Wicked223 plays the My Immortal Drinking Game

Umm... Nevermind that. I'd be busy, so maybe later.

Hey i-kun, if you're too busy to do chapter 28, I'm willing to do it then let Wicked take over.

go for it

Chapter 28

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

Oh noez, I'm going 2 fokeng hell! And... Profsor Relory? Don't you mean Proffesor Sinatra? Oh, and by Kiwi, do you mean that Raven is going to New Zealand or what? Please no Raven don't go to New Zealand us tropers are depending on you to make this thing barely readable...

It starts with da karakters going in2 a blak room (a black room? What black room, where?). The description is as follows: "We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath." Yeah, your fishnets suck alright. And she's wearing a corset bar (ouch), suckings and a thong... BUT NOTHING ELSE. Slut. Actually, by this description I think it's Enoby's room.

The "purpose" of this chapter is so that Enoby can tell Draco and Vampire that she's going back in time. Tara continues to describe amazing acts of physics-bending, with the goffiks apparently exploding when they sit down (sitting down "dispersedly") and Vampire having an "albastard" (YOU'RE ALL BASTARDS!) hand. Enoby reassures Draco that she's not going to brake up with him.

Then Enoby and Draco have sex for no reason, with Enoby taking off Draco's pants seductively. Well, that sorta makes sense. Kind of. Maybe. Draco is apparently hung like a "stallone". Yeah, I'm sure Sylvester Stallone is pretty well hung too. Draco has also replaced "the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it". Great, Enoby's not gonna like that he replaced her tattoo. Vampire then vidos the horny goffiks having sex (but does he video them?) with the caveat that "I had sed it wuz ok b4".

They french in Enoby's coffin, and then he puts his "spock" (O Ring Orifice alert! How do Vulcans fit into Enoby's vagina) and they do it passively. Can't have much of an interest in sex, eh Draco? You and Enoby are always frenching and doin it passively. They get an orgasm together apparently. Must be a mess in Enoby's coffin. Also, SEX DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!

The chapter ends with a classic literary device, recursion back to chapter 4. " “WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!” It was………………………….Snope and Profesor Mc Goggle!111" Tara now brings the story full circle, showing the hollowness of Enoby's life by bringing it back to where it truly began - oh wait, there's 16 chapters left. Shit.

Alright Wicked, let the goffiks have it!

Fine, but only because you asked.

Chapter 29

After the two professors preps intrude on Ebony and Draco's hot, passive

lovemaking, Ebony screams “Oh my satan!1” as she and her passive lover Draco jamped out of

the coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle proceed to shoot at them angrily, with .50 caliber words

“CUM NOW!1!”, Preacher McGongel yields, and they do it guiltily. Apparently preachers have the ability to make people orgasm just by telling them too, or rather, through the power of really stupid typoes. Snoop (Doggy Dogg?) garbs the caramel and instead of having a nice snack, puts it in his pocket. Great, that's gonna be a pain to get out later.

“Hey what the fuck!111” Vampire shoots angrily, in response to his caramel getting garbed. “Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?” Draco demonds all protective, while looking at Ebony Longley with his gothic red eyes. He then warns them: “Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango’s. So give back da camera!1111” I forget what he's talking about, but I'm sure it involves the word "prep", so let's move on.

Hahahaha, the Mystery of Magic thinks he is crazy, there's no way they'll believe him. Snoop (Doggy Dogg) laughs meanly.

“Yes so shut your mouth you inlosent fools!” yells Professor Mc]][[GoggleFox Goggle]]. She then makes them cum into a weird room with white stones all around it, with all these weird tools in it. Draco starts to cry all sexy and sexitive, the justification for that horrific pun being: "geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111") I wonder if she actually thinks Gerard Way is reading this Ebony starts to cry yet more TearsOfBlood, the justification this time being: "t hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1" Vampire takes out a black honkerchief and wipes her red eyes. And then……………… he and Snoop (Doggy Dog) pulled out guns using magic. They started to shoot at each other angrily, with actual bullets this time. Right after this, Ebony gives us an update on the shootout, despite it only starting in the ''previous sentence'': "Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet." Ebony takes out her wand. She yells out the curse "Crosio!" and Snape starts to 2 scram and dropd da gun. This was too late, as they both ran out of bullets. EBONY STOPS THE CURSE. Professor [=McGoogle did a spell so that they all were chained up. She takes out a box of tools, preparing to subject them to most horrific of all tortures... and then tells Serverus she's going to go now, despite the fact she just took out a box of tools. Snape starts to laugh evilly, and Vamprie starts to cry. Draco offers words of comfort: “Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake.”

Snape laughs once again, displaying his exceptional lung capacity... and takes out some whips!

edited 26th Jul '10 8:48:43 AM by Wicked223

No. This cannot be going the way I think it's going....

If you mean "Snap/Snoop on Enoby bondage", I agree completely.

Oh god, oh god no.

My brain hurts but I can't look away.

