Sexism and Men's Issues

That is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time.

A best friend will wear a dress to your funeral because you asked him to.

Exactly. And, if anybody doubts his Bro points for even just a minute... well, they don't have a heart. Simple.

edited 22nd Sep '14 12:35:49 PM by Euodiachloris

I'm gonna chime and in and say the links and story you posted were crowning moments of heartwarming, Gab.

Back to the stats: 9 million men raped by women is a lot more than most would expect. Way more than men raped by men (2 million). What percentage is that in the overall total, and are there any upcoming campaigns to raise awareness of male victims- they could do with this info.

http://www.techtimes.com/articles/16264/20140923/lifestyle-changes-can-help-prevent-80-percent-of-heart-attacks-in-men-study.htm

http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/09/distort-male-sexuality-hurt-everybody/

A bit tangential to that article, but the initial part reminded me of an issue, where one male friend made fun of a female friend's phobia, despite her insistence that he stop (she had arachnophobia, but was not afraid of scorpions. They kept trying to say the two were the same, to which she was trying to explain that trying to equate the two was not helping her phobia remotely).

Anywho, later another male friend privately said he sided with the female friend, but, notably, hadn't said anything.

Not really sure what to make out of it, but another person later concluded that the fear of angry backlash was strong.

In a world where 50.8% of school children identify as non-white, we need more then just 2% of our school teachers to be African American Men.

That post should go in the Race thread, right?

Men often are dissuaded against being teachers in primary education because that is seen as "child care". The discussion on men's rights often is very absent in addressing issues specific to minority men. It concerns me that many male leadership positions are older, white men who don't even acknowledge that they need assistance from their minority counterparts to make more effective decisions and inclusive programs.

More children are being raised by men not their biological fathers and more of these children are not white. My own white son is being raised by a black man with me.

This is very much a men's issue because all men carry the responsibility of encouraging each other and building environments where not just white men can succeed or get something done.

Honestly, I think this is in part why men's issues are not making as much progress as I would like because too many people just immediately say "That's a race issue" instead of owning their gender's contribution to that issue.

EDIT: I could expand it to say that oppression of gay men should be embraced as a male issue alongside being a gay rights issue. Again, opening opportunities and expressions of masculinity for all men helps all men. My white son needs to care about his gay classmate being picked on because that restricts and hurts how he is expected to express his masculinity. He needs to care about the issues plaguing the Hispanic boy in his class because his ability to be a productive member of society expands as the Hispanic boy's opportunities expand.

edited 24th Sep '14 9:37:07 AM by Gabrael

Men, of all races, are often dissuaded from teaching in primary education because they're stereotyped as dangerous predators.

I've got a brother who's a teacher, and while he does a great job, I worry. All it takes is one pissed off kid or a Knight Templar Parent and he'd be lucky to just lose his job.

Even without the worst case scenarios, Male teachers are often significantly restricted in how they can interact with children compared to their female peers. (Can't be alone, no hugging, can't lead a kid to the bathroom, can't change diapers, whatever. It will vary from school to school.)

edited 24th Sep '14 9:18:08 AM by Oroboro

It's also a problem in Britain too — there's even been a recruitment drive for male teachers at both the primary and secondary level.

edited 24th Sep '14 2:29:58 PM by Greenmantle

This is a worldwide problem. But the reasons may vary from area to area.

The whole thing with male teachers is weird. It is unusual to have a male teacher in elementary school^note for the non-American, teachers for kids 5-11, roughly, while it's also unusual to have female professors by the time you reach university. Teaching small children is somehow considered "women's work," probably because of how much of the population want school to also be responsible for raising the children attending.

Wesleyan University orders on-campus fraternities to admit women, ostensibly as part of an effort to reduce rape and sexual harassment. But the decision does not apply to off-base fraternities. Is this the start of a death knell for the Greek Life™?^note And if so, is there any way we can accelerate it?

@Gabrael: I get it now, it's a cross issue. I got confused by the way you phrased it.

Well, of course. The British army has a long tradition of dressing in women's clothing for a laugh (my friends have all taken to adding 'Except you, Jones' to party invitations after one was typed up saying the dress code was 'black tie or cocktail dress') so I'm not at all surprised to see this, even if in this case the actual joke was long ago and far away and things aren't as funny any more. He asked; You do.

edited 25th Sep '14 5:02:49 AM by InverurieJones

Besides which... the best time for a bloke to rock a frock is when he's in shape. Get out of shape and try it, and you risk looking like a Panto Dame.

