RWBY Fanfiction Thread

English is not my native language so I have no idea why it's wrong. Autodidact was how I did it thanks to TV shows, movies, video games, and books.

I vaguely remember the rules to make sentences and stuff from school

Okay, if any of you would be so kind to vote here I'll be very grateful.

I mean it; the branching chapters is something I wanna do, but since they're so good to me I don't know which to pick.

Skeletons, in this context, are already supernatural and an army of robots is... not always going to be killer in that sense given how the word "army" can be used.

As for Killer Instinct, I play virtually every genre but that's just one game that never fell on my radar. Or it did but I didn't have the system it was on or enough desire to play it over other games.

edited 6th May '15 5:31:10 PM by Zelenal

... Ah, now I get it. Thanks for that. Not to mention the Conversion Of Ninjutsu and stuff.

Still, even though I've never played the older games nor do I have an Xbone, doesn't mean it will stop me from loving the new KI.

...if English isn't your first language, perhaps you should write in a language you're more comfortable in? Or is this some kind of repetitive exercise?

Also, I skimmed KLLR RWBY. Would you like a bare assessment of the idea/narrative, or the honest-to-god "bitch about everything you wrote to make you a more despicable better person" review?

edited 7th May '15 7:15:52 AM by Soble

I'm an Indonesian who is comfortable speaking in English. Why else would I be here and made all those stories?

I want to write in English because I want have an international audience in mind. Besides, there's that Super Smash Bros fanfic that has a bajillion words whose author isn't a native English speaker, right? If he can do it, so can I.

... And in a way, yes. I know my English is good enough for people to understand me, but I also know that I STILL have a lot to learn. I wonder if there's a series of videos on Youtube that could help me on that.

You know what? Why not both? I always told myself that my stories WILL have something wrong, even the ones I thought were minor, and I don't want such mistakes. Because of that, I accepted the fact that there WILL be people who will eventually point it out—either the nice way or the bad way—and I have to suck up my ego/pride to understand WHY they thought of my story that way.

Then, decide whether to heed their words or ignore them (especially the haters, for obvious reasons) in order to improve yourself.

I know I should have some beta readers, but I update slow, and I don't really want to inconvenience them.

Besides, I'd rather have someone I know bitch about how many shit I made than some random anonymous jackass.

Also, current poll count for KLLR RWBY chapter 3 is 2-1 in favor of Ren-Nora-Orchid vs the Fulgores. Please vote if you haven't, because I seriously need it to decide which to write. And writing both would be straining.

edited 7th May '15 8:18:58 AM by strangerthenever

Even if you're a native English speaker and grammar conscious like I am, your story will still have mistakes because you're human.

I'd offer to beta for you but I have no knowledge of KI and, as such, your story wouldn't interest me. The best I can offer is to make sure that you're using Google Docs as it has a very mild grammar check (it'll at least make sure that you're using the proper word and will flag repeating words).

... Thank you. It's a shame that you and the others here have no interest in Killer Instinct but to be willing to do so... Thank you.

I'm so used with Microsoft Words, are there any particular differences between them?

But I do wonder... any of your friends interested in BOTH KI and RWBY? It's understandable why there is little to none, considering I am the ONLY one who thought this up. Just like that Kamen Rider Double x Street Fighter fanfic I've not finished in ages.

Still, in a way I am proud to have written them. Nobody else have thought of it before me.

edited 7th May '15 9:13:29 AM by strangerthenever

Google Docs has a better spell checker, a bit of a grammar checker, stores your document online so you have easy access from any device, and lets you research and define words or terms without requiring a new tab.

Hmm... That IS useful.

Man, the interface is confusing. And I accidentally didn't do the tour, dangit.

You focus details in the wrong places. The fic reads like you're compensating for those who know nothing of Killer Instinct, and you tend to form laundry lists of character descriptions. Even with an Omniscient Narrator, this can be done better.

I'm a minimalist - if a word, phrase, action, reaction, or description doesn't somehow convey something important from scene to scene, it probably doesn't need to be there. Unless you're blatantly going for Purple Prose, but even then, I would say you should revise and try to give each scene a better flow.

That doesn't mean "never describe anyone", but channel that energy to where it matters. I didn't need an exact description of what Black Orchid looked like right out the gate. Maybe Pyrrha/Jaune slowly piece together what these two are wearing. Since they've already met and are on a ship together, why take the time to describe them in full?

Think about when you meet someone for the first time. Did you notice their "ruby eyes, their almond hair, their military camo pants, their dungarees/boots/mud-splattered sneakers" in those first five seconds? You might've noticed they wore jeans and a t-shirt, but you wouldn't have a list of traits for them. Imagine you saw a robbery, when the police ask you for info on the perp, how many things would you be able to remember?

