History Funny / MaxPayne

[[WMG: Game]]

[[AC:''Max Payne'']]
* This little gem from Part One, Chapter Two: "Live From the Crime Scene":
-->'''Max:''' ''[over a phone]'' We come to you now live from the crime scene.\\
'''Jim:''' Who is this?\\
'''Max:''' Right back at you.\\
'''Jim:''' This is Deputy Chief Jim Bravura from the NYPD. You are to cease your criminal activities and surrender immediately!\\
'''Max:''' ''[[[AtopAMountainOfCorpses surrounded by corpses he killed a minute ago]]]'' [[SarcasticConfession Sure thing, Jim! Me and the boys been talking, and everyone's REAL sorry. They'll never do it again.]]\\
'''Jim:''' Who the hell is this?\\
'''Max:''' ''[narrating]'' Being placed at the scene of a bank robbery wouldn't have tipped the odds in my favor.
* Max starts [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique interrogating]] Vinnie Gognitti, much to his displeasure.
-->'''Vinnie:''' Aghh! PoliceBrutality!\\
'''Max:''' I rate pretty high on that.\\
'''Vinnie:''' You… you can't just hurt me in cold blood.\\
'''Max:''' Uh-huh. [[YouKeepTellingYourselfThat Just keep telling yourself that.]]
* When Vlad meets up with Max.
-->'''Vlad:''' Bang! You're dead Max Payne.\\
'''Max:''' Whats this supposed to be, "Cops And Robbers"? Look, if you want something with me, get in line.
* The "funny as hell" hallucination sequence.
* When Max meets with Frankie Niagara.
-->'''Frankie:''' Max Payne, I envy your name. Pleased to meet you. I'm Frankie "The Bat" Niagara.\\
'''Max:''' Niagara, as in you cry a lot? ''[narrating]'' ''He had a baseball bat, and I was tied to a chair. [[SarcasmMode Pissing him off was the smart thing to do.]]''
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2ROipP_cKo Two Mooks trying to disarm a bomb.]]
-->'''Mook 1:''' [[WireDilemma Red, blue or green?]]\\
'''Mook 2:''' It's always red or blue in the movies.\\
'''Mook 1:''' So, [[TakeAThirdOption green]]?\\
'''Mook 2:''' [[KilledMidSentence NO, NOT THE GREEN]]--\\
'''''BOOM!'''''
** Right afterwards, going up to the door next to where the bomb was, finding it to be locked, and right afterwards the entire wall around it falling down into the next room, with only the door still standing.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lKKgcCGA5s The many faces of Max Payne.]]
--> '''Max:''' [[CaptainObvious It wasn't pretty.]]
* "So what does B.B. stand for anyway? Backstabbing Bastard?"
* Towards the end of the game, the BigBad apparently forgets that the microphone is live when talking to the goons you're slaughtering. Doubles as a moment of awesome, too:
-->"What do you mean 'he's unstoppable'? You are superior to him in every way that counts. You are better trained, better equipped, and outnumber him at least twenty to one. Do. Your. Job."
* At two separate points you are confronted with an alarm in a bank and muzak in an elevator, both of which are pretty annoying to listen to. Shooting either of them will stop the noise and [[BreakingTheFourthWall prompt Max to thank the player for it.]]
* There is this one time in the Roscoe Street Station level "One Way or the Other". You will have to use the "All Weapons" cheat for the UsefulNotes/PlayStation2 version. Throwing a grenade in the hole where there are rats at the start of the level will cause some rats to show up later and actually pull out guns and start shooting at you, you can kill the rats and there will even be a closeup scene of one of the rats falling to the ground, just like when you kill a bad guy every now and then.
* Some of the EnemyChatter throughout the game is downright hilarious. Notable examples include one conversation lampshading the game's BulletTime mechanics and another where two {{Mook}}s discussing what [[ICallItVera they name their guns]].


