Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. The sign immediately becomes invisible, and is never seen by anyone.

I wish for a new test subject.

Okay. You've got an advanced probability and statistics pop quiz in ten minutes. Hope you've been studying!

I wish I could enjoy pro wrestling again.

edited 19th Feb '18 12:16:16 PM by WillyFourEyes

You can enjoy pro wrestling...through the miracle of Time Travel! You are stuck in the late 90s, watching Stone Cold lay the smack down, FOREVER. You cannot move forward. You cannot move back. All you can do is enjoy wrestling, in a "Groundhog Day" Loop, as time moves around you.

I wish for a new pair of comfortable sneakers.

Those "comfortable" sneakers actually have a hidden array of hyper-precise needles injecting an unlimited supply of chemical euphoria into the arteries of your ankles. You get so addicted to getting a new high with each step that you can't stop walking, and your feet eventually wear down into nubs without you even noticing.

I wish the ants in my house would go away.

edited 20th Feb '18 9:10:21 PM by Miss_Desperado

Granted. They are teleported into your body, and unspeakable things promptly happen.

I wish I had a cup of crude oil

Granted! . . . if my internet finally cooperates. you get a disrespectful, obsene cup of oil!

I wish I gained a transformation sequence.

edited 21st Feb '18 1:55:38 PM by vjoi

Granted. You painfully turn into a deer. And then a hunter shoots you.

I wish for Home Depot.

Granted. It falls from the sky and crushes you, Looney Tunes-style. But there's nothing amusing about this injury.

I wish I could summon my favorite fictional characters, Kingdom Hearts-style, and form deep and abiding bonds of friendship with them.

Granted, but this somehow causes you to be a magnet for Heartless creatures, and without any sort of real training for combat, you instantly get killed and devoured by them.

I wish that Billy Mitchell and Todd Rogers were actually GOOD dignified video game players who don't either cheat or lie about their high scores.

They don't, because your wish made it so that they never held the records to begin with. And thus The King of Kong is now either a Mockumentary or a Documentary of Lies, depending on your point of view.

I wish Pixels pushed Adam Sandler toward making good movies again, or at least funny ones.

Granted, no one likes them.

I wish to not explode randomly.

Granted. You explode when someone intends for you to instead.

I wish I had a million dollars.

You suffocate under a pile of a million one-dollar bills.

I wish that the police will arrest everyone who illegally sets off fireworks.

Granted—you now live in a totalitarian police state where all fireworks (that aren't in celebration of Our Glorious Leader) are against the law. That includes bedroom fireworks, by the by, so you'd better have a government-issued Fuck License or you're not getting any.

I wish for a second season of Little Witch Academia, and I want it to be good and death-free!

You get your second season! It's wonderful! The third season, though...to say it's infuriating to watch would be an understatement. It is so bad that you become disenchanted with the craft of fiction forever.

I wish for a heated snuggie.

The overheated snuggie traps you inside and cooks you alive.

I wish Screamer pranks are never, ever lethal.

Granted, they inflict A Fate Worse Than Death in people instead.

I wish people wouldn’t post on this forum with no images in their gallery.

Granted, they all have avatars like mine instead.

I wish all avatars were like mine.

Granted, but the names also change, confusing a whole lot of people.

I wish for a cake that is as big as a building.

Your cake is as big as a skyscraper. Better start eating it now because it's not gonna last forever...

You eat yourself sick until you can't stand the taste of cake, but there's still a humongous amount left. It inevitably spoils and stinks up the whole city. You get enormous fines for littering and disturbing the peace.

I wish I had more time on my hands.

edited 23rd Feb '18 12:13:23 PM by Miss_Desperado

Granted, You're fired.

I wish for the ability to hit people through the internet with a boxing glove.

WORTH IT.

edited 24th Feb '18 10:59:53 PM by Jaxfirebus

Granted, but everytime you do that, it hurts.

I wish for Andrew Hussie to randomly appear.

Granted. The random location is right where you're standing. You get telefragged by Andrew Hussie. Your tombstone reads, "Death by Teleporter Accident."

I wish I could accurately predict when my menstruation starts.

Granted. After you do that, you die.

I wish to be a blockhead.

Granted, your skull is crushed between concrete blocks.

I wish I could change wish corruptions and make them for violent and gruesome.