Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
What are chicken parents' favorite movies?
Chick flicks.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
my current job
What's a chicken's favourite comic book?
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Phfffff
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Complete Arse(nal)
Q: How do you annoy Lady Gaga?
A: Poker Face!
...Yeah that's a pretty terrible joke and its probably been said before. 
edited 24th Sep '15 8:53:20 AM by 434411423124222344
Why You Shouldn't Eat Meat
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
'I'm trying not to get involved. I'm just here for the companionship' - Ayoade
SPACE
A straw feminist walked into a bar.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
edited 24th Sep '15 1:24:03 PM by Teemo
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To roll in the mud
What do you call a muddy chicken crossing back across the same road?
A dirty double crosser
Who watches the watchmen?
my current job
Woah! Billy! What happened to your arm?
I was raking leaves.
How does one break their arm raking?
I fell out of the tree.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
sess10n status: l0st
why should you never date a tennis player?
it's because "love" means nothing to them!
[forum cryptid: it/it's]
Why are many laboratories starting to use lawyers instead of lab rats in experiments ?
Because the lab assistants tend to become attached to the rats.
edited 25th Sep '15 4:11:34 PM by Aetol
Worldbuilding is fun, writing is a chore
Two-bit blockhead
My friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
Weird in a Can (updated M-F)
XD
what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone elseThere's something on your face. -punch- It was pain! 
Along the same vein:
When I was a kid at school, a classmate I hated used the old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
So I hit him with a dictionary.
what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
A friend told me they liked dark humor. I turned off the lights and told them knock knock jokes.
Who watches the watchmen?
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
I heard of this story of how one Wehrmacht soldier dodged American soldier's gunfire by bending backwards.
I guess that makes him the first recorded Neo-Nazi.
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
Lol. I like that one.
Why was the baby ink drop crying?
Because mommy ink drop was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
Who watches the watchmen?
It's Like Arguing on the Internet
How is American beer like having sex in a canoe?
They're both fucking close to water.
Somehow you know that the time is right.
Basically canon
Last night I went to bed dreaming of tailpipes and mufflers. I woke up feeling exhausted.
pearlina brainrot affects millions of people worldwide. if you or a loved one are suffering from pearlina brainrot, call 1-800-GAY-NERDSI had to quit my job at the bicycle shop because I got too tired.
I smell magic in the air. Or maybe barbecue.
my current job
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Confucius says: The man who runs in front of a car is tired. The man who runs behind it is exhausted.
FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC!
A Buddhist monk goes to a pizza place. The waiter asks him which toppings he'd like. The monk replies: "Make me one with everything".
After he's done eating the monk asks for the bill. The total (including tip) is £18, so the monk duly pays with a £20. The waiter starts to leave when the monks asks: "where's my change?" The waiter replies: "Change comes from within."
Quod gratis asseritur, gratis negatur.
It's Like Arguing on the Internet
HORRID PUN INCOMING
How do you clean your tuba's mouthpiece?
With a tuba toothpaste.
Somehow you know that the time is right.
can you two save it for after class, im trying to teach here, why did the chicken lie flat on the road?
it got tired
Remember what we used to say? JACKPOT!