History Funny / CommandAndConquerRedAlert3

-->''Yuriko Omega:'' This is a laundry list. Literally. What do they need with 2000 plaid skirts?

--> '''Allied soldier:''' Jefferson! ''No!''
--> '''Allied soldier:''' ''Why,'' Honest Abe, ''WHY?!''
--> '''Allied soldier:''' But I visited your memorial!!
--> '''Allied soldier:''' [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons My eyes! The goggles do nothing!]]

--> '''Krukov''': "You see Commander, while you were hiding behind the barricades of Leningrad, our enemy was thrusting deeply into the [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Motherland's tender nether-regions]]."

--> '''Conscript:''' How did Allies get aircraft carrier into lake?! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint It would take many men and hours to carry!]][[note]] RealityIsUnrealistic: The US Navy fielded two aircraft carriers, USS ''Wolverine'' and USS ''Sable'', on the Great Lakes during UsefulNotes/WorldWarII. They were modified Great Lakes steamships and were too small and slow to serve as operational carriers, but did fine for training pilots.[[/note]]
--> '''Imperial Warrior:''' [[ColonyDrop Satellites]]? Such ''inelegant'' weapons.
--> '''Engineer:''' ''Put money in bag''. I will not ask second time.
--> '''Spy:''' Damn bears! Must've smelled my aftershave.

--> '''Conscript''': New York will soon be renamed Commandergrad! I think...

** Even better is how you ended up with that sorry Conscript in the first place: [[spoiler: Your massive, much touted Invasion Force airdrop into the mission area is entirely shot down by Imperial anti-air, leaving you with a sole surviving Conscript and your co-commander with a War Bear. You're expected to take out the Emperor anyway. Everyone immediately lampshades how ridiculous the situation is.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Dasha''': I know that's not much of an invasion force, but try to find the Emperor. I'll see if I can get you some reinforcements. ''(AsideGlance)'']]
-->[[spoiler:'''Moskvin''': So this is our army for taking out the Emperor?! That's it?!]]
* When [[spoiler: President Ackerman is revealed to be a robot expy in the Japanese campaign, his controls are destroyed in anger when they learn that there is no "divine order", causing Ackerman to spaz out, full with smoke pouring out of his ears. J.K. Simmons losing his shit is a sight to behold.]]

'''Hammer Tank:'''\\ Wait, what? No, not me again!