[[AC:''Max Payne 2'']]
* The [[spoiler: Dearest Of All My Friends show]] during Max's post-escort-mission dream in part three is surreal, [[NightmareFuel horrific]], and [[CrossesTheLineTwice downright hilarious]], especially considering what is written on the wall.
* Early on, you find out the cleaners have been spying on you; when you listen to wiretapped phone conversations, one is Bravura trying to talk Max into going to AA, while another is Max calling a phone sex hotline, and being, well, Max.
** Looking at their binoculars lets Max see into his own apartment. When he does, two of the cleaners are setting up a bomb, hoping to catch Max when he eventually decides to go back home. They discuss the trope of the hero disarming the bomb, noting that they're setting up the bomb in a way that doesn't give him the chance to disarm it. As they do, a third cleaner [[TooDumbToLive bursts into the apartment, setting the bomb off]].
* In the police station, you can hear a really bizarre murder case:
-->'''Cop:''' We found you out of it on V, covered in blood, burying the pieces of your wife and the pizza guy under a rosebush in the backyard. There's a bloody chainsaw in the bathtub, and by the looks of it, they had been shot in your bed. The murder weapons have your prints all over them, and [[ImplausibleDeniability you say you didn't do it]].
** The perp has this insane conspiracy theory going, claiming his wife and the pizza guy were in on it and setting him up as a fall guy. The cop snarks his way through the questioning, eventually saying[=:=]
--->'''Cop:''' Your wife and the pizza guy deviously conspire to set you up, they kill themselves in your bed with your gun, proceed to chop each other to pieces with your chainsaw, and finally lure you to the backyard, where they patiently wait under the rosebush to inject you with V, and when you are helpless, they leak blood all over you and call the police. [[SarcasmMode Anything to add?]]
** And the perp ''still'' insists on being the victim of a conspiracy, claiming that the mailman is in on it, making it a GovernmentConspiracy. When the cop snarks that all he has to do is find the mailman, the perp retorts that the mailman is also dead.
** The perp eventually tries to persuade the cop to release him and ''give him a gun'' so he can sort everything out. Naturally, the cop refuses.
* On the way to Vinnie's workshop as a mob war is going on between his men and Vlad's, three of Vinnie's men see Max and mistake him for reinforcements that Vinnie told them were coming. Max just decides to go along with it.
* Six words: Vinnie Gognitti in the mascot suit. [[spoiler:The entire concept of him slipping into the squeaky mascot suit of a cartoon figure he just happens to be ''idolising'' that was given to him by his arch-nemesis, Vlad, and then finding it to be booby-trapped with a massive bomb and then has to be evacuated from his own headquarters by no one other than Payne himself is just as insanely obscure as it insanely hilarious. Still, the way he ends up dying in it is more than sobering.]]
** And inside Vinnie's flat, it's revealed that Vinnie is a huge collector of Captain [=BaseBallBat=] Boy merchandise. And when Max starts shooting his items, [[DevelopersForesight Vinnie will call out on him,]] [[WhatTheHellHero saying they're priceless collector's items]].
** Additionally, at the end of the level when [[spoiler:Max and Vinnie make their escape]], the Captain [=BaseBallBat=] Boy theme plays like a victory fanfare.
** Vinnie sums up the level perfectly in the following cutscene.
--->"Well, that was fun. In a fuckin' sick, terrible, not-at-all-fun way."
* In part 2, as they escape Max gives us some of his trademark deadpan BlackComedy.
-->'''Max:''' I'm at the edge of a pit, I can see a way out from here.\\
'''Mona:''' I'm at the end of the pit, I'll find a way up.\\
'''Max:''' Okay. ''(gunfire)'' The commandos don't want us to leave. I'll talk to them. ''(static)''
* ''Lords And Ladies'' is a costume drama series that is so painfully hammy and sappy (deaths via 'rapier-under-the-armpit' impalement count as a dramatic climax), so horrendously scripted (most of the dialogue just consists of "my lord!" as well as "my ladeh!") and so cheesily casted (the evil matriarch is played by ''Sam Lake'' in drag bearing a permanent devious smile) that it hardly ever fails to put a smile on a player's face.
* You can also include ''Dick Justice'', an ultra-campy, cliche-riddled noir parody of the first ''Max Payne'', presented here as a TV show. It also takes several drama tropes and turns them into comedy simply by way of excessively hammy acting and 70s porn music for a theme. It intersects at the crossroads of cringingly bad and painfully hilarious, and manages to be a better parody of its own source material than most third-party attempts at the same. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TepSYnRmcyk Enjoy a compilation.]]
* During Part 3, chapter 2 when you return to Vodka, you enter a room to find a mannequin propped up against several explosives. If you go to the back of the room, you'll find 2 thugs with fingers in their ears, waiting for it all to explode. Right around the same time, another thug will walk into their trap. You might see it actually happen but it's more likely that you'll suddenly find a giant hole in the wall, allowing you to progress.
* [[spoiler:Vlad's]] particularly hilarious breakdown towards the end:
--> What the fuck is ''WRONG'' with you Max? Why won't you just ''DIE?!'' You ''hate'' life, you're ''miserable'' all the time, afraid to enjoy yourself even a little! Face it, you might as well be dead already. Do yourself a favor, ''give up!''
* Chapter 2 of Act 2, Max in the Cleaners' hideout warns Mona over radio about how the cleaners are serious professional killers, to which the player gets back only Mona's response of "Doesn't seem that way from where I'm standing." Two chapters later, we finally see what Mona saw: if you are quiet enough when Max's warning comes into Mona's ear via radio you can open a door to find some supposedly-murderous thugs whooping it up as one of them prances around like a runway model ("Work it, baby, work it!"). It is quite possible to shoot this thug dead mid-prance. It isn't until later that the full context becomes clear: [[spoiler:the thug was imitating Winterson strutting like an ice queen until she sees "the boss", aka Vladimir Lem.]]

