All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Negi blinked at her from the other side of the dinner table. "Oh, hadn't I mentioned it? I'm sorry. Well, he's in a similar assignment right now, accompanying Takane D. Goodman-san and Sakura Mei-chan to CLAMP Gakuen."

A stark, abrupt silence swept all over the table formerly filled with the happy sounds of youthful chattering and avid eating, surprising Negi. "Did I say anything wrong?" he asked.

"Chamo?!" Yuuna cried. "Seriously?! Not that I'm complaining about his absence, but why'd the Headmaster send him away with the stripper and her little girlfriend?!"

"And what's with calling the little ginger '-chan' all of a sudden?!" Misa demanded.

"Well, she's still just a child, isn't she?" Negi asked back, not getting it. "I call Cocone-chan that way too, and nobody's ever complained..."

"That's different, Cocone isn't older than you, Goodman's girlfriend is!" Misa argued.

"Actually—" Cocone very quietly began, but then fell silent, shaking her head to herself. Out of all the present, only Rito noticed, and he gave her a short, deeply perplexed glance she only dismissed with a passively agressive stare of her own.

"I'm still a teacher and she's still a student," Negi easily replied, reaching for the salt shaker. "As for Chamo, he's still a representative of the ermine elves, an officially sanctioned Familiar, and I signed an authorization to attend the negotiations on my behalf. So there's that," he finished just as easily, happily applying the right amount of salt to his salad.

"What does him being an elf have to do with—" Chisame sputtered, before settling for a frustrated, "You really signed papers on sending the critter away to another school? Do you realize now, anything he does over there will be on your head, don't you?"

"He won't do anything bad," Negi shrugged. "You're overreacting again, girls. It's not like he's ever actually destroyed public property or anything, and despite his fervor to get me Pactios, I must admit he's far better at hiding the secret than I am."

"That's some very low standard to meet!" Chisame argued.

"Oh, so that's why they didn't send you to any of the schools," Sakurako said with an air of great enlightement. "Yeah, Negi-kun would have spilled the beans to half of the academy before coming back."

Most of those others sitting around the large table in the fancy main pavillion of the resort nodded sagely at that.

"I'm admitting my flaws, right?!" Negi cried. "That's the first step to recovery! But I don't do it so you then turn my words back against me, guys!"

Madoka blinked helplessly and then dubiously asked, "Are things here just like this all the time?"

"No, without Asuna-san, Chamo-san and the Vice President amongst us, this is an unusually uneventful evening," Ayaka answered while primly buttering her piece of bread.

"Don't forget Eva-chan isn't around to get all snippy at Negi-kun for anything he says," Makie added, looking at Chachamaru, who stood silently by the table. "Where is she, by the way? I haven't seen her since we came in."

"I found a way to advocate for Sayo-san and Murasame-san's presence here," Negi smiled, rather proud of himself. "I pointed out that, with the recent increase of paranormal activity all over the school, it makes sense for the most powerful mage in all of Mahora to keep herself updated in all aspects of said activity, and thus it'd pay off to keep a close eye on people from all walks of the local magical fringes. After taking her hands off my throat and giving it some thought, she agreed with me," this was said with an extra burst of pride that made Ayaka, Misa and Misora quite jealous, "and she took Sayo-san and Murasame-san aside for a private discussion on the subject."

"I'm sure most of that increase in abnormal activity is directly related to y—" Chisame stopped herself, jaw going askew. "Wait, did you leave those two alone with Evangeline?!"

Negi blinked and nodded. "Did I err?"

Sora sobbed, then she, Ai, Misora, Ayaka, Rito, Keiichi and Madoka closed their eyes, slammed their hands together, and began a frantic prayer for two very unfortunate (literal) sounds.

"What?!" Negi demanded. "Why are you reacting like that?!"

"Negi-kun," Haruna said, pointing up at something she had just summoned from her drawing pad, "I believe this is what you've damned those two poor ghosts to."

Negi looked at what there was flowing from Haruna's Artifact to hover above the table. It was a gigantic thought balloon, the word you'd find in a gag manga, containing a terrifying image of a cackling, devilish Evangeline, with horns, tail and a massive trident, wearing a black thong, negligee and Dracula cape, long tongue snaking out of her sharp fanged mouth, crowing over a bawling, bound Sayo and Oshizu, with several whips and other torture instruments in the background.

"If the Master ever sees that," Negi slowly pointed out, "you know she'll get angry, right?"

"Well, of course she would," Madoka said. "No one would like being portrayed as a devil by Paru."

"Hm, no, I think you're getting it the wrong way, Madoka-san," Negi told her. "Master would be offended the portrayal isn't evil enough."

"Bweh?" Madoka said.

As the other members of Ala Alba came together in a collective nod, Madoka cringed even further when Evangeline herself approached the table, seemingly coming out of literally nowhere, and holding a trembling, visibly rattled ghost doll in each hand, while Chachamaru respectfully bowed to her. "Master, welcome," the gynoid said.

The vampire aknowledged her with a nod before scowling at the depiction of herself. "Saotome! Not evil enough!"

"I'm sorry, Eva!" Paru apologized, recalling the drawing hastily.

"See?" Negi asked a tiny-eyed, open-mouthed Madoka.

