RPG Manga Feedback Thread

Hello guys, if you remember me, quite some time ago I made a thread about making a harem/ecchi comic. Sadly, it didn't end up finished. But now me and my partner are back, and we need your friendly feedback again. We plan to use this thread to gather feedback and also for promoting the story when it comes out.

Me and my pal are working on a manga. All we know right now is that it's fantasy, and is reminiscent of an RPG. Unfortunately the plot and setting are still in its formative stage, so I can't say anything for sure yet. So far we only have character concepts, so that's what I'm going to show you now.

We went by designing the characters based on class, with the idea and intention of a fantasy RPG party:

Jessica - Archer The character creation started off with a Brawler class, named Jessica.

After a while, we changed directions and converted her to an Archer class midway. We liked how this was going more, so it stuck.

So this is what we have currently. It's close to what we want, just needs extra refining.

Svetlana - Tank Then, we moved on to the tank of the team, Svetlana. We explored multiple armour exposure. It is based on an RPG after all, so realistic armour is not an issue. =p

At this point, We settled on a certain style. I worked on her face some more to emphasise her sharp features.

This is what we have so far for her. I like the direction it's taking.

Thief & Mage Next up is Thief, whom I've not named yet. I already had an idea what I was going for so she got settled in pretty fast.

Next up was Mage, also unnamed. I was going for a academic look with her, since she's more a support than an offensive mage. The right was what I settled with until...

Here. I decided to forego the high skirt with belt for something a bit more casual. Thief needs some work on her waist armour but is otherwise close to final as well.

Main Girl

On the right of that previous image is a concept for the main girl. Still conceptual. I sketched her again here. She'll most likely be either an offensive mage (as opposed to Mage earlier who's a support) or a sword and shield user.

That's it, guys. I'll be posting more progress as we continue, so I hope you can join us on this creative journey. =)

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

• Archer design is forgettable at the moment. I think maybe add some tribal patterns, or fur trimmings, something to make her look more like a hunter of wildlife.
• Not fond of the Tank design, but that's because I have an issue with video-game-style armor for females. For what it's worth I do think the design is not so fanservice-y as to warrant an eyeroll. Also not a fan of the samurai motif, but that's just preferences.
• Thief looks good. Make that waist armor look nice.
• Give Mage a longer skirt, kinda like a pseudo-witch robe. Otherwise design is great. Maybe add a hair bauble?

Thanks for the feedback!

• Got it. I'm still working on her tunic pattern.
• Not really samurai-y, it'll resemble plate armour more later.
• Okay.
• A longer skirt? I dunno... I'll explore the bauble thing, hopefully it can mix with the scrunchie.

edited 27th Nov '15 6:48:30 AM by Nadir

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

Beginning to think you like creating characters more than actually doing anything with them. Which is fine, because that kind of describes me as well.

For the armour exposure, I think it's more about not looking like silly chain mail bikinis than looking realistic.

For the archer, I like the middle one of the second sketch the most overall, and the hood of the last one is nice.

For the tank, I think it's even more important to have some actual armour, to illustrate that she's actually a tank and not a dps class. The best one is probably the left one in the second sketch, if it's an actual breast plate of some variety. The shoulders and arms of the last is pretty good, too.

For the thief, I kinda like it as it is. Having semi-long/medium hair in a ponytail would probably be good if she needs to blend in crowds and change her appearance quickly. Too long hair is more noticeable and harder to change quickly, and too short doesn't allow for the same changes. If she's a silent thief who's not supposed to be spotted at all, you might consider getting rid of anything loose, and anything metal, with soft-soled boots without heels.

For the mage, I also prefer a longer, more flowing skirt, and longer hair. Anything to support a proper dramatic wind. If you want to show off her legs, make it a slit skirt.

Main girl reminds me of Asuna.

edited 27th Nov '15 8:36:20 AM by AnotherDuck

Check out my fanfiction!

Thanks, Duck.

• I do say her class is Thief, but it's really more of a speed/agility class, more akin to Blake. But the hair point is a good one though.

