Really, the best answer I can give to these sorts of questions is: Go ahead and write the scene as you imagine it without thinking too much about it, then set it aside for a bit and do something else for however long it takes you for the idea to stop feeling "fresh." Later, come back to it and read through what you've written with a critical eye. If something rubs you the wrong way, change it, then set it aside for a bit again once your satisfied with the changes — wash, rinse, repeat.
Once you feel comfortable with less than the occasional mechanical tweak, then show other people and get their
opinion on the scene. You don't have to take every negative review you get as a sign that something is direly wrong, but if there's a consistent pattern to the criticism (i.e. the same specific things get pointed out by multiple people), then it's likely that you'll want to take a second look at whatever it is that's attracting that attention.