"Regardless," Eva said as she set the two twitching, traumatized dolls on the table, between Negi and Chisame, "I believe I can tolerate the presence of these two for the time being, as they helpfully provided me with a lot of highly interesting information on areas of the Mahora occult world I had neglected previously. I'll admit perhaps I was a bit more indolent on the subject than I should have been. I actually learned a fair bit of reasonably useful extra lore on what is currently going on, things even Konoemon wouldn't know."

"K-K-K-Kuchiki-san, I-I-Ichigo-sempai, sorry... I'm so sorry...!" Sayo eeped weakly, face subtly spasming every now and then.

"'Twas the scariest time I've ever spent away from a dog...!" Oshizu hiccuped.

"That reminds me perhaps I should be buying myself a pooch, it always give some extra status to a fine mansion as long as it comes from an elegant breed," Evangeline mused while sitting on the empty chair at Negi's right while Chachamaru poured wine for her. "Not a runt like Inugami, of course, but—"

Oshizu whined again, then fainted facefirst on the exquisite tablecloth.

"My word," Evangeline mused. "It used to be, girls four centuries ago used to take jokes better than that."

Chapter 1 Day One

Dean Konoemon smiled as he finished his welcoming speech, “I believe I have bored all of you enough. If you have questions, do not hesitate to ask me or anyone you may find. The students are usually quite happy to help welcome in new people. Especially if they can help keep someone from becoming lost within Mahora's walls.”

“Lost?” asked one of the new students, someone who appeared to be transferring into the high school.

Konoemon nodded, “Mahora Academy is fairly large, and students have been known to get lost, not just within the buildings themselves, but on the grounds as well.”

“Is that why there is...”

“A map in our welcoming package?”

Konoemon smiled, “It is indeed.”

The twins in front of him had been interesting to listen to thus far. They had asked several questions, with one twin starting the question, and the other finishing it. He had heard of twins doing that, but this was the first time he had seen such a phenomenon. Konoemon noted that it was always the same twin that started the question or comment. He wondered if that one was the 'first' twin. Both were transferring into the same class in junior high.

“Do you two always speak like that?” asked another new student transferring into the junior high school.

Both twins nodded. “We have always...” started one.

“Spoken like this,” finished the other.

Konoemon glanced down at the open folder containing information about the twins. Rin and Ran Yokota. Born almost two years after Konoka on one of the smaller islands surrounding Japan proper. Contact information had checked out, as well as the family itself. Yokota was an old name, much like the Konoe name itself, but respect for that name had diminished over time as had those that carried the name. A quick check with an internet search engine had turned up more instances of the name in America than in Japan.

“Doesn't that bother people when you do that?” the inquisitive junior high transfer continued.

“It does sometimes at first. Especially the first week,” Rin replied.

“But most everyone we are with becomes accustomed eventually,” Ran said.

“Can you speak normally? I mean, both of you are not always together, so you must be able to speak when you are apart?” asked the final transfer student.

There was a pause before the second twin reached over to cover the first's mouth with her hand before replying in a halting tone, “We can, but... It is more... Difficult than... You might think.”

“Wow,” said the first girl. The other two just nodded in agreement.

“How do you...” Rin started.

“Think we feel?” finished Ran. Both sighed before Rin spoke again.

“We are usually not far apart.”

“We even join the same club.”

“What club is that?” asked the final transfer student.

Both twins glanced at each other before Rin replied, “We heard there was a club...”

“That was organized like a business,” finished Ran.

Everyone glanced at Konoemon as he chuckled before saying, “The Capitalism Club. One of the few clubs that turns a profit each year. Each member is expected to come up with a product or two to sell, as well as a plan for the manufacture and distribution of that product. Becoming a member is a challenge in itself, but of those that join, the majority turn out to be quite the businesswomen. Both of you will have to demonstrate a business sense above and beyond what is normal perhaps, as membership is normally restricted to those in high school and above.”

Both smiled as Rin said, “Considering that we have experience in selling...

“Woolen blankets, it should not be a problem,” finished Ran.

“Wool blankets? I wouldn't think those would sell here?” asked the final transfer student.

“The blankets are specially woven to be extra soft and,” started Rin.

“Keep whoever uses it warm and snug, encouraging a deep sleep,” said Ran.

After a brief pause, Rin sighed, “It is a shame that we traded off the animals that made the wool ages ago.”

Ran nodded, “Otherwise, we would have a ready product for the Capitalism Club to demonstrate our marketing skills.”

The first transfer student shook her head, “I still cannot get used to how you two speak.”

“I like it. They stand out from everyone else,” smiled the final girl as she continued, “Have you both noticed that you each speak the same number of words? It is as if you split whatever you're saying right in half.”

“It seems we,” started Rin.

“Do that automatically,” finished Ran.

After the briefest of pauses, Rin continued, “We have been accused of witchcraft several times because we speak like this.”

“It is an observed fact that twins are alike in thought as well,” finished Ran.

Konoemon clapped once to return everyone's attention to him before saying, “I know all of you are eager to hear your fellow transfer students speak, but I do have two announcements before I allow you to go exploring.” As everyone turned to face him, he continued, “Today is Friday, and though classes have already started for today, you should acquaint yourselves with the location of your homeroom. I expect you to use the coming weekend to purchase supplies and get everything in order so that you can start attending classes Monday morning. I believe that I have sent each of your teachers a note saying that you would be ready to start then.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Konoemon smiled as he continued, “Mahora Academy is widely known for encouraging individuals to learn things on their own, as well as self-reliance, but that does not mean you will not receive help if needed. If there are issues, please inform one of the staff so they can help you.”

