History Film / AreYouBeingServed

->'''Mr. Rumbold''': But what shall I say?
->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Just tell them we're British an' they're spoilin' our 'oliday!

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': But the mere ''sight'' of a needle makes me pass out, I can't even ''knit!''

-->'''Captain Peacock''': Been for a dip?
-->'''Mr. Humphries''': Well, I haven't been sitting in the cocktail bar with this lot on.

-->'''Mr. Harman''': Here, have the Indian.
-->'''Mr. Rumbold''': Am I supposed to leave it for two minutes to brew?
-->'''Mr. Harman''': Hah, I shouldn't do that - it take the pattern awf the cup!

-->'''Captain Peacock''': What a charming, old-world sight.
-->'''Mr. Lucas''': Hey, you see the one at the back - I seem to recognise the walk.
-->'''Mr. Humphries''': Peace be with you, sisters.

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': I have ''never'' seen such anything ''like'' it in my entire life. ({{Beat}}) I wonder if they give staff discount...

--->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': It's free holiday, I'm stayin'.
--->'''Mr. Lucas''': And she is ''unanimous'' in that.

--->'''Mr. Harman''': Oh, er, would it be in order to ask if you're taking your good lady wife with you?
--->'''Mr. Rumbold''': No, as a matter of fact, she will be staying at home.
--->'''Mr. Harman''': Oh, I see. Hopin' to cop a bit o' spare when y'get there.

-->'''Cesar''': The face, '''oh, ay-ay'''... but the body, heh? ''Ay-ay-ay!''

-->'''Young Mr. Grace''': It was very difficult to get a taxi around here.

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': They've never boiled their cat?

-->'''Carlos''': Eh, the ladies... are brothers? Ahh, yes, I am hearin' about this. He he he. You are the Eengleesh, er, drag show, yes? With the female [[{{Malaproper}} impressionations]]. Er, yes, now I look, I can tell. Uh, those are the false booby-doos, oh very funny. Ah-he-he-he.
-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Get off! I would have you know these are ''real'' "booby-doos", and I ''object'' to being ravaged!

-->'''Cesar''': You make up your mind, Carlos. [[WithUsOrAgainstUs You are with them, or you are with us.]]
-->'''Carlos''': Is that loaded?
-->'''Cesar''': Of course.
-->'''Carlos''': I am with us.

--->'''Mr. Lucas''': Oh, what, no, you're not sewin' them up!
--->'''Mr. Humphries''': Oh, didn't your mother do it for ya when y'were a little lad?
--->'''Mr. Lucas''': No, did yours?
--->'''Mr. Humphries''': Oh, yes. I used to keep my conkers in there.
--->'''Mr. Lucas''': I 'spose she sewed 'em up to stop you playin' with your conkers.
--->'''Mr. Humphries''': No, she sewed them up to stop ''other'' little boys playin' with me conkers.

--->'''Captain Peacock''': Oh, by the way, as we're abroad, would you fancy it English or continental?

-->'''Mr. Lucas''': You speak-ee English?
-->'''Conchita''': A leetle teety beet.

-->'''Mr. Rumbold''': Ring the bell, Peacock.
-->'''Captain Peacock''': I hope you're not going to continue to order me about. We are on holiday, you know.
-->'''Mr. Rumbold''': Yes, of course, I'm sorry. Ring the bell, Stephen.

--->'''Carlos''': Will you be taking the wine or the brown ale?
--->'''Captain Peacock''': The wine, please.
--->'''Carlos''': Thank 'eavens.

--->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': It's supposed to be a sign of good manners in their country...
--->'''Miss Brahms''': He's bein' polite for a very long time...

--->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': I seem to have a slow leak.
--->'''Captain Peacock''': Sounded like a quick one to me.

--->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Ooh, I 'ope I 'aven't forgotten me passport.
--->'''Mr. Harman''': Don't worry, if you show that lot at customs what you're showin' us, I'm sure they'll know you're British.

--->'''Mr. Lucas''': Thank God that wasn't me.
--->'''Miss Brahms''': Oh my Gawd, they shot off his waterworks!
--->'''Mr. Grainger''': Not Mr. Lucas? Not in the prime of his life?

-->'''Gypsy''': I have put a curse on '''chu!'''
-->'''Mr. Humphries''': Ha-huh! You're too late, love.

-->'''Captain Peacock''': Would you please hurry about your business and get back to the storeroom?
-->'''Mr. Harman''': You've got no authority over me, so get stuffed.
-->'''Captain Peacock''': I didn't hear that.
-->'''Mr. Harman''': "You've got no authority over me, so get '''stuffed'''"!

-->'''Conchita''': I'm sorry, I want to sleep with Mr. Humphries. He will make me happy.
-->'''Miss Brahms''': [[DeadpanSnarker Yes, you'll be lucky]].

-->'''Mr. Grainger''': Boche basket!
-->'''German''': Uh, was war das?
-->'''Mr. Humphries''': He said, "What a posh basket".

