History Fanfic / IfBellaWereSane

* BettyAndVeronica: Jacob is Betty, Edward is Veronica, and Bella is Archie. However, she isn't even remotely interested in Edward.

* OneParagraphChapter: The chapter corresponding to ''Eclipse'' consists of exactly two sentences:
-->''Eclipse'' doesn't get a parody chapter because nothing happened in ''Eclipse''. Please enjoy the next chapter instead.

* OneParagraphChapter: The chapter corresponding to ''Eclipse'' consists of exactly two sentences: "''Eclipse'' doesn't get a parody chapter because nothing happened in ''Eclipse''. Please enjoy the next chapter instead."

* {{Yandere}}: Edward, towards Bella.

''If Bella Were Sane'' is a hilarious parody fanfiction of ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'', written by a DeadpanSnarker. Read it [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5187507/1/ here]].

What if Bella were, well, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin sane?]] What if she had an ounce of rationality in her body? What if she kept a diary? This is what would happen. After a couple of years of being a DeadFic, the author has put up coverage of ''Eclipse'' and ''Breaking Dawn''...

* FurAgainstFang: Averted; though Edward claims to be a vampire and Jacob claims to be a werewolf, no mention is ever made of the antagonism between them that was so prevalent in ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* GoshDangItToHeck: Averted--Bella never once says, "Holy crow".

''If Bella Were Sane'' is a hilarious parody fanfiction of ''Literature/The TwilightSaga'', written by a DeadpanSnarker. Read it [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5187507/1/ here]].

''If Bella Were Sane'' is a hilarious parody fanfiction of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', written by a DeadpanSnarker. Read it [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5187507/1/ here]].

* AdaptationalIntelligence: Needless to say, Bella is a lot smarter (and more sarcastic) than she was in the original books.

* IRejectYourReality: Edward doesn't seem to listen when Bella says she doesn't love him back.

* AndNowYouMustMarryMe: The plot of chapter four, wherein [[spoiler:Edward drugs Bella, drives her to Vegas, and gets them hitched while she’s too out of it to fight back]].

-->Oh, fucking fuck. Just fan-fucking-tastic.

-->''Oh, fucking fuck. Just fan-fucking-tastic.''

-->''He [Edward] also says that we shouldn't be friends. O-kay, mister bipolar weirdo, fine with me. In fact, I'll help you with that venture by staying the hell away from you as much as possible.''
* DistressedDamsel: Bella in the second chapter. Justified as she'd been dragged to Italy against her will and really had no control over the situation or any way to get home.

* IRejectYourReality: Edward doesn't seem to listen when Bella says she doesn’t love him back.

-->''The hell? Does he have colored contacts? How many pairs do you need?''

%%* OnlySaneMan: Bella.

* StalkingIsLove: Averted--Bella finds it creepy.

* {{Yandere}}: Edward, towards Bella.

* SpotOfTea: This is how Bella recovers from her trauma at the end of the fic.

* MistakenForGay: When Edward drags Bella to the meadow to show her that he sparkles in sunlight, she asks him why he's going to such elaborate measures to tell her that he's gay.

* CloudCuckoolander: Bella’s rather loony “Aunt Stephenie”.

--> "Oh, fucking fuck. Just fan-fucking-tastic."

--> He [Edward] also says that we shouldn't be friends. O-kay, mister bipolar weirdo, fine with me. In fact, I'll help you with that venture by staying the hell away from you as much as possible.

* GoshdarnItToHeck: Averted--Bella never once says, "Holy crow."

* IRejectYourReality: Edward doesn’t seem to listen when Bella says she doesn’t love him back.
-->'''Bella:''' (''after Edward "sparkles" for her'') But I don't love you! I don't even like you! In fact, after all this, I hate you! Are you deaf or something?
-->'''Edward:''' "I know, my dearest snowflake, but I am too dangerous for our love to flourish!"

--> The hell? Does he have colored contacts? How many pairs do you need?

* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: Bella’s bizarre Aunt Stephenie thinks that Edward spiriting her away and marrying her while she's drunk is "almost sort of romantic."

* NiceGirl: Despite her snarkiness, Bella is a lot nicer and less self-centered than she was in ''Twilight.'' She even expresses sympathy for Tyler when he gets hurt after almost hitting her with his van.
* NotSoAboveItAll: Bella absolutely freaks out when she discovers [[spoiler: she may have married Edward.]]
* OnlySaneMan: Bella.
* PapaWolf: Charlie Swan in the end of chapter one. Bella relates the story of how he pulled a shotgun on Edward (not [[ShotgunWedding like that]]) and got him arrested for his creepy behavior. This gets dialed down in later chapters, though, to Bella’s frustration.
* SanitySlippage: Bella in chapter four, dating her journal entries as "Day Who Gives a Shit" and "Day Fuck Everything." [[spoiler: This only gets worse when she finds out that she may have married Edward. After the marriage is annulled, she calms down.]]

* TakeThat: Bella happens to have a very Mormon and ''very'' loopy aunt named [[Creator/StephenieMeyer Stephenie]] who finds Edward forcefully marrying Bella "romantic.”

-->'''Bella''': "It'd totally ruin my day to be raped, killed and dumped in a trash can behind a UsefulNotes/McDonalds somewhere."
* WaterSourceTampering: In chapter four, Bella speculates that “the water in Oregon is just spiked with crazysauce” as an explanation for everyone’s deranged behavior.