(Note that this is a review of the published script released on July 31 and not of the stage play.) This script was poorly-written garbage full of plot holes and Pandering to the Base. The story is nothing but fanfic cliches. \"Harry\'s son is sorted into Slytherin and gets bullied and goes all angsty and befriends Draco\'s son and then he steals a time-turner to prove himself by saving Cedric back in book 4, and then you\'ll never guess what happens! You\'ll never guess! Oh yeah, and also Voldemort and Bellatrix have a daughter with silvery hair and fishnets who acts perky and bubbly before revealing herself to be a totally 100% eeeeeeeviiiiiiil villain with absolutely no character depth whatsoever. Even more insulting is the shameless pandering of briefly reviving Snape with time travel purely so everyone can reiterate what a great person he was, as if book 7 hadn\'t hammered that in already. Yeah, we totally need more screentime for Snape while characters like Hagrid are barely even in this play. Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering where Lupin and Tonks\'s son is, he\'s not in this play because he wasn\'t in the movie version and therefore the audience wouldn\'t know who he is, obviously. The only decent part was Scorpius Malfoy, who was basically a well-written character trapped in a shitty fanfic (His name\'s still stupid, though). Just don\'t expect him to hook up with Albus despite the dripping subtext, though, since a scene is included to make it absolutely clear that he\'s totally into Rose despite barely interacting with her at all. I did have a good time reading this script, but only because I was laughing my pants off at the So Bad, It\'s Good stuff like the time-travel plot, the trolley lady being badass, the audacity of Scorpius time traveling to when Snape was alive and running up to him and yelling, \"I KNOW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH MY GRANDMA!\", and, of course, the entire concept of \"ruining Voldemort Day.\" But then there had to go and be some needlessly creepy parts, too, like Albus polyjuicing himself into Ron and then making out with Hermione. Scorpius considers giving him a high-five for it. Hermione\'s molested by her own nephew-in-law, and it\'s treated as a joke. And then there\'s the bullshit where Albus is unpopular at school, and Ron gives him a love potion to give himself a girlfriend. (Though to be fair, the love potion rape issue is in the original books, too). I\'m hearing people say that the live performance improves the script solely on the merits of the actors and the special effects. Bullshit. A good manuscript can hold up on its own. Besides, this script\'s dialogue was often unnatural and stiff, and I really can\'t imagine anyone delivering it naturally. Aaaaaaand I\'m mentally considering this play non-canon in three... two... one... Poof. Gone from my headcanon.
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