As the new students stared at him expectantly, he continued, “As it is the month of October, the student council petitioned me to permit those who wished to do so to wear cosplay until the end of the month. So please do not be alarmed if you spot fantasy or anime characters walking around. I myself have seen quite a few ninja in the past two weeks since I approved of the cosplay. You can even take part if you wish.”

“So I can dress up as my favorite anime character?” asked the final transfer student as she bounced eagerly on her feet.

Konoemon nodded, “You can indeed, but I would wait until after you get settled here.”

“But the end of the month is not far away. You're making me wish I had transferred earlier Headmaster-sama.”

He chuckled, “Perhaps, but I would not go into your homeroom dressed in cosplay on your first day of classes.”

“Then I can go shopping for books and supplies while dressed in cosplay,” the final student smiled. “Let everyone see me in cosplay so they can clearly identify me as a student here.”

He nodded again, “I suppose that would work. If there are no other questions, I will allow you to go forth to explore.”

Everyone smiled as they left his office. It was obvious to Konoemon that they were all eager to discover all that they could about their new home. He wondered idly what product the twins would use to impress the Capitalism Club as he left to perform his own rounds.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shortly after classes had ended for the day, Natsumi found herself wandering into the town proper as the Drama Club was not meeting. Mahora Academy had plenty of places to shop, but she liked to go into town every so often, if only to see if there were new shops to visit.

She had not walked half a block before she spotted a new shop. One look at the sign hanging over the door told her exactly what was sold inside.

'Altered Forms Costume Shop?' Natsumi thought to herself. 'I wonder if they are open?'

As she started towards the building, the front door opened to reveal an old woman with a broom coming outside. Upon seeing Natsumi, the old woman smiled and asked, “A potential customer. Are you curious about our costumes young lady?”

Natsumi nodded, “I am, but are you open yet?”

“We are still finishing up stocking our inventory, but you are welcome to come inside and take a peek if you wish?” the old woman said.

Natsumi smiled, “I'd like that. Especially since this is the season to have a costume.”

“Then please come inside. After all, word of mouth is still the best method of attracting customers.”

As Natsumi entered, she heard someone behind a counter. When Natsumi turned toward the noise, a figure looking like a much younger version of the old woman rose up to greet her.

“Hello,” Natsumi said.

The figure opened her mouth to say something before spotting the old woman entering behind Natsumi. “Mother, we are not ready yet,” she said.

“And that is my fourth daughter, Deruella. Normally, I chide her for being impulsive, but today seems to be her day to chide me. And she will give me a lecture when she discovers that I have not done anything to advertise this shop.”

Natsumi could see Deruella's eyebrows shoot upward at that revelation, but the old woman kept talking as if nothing was the matter, “And as such, I decided to invite...” she looked at Natsumi expectantly.

“Natsumi. Natsumi Murakami,” Natsumi replied, not realizing she had fallen into a classic sales trap.

“Natsumi here to browse the shop and help advertise our costumes. Hopefully she will find something that strikes her fancy so she can wear it around and show everyone exactly why we called this place 'Altered Forms.'”

Natsumi could see Deruella sigh before she started in on her mother, “I know you appreciate word-of-mouth advertising over all other forms Mother, but we still need to...”

“Now, now my dear. Let Natsumi here get out of hearing before you start lecturing your mother.” The old woman winked at Natsumi, “Go on dear. Look wherever you wish.”

Natsumi smiled thankfully at the old woman before heading further into the store.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Natsumi was safely out of earshot, Druella hissed, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Could you feel her magic?”

Druella nodded, “I did, but...”

“But nothing. Fate has dropped someone into our laps. We are about to have our first new follower. I expect you to train her well after I finish 'recruiting' her.

“If you are sure of this, then I will obey,” Druella replied.

“Of that I have no doubts. Now, time for me to have some fun,” the old lady murmured before fading from view.

I had forgotten how it’s like, to hang around people my own age. I never was popular with my peers to begin with. This carried throughy my childhood, my junior high years, then my high school age, and finally my college education and professional adult life. Often, those of my own generation would approach me lured by the prestige of my lineage, but quickly they would grow disenchanted with me and drift apart.

Then I’d be left alone again. Which eventually stopped bothering me, or so I taught myself to believe, since soon I’d be killing myself regardless.

Last night, I was having dinner, after hours, with Takamichi, Minamoto-sensei, Arai-sensei, Akashi and Nitta. Mido thankfully was busy elsewhere, literally tangled into arrangements best unmentioned in polite company, since her proximity makes us, even Arai-sensei, highly uneasy. They had invited me to go share a few drinks and a warm meal, and I just couldn’t refuse them. I suspect they were either feeling pity for me or for themselves, probably both. After all, it’s not like they’re that much better than me.

Takamichi is a broken shell who disguises his inner demons remarkably well for everyone who didn’t grow up close to him. Minamoto is the typical Japanese woman (although certainly with the body of a foreigner) who acts as if her life was finished because she went past her twenty five without marrying and having children, although she’s almost as good at hiding it as Takamichi is. No wonder she likes him, but, despite what everybody else says, I think they’d never be good for each other. Too alike. Arai is far better at handling her age, and out of all of us, she is the one with the best chance for happiness and to leave the rest of us behind, I suppose. But even then, you can tell, when you look closely at her, she’s somewhat hollow and dull, going through the motions, with would explain a lot of her apathy towards the students she’s supposed to counsel. Akashi used to be the most lively of us, but lately he’s acting more distant, as if he’s being distracted by some strange weight pulling him apart from normality; his presence last night was an anomaly, and he kept on watching his clock until he was the first one to go.

