Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. But now they are even more douche-y IRL.

I wish that [blank]

Granted, but [REDACTED] with a bucket of [REDACTED] and then she dies.

I wish my TV would hurry up and finish updating so I can play Far Cry 4.

Granted. But it needs an extra 100,000,000,000 long updates to finish. Each one takes an hour to complete. And turning off the console will break it.

I wish for 1,000 Australian dollars. It must be money.

Granted. The Australian bank are suspicious about someone mysteriously gaining money out of nowhere, however, so they get the police on your case. As a result, they discover that you used a wish to obtain the money. They then call higher ups, who discuss intensely how magic should be handled legally. After 186 hours of intense debating, magic is outlawed, and you are placed under arrest for 6 months, having been a practitioner.

I wish people would type out overly large paragraphs about how the wish was corrupted in response to wishes that are made on this thread.

Granted, but they're unreadable walls of text.

I wish to clean up Facebook.

Granted: you just gave yourself a new job. It'll take you one lifetime and then some to finish it, and you won't get paid.

I wish I had written more in my diary as a child.

Granted, but your diary entries (past, present, and future) have become mindless scribbles.

I wish to meet this Yuno, not that Yuno.

edited 31st Jan '15 1:41:43 AM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted. You do meet her. Alas, the event in which you encounter her forms a reality tear, which results in the Multiversal Reality Police (MRP) arresting both of you. Due to your playing a much bigger part in the forming of the reality tear, you end up being jailed for a whole year, while Yuno, due to the nature of magic involved in the formation of the reality tear, is pardoned. There is a small comfort, however, in that she visits you occasionally during your year in jail.

I wish for the incompetence of the unlearned within the internets to be removed, increasing their vocabularity by a substantial degree and resulting in them displaying sesquipedalian loquaciousness.

Granted, but now everyone offline is an ignorant troll.

I wish I had at least twice as many good ideas.

Granted but you now also have 10 teimes more bad Ideas and you can't shut up about them

I wish I could fly

Granted. You are now the weakest Flying-type Pokemon, and there are strong Rock-, Ice-, and Electric-types out to get you.

I wish for my updates to finish right now.

Granted, but one of the updates was a virus with Root-Level-Privileges

I wish I was invincible

Granted. You are not immune to pain, and do not evolve with humanity. As a result, thousands of years pass. The local "humans", now evolved into hulking beasts that could outsmart Stephen Hawking, completely disregard you, to the point where they don't even bother looking when they accidentally trample you. After billions of years, which pass in the blink of an eye in the late stages, the sun explodes, scorching you with fire that feels as if it came from the depths of Hell itself. Billions more years in darkness eventually give way to the passing by of a black hole. As you fall through the event horizon, the crushing gravity wracks your body with pain, which only increases in magnitudes as you approach the black hole proper. Once at the center, the pain is unbelievable, but as you slowly manage to turn, and look behind you, the sight of an entire universe's life span, all arranged for you to see any point in time, greets you. It is beautiful, maybe to the point of being worth the intense pain that happened over these past eons. Go ahead and watch. You have all the time you need to take in the sights.

I wish for the person replying to this wish to make it go wrong on that scale, and also wish for a fish for them to figure out a way.

Granted. You are now a tasty fish (and chips) meal. I SHALL NOW EAT YOU. (nom nom nom)

I wish for Lego.

first every single one is throen in you eyes

then you step on every single one with bare feet

I wish to be a Tales character

Granted, you are the first enemy in Tales of Symphonia.

I wish I could keep any food fresh.

Granted: you can keep them fresh, but never for more than a week.

I wish people would come up with crazy ideas.

Granted, they end up wiping out all life on the planet.

I wish I had a normal life...

edited 31st Jan '15 4:32:58 PM by 2D

Granted: You live a normal, full life by the standards of the 16th century.

I wish I was holding a freshly made coffee in my favourite mug.

Granted. It tastes absolutely awful.

I wish for all wishes I ever make to never backfire in any way, shape, or form.

Granted. Your least favorite coffee is in your mug.

Granted. Now all wishes will fire at you at rapid speeds.

I wish to be a champion boxer.

edited 31st Jan '15 4:41:06 PM by Weirdguy149

Granted. You are now the fastest... gift wrapper.

I wish my writing wasn't stale.

Granted. You lose your ability to write, and so it cannot be stale.

I wish I had the time to go to London.

Granted. Then time reverses itself.

I wish I could eat a monkey. (Not really.)

Granted. You can eat a monkey. They don't taste that nice, though.

I wish for the ability to manipulate everything on an atomic scale, with total control over my newfound ability.