If *you* had written the Star Wars prequels

Well, everyone thinks they can fix something about them; even many people who like the new trilogy have those few niggling problems that they would have solved.

So! Tropers: what story would you have spun?

Note: I don't like the prequels either, guys (you know who you are). But this is a thread for being constructive. I started it because I'm sick and tired of seeing everyone talk about what's wrong with Star Wars, and I think it would be fun and interesting to see what some of us played out as head-canon as kids, or think would make compelling drama now as adults. I would appreciate it if we could keep our collective bitterness at least under Magneto-levels, if that's not too much to ask.

Also, EU fans? Go easy. Most of us don't know or don't care about Thrawn et al. If you're not prepared for us to ignore what you consider broader canon, reading on could very well cause extreme exhasperation. This is not to say I don't welcome your ideas of how the movies should have gone; indeed, I'm keen to compare your vision to those of people less entrenched in all things Star Wars. Just... be aware that a lot of us are in the movies for the movies. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Also also, if you thought these films were perfect and you don't see a need for the story to be altered in any way... what are you doing in here? You got what you wanted out of the prequels; good on ya. Now let us get what we can out of 'em.

Whoo... sorry about that.

Fun starts now!

edited 14th Jul '10 11:15:26 PM by FurikoMaru

I'd be enjoying my collection of hats made of money instead of posting on this forum.

I mostly think the way Ep III was bad. I'd make it so that Anakin had spared Dooku and captured him. Eventually Dooku escapes and kills Padme. Anakin chases him to Palpatine's throne room and they have a duel and Anakin is convinced that using the dark side is the only way to protect people, gives in and kills Dooku. Then Palpatine promises to bring back Padme if they work together. Then they go on a rampage killing Jedi and that's how he and Obi Wan fight.

Hmm.

I think the aimless rambling one of my friends does ultimately means, "I would have made the Clone War the third movie."

Also, he wanted General Grievous to be a more important villain, and ultimately reveal to be what was left of Darth Maul.

Okay, I'm going to be cheerfully ignoring all the canon except for the original trilogy for this. I'm simply not familiar enough with the EU to draw from that extensively, and I think the prequels have too many fundamental structural problems to base my version on them particularly closely. I'll be keeping a few names and places, but that's about it.

It will still be structured as a trilogy. The general framework I intend to follow with the three is to kick out the last supports of the Old Republic with Episode 1, to show Anakin Skywalker's development as a Jedi and a moral agent against the backdrop of the Clone Wars for Episode 2, and to show his final fall and the rise of the Empire we know with Episode 3.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

We open to a familiar bass rumble against a backdrop of stars. A cyclopean mass of paint-streaked plating glides into frame. It's a container ship the size of a mountain, one of a dozens-long convoy bound for the glittering sphere in the distance: Coruscant, its city lights glowing in arcs and whorls beyond the terminator.

We pan down. The planet slips out of view. The starfield moves for a few seconds as a higher-pitched whine grows in our hearing; a much smaller craft screams past the camera, armed and moving fast. Two escorts follow; the camera moves to chase the second, vibrating with martial urgency.

Cut to cockpit view; the pilot's wearing a flight suit and a mirror-shrouded helmet. HUD telltales glow around the cargo-movers from the first shot. Gloved fingers tighten on a joystick. Radio chatter echoes in an unknown language as the pilot fires a weapon.

Cut back outside. Fire blooms against the stained plating of the cargo ship; containers buckle and shake loose. The fighters swoop out of frame.

Silence.

STAR WARS

Episode 1: A Strange-Disposed Time

Roll exposition.

I'm not going to continue at this level of detail, of course. But you know what they say about first impressions.

edited 15th Jul '10 1:12:08 AM by Nornagest

I wouldn't have had Padme die in childbirth, I would have had her murdered by a completly de-humanized Darth Vader.

Palpatine's partial lie "you killed Padme" ought to have been a supreme mistake on his part. (Partial because she was in critical condition from Anakin's actions, but "lost the will to live" because that's what Lucas thinks medical computers would diagnose.)

Vader: And Padme? Is she safe?

Sidious: It seems in your anger, you... killed her.

Vader: You made me... this... to save her! It was all about her!

*Palpatine is force-crushed into a one-inch square*

edited 15th Jul '10 1:17:50 AM by TParadox

It's been a long time since I saw the prequels, but I think they didn't really suffer from severe structural or narrative problems - more from unpolished writing, uninspired direction, poor performances, and one or two characters and elements that didn't fit and weren't needed. Phantom Menace for example could have done with having the Gungans cut entirely, or heavily modified - they're treated as a bunch of mildly racially insensitive gags for the whole movie, but then in the final battle you're supposed to take them seriously... even as they are STILL the object of physical comedy.

Maybe "stylistic problems" would be a better way of putting it. Narratively it holds together, more or less, but it's a rather odd mishmash of straight-up space opera, bad comic relief, and a political backdrop that's entirely inappropriate to either.

edited 15th Jul '10 1:28:30 AM by Nornagest

Oh, yeah. That's one big tenet of my roommate's reimagining: No Jake Lloyd. Slave!Anakin is introduced as a teenager.

*nod* A smart one to boot. Growing up I always had this impression of Vader being the kind of kid who's just excited to learn and travel and do things - Luke 'has too much of his father in him', after all.

It's just more of a coup if Sidious tricks a clever kid into turning, I think, and it'd be more interesting to watch over the course of three films.

edited 15th Jul '10 2:19:11 AM by FurikoMaru

Like In The Movies Unless Noted.

Episode 1 was good. I liked the Gungans. The Shota Con was squicky but not aggravating.

