Corrupt-a-wish.

You are now immune to damaged caused by eating Spaghetti Avocado Noodles.

I wish my forum game thread was more popular.

Granted—it's popular among extremely aggravating internet trolls that don't ever stay on-topic.

I wish my life were more like a JRPG. Specifically, I wish I could earn MAD CA$H by fighting evil and saving the world alongside a party of badass friends.

Well, you did ask for "mad cash". The money drives you and your friends insane as soon as you touch it. You all then kill each other over paranoia and jealousy.

I wish to be the owner of a Death Note and that my murders could never be linked back to me. No, I don't want the Shinigami eyes. In fact, I don't even want a Shinigami, just the Death Note.

I'm not in school any more. And I'm pretty good at hiding stuff. Woohoo! I win!

edited 4th Jul '17 7:12:52 AM by ChaoticQueen

Granted, they can't be traced back to you, but that doesn't save you if your classmates find it with the names of all the people who died in a short span and then decide to write your name.

I wish for every single amiibo for free with them in factory perfect condition without stealing them.

Granted, Nintendo goes bankrupt. Nice Job Breaking It, Hero

I wish I can take over the entire North Korea and turn it into another Akihabara.

You take over North Korea. It truly is a humanitarian mission, but the propaganda machine of the outgoing regime creates fear and distrust on a massive scale. North Korea looks like Akihabara, but because of the turmoil and the distrust and some leftover corruption and some plain old bad luck, it feels like the bad neighborhood in any large American city. You get assassinated. The region remains in turmoil for generations.

I wish for my dog to handle tonight's fireworks with no fear.

Granted, you are now terrified of the fireworks instead.

I wish for Jupiter to be blue.

Honestly, I'm okay with any shade.

edited 5th Jul '17 4:10:53 PM by Penroses

Granted, but it's not the shade of blue you wanted.

I wish Penguinsfishing would make Yet Another Another 100 ways to die in TF 2.

Granted, it's incredibly boring.

I wish Tactical Dolls exist in real life.

Tactical Dolls exist, and what on Earth did you do to piss them off? Not only will they kill you, they will kill anyone that stands between them and you. Yes, including civilians. Even kids. Even puppies!! If any other living creature is between you and the Tactical Dolls, consider them dead.

I wish to watch the Mario race on Summer Games Done Quick instead of taking my dog to the groomer tonight.

Granted. Your dog gets incredibly filthy because you didn't groom it, and a highly poisonous tick bites you. R.I.P

I wish for chocolate that isn't poisoned, it is brand new, it tastes good, and I can't choke on it.

Granted! though it has a non poisonous "special ingredient.", hope you don't need to do anything that requires sobriety because you're high as a kite!

I wish to gain the same powers as SCP-239 without gaining the medical induced coma.

Granted. The SCP Foundation keeps you in a 4 x 4 cell permanently strapped to the Idiot Ball (it's a new SCP!) instead.

I wish I could calm my nerves instantly.

Granted, you calm your nerves so much that you can't feel pain, so you can't tell when you're internally bleeding and you die.

I wish for 1 more dollar in my bank account.

Granted, you get 1 Vietnamese Dollar... Less than 1 cent.

I wish Eri Kitamura would voice a Love Plus character.

edited 8th Jul '17 12:36:09 AM by Mhazard

Granted. The character barely gets two words in during one cut scene.

I wish I could visit Gravity Falls.

Granted. You could... but there's still Bill Cypher to deal with. Prepare to die.

I wish for an awesome spear that can change directions, like Undyne's spears.

(no double entendres please)

Granted, but it changes directions when you least want it, and into the direction you least want it. Like your face during a celebration.

I wish that someone besides me confuses the Thread Necromancy game for the Thread Anti-Necromancy Game.

Granted. A trigger happy mod blams them for confusing threads.

I wish that the monsters from Undertale were real, and were peaceful and did not attack anyone. And the humans wouldn't fight back.

(Before you say that, the monsters in Undertale actually do speak in English.... well, most of them anyways.)

The positives still outweigh the negatives.

edited 13th Jul '17 5:26:15 PM by TalesofUnder

Granted, but Asriel is still dead.

I wish forwards compatibility existed.

edited 13th Jul '17 5:25:11 PM by Thegeniusyoshi

Granted. It exists. Doesn't mean that anyone sees any money in it.

I wish I had a clever, snappy comeback whenever required.

Granted, however they were so incredibly snappy, you lose all your friends.

I wish Dr Bright was real.

Granted. You fall victim to another one of his crazy antics.

I wish more people would come over and post here and here.

Granted. They are all spammers!

I wish for a button I can push that doesn't do anything.

Granted. You can't stop pushing it though.

I wish I could go to Narnia.