Maybe he suspects something about his daughter. I should tell him she goes around in short pants shooting guns after kissing her child teacher in the mouth. But I’m afraid he might not take it well. Parents generally don’t like it when their daughters do that, do they?

And Nitta… is the most normal, but that doesn’t mean he’s the best of us, what with this society and its standards of normalcy being what they are. He’s divorced, which for everyone marks him as a failure of sorts, but in all honesty he’s never deviated from what is expected of a hard working Japanese man, devoted to his duty above all things. My father would look at his situation and say it was the fault of Nitta’s wife for not being happy with their ‘furo, meal, futon’ evenings and wishing for something else instead. After which he’d still call Nitta a failure regardless, because he should have disciplined his woman better.

That’s the way my father is.

You never see Seruhiko, Touko, Gandolfini or Mitsuru in these little informal gatherings of ours. They have actual families to spend time with, or in Touko’s case, at least a boyfriend. They are getting married later this year, I think, after breaking up for a short while around January. I could tell Minamoto was shaken when they got back together, but if I were her, I wouldn’t be too envious. Touko’s boyfriend seems to be a creature of habits, and it will hurt her more after they are married.

Even so, they at least have those measures of happiness for the time being. They might lead double lives, like everyone else in our line of work, but they at the very least have loved ones they can be fully open with.

So, I spent last night dinning with other adults, while pretending I hadn’t just been kidnapped by a demon count and saved by the infant son of my youth idol, an alien princess, a dog youkai and an underage super-sprinter nun. Today, I dine with nothing but children, and an inmortal witch forever stuck in the most petty of childhoods.

They are noisy, in a way my peers never could be anymore. There will always be a gap between them and me that will never be fully crossed.

And yet, now I sit here, watching them bicker and pointlessly joke among themselves, and I realize I am closer to them than I ever could be to my equals.

It’s a disturbing special sort of despair, realizing I belong here more than I ever did with Ala Rubra, or with my colleagues.

Even so, in a way, it’s also bizarrely soothing, and for a moment I forget the relentless inner pain.

Kyoshiro would tell terrifying stories of how he’d barely escaped his drive through the Honnouji slums with his life and the car relatively intact. Saburo would tell stories of how everyone he’d meet through the Ohtori prefecture would make those strange eyes at him, and how it’d been flattering at first, but quickly became just plain creepy.

“Wow!” a passing young boy with short, wild black hair, around Negi-sensei’s age, with an unzipped uniform jacket and a red and green cap on, marveled as he slowly stopped before Takane, interrupting her walk much to the gorgeous blonde’s annoyance. He looked at the white ermine perched on Takane’s shoulder and pulled a small tablet-like device out of his pocket, checking on it. “Let’s see what the Po**dex says about it… What? No records? That must be a brand new next gen Po**mon, I’m so jealous! I had no idea they were out yet! Neesan! I challenge you to a duel!”

“What,” Takane flatly said.

The boy smiled, pulling a small ball shaped device out of his other pocket and aiming it ahead, proclaiming, “That weasel Po**mon looks like a ground type! Well, never mind, the types theory is all bull anyway! Charizard, GO!”

Takane took a step back readying herself for a fight, as a gigantic red dragon squatted on its two hind legs appeared between them and the boy, stretching wide bat-like wings and letting out a mighty roar. Chamo outright panicked, fur spiking in all directions. Mei, however, only frowned, walked right through the dragon as if it was nothing but a mirage, briefly disrupting its image, and wagged a finger at the boy. “That’s a very rude way to greet strangers, young man! Please do show a bit more respect for my Oneesama!”

“Bweh?” the boy and Takane said at once.

“Relax, Oneesama, this is nothing but a Po**mon simulation, see?” Mei said, passing her hand back and forth through the reptile’s head and making it blink in and out of existence. “It isn’t real at all, just a hologram projection for the latest game fad of this district.”

“Po**mon isn’t just a fad, missy, it’s a way of living that will never go away!” the upset boy replied, recalling the dragon back into his spherical device by pressing a button on it. “It’ll outlive Gundam battles, Angelic Layers, and all other inferior games! I can’t believe someone wouldn’t know about it… From where are you guys, Honnouji?”

Takane scowled, angered by the boy’s lip and the insult he’d just delivered on her. “We are representatives from Mahora, you little ruffian! We are—“

“Takane D. Goodman-san? Sakura Mei-san?” asked a tall, busty girl with reddish brown hair made into a ponytail, wearing a high school uniform and walking by next to a girl around her age, much less ‘talented’ but also well shaped, with short black hair and glasses. Or rather, only one glass. Literally, she only was wearing half of a set of glasses, the other half gone because of some mysterious reason or another. Mei had to wonder how she kept it on her face. It looked even harder to balance than Negi-kun’s tiny bifocals. The softly-voiced girl bowed at them. “Please forgive our delay, we had a few last minute inconveniences. We are—“

“Kawashima Momo,” the much sterner sounding half-glass girl introduced herself, briefly taking a hand to her own chest, “and this is Koyama Yuzu. Second and first Assistants to the CLAMP Student Council respectively. We welcome you with open arms to our humble Academy.”

