Joke thread

Holocaust Jokes are Jewly offensive

Anne Frankly I think we should cut it out!

Been done.

All of them have; the real problem with Holocaust jokes is that they're as overdone as the oven-baked- (sudden attack of good taste)

I'd say... well-done. Badumtsss~

I'm sure someone's done this before.

Suzy has no arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Suzy. -shot- oh wait....kicked.

.... I'm going to hell for that one.

How about this?

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Hey

Hey who?

Hey Bart, you wanna see my new chainsaw and hockey mask?!

Gay dads, blowpops.

Oedipus was the first motherfucker.

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to screw it in and one to hold the cock .. father .. LADDER! I meant Ladder!

You're wet? Let me get you a towel.

Why did the blonde fail her math test?

She had a biology test on the same day and being that she is a bio major she felt it would be to her interest to put more emphasis on the bio test because she is only taking calc as an advanced elective credit which would not effect her major GPA

No offense, but your anti-humor (or whatever it is called) is getting pretty predictable.

Three people of different nationalities walk into a room. The first two say something witty and intelligent, while the third insults all of his countrymen by responding like an idiot.

This is not mine, but a review by John Rogers:

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord Of The Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other has orcs.

@Roy - It's ironic!

edited 2nd May '13 6:43:58 AM by ThatOneGuyNamedX

Sorry if this has been done before, but this has to be told.

Deep in a forest, in the middle of nowhere, there is a tortoise. This tortoise is climbing a tree. Slowly, with precision and inch perfect climbing abilities, it climbs right up to a sturdy branch. It goes to the end of the branch, jumps off, and flaps it's arms, falling to the ground. Undeterred, it gets up and tries again.

Over and over this cycle repeats, climbing, jumping, falling and trying again. The tortoise never gives up.

Two birds are watching this tortoise from another tree. One of them turns to the other and says, "Honey, do you think it's time to tell him he's adopted?"

Where did the general put his armies?

Up his sleevies.

Why did the Chicken cross the road? ....

What, you're so concerned about this chicken crossing the road, since you want to know why he is? You don't get so super worried about him. He has his own reasons, you douche!

...

Ta-daaaa....

A Sunday school teacher asked her students "If you must speak in church, why is it considered good manners to whisper?" One little girl answered "Because people are sleeping."

@Ninja - I never heard of it and it's pretty funny, if you ask me.

Calculus is like pop music; Half of it is derivative.

How do you finish a joke with a contrived setup?

With a witty punchline!

A performative poet of Hibernia
Rhymed himself into a hernia
He became quite adept
At this practice, except
For the occasional non-sequitur.

edited 2nd May '13 5:10:47 PM by TheMike

What do you call a tree with square roots? A geome-tree.

There once was a man
from Peru, whose limericks
read like haiku. "I

cut them in half," he
said with a laugh, "because I
get paid more for two!"

edited 2nd May '13 6:50:49 PM by TheMike