* Sometimes the mooks can be heard having conversations with one another. Waiting to kill them until they finish talking is often worth a chuckle.

[[WMG: 2008 Live-Action Film]]

[[AC:''Max Payne 3'']]
* Towards the end of the game, when Max is in a firefight in an airport, if a mook manages to throw a grenade at you Max will sarcastically wonder "How did they get ''that'' past the TSA?"
* One of the television clues show a news report where apparently Max has been blamed for the office building blowing up. They then show an artist's sketch, Max's constipated looking face from the first game.
* "Amor e Damas", the over the top soap opera, with a LoveTriangle and a backward feet baby[[note]]Actually a "curupira", a Brazilian folklore elf-like creature who uses said backward feet to trick hunters into following his tracks the wrong way[[/note]]. [[BilingualBonus Even funnier if you know Portuguese.]]
* Speaking of the constipated face, one of the skins you can use in the game's Arcade mode is "Old School Max", which is Max from the very first game.
** Beating the Story Mode on Old School difficulty, you think that your reward is a simple achievement/trophy? No, Rockstar does one better with another blast from the past, namely [[spoiler: a fully rendered and rigged skin of Max Payne's character model from Max Payne Advanced (the UsefulNotes/GameboyAdvance port of the first game) in all his pixellated glory.]]
* One of the hidden "Clues" involves Max running into an American tourist at the favela strip joint/brothel. Said tourist unintentionally hints that the prostitutes he was "enjoying" may have been a bit underaged. Max's subtle yet harsh reaction of disgust is priceless.
** And doesn't end there. Later, at the UFE police station. He encounters him again (another "Clue" you can find), only this time, he's locked up in a cell. Max, to say the least, doesn't mind letting him rot in there.
** Another is an American ex-cop who happens to be the exact opposite of Max in just about every way. He's a happy-go-lucky, overweight fellow with a stable family life who is in Brazil primarily to help with a charity. He also just so happens to be from the Northwest, and his accent and the way he talks about the things he has seen on the job could have come straight out of ''Film/{{Fargo}}''.
* When it comes to bullet time and multiplayer, watching everyone flopping around everywhere like a fish is a hilarious spectacle.
* After finding out [[spoiler: Raul set him up]], the exchange upon reuniting:
-->'''Max:''' FUCK YOU!!!\\
[[spoiler:'''Raul]]:''' ''[nonchalantly]'' Sure, later. But now, we gotta move.
*
-->'''Max:''' I had a hole in my second favorite drinking arm, and the only way we were going to get Fabiana back now was in ''installments''...
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7Ei_zqkrKs "GODDAMNIT!"]]
* After Max shaves his head and gets off the sauce, he wanders through a favela and eventually ends up in a bar where, of course, things devolve into a shootout. Sometimes, when you pick up painkillers at this point (the first point you can after Max stops drinking), he'll say the following line:
-->'''Max:''' One vice at a time.
* In one of the flashback levels, Max and Raul wind up ambushed and held at gunpoint. One of the goons rather unnecessarily shouts "Freeze!" to which Raul sarcastically replies, "As opposed to what, disco dance?"
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K62WEi_mJOc Shoot-dodging down a flight of stairs]]
* Multiplayer deathmatch allows players to play as nearly any named character from the story mode and the first two games, all fully voiced. Most of them are just pissed off at each other. But some, like the [[NonActionGuy Branco techie]] and [[DamselInDistress Fabiana]] are hilariously out of character in having the time of their lives shooting everyone else dead. But the kicker goes to the "Classic" and "Old-School" Max Payne skins, as his lines consist of his PurpleProse narration from the first two games ''being shouted at his enemies''.
-->'''Classic!Max''': [[CallBack Pass me your gun, I'll give it back to you one bullet at a time!]]\\
'''[=OldSchool=]!Max''': Lady luck is really a hooker, and you're ''fresh out of cash!''
* Some of Max's internal snark can be utterly hilarious.
--> '''Max''': *''about to jump from a windowsill to a window-cleaning platform''* I knew this was going to be a bad idea, but in the continued absence of any good ones, I decided to go with it.\\
'''Max''': *''after getting off the platform right before it falls 50 stories to the ground''* A couple more seconds and I'd have given some poor street cleaner a crappy start to his day.\\
'''Max''': *''after being disarmed and shot by a sniper, Raul steals a pistol''* At least one of us had a gun now. That raised our chances of survival all the way from nil to slim.