Yeah. It's not pretty.

Now, I'm going to go and lie down because I just read what was being discussed before that story and I now feel extremely unwell.

I fell into an interesting situation that has lead me to ponder something that I would appreciate a male insight with.

I personally feel there are several broad categories for mistakes people make as they are trying to get someone's attention romantically: Trying too Hard, Not Listening, Being Dishonest, and Wrong Intentions. Sometimes these overlap a bit, but sometimes they don't.

I rarely get hit on so I was curious when a man began to flirt with me at my son's school. I already informed him I have a boyfriend. I already told him no thanks. Yet he acts as if that never happened, continues to be persistent, and keeps calling me beautiful. I was wondering why he felt the need to comment on my looks every time he sees me and I figured either he remember my name (after all, he "forgot" the fact I have a boyfriend) or he genuinely feels that this is some way to garner points in his favor.

This got me thinking, what is it males are taught to do either directly or indirectly when it comes to getting a girlfriend? What are you told to look for in a potential match? Are you given qualities to look for? What do you think boys need to improve upon in these traditions or lessons or what do you think is being done right?

I find the way a man feels he needs to approach a woman is very telling, and the difference in what men see and women see is interesting in just how much it differs sometimes. I also think men are sent very confusing messages, though they are more likely to listen to their friends and fellow men, but as a woman, I'm not privy to those conversations or experiences so I have no clue what men face in that. Not beyond basic ideas.

I've put so much thought into this that there's no way I could put it all into a single post. But, this subject is the entire reason that I became involved in gender studies.

I guess I'll sum up my thoughts in a short list.

1. Men are taught that women don't know what they want.
2. Not getting what you were after, no matter what the excuse, is basically failure.
3. Her man is doing something wrong; you just need to figure out what it is.

That last one is a particular sore point with me because I've exploited it myself on a few occasions (might I remind you that my thoughts on gender have changed a lot in just the past 3 years). I exploited the "Common Knowledge" that a woman in a committed relationship is easier to seduce than a single woman. A single woman, this "wisdom" holds, is looking for her ideal man based on any number of preferred traits. A woman in a relationship only requires that you figure out what her current relationship lacks.

I was never taught anything about getting a girlfriend and I never really had a clue about where a guy could find such information to be honest. It's probably lucky I have never had any interests in dating, sex, companionship, etc.

Somewhere along the line, I learned to ignore the existence of the boyfriend too. I'm not sure exactly where we get that from. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say it comes from the Love Triangle trope, and the idea of a valiant romantic hero rescuing the lovely damsel from her evil suitor.

In my youth, I was good at manufacturing a conflicted Love Triangle in my head, wherein the reality was more equivalent to a couple dealing with one horny, desperate hanger-on that she's just too polite to shoot down harshly. Some guys flip the Oblivious to Love trope around on its head and instead see everything you do that isn't telling them to go f*ck themselves as a sign of interest in them.

Between that and the fact that he persists in complimenting your appearance, it suggests to me he got his romance learning from fiction, where there is no such thing as failing to get the girl, only obstacles that must be overcome before she will inevitably be yours. Either that, or he's one of those No Means Yes guys who've learned to take rejection as a challenge to their manhood.

edited 25th Sep '14 1:38:44 PM by TobiasDrake

See this is all very strange to me, I've liked girls with boyfriends before, but they had a boyfriend, so I never tried anything.

But since age 10 I've been able to count the number of close guy friends I have on one hand, so all my romantic learning comes from girls.

Another thing I picked up in my youth but am not entirely sure where: she may have a boyfriend NOW, but that doesn't mean anything because, statistically, they'll probably break up down the line. Stick close to her, get in her good graces, and try to win some points with her now, and you'll have a headstart on the competition when she becomes available.

You may recognize this as a Nice Guy tactic.

edited 25th Sep '14 2:03:29 PM by TobiasDrake

As I've always been close and nice to girls naturally (with no consideration for trying to set up to get with them at a later date) and always found it detrimental to them developing feelings for me I've always found those tactics strange, I mean they're not just asshole ideas, they seem to be incredibly bad ones.

Yeah, I thought 'Nice =/= Sexy' was pretty much covered in 'Getting Your End Away, Lesson 1'?