and [[ SanitySlippage mounting paranoia,]] she still speaks in her usual ditzy hyperactive dialogue. "Your a bad pony!"