“My name’s actually Yuzuko…!” the big breasted girl helplessly whined, only to be fully ignored by everyone. Even Mei, who really should have been more sympathetic to a fellow doormat’s plight.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” Takane bowed back, “but, is there any reason why President Jinnai and Vice President Kadotani couldn’t greet us personally?”

“They are overviewing a… slight complication at the Tankery fields,” Momo informed, “but that’s okay, we’ll take you to them. I’m sure they won’t be busy enough as to—“ Then, without even blinking, she swatted Chamo away right as he flew through the air, leaping from Takane’s shoulders towards Yuzu’s open arms. “Goodman-san, were you aware you had a rat on your shoulder?” she asked, just as business-like as before.

“I wanted to pet it…!” Yuzu pouted.

“That’s no rat, that’s a next generation Po**mon! I think,” the young boy objected.

Yuzu looked at him while picking the groggy Chamo up, then nestling him into her bossom, at which the ermine cooed happily and hugged tightly, a few nasal capillaries bursting. “Satoshi-kun,” she said, “shouldn’t you be at classes right now?”

“I’m a Po**emon master, I don’t need classes!” the boy proudly said. “Why, I could embark on a country-wide trip for years instead of sitting at the classroom and I’d learn all I need to know just as fine! Besides, Sensei called in sick today.”

“Ah, in that case, why don’t you come along with us?” Yuzu happily invited. “Don’t you want to learn about Tankery?”

“I already know isn’t anywhere as good as Po**mon competitions, hence I know it’s not worth my—“

“Ohhhhh, no, if you don’t have classes today, you’re at least going where we can keep an eye on you!” Momo fiercely snapped, startling Takane and Mei, as she grabbed by the boy by an ear and pulled on it, HARD. “We aren’t having you again wandering across the campus picking on fights with everyone, Mister!”

“They, they aren’t ‘fights’, they’re oficial Po**mon duels!” the boy yelped. “Otherwise, how can I ever become a Po**mon master?! Owie, owie, I’m going to need that ear!”

Yuzu laughed awkwardly at the sweatdropping Mahora girls. “Sorry about this, Satoshi-kun is sort of a local celebrity… Every year, he comes this close to winning the local Po**mon League, but every year, he loses and ranks second…” “It’s just bad luck, that’s all! This year I’m going to win for sure! And I’m still going to need that ear! Let it go already!”

“Those things have even Leagues?!” a bewildered Takane asked.

Meanwhile, a bird watched on them from a nearby rooftop. That, on itself, was nothing extraordinary, of course. However, this was no normal, Hitou-Nami-esque bird, otherwise why would we even mentioning it? I know we’re anal when it comes to details and adding new characters, but are we that far gone? Please don’t answer that, the truth would hurt just too much. In any case, the bird was…

… not a Po**mon, don’t be silly, but a spying device of the Dark Agency, a flesh and blood magically engineered surveillance mechanism of the Forces of Darkness, a—

“Look!” somewhere else, in the mentioned Darkness, a thrilled Nephrite rudely interrupted the dramatic explanation, pointing at the literal bird’s eye view of the meeting through a floating cristal ball at the middle of the room. “That ermine!”

“Hmm?” Kunzite looked up from his massage of Zoicite’s shoulders. “Oh, yes, I suppose that’s a nicely shaped pair of breasts the animal is holding onto, but what is it to us? We’re gay.”

“You two are gay, I’m perfectly straight and I can keep a healthy interest on an underage feminine figure!” Nephrite snapped at him.

Zoicite raised an eyebrow. “Are we supposed to congratulate you over that?”

“Regardless, that’s not the point!” Nephrite quickly waved the issue away. “What I meant was, I recognize that ermine! Can’t you feel his magical pulse? That’s no normal ermine, that’s an ermine elf! And not only that, but the one who was there the night Jadeite was killed!”

“… and?” Kunzite and Zoicite chorused.

“And,” Nephrite triumphantly answered, “by capturing it, we’ll lure the rest of Jadeite’s killers into a deadly, unescapable tramp! Including the Sailor Senshi! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

“That was a very Jadeitesque Evil Laugh,” Kunzite calmly observed, in a tone that regardless clearly conveyed that wasn’t meant to be praise.

“I know. We’re doing this for him after all. It’s not like I’d ever want to laugh like that otherwise.”

“What’s that ‘we are’ I’ve just heard, Nephrite?” Zoicite asked, gently pulling Kunzite’s hands aside and standing from his Dark Couch of Extreme Dark Comfort. “Look, CLAMP is your jurisdiction, your plans. Fine. But I’m not leaving my business at Honnouji on hold just to help you catch an ermine elf. What do I look like, pest control?”

“I agree with Zoicite,” Kunzite said, surprising absolutely no one ever. “If you’re so deadset on achieving revenge on Jadeite’s killers, why don’t you start on this Negi Springfield and his ragtag bunch of exhibitionists?”

Nephrite stared at him.

“What?” Kunzite asked.

“Son of the Thousand Master,” Nephrite said.

“So what, we’ve seen clearly isn’t even the shadow of his father yet…”

“He studies under the Dark Evangel, from everything we’ve overheard, that data Jadeite gathered!” Nephrite argued.