It's like drinking bleach. Or, more accurately but less deadly...ly, sniffing petrol. It'll harm you in some painful way in the near or far future but you can't stop doing it because it feels so good. Excuse me, I need to go pour my brain out through my left ear.

soooooo.... is this thing dead, or just hibernating?

I think Wicked may have quit to preserve his sanity. Probably wise.

This is incomprehensible. I'm inclined to think this is a ridiculous, glorious troll, but in my heart of hearts, I really really want to believe that someone out there wrote this, genuinely thinking it was a credible piece of work. I'm sure Myspace has enough degenerates on it that at least one person could come up with this.

Thank you, all the brave brave people in this thread. I'd be happy to shoulder some of the burden and do a guest chapter. I haven't been ridiculously drunk in a while.

Awh damn, missed out the last few posts. Please say this isn't dead. Everyone who's read this deserves some sort of closure.

edited 4th Sep '10 8:04:31 AM by AnOrangeGentleman

It's not dead, I'm just lazy.

I'll try to get an update in today.

Well, better late than never.

Chapter 30

The impending bondage play has gotten Ebony and Draco upset, and they scream "No!11" sadly. Snap, in response, starts loafing meanly.

Hm, it doesn't seem very typical of Snap to loaf around when he should be engaging in S&M with Ebony...

After that he takes out a kamera anvilly and takes sum stones out of his poket, and puts said stones around Draco and lights a candle, presumably so he can begin some sort of Satanic ritual, except not really since Satan is gothic and Snape is a fucking prep. Anyway, Ebony demands to know what Snape is doing. Snape answers this by polling down his pants, revealing the Dork Mark on his You-Know-What. Could Tara be trying to make some sort of statement on the corrupting nature of evil here?

Snape waves his wand, causing a nife to appear. Guess not. He then gives da knife to her. While she's chained to the wall. He delivers one final ultimatum toward Ebony: “U must stab Vrompire.” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rap Draco!1" In other words, Snap wants Ebony to stab Vampite (while her hands are chained to the wall) or he'll compose a scathing battle rap about Draco, and possibly about his mother as well? Ebony yields, however, with a yell of “No you fucking bastrad!1”

But den, Draco looks at her sadly with evil red goffik eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. Ebony thinks he looks like a pentagram (geddit coz she's a Satanist) of Kurt Cobain and Gerard Way, which I can only assume to be some sot of horrific abomination. She then looks at Vampire, who looks so smexy with his goffik black hair... You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say she was going to choose who gets to live by which one of them is sexier. She then flashes back to the time when she and Draco did 'it' and Dumblydore didn't let them finish, and when Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire was so sportive.

While Ebony is caught in this moment of deep introspection, Snape laughs angrily, while preying to Volxemort. After his angry entreating to the Dork Lord, he starts to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes, while whippinh Vampire and Draco. Suddenly, an idea she had (the idea being to talk like Yoda for that line). She clozs her eyes... and sends a telepathic message to Vampire and Draco, telling them to distract Snape.

“Dumbeldork will get u!” Draco shoots, continuing Ebony's plan. Vampire yells “Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11”, continuing the distraction. Meanwhile, Ebony pulls out her wand, which she was apparently waiting until she was caught in the middle of a rape fantasy to use. You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Snoop yields in responese. He takes off all of Drico's clothes and starts to rape him…………………… but is cut off by Ebony using the Cruciatus Curse. He starts running around and screaming in pain, while Ebony sends a text on her blak mobile phone, which she was also waiting until she was caught in a rape roleplay to use.

Long story short, Serverus comes, Snake tries to make excuses, Lusian and Professort Trevolry unlock the chains and put them around Snap, Professor Trevolry takes Ebony out of there.

In other words, Snap wants Ebony to stab Vampite (while her hands are chained to the wall) or he'll compose a scathing battle rap about Draco, and possibly about his mother as well?

Also, rape.

So....all that, the knife thing, the pulling out of the wand and cell phone, etc...that all happened while Ebony/Enoby/Boney/Whatever was still chained to the wall, correct?

SO CONFUSING.

edited 7th Oct '10 7:07:34 PM by Emptyeye

Remember the Bellisario's Maxim, Emptyeye.

Sam Hughes's version of that Maxim is "Never think about something more carefully than its creator(s) did". In the case of My Immortal, that would require you not to think about My Immortal.

edited 7th Oct '10 10:28:05 PM by Ponicalica

So everybody wins, then?

edited 8th Oct '10 7:46:46 AM by Wicked223

So Loopin, in addition to being a werewolf, is some form of creature known as a "necphilak" who apparently recreation make love to dead bodies? Fascinating.

The "fascinating" part made me laugh. If you haven't seen, you won't know.

My sincerest congratulations, sir. I tried reading this atrocity once (taking a few breaks) before giving up somewhere around chapter 12. Your snark makes it worth it.

if it's alright with Wicked, I'll take the next chapter and see if I can't survive doing the somewhat toned-down version of the drinking game as well. Brave souls have endured before, after all.

Go ahead.