Use Noodle Implements.

Mammoth vs Jason: Best movie ever.

A Pokedex, Civilization III, and a wolf.

Sounds like you prefer strategy games with cute or wild creatures in them.

A library, a towel, three pigs, and a life-size photo of Summer Glau.

Sadly, the children didn't enjoy the live reenactment of their favorite book, since they knew the line was "blow your house down", not "kick your shower's ass".

Soul Calibur II (Gamecube version), a chainsaw, a violin, and an Ordinary High-School Student.

edited 19th Dec '09 6:54:36 PM by wanderlustwarrior

Looks like a recital for a postmodern concert.

I have a Gatling gun, ten bottles of vodka, the Northwestern, fifty model rocket engines, two Jewel Seeds, a PokeBall, an engine block from a 1958 Edsel, an old Betamax player, several Blu-Ray discs of Casino Royale, an EF-5 tornado, and the casing of a nuclear bomb.

You sound like a more violent Mc Guiver.

I have two tons of burger meat, three pickles, a pair of sandals, ownership of three acres of a desert, one legendary sword, and a car stolen from NASCAR.

You must be planning a pretty cool picnic.

I have a Native American dream-catcher, a few GURPS books, a Mac laptop, a machine gun, and an iron cage.

Wrong sourceboook, that's standard Exalted gear.

At the airppoort, they searched my bags, coming up with the collected writings of Karl Marx, a can of organic chick peas and a pepper spray.

They let you pass as a patriot who wants to add flavor to the book burning you're flying towards.

A single bottle of water, a few empty coin rolls, a razor, and a renewed voter registration card. Hard Mode: don't say "stuff that's around me right now"

You should have voted for the candidate with larger budget plans for the navy.

I've got a box of conflict diamonds, an AK-74, 5 onigiri, and an oxygen canister.

Sounds like one weird fishing trip.

I'll need two boxes of oreos, a dead ficus plant, and the spirit of giving.

edited 20th Dec '09 3:51:56 PM by Daionus the 23rd

Those are very original Christmas presents.

I have a cardboard box, a baseball bat, a fridge full of sushi, and a biography of Mohandas Gandhi.

That must be a Japanese presentation of Catcher In The Rye!

I have a computer forensics book, a soda can, ski goggles, canned air and a truckload of aggregate (natural rock resembling concrete).

Trying to make rocks fly, I see?

Alright, I'm going to need a string of LED Christmas lights, a set of Ginsu knives, a large ball of twine, a throw blanket of Spongebob Squarepants, and a barbershop quartet.

Looks like you're experimenting with your barbecues.

I'll need a whip, a can of whipped cream, a map of England, and 12 cats.

Ah... I see you're going with the infamous kitten blitz to take over england.

I'm gonna need a paper shredder, a mind control device' a guy named bob, fire, and sharks with frickin lasers on their heads

You're playing Scribblenauts?

For this Zany Scheme, I'll be needing a snowglobe, a two-by-four, a grease fryer, a Homestar Runner jacket, the phone number of Ashton Kutcher, and a harness.

edited 21st Dec '09 11:12:58 AM by QuackorTheFowl

I wasn't aware Prince Charles Ashton was such a Nightmare Fetishist. You guys have fun.

A jeep, an infant's blanket, A book signed by Sarah Palin, and a 12 foot long party sandwich.

edited 21st Dec '09 11:13:18 AM by wanderlustwarrior

Looks like your on a car journey with a baby and need something to read and eat.

What am I doing with: A gallon jar of unrefined cane sugar, a sheet listing your name, appearance, and where your best friend lives, a lockpick, the blueprints for a Harrier Jump Jet, and painting by a little-known surrealist artist?

You're hosting a modern art convention in my house, with a stunning display of airmanship.

I wonder what can be done with a bottle, a text book, Lady Gaga, sixteen courtesans, five attack dogs, a vat of acid, dental drills, giant melons, a window pane, a hand-gun, an armored car full of swords, and Odin.

Interesting.... Evidently, you're a hitman/dentist hired by Odin to kill Lady Gaga, who is hiding in a melon packaging factory which uses acids, protected by armoured cars, attack dogs, and courtesans. The textbook contains the location of her hideout. The rest of the items are used creatively during you're rampage.

Now, what a I doing with: Two Ankole-Watusi cows, a bankrupt car company, an Austrailian Navy ship, a pair of sunglasses, a cricket bat, an industrial freezer, a lemon, three pints of lager and a morally bankrupt Italian physician?

edited 20th Feb '10 6:48:06 AM by MadeOfAxes

Sounds like you're gonna lay low in the land down under.

By the way, does anyone remember why I got this fat kid, a lawnmower engine, 10 palm fronds, and a crowbar?

You and the fat kid like dismantling lawnmowers in the shade.

Daionus, ignore the message, both posts appeared simultaneously on my screen.

Now, what am I doing with: A webcam, your voicebox, Father Christmas, sunglasses, diamond-cutting lasers, the WMG home page, and fake casserole made of rubber and screws?

You're planning a humiliating torture for Saint Nicholas, which you will-because you're a sadist-show the world. Then you drive him mad and end his existence.

(*fumbles through pockets*)

Hmmm...

A chicken, fifteen musketeers, phosphoric acid, Terry Pratchett, a journal, two cows, a small boy, a truckload of bananas, a calculator, a furniture store, an empty whiskey bottle, a lightsabre, and Hastur.

I wonder...

edited 20th Feb '10 7:45:59 PM by krrackknut

You were trying to kill the 15 musketeers. When you go up to them, they throw a chicken who has had his insides cut out and instead he's filled with phosphoric acid. You get your son. (the small child), and put him in the way killing him instantly. Then you push a truckload of bananas into them, killing 3 of them. After that, they catapault the two cows at you. You dodge and respond by chopping three of their heads off with your lightsaber. You then throw a whiskey bottle at one who works out very quickly on a calculator that it will not hit him. It then hits the one behind him, who falls off the cliff you were on. They all run at you with their swords. But you escape into the nearby furniture store. As you hide in the rafters, they all come in. Then you drop Terry Pratchett and his journal on them and most of them die. The only survivor picks up the journal. On the front it says loads of weird words. One of them is Hastur and he says "What's Hastur?" at which point he is promptly struck by lighting.

What am I doing on this website with a cannon that seems to fire pink and bright blue mushrooms.

edited 21st Feb '10 4:33:44 AM by Meta-ridley

A very confusing pyrotechnical display to celebrate something? I dunno, maybe Chinese New Year?

What, however, am I doing with: A total lack of punctuation, a deck chair, a copy of Team Fortress 2, a guide to UFO spotting, a superhacker, an axe, a stuffed badger and this very website?

edited 21st Feb '10 4:53:15 AM by MadeOfAxes