“W-Well, I’ll admit earning the Dark Evangel’s wrath is a risky chance, but we are Dark Generals, we know the risks—“

“Fine,” Nephrite said, “then surely you, the most powerful of us Dark Generals who can take risks, can surely pick on the slack left by Jadeite and pick on fights with the Dark Evangel, weakened or not, so I don’t have to stoop myself and sully our collective name by setting traps for ermine elves.”

“…” Kunzite said, and then, very heartfelt, “I wish you the best of lucks in your ermine elf hunting, brother Nephrite.”

“Thank you, brother Kunzite. You are now free to go lie with brother Zoicite far away from my sight and hearing.”

“Hey, at least we don’t spy on little schoolgirls, you pervo!” Zoicite snapped.

"Oh dear, this is sure to be deeply thought provoking and life changing," Evangeline murmured, tapping on her own cheek with well manicured fingers.

"Well, please forive us if our problems aren't as grandiose as yours, Evangeline-san!" Ayaka hissed. "I mean, to be as helful to Negi-sensei as we can, we shouldn't rely solely on our Artifacts! We should learn magic as well!"

"Bwah?" Chisame said.

"Magic?" Yuuna echoed lamely.

Ayaka nodded firmly. "Just think of what caused us to be kidnapped in the first place! Without or Artifacts, we were easy pickings, and we shouldn't let that happen ever again!"

"You were kidnapped? By whom?" Oshizu asked, while Sayo just took both hands to her own mouth.

"By the demon whom we fought at Sayo-san's home, Murasame-san," Negi helpfully explained to her. "Of course, he won't be bothering anyone any time soon, but..."

"Can we do magic, too?" Madoka doubted. "No joke?"

"Well, except some who aren't ever able to use magic, everyone can eventually master at least the basics of it," Negi said, "but...!"

"Then we'll try it!" Ayaka declared fanatically. "No matter how much it's needed to do, I, Yukihiro Ayaka, will gladly do it for your sake, Sensei! I'll become a multidisciplinary warrior of love to help your noble crusade!"

Negi, helplessly, looked back to Evangeline. "... Master...?"

Eva yawned indolently and hopped down from her chair. "Follow me. I think I have some wands gathering dust somewhere."

That had NOT been what Negi had been hoping to hear.

—-

"Are you sure this is really wise, Master?" Negi sighed as Evangeline led them to a massive closet in one of her old storage rooms. "I mean, I'm sure most of them can be taught and excel, yes, but I don't think we have the time right now for this on top of everything else...!"

"Of course you do have the time, Boya. That's why you are here, where you can make all the time you wish for yourself," his Master said, extending a hand over to Chachamaru, and quickly receiving a small golden key from her. As she struggled to fit the key into the closet's rusty lock, Eva continued, "Like rats dragged away by a raging river that need clinging to anything that can float, you twerps must find your respective true callings fast if you want to survive the trials ahead of you yet. You barely survived this one, and you've proved you're still pathetically ill-fit for the tasks at hand. Several of you will never be good in direct combat even with your Artifacts, but learning magic might help you overcome those shortcomings."

"Need help with that, Master?" Chachamaru asked while Eva yanked and tugged on the key, which had stuck itself into the lock. After a few extra pulls and even angry kicks, the vampire relented.

"Fine! Do it if you can! That infernal thing will not make me waste my time on it!"

"It'll be only a moment," Karakuri promised, crouching down to open the closet with just as light flick of the key around. The closet's doors creaked open. "There..."

Eva blinked. "Oh. Fine. But it was only because I loosened it first!"

"You are able to casually defeat demon gods, but are trumped by a lock?" Matoi asked.

"And pickle jars," Chachamaru nodded.

"Silence, you both!" Evangeline barked while looking inside, muttering to herself and pumping her butt up.

"Eh, about taking advantage of your resort's time difference..." Chisame ventured, "I've been wondering, won't that make us grow older much faster? I don't want to look like a college student before finishing junior high!"

"You won't have to worry about that if I have it my way, trust me," Mc Dowell grumbled as she pulled a big wooden box out. Before anyone could ask her what she meant, she opened the box, which had dozens and dozens of magic wands inside, most of them with silly looking tips shaped like stars, planets, wings or half-moons. "Here. Choose the ones you feel fit you the best."

"Oh my goodness!" Misora gasped.

Negi did the same. "Master! All these are wands for begineers! Where did you—?-!"

"Relax, you dolt!" Evangeline snapped, while Ayaka reached for a wand, and Makie followed her example a moment later. "You know well I don't kill children. But often, little punks with grandeur delusions came to me to challenge me, trying to prove themselves men by gaining a reputation. I always spanked them hard, sent them crying home to their mommies, and took their miserable wands away so they learned their lesson well. Consider these spoils of war, for runts like you, and just meaningless souvenirs, for someone like me."

"Darn, but you're really a bully!" Skuld said.

Evangeline smirked and nodded. "Thank you. I certainly try my best at it!"

"I don't know, it's kinda embarrassing," Keiichi made a face, holding a wand with a pink heart-shaped tip. "They are so childish..."

"For all magical intents and purposes, you are toddlers," Eva commented, guiding them back outside, into a wide open area near a pool, under the false moon. "Kiddie wands are just the thing for you." She stopped right next to the pool, guiding the youngsters around to stand before her. Itoshiki, Misora, Cocone and Negi more or less shuffled to a side, awkwardly. "Now listen, knuckleheads. Magic isn't a toy, it's a thing you have to devote your whole life to. If you're just half-doing this, then don't do it at all!"