** Obviously YMMV on this one, as Max also seems to be using the service as a way to seek emotional solace, rather than going to a psychiatrist, which probably led to his becoming TheAlcoholic in 3.

* There is this one time in the Roscoe Street Station level "One Way or the Other". You will have to use the "All Weapons" cheat for the PS2 version. Throwing a grenade in the hole where there are rats at the start of the level will cause some rats to show up later and actually pull out guns and start shooting at you, you can kill the rats and there will even be a closeup scene of one of the rats falling to the ground, just like when you kill a bad guy every now and then.

::The perp has this insane conspiracy theory going, claiming his wife and the pizza guy were in on it and setting him up as a fall guy. The cop snarks his way through the questioning, eventually saying[=:=]
-->'''Cop:''' Your wife and the pizza guy deviously conspire to set you up, they kill themselves in your bed with your gun, proceed to chop each other to pieces with your chainsaw, and finally lure you to the backyard, where they patiently wait under the rosebush to inject you with V, and when you are helpless, they leak blood all over you and call the police. [[SarcasmMode Anything to add?]]

--> '''Max''' ''[over a phone]'': We come to you now live from the crime scene.
--> '''Jim''': Who is this?
--> '''Max''': Right back at you.
--> '''Jim''':This is Deputy Chief Jim Bravura from the NYPD. You are to cease your criminal activities and surrender immediately.
--> '''Max''' ''[[[AtopAMountainOfCorpses surrounded by corpses he killed a minute ago]]]'': ''[[SarcasticConfession Sure thing, Jim! Me and the boys been talking, and everyone's REAL sorry. They'll never do it again.]]''
--> '''Jim''': Who the hell is this?
--> '''Max''' ''[narrating]'': Being placed at the scene of a bank robbery wouldn't have tipped the odds in my favor.

--> '''Vlad''': Bang! You're dead Max Payne.
--> '''Max''': Whats this supposed to be, 'Cops And Robbers'? Look, if you want something with me, get in line.

--> '''Frankie''': Max Payne, I envy your name. Pleased to meet you. I'm Frankie 'The Bat' Niagara.
--> '''Max''': Niagara, as in you cry a lot?
--> '''Max''' ''[narrating]'': ''He had a baseball bat, and I was tied to a chair. [[SarcasmMode Pissing him off was the smart thing to do.]]''

-->'''Mook 1''': [[WireDilemma Red, blue or green?]]\\
'''Mook 2''': It's always red or blue in the movies.\\
'''Mook 1''': So, [[TakeAThirdOption green]]?\\
'''Mook 2''': [[KilledMidSentence NO NOT THE GREEN-]]\\

--> '''Max''': [[CaptainObvious It wasn't pretty.]]

--> "What do you mean 'he's unstoppable'? You are superior to him in every way that counts. You are better trained, better equipped, and outnumber him at least twenty to one. Do. Your. Job."

-->'''Cop:''' We found you out of it on V, covered in blood, burying the pieces of your wife and the pizza guy under a rosebush in the backyard. There’s a bloody chainsaw in the bathtub, and by the looks of it, they had been shot in your bed. The murder weapons have your prints all over them, and [[ImplausibleDeniability you say you didn’t do it]].

-->"Well, that was fun. In a fuckin' sick, terrible, not-at-all-fun way."

-->'''Max''': I'm at the edge of a pit, I can see a way out from here. \\
'''Mona''': I'm at the end of the pit, I'll find a way up. \\
'''Max''': Okay. ''*gunfire*'' The commandos don't want us to leave. I'll talk to them. ''*static*''

-->'''Max''': FUCK YOU!!!\\
[[spoiler:'''Raul''']] ''[nonchalantly]'': Sure, later. But now, we gotta move.
* '''Max''': "I had a hole in my second favorite drinking arm, and the only way we were going to get Fabiana back now was in ''installments''..."

--> '''Max''': One vice at a time.

* Also from the second game, early on, you find out the cleaners have been spying on you; when you listen to wiretapped phone conversations, one is Bravura trying to talk Max into going to AA, while another is Max calling a phone sex hotline, and being, well, Max.

** Beating the Story Mode on Old School difficulty, you think that your reward is a simple achievement/trophy? No, Rockstar does one better with another blast from the past, namely [[spoiler: a fully rendered and rigged skin of Max Payne's character model from Max Payne Advanced (the GameboyAdvance port of the first game) in all his pixellated glory.]]