• Alright, alright, I'll look at the skirt. I intend her to have a more field role as opposed to just being at the back, so I don't want it to be too flowy.

• Asuna? Could be my own way of redeeming her lost badassery. =p

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

You officially lost your style card. Please hand it back or cut it into very small pieces.

And why would going more into the field rather than hanging out in the back count against it?

I like the kinda unruly hairstyle, though, so that's a good keep.

Check out my fanfiction!

Fine then.

Unruly, though? Mage has the neatest hair among them besides Tank. Unless you're talking about Main Girl.

EDIT: Oh, you said kinda unruly. I see now, nevermind.

I like the idea of her being similar to Asuna though. A Tsundere swordswoman? Yes please.

edited 27th Nov '15 9:18:30 AM by Nadir

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

I was talking about the thief.

Check out my fanfiction!

...Oh. Okay. =p

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

Hey, nice too hear from you again First of all I want to compliment how your style evolved in the past 2 years, especially the way you draw heads and necks has vastly improved.

Now to your designs:

Archer:

A solid design overall, I like the second from left the most because I like how her coat wraps around her shoulders. I would make her hair maybe a little shaggier to distinct her design more from the MC.I also liked the Pretty in Mink angle you had with her coat in between.

Tank:

I would like her most recent design, except I too am one of these people who cringe at plate-bikini, so I would put a (formfitting) chain mail underneath her plate, her shoulder plate, weapon and looks are badass though.

Thief:

Perfect, just perfect.

Mage:

Come-on guys giving a mage robes is what everyone does , I liked her more frilly designs in your pre-pic the most(the 3 from the left).

Do you want her weapon do be a wand? For a support mage a buckler + runes combo would also be cool, like she blocks physical hits with the buckler and also draws her runes on it.

Main Girl:

Would make a good Spell Sword, but I need a bit more to really grasp her angle. Thus far she looks good though.

edited 27th Nov '15 10:04:28 AM by Kiefen

First, I think your overall art style is a little the worse for wear after two years, particularly insofar as the eyes are smaller and higher on the face. But I realize that's something that happens naturally and you can't always just change it.

Archer: The hood is nice, it'll help set her apart and provides an opportunity for some jedi-like badass hood-lowering (do we have a trope for that?). On the other hand, those shorts look strange from behind, I'd be inclined to put a second loincloth-thingy in the back.

Tank: I'd echo AnotherDuck's comment about giving her a better covering of armor for that really 'tanky' look.

Thief: The last thief picture looks fine.

Mage: The last picture looks pretty good, but I'm thinking a more orderly pleated skirt might go better with that top. It'd still have decent visual distinction.

Main girl: Looks pretty good. In the first picture the lines on the sleeve/glove thing kinda dominate its appearance, maybe that's your intention but if not it might be worth changing.

Why not both?◊ Fighter mage hybrids are common enough in fantasy too.

Join my forum game!

Thanks, you two. Alright, let's see...

I love your suggestions about including a buckler on mage and making Main Girl a Magic Knight. The buckler on Mage might make her too hybrid-y and thus make Main Girl not stand out as much (since she's the only hybrid class in the team apparently), so maybe Main Girl might get the buckler idea, unless her design discards it for more speed a la Asuna.

I've noted down all your suggestions and we will see what we can implement in the next drawings.

I was trying to depart further from the anime/manga artstyle over the years, so that's why the head portion above the eyes became smaller.

I do like it because it gives my characters a bit more of a mature look, but now that you mention it, I can actually use that to my advantage and make the more youthful characters have proportionally lower and bigger eyes, like for Thief and maybe Main Girl.

SKETCH UPDATE

New sketches of Archer and Tank. I'm going for this kind of knee armour for Tank. Is it still not tank-y enough and she needs more mail? As for Archer, I'm working on adding more designs to her, as well as editing her shorts. The feathers look nice but I don't think it fits her. I prefer more textiles and leathers.

edited 28th Nov '15 1:13:16 AM by Nadir

Working on a manga. With pictures! All feedback welcome!

So how is it going?

Is the manga ok?