See here you have to think outside the box - which viewpoint are you using, which character is seeing this? Does that character have enhanced sight, or vision, or smell? Maybe focus details there. Pyrrha might not care to give full summaries of Nora or Ren, but she might notice a lot more about Jaune. Jaune, ironically, wouldn't notice a whole lot about her, but would notice a lot about Weiss, or whoever you're shipping him with in that particular story. Which descriptions are necessary? Which descriptions make sense?

Since this isn't advertised as "a series of basically written fights", no one goes in with that expectation, they're expecting a plot, changing, evolving, learning more bit by bit.

If instead, you just want to pit each RWBY character against a KI character, then it'd be better to bill the story as such, in which case, your transitions needn't be succinct, and flashbacks, like the scene between Ahab and Ishmael, aren't necessary. In that event, you might want to get your character descriptions out in a hurry (with more caution) so that you can skip right to the action.

That said, it's no sin to just throw out the "paragraph of description" all together and stick to a name and face basis.

I'm bad at "third person omniscient" myself, so others might tell you it's just as well to over-describe everyone and provide a clear picture. I'm of the belief that - as I said above - you should stick to what matters. It's hard to judge how much you actually need to say when you narrate outside of a particular character's point of view or thought process, makes it harder for me at least.

I think you can revise this and make each scene a bit more substantial, chop away some useless information, or change it so that the information at least seems important.

On the other hand, this probably isn't what you'd call a "magnum opus" so your opinion may be to shrug and keep going. That's fine too. One important thing I was told is to simply believe in your writing style. Maybe there's nothing wrong it at all.

I didn't see a bunch of spelling errors. There's some awkward phrasing, but since I read it two days ago, I can't (and won't) point out each one. All I can say to that is to read your sentences out loud and see if they make sense to you, or repeat them mentally. I do that often when I'm writing prose, it spares the reader a number of headache-y metaphors and bizarre wordings.

edited 8th May '15 1:47:28 PM by Soble

Finally, actual criticism.

Yeah, I was overly specific with the KI cast BECAUSE I know my readers will have no idea who they are. I could just say "Google them" in an author's note or something in the end but I imagine a lot of people are somewhat lazy to do that.

See, I didn't describe team JNPR because I know the readers will be familiar with RWBY, but since this KI is a reboot, I have to be specific on their description. It's for the benefit of the uninitiated. I do that to my Kamen Rider fanfics as well.

Still, this IS just the beginning. Hopefully when I reached either Fulgore or Spinal, I get better.

... But when you put it that way, I guess that makes sense, not remembering every detail of what someone wore.

I should really get a beta reader, but I update slow so I don't want to make them wait or anything... Even if I do get one, how good are they?

I do want to pit them, but I want to build it up instead of jumping right into it. I AM building a world where the KI cast exist in RWBY, after all.

Awkward phrasing is the result of me being an Indonesian with English as a second language. In addition to what I remember from school, I mostly learn it from TV, games, movies, etc.

I'm just following the examples I've seen. But perhaps I should do that, reading it out loud to see that it doesn't sound wrong or anything.

... But what if I don't know if it's wrong or not?

Also, KI 2013 Final Boss ARIA has been revealed

Concept arts of her, will look different in the game, but WOW.

I can see Penny facing off against her... and losing, but since we've no idea what Penny can REALLY do other than what we saw in the V1 finale, I'd settle with team RWBY since they ARE the protagonists.

edited 8th May '15 2:17:57 PM by strangerthenever

That's what I think it usually comes down to. I'm the same. Nature vs nurture. I'm on the Nurture side.

The problem though is that fan fiction definitely isn't the place you want to be if you're observing English. Go to a local library, pick up some recommended reading. Definitely don't read fan fiction until you're comfortable. Fanfiction authors abuse the English language like no tomorrow. That's not a slight, I'm serious - it happens. Ask anybody on this site, they can show you a poorly-written fan fic they've read.

Inferno is the best-written RWBY fic I've ever read (8 chapters of it at least). The Games We Play is second, but I hate that fic, so let's move on.

The way the author weaves details, sensory descriptions, character details, and what not - none of it feels wasteful. But the story is basically softcore erotica, and he/she uses a lot of their time describing the interactions between two characters - yet, in a tender and sensual way I imagine could only be provided by someone whose experienced, or at least witnessed a detailed account of such - that, or someone with writing chops far above my own the ability to convey experiences not their own.