"Yes, yes, I watched Star Wars too..." Yuuna muttered.

"Shut up!" Eva told her. "Even a second stringer mage like your father has understood that. If you want to make him proud at all, shed the stupid childlike attitude and begin working seriously!"

"Second stringer?-!" Yuuna shrilled.

"Has he killed anything bigger than a hill yet?" Evangeline asked her.

"Eh, not that I know, but—!"

"He hasn't," Itoshiki confirmed.

"Second stringer, then," Eva nodded. "Now your teacher will show you the basic spell, so you'd better, for once, pay attention to what he's saying instead of his crotch. Boya!"

"Yes," Negi stepped ahead, pulling his own wand out. The magical one. We're not writing a lemon fanfic just yet. "Well. Since Master's resort is richly charged with an overabundance of magical energies, that should make your connections to the magical pulses inside of you stronger and easier to access."

"That's also why I can move around freely as long as I'm here!" Chachazero popped out from behind Evangeline, perching herself on the vampire's right shoulder. Madoka cringed visibly, and Sayo and Oshizu, who were being carried by Chachamaru at the moment, wailed and hugged each other, since Chachazero had been Evangeline's assistant of sorts during their little questioning session. Suffice to say Zero had little regard for the concept of empathy between dolls, between supernatural beings, or between herself and anyone else for that matter.

Negi lifted the wand, with his students and Ministra (and Zoidberg, I mean Keiichi) following his example carefully. He moved it in slow circles, saying, "See? This is how you start casting the first traditional spell, Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat." As he said that, a bright burst of flame surrounded the wand's tip. Applauses abounded, even though everyone but Oshizu had seen him casting much bigger spells. "Actually, it's faster and easier just using a lighter for this, but keep in mind it's used mainly to decide if the beginner actually can use magic at all."

"Allright, I'm doing it too! Praga Biggus Naru Alderaan!" Makie waved her wand ahead. Nothing.

"Makie, you won't get it right if you don't pronounce it properly!" Negi said. "Work on it first, okay?"

"Man, I already can see Haruka-sempai will never master this spellcasting biz," Yuuna said, taking her turn. "Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat!"

She didn't have any more luck than Makie.

"I can't do iiiiiiiit!" she wailed.

"Now, now, don't worry!" Negi pleaded. "Usually, its takes any apprentice months just to master that. It's a complex proccess, where you have to sense and gather the magic in your body and channel it out, as if you were exhaling it. Simply finding and feeling your inside power is a complicated procedure on itself. You'll need to latch on it after locating it through your inner balance. Then, you have to imagine it concentrating out through your wand. But once you master that, you'll be able to do it automatically, in a matter of moments."

"Sounds like a real bore," Chisame grunted, holding her wand half-spiritedly. "Isn't there some kind of shortcut we can take? Some pills or anything for magic boosts?"

"For developing your inner magic, no," her teacher told her. "That's something you must achieve by yourselves."

"In other words, if you can or can't do it, it depends on a combination of your own talent and how much effort you put on developing it," Eva lectured. "It isn't the same thing as throwing a light switch up!"

Ai gave her wand a lingering and very anguished look of complete depression. "I already can tell I'm going to flunk this... Really, I'm such an useless person..."

"Kaga-san, please stop that," Negi chided.

"Ah! Sorry, Negi-sensei!" she gasped. "Sorry to complain so much about my uselessness, bothering your can-do winning attitude! I'm sorry to be, not only useless but annoying too!"

"I meant you aren't useless, Kaga-san!" he protested.

"But I'm still anno-"

"No, you aren't that either!"

Misa was feeling nice that evening, so she saved them from hearing her opinions on that subject.

Makie turned to Skuld. "I bet you're an ace at it, aren't you, Sku-chan? I mean, you'd have to be! You are a goddess!"

The Norn scowled. "Huh, well, actually..."

Evangeline chuckled. "You can't do it? What kind of goddess couldn't even master the most basic kindergarten spell? Are you sure you aren't only a charlatan after all?"

"S-Shut up!" Skuld protested. Eva sneered nastily, the fact Skuld's father was God being the only thing saving her from being enveloped by an iceberg instantly. "I mean, I, I never had to learn any of that! My powers are focused on control and development over the Yggdrasil mainframe! I leave that sort of primitive crafting to Urd!"

"Then maybe we should bring that Urd person here instead...?" Madoka dryly mused aloud, before asking Kasuga, "How about you, Misora-san? You're a member of this magical community too, aren't you?"

Smiling smugly, Misora took the wand from Madoka's hand, swung it around in a cocky way, and said the words. A flame smaller than Negi's flashed to life at the moment.

"See?" Evangeline said. "If even Kasuga could learn it, there should be some hope for most of you..."

"HEY!" Misora cried.

After a long while of carefully looking down at her wand in a strange, completative silence, Ayaka raised it up and say, in a serious and driven tone, "For the power of my love, fueling my arm with the force of my feelings! Practe Bigi Nar Ardescat!"

Surprisingly, something did happen this time. As Ayaka clenched her teeth and held the wand high, there was, at first, as much of nothing as with everyone else so far. Seeing she still wasn't lowering it and just straining herself, Chisame said, "Iinchou, let it go. No one gets it right in the first try, didn't you listen? Just step aside and let someone else try..."

