The Official Bad Puns Topic

I'm off to make some hippie shirts. It is a good day to dye.

I initially considered cold-cocking you for using that utterly worthless anti/non-humor punchline. Than I thought for a second and almost spat on my screen.

I'm not within spitting distance of you two, but I'm salivating at the prospect of watching a spat between you two.

I'd reply to that, but I better keep phlegmatic attitude.

ooh puns. Puns are fun.

You hear about the guy who wants a pet dolphin? He's searching for his porpoise in life.

And your first pun here made me laugh (well, more like a quick snigger). Good job.

haha yay

A good first pun? Must've been Italian.

...It was primo.

Too bad it wasn't their second.

Then it'd have been prime.

What has 8 arms and leads the Autobots? Octopus Prime

Did you hear about the couple that breaks up and then gets back together on a regular basis?

Yeah, love hertz.

What does a Sharp-Dressed Man tells to his chimney cleaner?

Soot up!

D Roy - That is the best reaction I could have possibly hoped for. :D

Also, XD

...do you know why the tapestry weaver was dissatisfied with her latest work? Because it was tearable.

That reminds me. I heard about a handmade tortilla baker who decided to switch the bakery to providing school lunches instead.

Tortillas were just too corny, and they wanted to be classy.

edited 23rd Oct '14 12:35:47 PM by PointMaid

In a recent study by zoologists, soap bathing rhinos can cause them to sing, very well at that.

What do you know, soap-rhinos have good voice.

Very few people realise that Schrödinger's Cat was actually an oscillot.

If Tim Tebow has a thought, is it a Christian Ponder?

Wait... I don't get it.

I suppose that's a terrible quarterback pun by both meanings of the phrase.

[1]

How is that a pun, though?

Schrodinger's cat is a conceptual thing that's stuck in a state of indeterminacy between being alive and being dead.

Oscillation means something regularly going between two states, such as a sound wave or some sort of vibration.

An ocelot is a kind of wild cat.

So god and Jesus are sitting in Heaven.

God: Hey, son wasn't your second coming supposed to be like, 600 years ago?

Jesus: I suppose you could say I've been............. Prochristinating

edited 25th Oct '14 12:37:33 PM by ElectricNova

- So basically, a failed joke - you can't have a good joke that needs that much explanation.

I got it!