I don't like romance fiction, I'm no good at it, so I can't really leech that much - if I tried writing the same way this guy did, I'd fail, because my stories are usually more action-oriented. But one thing I notice is how and where he/she puts detail, what sentences matter, which descriptions are signficant, how they transition, etc. It's a wonderful guideline.

(if you do look at Inferno, notice how little the characters are described. The reader already has an idea of what they look like, and the traits usually enhance the sentence somehow - this part is really hard, but it's like riding a bike after awhile)

(On the other hand, yes, the KI characters do require a bit more elaboration. I still think there's another way to convey that information)

So, to cut a rant short, Inferno is one of my inspirations. I know, I just said "don't be wordy". Inferno knows how to be wordy and yet not be boring.

-

I saw. ARIA, completely new to the franchise.

The Games We Play (boo, hiss) has helped me consolidate with the fact that we just don't know much and, like with Naruto, at times I just have to make stuff up. Go with what seems plausible and build from there. Otherwise, you're stuck.

Penny shoots lasers. She can stop a truck dead in its track and yank dropships out of the sky, it's not a stretch that she could probably knock down a building, or that she has some crazy durability - but from there, she could have any number of potential weaknesses.

There's also Hisako (Sadako expy) and the golem thing, and Cinder, and now Riptor. Killer Instinct seems to take pride in its expies. Not necessarily a bad thing. Last game that did that was probably Darkstalkers and that's a cult classic.

edited 8th May '15 5:25:45 PM by Soble

Of course I knew that. I'm not THAT dumb to not recognize how messed up the sentences are. That's why I have novels in English.

A prime example is a Ciaphas Cain ==HERO OF THE IMPERIUM== novel I have, and it's a great example of a first-person narrative (I made two first-person SI fanfics, the dialogs are inspired by that)

And yeah, about that... libraries are kinda rare here. Either they're only available in schools and colleges, or too far away. The ones in schools have few options, I don't go to college anymore, and the closest one in Jakarta is too damn far; I live in South Jakarta, and the library is in Central Jakarta.

Nu-uh. Not worth it. Also even though I can use online libraries, I prefer reading the books myself. The novels I'm trying to collect are my sources for English languages and grammars. I just follow their example.

It's softcore porn. I think that's the point; the author WANTS to turn on their readers, and if they can't be that specific and detailed... it fails.

Which is why I read hentai manga instead of written porn like that lol

ANYWAY!

I could do this in two ways; find a willing beta reader(s) or get better at English.

Yes, ARIA is indeed a new character.

What's wrong with that fic anyway?

And whatever her weaknesses are, we just hafta wait until V3 to see them.

Aganos is the golem thing. And yes, KI has a lot of expies because that's how the cast were back in the 90s. And unlike Sadako, Hisako isn't genocidal. She's actually one of the good guys, only going on a killing spree because Ultratech disturbed her grave. Things might change once they add story mode, but she's alright... and kinda cute lol

Fulgore is a Robocop/Predator combo, Spinal is a skeleton warrior straight out of a Harryhausen movie, Riptor exist because they were cashing in on the Jurassic Park hype, Tusk from KI 2 is Conan the Barbarian, TJ Combo is a mix of Apollo Creed/Clubber Lang (to me, anyway)

They're a cast of expies, as you said. Just like Darkstalkers.

Man, instead of KI vs Street Fighter, it should be KI vs Darkstalkers. They're a perfect match.

edited 8th May '15 11:36:38 PM by strangerthenever

If you're looking into some great insight into English grammar and syntax that's also fun to read (and also "teaches" some basic storytelling rules) then there's this blog I can link you to.

Found a rather amusing fic here. Essentially, Neo enrolls at Beacon after Roman gets captured for the purposes of trolling everyone.

Yes please, that would really help.

Well it's been awhile, might as well ask for my own advice.

So basically in the OC story I' working on, there's going to be factions. Lots and lots of factions in addition to the canon ones. There's gonna be neutral vs evil, evil vs evil, good vs neutral, neutral vs neutral, trust me, it's gonna be messy...

Anyway, I've got a few that I want to have checked out before I start introducing them in story:

'Greemers'(Apocalypse Cult, Admiring the Abomination):Essentially a Grimm-worshiping death-cult. I have a feeling that there will be a few of these in canon,so these guys are just one of the largest. Their man tactic is basically to capture Grimm in their 'adolescent' form and keep them locked away until they've grown into large specimens and let them loose (older, more powerful Grimm with the mentality of younger ones). Their lead by a Shark-Faunus who's only in or for the bloodshed, not really caring about the religious portions and their goal is the total extinction of all Non-Grimm lifeforms.

