Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, the meatballs are made of you.

I wish I can turn cats into catgirls.

The transformation is very painful for the cats, and results in many nasty side effects and medical complications.

I wish to be a ninja pirate.

You're hanged by the authorities for piracy.

I wish The Bible made sense.

Granted! But you can't convince anyone else that it makes sense.

I wish I don't need sleep. Because I hate wasting 7 hours doing nothing everyday.

Granted. You don't need sleep, but the very instincts written into your mind force you to do it anyway. The resulting paradox resulting from somebody who cannot be tired somehow managing to fall asleep results in you falling into a coma.

I wish humanity would vanish forever.

Granted, all humanity is now invisible. This causes mass confusion, but doesn't destroy society as we know it.

I wish.

Wish not granted, due to the absence of your wishes content.

I wish that humanity's free will was taken, along with their capacity to do bad things.

Eh? Worse than what?

edited 20th Oct '16 8:46:36 PM by PastryPerson

Granted. They can no longer do bad things, but can still do worse things.

I wish my previous wish was granted.

It is! Again, nothing happened.

I wish I was dead!

You die, but are worshipped as a hero. Oh, horror!

I wish something happened when I wished.

Granted. You have a stroke.

I wish I had a stable income.

You become a permanent employee of McDonald's, complete with a minimum wage that never changes, and thus your income remains stable.

I wish I was poor.

Granted, you become a Chew Toy.

I wish ponies can talk in real life.

edited 20th Oct '16 11:25:14 PM by Mhazard

Granted, they roast you all the time you're near them.

I wish for the Republicans to get voted out of the senate this election.

edited 21st Oct '16 3:05:00 AM by The_Dag

Granted; they're all replaced with members of the Constitution Party.

I wish the pizza was ready.

Granted! But it's a square pizza, and it has broccolis (unless you like both of those, in that case I stole the pizza before you can eat it).

I wish durians never existed.

Granted. But what has taken their place is right behind you.......

I wish that the next post is all sparkles and golden sunshine.

Granted but it's annoying to format.

I wish I was good with Switches and Variables in RPG Maker.

edited 21st Oct '16 8:31:59 AM by Revaryk

Granted! But now you suck at everything else.

I wish Earth had rings like Saturn.

Granted, made of coalesced space junk, and that's only the stuff you can see. Future space travel becomes impossible as the debris makes Earth orbit impassible, and impossible.

I wish for the starship Enterprise.

Granted, you steal it from the Federation's garbage bin when it's nearly completely broken.

I wish to I could guest-star on the Muppet Show.

Granted. You become The Scrappy and every single fan of the show with an internet connection dedicates every waking moment to spamming you e-mail and social media with hate mail.

I wish to rise from the grave and wreak my vengeance upon Elisabel for killing me in her corruption.

...Yes, I'm surprised as you are that I have wi-fi in this casket.

edited 21st Oct '16 6:52:53 PM by MapleSamurai

Your revenge amounts to nothing more than just annoying Elisabel a little bit.

I wish animals were sapient like humans. It would be interesting to see what kind of social chaos would ensue...

Granted, they all turned into Cute Monster Girl and we humans fall in love with them.

I wish I can invite God to edit TV Tropes.

Granted, but he only only uses the edits to write more egotistical commandments to humanity.

I wish humanity had the power to kill god.