-->'''Carlos''': My English spelling so bad whenever I'm wanting tea, I'm having a pea.

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': There! Now I've taken 'em off, now you put it in.
-->'''Captain Peacock''': Don't be surprised if you have to wait a minute or two before anything happens.
-->'''Mr. Harman''': ({{Beat}}) I'll call back later.

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Captain Peacock, 'ave you got your phrasebook?
-->'''Captain Peacock''': Yes.
-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': What's Spanish for "Where is the little girls' room?".

-->'''Mr. Rumbold''': Now see here, I want to see the manager.
-->'''Carlos''': I ''am'' the manager.

-->'''Mr. Grainger''': Damn Krauts! I didn't fight on the beaches to be made to look a monkey!

-->'''Mr. Grainger''': I had to pick up my... passport. I've never been abroad before, you know, and... for some reason, they held it up.
-->'''Captain Peacock''': Whatever for?
-->'''Mr. Grainger''': Well, my wife filled in the application for me, and where it said "Sex", she put "August 3rd, 1953". She's got a memory like an elephant. ({{Beat}}) Come to think of it, she's got everything like an elephant.

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Oh, it's ''typical'', isn't it? All these pamphlets talk about is "sun", an' "sea", an' "sex". They never mention a ''jacksie'' full o' vaccine!

--->'''Mr. Humphries''': Anyway... I said to 'im, "I'm Batman, ''pow''", said "I'm Robin, '''poof'''".

--->'''Miss Brahms''': Oh yes, she got big knockers an' all?

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': Is this expression alright?
-->'''Captain Peacock''': The authorities don't like you smiling. ({{Beat}}) I must say I agree with them.

-->'''Captain Peacock''': Yes, uh, I'm rather looking forward to seeing the pantyhoses, er, the-the pentyhouses.

-->'''Miss Brahms''': 'Ere, whatcha think ''you're'' playin' at?
-->'''Mr. Harman''': What're you goin' on about? I bet it ain't the first time you've lost your knickers in the tube.

** Mr. Harman makes a comment about Creator/RobertRedford being attracted to large breasts.

--->'''Mr. Humphries''': Anyway... I said to 'im "I'm Batman, ''pow''", said "I'm Robin, '''poof'''".

-->'''Mr. Grainger''': I had to pick up my... passport. I've never been abroad before, you know, and... for some reason they held it up.

** We don't get to know Conchita, Pedro, Harry or George's surnames.
** The same can be said for Miss Nicholson, Mr. Henry and Captain Constantine's first names.

-->'''Mr. Humphries''': He said "What a posh basket".

* JustPlaneWrong: When the staff board the plane, it has wing mounted tanks, however they disappear when the plane takes off.

* INeedAFreakingDrink: When Mrs. Slocombe sees a mannequin's crotch being moving on its own, her first reaction is to take a large swig from Captain Peacock's flask. When Mr. Humphries is told of it, he needs a drink too.

** Captain Peacock mistakes a deflating lilo for Mrs. Slocombe repeatedly farting.

** Mr. Grainger has a low opinion of Spainish food because he doesn't like how much garlic they use.
** All of the staff refuse to eat Carlos' "big octopussy", so he sulks and arranges for them to eat the English menu (which he finds disgusting himself) - eggs, sausages, beans and chips.

* DisguisedInDrag: Mr. Humphries disguises himself as Mrs. Slocombe when Cesar catches him in her tent. After he gets out safe, he then disguises himself as a nun.

* ChekhovsGunman: Right before the revolutionaries begin their attack, Mr. Rumbold mentions he has to go pick up Young Mr. Grace from the airport, but can't once the gunfire starts. At the climax of the film, guess who comes to the rescue with a tank?

** When the staff arrive at the hotel, they notice a large balloon advertising it. In the climax, they attempt to use it to spread the message that they're trapped in the middle of the revolutionaries' attack. It, and the also-previously set up fact that the toilet locks from the outside, also ends up being used to subdue Cesar when he is locked in the toilet, which is then dragged off into the sky.

** Mr. Humphries copies the nasal voice of the speaking clock to try and fool Captain Peacock into thinking Mr. Lucas has arrived to work on time.

** Mr. Lucas jokingly uses Mrs. Slocombe's frquent misuse of "unanimous in that" at her expense:

* BigDamnHeroes: During the climax when the staff is caught in a shoot out between the revolutionaries and the Spanish government, Young Mr. Grace comes to their rescue smashing through a wall in an armoured car.

** Mr. Humphries copies the nasally voice of the speaking clock to try and fool Captain Peacock into thinking Mr. Lucas has arrived to work on time.
** Mr. Humphries also puts on a docker's deep voice when telling Mr. Lucas a story about a fancy dress party he was trying to get to.

-->'''Cesar''': You make up your mind, Carlos. You are with them, or you are with us.