REVENANT (The Conspiracy, Status Quo Is God): An old Atlesean Stealth/Infiltration/Assassination unit that was officially retired and replaced with advanced AK units. Their are only ever 51 (Geddit, area 51?) members at a time. 40 Specters, cypernetically enhanced assassins who have been lobotimised t be completely loyal to the Chairmen. 6 Banshees with holographic tech that are so good at impersonating others that even the victims closest friends couldn't tell the difference (although they tend to suffer from identity disassociation, go insane and have to be put down)and five chairmen, one of whom is an Emissary (detailed below). They recruit members by having one of the Banshees steal the identity of a White Fang higher-up who sends potential recruits to 'Black-Ops' where they are mind-wiped and indoctrinated (reasoning that nobody will miss a terrorist/Faunus and that Black-O Ps allows them to be secretive about their missions/whereabouts) Their mission is to preserve the current Status between Faunus/Mankind/Grimm at the cost of everything else.

The Emissaries (Humanoid Abomination, Outside-Context Villain): I'm a little nervous about these guys because they're really really...weird. Long Story Short, every faction & character I've added will have clearly explained motives, methods & back stories, so I got the urge to add something alien. So with The Emissaries, there's thirteen of them and nobody knows where they came from, how they got their powers or how they were created & their motives are either unknown, or operating on a morality/way of thinking that is beyond human/Faunus comprehension. There's one who'll be working with Cinder who has an insane regenerative factor and cannot be killed (you could rend him down into individual atoms and he'd still come back) who believes in spreading Chaos for its own sake and another who believes in Narrative Causality who is literally as strong as the story needs him to be (i.e. he'll lose a one-on-one with Ruby because it's 'thematically appropriate'& then find a group of 20 expert hunters sent to track down Cinder, have a mild mental breakdown and scream at them for 'ruining the story' before killing all by himself in under a minute).

Advice?

Interesting ... Want advise on developing these particular factions, ideas for more factions, or both?

Okay this idea has been in my head for a while and it won't go away so here's the pitch.

Fire Emblem Awakening big bad is named Grima and he dies at the end of it. Not really he some how ends up Remnant. Being weak from his defeat he tries to control the local populace with his powers but ends up controlling the Grim instead. Now instead of being mindless monsters the Grim are now thinking thank to the influence of the Dark Dragon. What happens in the RWBY verse when the monster you thought were mindless suddenly start dropping ambushes and raids left right and center? I just needed to get this idea out of my head.

I don't think it's possible for me to say "No" hard enough. You may as well just make an OC that's controlling the Grimm.

That said...a fusion-style fic with RWBY characters in the Fire Emblem universe could be a lot of fun.

The Stranger returns to ramble once more about KLLR RWBY

Gameplay video here.

With ARIA finally revealed, I can imagine how insane she'd be to fight if team RWBY face her. Just ignore some of the video game limitations and let her go full anime and madness ensues.

Also, imagine ARIA—an AI by the way—hacking into Penny's body.

Thoughts?

Both would be nice.

Okay. I'll see what I can do.

Let's start with a few more factions.

A group that sees faunus as infant grimm and wishes to wipe them out.

A grimm cult with a mission to transform into grim.

A group that sees that the soullessness of grimm means that to defeat them, the body must be abandoned and the soul fully embraced. They wish to become beings of pure aura.

A group that believes that the grimm attacks are due to the number of kingdoms being four and if one to fall, the grimm attacks would stop. They act appropriately.

A group that wishes to domesticate grimm and breed them into a force of war-creatures.

A group that believes that faunus and humans need to become a single race to defeat the grimm and are trying to breed hybrids with the advantages of both races.

A group that is trying to graft grimm body-parts into their soldiers.

A group that believes that the grimm are divine punishment from a god of some sorts and wish to appease it.

A group who wishes to perform brain uploads as they believe that once humans are replaced with technology, the grimm will no longer attack. (Maybe full of cyborgs)

A group that believes that dust attracts grimm and wants to get rid of it.

A group of Luddites that believe that grimm attack humans because of technology and that without it, grimm won't attack.

A group that believes that grimm are after souls and that if we extract our souls, grimm will no longer attack.

A group that wants to replace the Schnees as the primary dust source and are willing to use sabotage to achieve that goal.

A group that believes that grimm deserve to be granted human rights and should not be slaughtered. Maybe a bit PETA inspired.

A group that wishes to engineer a third, slave-soldier race in addition to humans and faunus to fight the grimm.

A mob/gang with highly synergistic semblences.

A group that is trying to engineer semblences for specific purposes.

There's a few ideas for a start.