He'll take the case!
Granted. Unfortunately, they're replaced by a new trend in television shows that's even worse.
I wish I wasn't out of the loop on so many in-jokes.
Word's second most famous attorney with a bird-related name.
Knight Cheesebeam
Granted. In-jokes do not exist anymore. In fact, humour as a whole ceases to exist.
I wish I instantly knew how to troubleshoot any problem.
Timers to measure time, thermometers to measure thermomets, mometers to measure mom, and measuring containers to measure measurements.
Granted, but since you now know to troubleshoot every problem ever there is no more room in your brain for any other situation.
I wish that this wish would not be granted.
Granted, but the resulting paradox creates a blackhole destroying the entire earth, with you as well.
I wish the next poster would defecate their pants.
Granted, it was the moment when I was a baby so nothing appears special.
I wish Gun Porn is literal.
The Video Guy
Granted, but... literal gun porn? Just for making that wish, everyone thinks you're a sick puppy.
I wish I knew why the "Show Markup Help" button isn't working for me.
Seriously, any ideas why it isn't?
Who are the ones that we kept in charge? Killers, thieves, and lawyers. God's away, god's away, god's away on business... business.
Granted, it's because TV Tropes has become self aware, and knows you know it's self aware.
I wish to have SCP 458
in real life.
Granted, but you soon become obese thanks to an unlimited supply of perfect pizza.
I wish we had Hard Light technology.
I missed the part where that's my problem.
Queen of Neith
Now more crimes exists because Hard Light is used for many purposes.
I wish there was a DC vs Marvel vs Image vs Dark Horse movie!
Up in Useful Notes/Paraguay
Blitzy....
It becomes a mess thanks to the Loads And Loads Of Characters.
I wish I could talk to animals.
Just made a server on discord.Come join me.
The Video Guy
You can talk to animals, but they have even less interest in what you say than people.
I wish people could take a freaking joke.
Who are the ones that we kept in charge? Killers, thieves, and lawyers. God's away, god's away, god's away on business... business.
Granted, but people take all the freaking jokes away from you, so you're left with all the non-freaking jokes, which everyone knows are terrible.
I wish I could save time in a bottle.
Granted. But you have no way of getting time out of bottles so bottling time just wastes time even faster.
I wish that I had an IQ of 300000.
Granted you Go Mad from the Revelation. due to your brain quickly deducing many Things Man Was Not Ment To Know.
I wish I was a hero like Zorro.
Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.
The Video Guy
Granted. You are now fictional, and can safely be ignored.
I wish I didn't wake up with so much eye gunk.
Who are the ones that we kept in charge? Killers, thieves, and lawyers. God's away, god's away, god's away on business... business.
Granted. Your eyes dry out leaving you blind.
I wish that they would discover a bunch of really cool new species of squid.
Granted, but they all have a thirst for human blood, and discovering them unleashed them all on the world.
I wish for the power to turn water into wine.
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Granted. Unfortunately, you don't let the wine age long enough, and it still tastes like bitter grape juice.
I wish I was the owner of a small mom-and-pop store in the middle of nowhere.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
He'll take the case!
Granted. Unfortunately, your location is so remote you have very few customers and quickly go out of business.
I wish I was able to read books faster.
Word's second most famous attorney with a bird-related name.
On the real, yo
Granted. That also means you can read all the books about how the world will inevitably end in cosmic destruction. Cue Go Mad from the Revelation.
I wish that I had my very own real vore plane dragon that I can pilot from the stomach (sounds weird, I know, but that's what the anime linked to actually does, and It Makes Sense in Context), and he was my best friend.
edited 13th Jun '18 4:37:29 AM by fergzilla
Granted, living inside a dragon's stomach would gradually digest you until there's nothing left on you.
I wish everyone would know who the heck the girl I used as my avatar is.
Granted, but they find out you're using them for your avatar in return and sue you for one million dollars. They win too.
I wish to have the world's catchiest tune for my World Dominating Sound Emitters!
Granted. The tune is so catchy that you get it stuck in your brain for all eternity. Even after you die you can't get the song out of your head.
I wish that I didn't need to sleep.
Knight Cheesebeam
Granted. Your body still feels the effects of sleep deprivation, and you end up too weak to do anything, while being unable to sleep to replenish the energy.
I wish I wasn't such a downer.
Timers to measure time, thermometers to measure thermomets, mometers to measure mom, and measuring containers to measure measurements.
Granted, less baby drama, which means more room for cross dressing dwarves and overweight teen lesbians.
I wish shows like Maury and Jerry Springer didn't exist.
Who are the ones that we kept in charge? Killers, thieves, and lawyers. God's away, god's away, god's away on business... business.