I disliked episode 2 because it was Strangled by the Red String. I would have liked to see Padme progressively rely more on Anakin, with Palpatine worsening Anakin's issues on trust and posing as his sole trustworthy friend. Anakin grows to care for Padme openly, but is also openly distrustful of her, Obi-Wan and more generally the Jedi order.

I'd have emphasised the political and military background so that the three factions (Jedi, Republic, Separatists) were more clear in their intentions, doubts about each other and relative strength.

Somehow, having Grievous as The Dragon to Dooku and not a The Man Behind the Curtain character to the Separatists would have been awesome, as is the idea of Maul being revived as Grievous. Especially since Darth Maul is Darth Maul.

The end battle would probably stay the same, with minor alterations regarding the personality changes I've made.

Episode 3 opens. Palpatine tells Anakin to spare Dooku, but his distrust of the Jedi justice leads him to willingly kill Dooku. He dives into the Dark Side much faster. There's no premonition of Padme dying. 1 hour and a half into the movie he's already Vador and is a willing spy for Palpatine inside the Jedi council, where he is a master (this way he sees that he can have what he wants through the Dark Side).

He does strangle Padme on Mustafar because he believes Obi-Wan and her cheated on him and he's already a pretty much rage-driven person. Palpatine tells Anakin she's dead, and he believes him. He's grieving over the loss and expresses it by raging, but his anger is driven not at himself or Sidious, but at the Jedi Order. Padme doesn't instantly die in birth, but progressively dies because she "doesn't want to live". Progressively because in SW 6 Leia told Luke their mother was always sad.

edited 15th Jul '10 2:29:00 AM by WithSomeCheeseOnTop

^^^ And teenage Anakin shouldn't be a douchebag. I mean, that was the guy that Obi Wan called "a good friend" in Ep. 4? They didn't seem to like each other very much in any of the prequels. That elevator scene in Ep. 2 is the closest I've seen them to being friends.

Edit: ^ Grievous = Cyborg Darth Maul? Best SW prequel idea ever!

edited 15th Jul '10 2:32:35 AM by DasAuto

I would have had Amidala being a member of the Organa family (maybe a cousin or something like that) that way you could have Alderan as an important player, not just tacked on at the end and you miss out the gungans.

As other people have mentioned before, the racial stereotypes will be the first thing to go.

As much as I love Liam Neeson, the character of Qui Gon shouldn't have existed. Obi-Wan Kenobi is an established Jedi Knight at the outset of the story.

He doesn't defeat Darth Maul during Ep. I. Instead, Darth Maul becomes The Dragon, recurring until Ep. III.

Although you could keep Qui-Gon, have him die at the hands of Maul and wait until Ep III for Maul to be finished off. A lot more emotional investment in the battle then.

Luke and Leia aren't the outcome of some dramatic romance; Anakin got horny, broke his Jedi vows and used his standing to score sometime after the destruction of the Jedi temple.

Lightsaber battles are rarer and force powers are more reserved, being tools of clever influence and circumstance rather than sorceroresque magic combat.

Less motherfucking greenscreen.

Sounds like someone also watched the Red Letter Media reviews.

Remove all the extraneous CGI flitting about in each scene.

Outbound Flight should be displayed as a super-expensive fiasco that brought the revenue allocation of the Republic into question. Ditch the space opera, make it a trilogy political intrigue and espionage. It will be the single most divisive thing in film history. Saber duels allowed, but the Force is subtle like the original trilogy and not battlemagic like the prequels.

Alternatively you could make the telekinetic stuff the mark of a powerful Jedi exclusively - we only see Luke, Yoda, The Emperor and Vader do it and they're all established to be the Force's special buddies. And if it's rare, that makes the 'sad devotion to that ancient religion' line less weird.

EVERYONE IS AN EWOK.

edited 15th Jul '10 4:09:32 AM by Carciofus

@Das Auto: "Grievous = Cyborg Darth Maul? Best SW prequel idea ever!"

Credit goes to T Paradox's friend.

• 1. Don't explain the Force. It was never necessary.
• 2. Anakin has a father. He's dead. Probably killed in a podrace to give the plot of Episode 1 some pathos.
• 3. Smaller age difference between Anakin and Padme. Actually hire a child actress for Episode 1.
• 4. Don't use terms like "Queen" unless it's a hereditary, lifelong title. A child born to a Senator is not a "Princess" in any way, she's just a kid.
• 5. Either Darth Maul talks or he doesn't. If he is capable of speech, he should have more than one line.
• 6. If you're going to spend half an hour on podracing in the first movie, have Anakin do some podracing in the sequels. Heck, if he just did it as a hobby to have fun and get away from the angst it might actually make me care about this guy. Nobody said Jedi can't have a hobby or have vacations.
• 7. Don't have Anakin confess to genocide and still have a woman fall in love with him just because the script says so.

I'd personally cut down a little on the political parts (except for the necessary things, such as when Palpatine declared the formation of the Galactic Empire).

They just seemed so jarring and out of place compared to the rest of the films (unlike the Original trilogy, which seemed to blend everything together quite nicely). Secondly, a little more actually happening during the battles of Episodes II and III. I mean, the lasers are pretty and all (and I wouldn't cut down on those), but I'd like to see them actually hit something rather than flying off into oblivion.

On a related note, I'd have made the opening sequence of III last longer (as I'd have to say it was actually pretty impressive). It's just that it lasted so short a time that you weren't really left with the feeling that it was a massive space battle with multiple participants.

Otherwise, I'd leave it untouched (apart from any narmtacular lines when Padme and Anakin talk to each other. The sand speech leaps to mind).