Fix a wish!

Only to the assholes who misuse it!

I wish I was being stalked by a yandere.

Granted. But they are arrested before they even come close to killing anyone, as hiding major psychological issues isn't really that easy in real life.

I wish to have all my wishes granted by the most jackass genie to ever exist.

Granted, but its all a Secret Test of Character, and he starts being nice after a while.

I wish my house burned down.

edited 9th Aug '16 8:57:26 PM by MightyG

Granted, but someone already bought you a new house, and you have insurance on your house.

I wish that Michael Bay would make adaptations of my favorite shows at his current levels of quality.

edited 10th Aug '16 5:47:28 PM by hamza678

bump

Granted. They're so Michael Bay-like in their sheer audacity that they pass the point of abject mediocrity and loop back around to being likeable.

I wish I had a really bad meal today.

Granted, you get a better one shortly after.

I wish Abrahamic religion members would be even more refusing of criticism of their religion than they are now.

edited 12th Aug '16 8:03:33 AM by The_Dag

Granted, it's just that the criticism aimed to them is now mere nitpicking that is hard to take seriously.

I wish my legs were broken.

edited 12th Aug '16 9:59:43 AM by TheFarmboy

You become Professor X.

I wish that everyone would lose their memory of tv tropes.

Everyone gets more work done and lead more productive lives.

I wish SCP-682 broke into my house

It motivates you to figure out how to kill it

I wish the next post would say, "everybody dies, and I wish the next post would be identical to this one" and would never be edited and would not be part of a double post

But the genie was wearing earplugs and misheard your wish. Everybody lives, the post can be edited, and it is not identical.

I wish I was an immobile puddle of goo.

edited 13th Aug '16 10:38:53 PM by lewattoo

You are now a shape-shifter! A shape-shifter made goo, yeah, but HEEEY!

I wish I was a tree.

edited 13th Aug '16 10:40:08 PM by BaconZorp

You're an Ent.

I wish the worst thing that could possibly happen would happen.

Granted! It happens to a hostile alien species that was committed to invade us.

I wish to have brain damage.

Granted. Shortly afterwards, a groundbreaking treatment is discovered that allows you to recover to better than you were before.

I wish every door I ever came across for the rest of my life was locked.

Yes, but you're now able to turn intangible like Kitty Pryde.

I wish that Konami had rights to all my favorite game franchises.

Granted, they sell them to other good companies.

I wish ISIS had a nuke.

Granted. But they fall the very next day, and never have the chance to use it.

I wish my feet were superglued to the ground.

Thankfully, it's only bad imitation superglue, and you get free.

I wish that I was forced to watch Adam Sandler movies on infinite repeat.

Granted, you realise they're actually pretty good movies.

I wish to I had worms in my digestive system.

Granted. They convert your waste into valuable substances without harming you.

I wish the ice caps melted completely right now.

Granted! This quickly makes humanity in general embrace the Green Aesop. They now focus their technology into not only reforming the ice caps, but also confronting pollution problems and accelerating Earth's natural regeneration of its ozone layer.

I wish to be stuck doing yard work for the rest of my life.

Granted, but you end up doing something very important and have a feature-length film made about you.

I wish that I lived in a Wretched Hive.

Bump