"Nnnghhhh!" Ayaka said, trying even harder, eyes squeezed shut.

"Iinchou, Chisame's right, just cut it out already," Sakurako walked closer. "There's no shame on failing at this, you heard Negi-kun! It won't diminish from your—"

"NNNGHHHHHHHH!-!-!"

Yuuna sighed. "Oh brother. We're going to be here all night long, aren't we?"

Then, for the briefest moment, a tiny flame flickered to life at the wand's tip. Negi, Misora and Itoshiki gasped loudly, while Rito, Keiichi and most of the girls opened their mouths without producing sounds, and Evangeline half-raised an eyebrow critically.

Ayaka finally lowered the wand with a heartbroken sigh and opened her blue eyes. "Never mind. I guess you're right this time, Shiina-san. Still, it's a shame this doesn't reflect the depths of my—"

"N-No, you really did it, Iinchou!" Madoka said. "Okay, only kind of, but still!"

Satomi nodded. "She's correct, Iinchou. It was quite surprising!"

Negi clapped nervously a few times. "Ah, y-yes! Quite a feat, actually! It took myself several weeks to achieve it...!"

"A couple weeks?-!" Misora was even more awed now. She had spent the best part of a year just getting there, herself.

Negi's look was turning more emotional with each moment, chest pounding with paternal pride as he fully realized the implications of his student's talent, and now he was staring at Ayaka with gigantic starry eyes. "Believe me, that was just amazing, Ayaka-san...!"

The Class Rep blinked cluelessly a few times. "I did...?" she babbled, blushing before falling into shaky but boastful laughter. "Oh, ho ho, I mean, I was sure I'd do it! After all, I put all my heart into it! You deserve nothing but the best in a partner, Sensei!"

Chisame shook her head. "Well, I suppose it was kind of expected, after that weird thing you did with your Pactio. You're so freaky even the laws of magic must be afraid of you."

"Hm? What did she do to her Pactio?" asked Madoka.

"Oh, that," Sora took over the explanation, "Well, you'll see, Kugimiya-san, when she, Akashi-san and I were getting our Pactios at Kyoto, she was going to get a non-combat card, but... well, she apparently wished for a combat card so much, she... sort of changed the card while it was appearing."

"Yes, I remember that now," Eva seemed intrigued. "I had chalked that up to a freak random coincidence, perhaps brought by the proximity to a demon gate, but it seems I might have to rethink my stance. Tell me, Yukihiro Ayaka, who's your mother?"

"Eh? What does she have to do with this?" Ayaka asked back.

Evangeline rolled her eyes. "Who do you think I am? I didn't get to be an expert on the magical communities around the worlds... both of them... for nothing. I know about every important family with magical backgrounds in this country, and the Yukihiros never were one of them. So, if you have some sort of special talent, it must come from your mother's side."

"Well..." Ayaka doubted. "My mother's maid name was Rosalie Claudel, from Lyons, France. She met my father during one of his business trips and... wait, why are you asking me this? My mother would never hide any magical background of hers from me!"

Yuuna rasped loughly.

"That's very different!" Ayaka snapped.

"And then there's Konoka's case..." Chisame said.

"That, too, is different!" Ayaka protested.

"What did she do to earn a living before marrying into fortune?" Eva asked.

"She played waterpolo."

"For which team?"

"The Hurricanes of Lyons, of course. I have seen the pictures and everything, even the old newspaper clips!"

"Chisame," Eva said neutrally. "Access all French sports pages from twenty four to fifteen years ago and look for records on the Hurricanes of Lyons and any Rosalie Claudel in their lineups."

Chisame nodded, accessing her Artifact, the mice flickering back into sight around her with cute chirpy sounds of greeting, prompting coos of lovable Cuteness Proximity from Sayo and Oshizu. Madoka just thought they were freaky, of still kind of funny.

"For the love of God, Evangeline-san! What are you trying to prove here?-!" the heiress growled.

Chisame made a lightning speed search, aided by her sprites, which continuously flashed negative messages. Negi, Makie, Satomi and Matoi watched closely, while Ayaka bit on one of her thumbs, and everyone else sort of just stood in dazed silence. After a few moments, the younger Hasegawa reported, "Nothing. Are you sure she never went under a fake name, Iinchou?"

"Why-Why would she ever do that?-!" Ayaka almost sobbed.

"Well, you should ask her. Amongst many other things," Evangeline smiled lazily. "Welcome to the world of adults, Class Rep. Santa Claus isn't the only 'white lie' parents make up to protect their children's innocence, after all."

Ayaka seemed to be trying hard not to sniffle, but kept her nose high to preserve her dignity. "All the same. All I care about now is being useful for Negi-sensei. Any gifts I might have from my family only matter in how they could be used for that cause!"

For a moment, nobody did or said anything else, being too impressed, stupefied, or uncaring to act on it. Then Sakurako, who had studied with Ayaka the longest of them all, realized, without Asuna around, it sort of fell on her to say something by default, since Negi only was holding back sobs of further paternal pride Iinchou no doubt would misread. So the cheerlader patted her right shoulder, slightly wary about it, and Ayaka, in turn, discreetly patted her hand back as her way of saying thanks.

Ayaka's normally warm hand felt, for once, chillingly cold, Shiina noticed.