Body image and self-esteem

So I've been reading up on the role of physical appearance in self-esteem. There's always been pressure to look good, all throughout the ages. The Ancient Greeks placed a high value on a lean and muscular physique, and in Ancient Egypt, both men and women wore makeup. Part of it could be biological - even babies are drawn to regular, aesthetically pleasing features. Yet the social part of it is way too exaggerated, with unrealistic standards of beauty. It affects mostly women, but men aren't exempt either (see Muscle Angst).

Now, while I think the idea that people can only be beautiful if they look like supermodels is ridiculous, and I think we should focus on our personalities and achievements, can I really say I don't care about physical appearance at all? No, I can't. I'm happy with my body, even with its imperfections. Still, I had braces for two years, want to stay reasonably in shape, and like to get clothes/haircuts that suit me. That means caring a little bit about looks.

It seems to be the case for quite a few people. It's a safe guess that many people feel better when they've made themselves presentable than, say, when they're in old jeans, a T-shirt with a stain down the front, and have unwashed hair. Is this a bad thing? Is any focus on looks too much focus?

I mean, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being absolutely hideous and 10 being stunning, I'm probably about a 5 - just average - and I'm okay with that. I'm not even really afraid of getting old, because that isn't so bad and I've seen older people present themselves well. It's just that I wouldn't want to be a 1. Why, though? Most of my self-esteem is based on my personality and skills (which is the reason for my self-confidence issues!) but there's no denying that body image is a factor, even if it's just 20-30 per cent or something.

Lately I've been debating over whether or not to get a haircut. Yeah, a freaking haircut. I really need one, but you know the way getting your hair cut can lift your spirits? I'd get all neurotic over whether or not it should make me feel like that. Why don't I just grab a pair of kitchen scissors and chop all my hair off? It'd be cheap and practical, but I don't want to. Should I want to? I'd still be the same person. I'd just feel sad and self-conscious. Why would I feel bad about cutting my hair off with kitchen scissors, and feel good about getting a nice haircut? Because I'm shallow to an extent, that's why.

Should we care about physical appearance at all? Is anyone who doesn't let themselves go a bad person? Discuss.

Dont make sport can undermine your self-esteem. It´s more about feeling healthy and painless than being fit. And it helps to cut off stress too.

That´s my experience with body, exercise and self-esteem.

edited 15th Apr '12 11:07:56 AM by Picheleiro

Yeah, it does reduce stress and I have so much more energy when I exercise. Just don't know if I should even be thinking about fitness though.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to improve your perception of what you look like if it provides confidence and self-esteem. If we're talking about reaching a healthy weight, it out to be encouraged in that situation.

The problem is when it reaches the point of being an unmanageable neurosis and/or a stick to beat other people with.

edited 15th Apr '12 3:01:59 PM by TheBatPencil

I don't have a weight problem, and can actually eat quite a lot without gaining weight. It's just that I'd like to tone up a little. It's not a disaster if I don't, but lately I've been feeling guilty about even wanting to. Same with things like wearing stylish clothes.

Also, I don't want to lose my self-esteem when I'm 30 and don't have such a fast metabolism any more.

My view is pretty simple: For all that you are fretting out about your appearance, everyone else is too busy fretting about their appearance to notice or really care. Anyone who cares about you isn't going to be concerned with minor imperfections (though obviously, if it becomes a health or hygiene issue, that's different), and anyone who is going to tease or scrutinize you isn't someone who you should care about. It may be difficult to train your mind to think about things in this regard, but I think it's the right thing to do.

On the issue of bodily perfection, I have a few points to make. First, no one is going to look as good as the people in magazines. Natural appearances aren't going to look good as appearances that have been augmented with surgery, camera techniques, and digital airbrushing. It's just not going to happen, and worrying about it is just going to be a source of angst.

Now, I understand that first impressions are powerful. Presentation is important, and I'd be lying if I said that they weren't. Best not to go out in ripped up clothing or like you just got done smoking pot. But that does not mean that everything has to be suit-and-tie / formal dress either. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of person; that's what I like to wear and it's what I'm comfortable in. Which I think is the most important thing. When you're comfortable with something, be it hair, clothing, makeup, etc., you're going to be naturally more attractive.

Is there such a thing as focusing too much on looks? Sure. There's also a thing known as caring too little - it's called being a slob, and I'll admit that I can be one from time to time. All things in moderation, and that includes moderation as well. Every once in a while, feel free to splurge on something fancy that you feel will make you look stunning and confident.

I'm not quite sure if that's what you're after, but hopefully this should be some good advice.

If you ask me, the only things that one should be required to care about that overlap with one's physical appearance are cleanliness-related and health-related issues (and there's even some overlap there too). Worry about more than that and you're worrying too much. Not that I'm so above it all, I worry about more than just that too, but we need to train ourselves to just focus on what we need to focus on.

edited 15th Apr '12 8:09:20 PM by 0dd1

@OP: Not really, every model on magazines and such is photoshopped + they don't even look that good. Heck, I've never met anyone actually ugly or anyone who looks better because of make up. To me make up makes everyone look worse

I wasn't talking about wanting to look like a photoshopped model - yeah, I agree that they don't look that good. They're unrealistically skinny anyway. While I want to stay somewhat in shape, I'm not going to go out of my way to look like a model.

It's just that I feel guilty about even aiming to be presentable. My hair is a mess today, because I felt like it would be wrong to do anything with it. And guess what? I still don't want to cut it all off with kitchen scissors.

It'd be so nice to be able to wear dresses again without feeling guilty.

edited 16th Apr '12 5:43:45 AM by Xandriel

Whats wrong with messy hair anyway? Why does it feel guilty to wear dresses?

Do you want to look nice for other people, or do you want to look nice for yourself?

Of course, to a certain extent you're always going to be doing it for other people, but I sometimes feel that as long as I think I look fine, I don't care so much about anybody else.

It's great that you want to start an exercise routine, but don't do it because you want to look better, because that either never works or only works for a very short period of time. Probably body image issues and you want to exercise should be treated separately.

Yeah, for myself. I think I look alright anyway, and minor imperfections don't really bother me (I'm okay with being flat-chested for example). If people don't like my style, that's their problem, but a lot of people say they like it, because it's distinctively me. The other day, I was shopping with my mum. She pointed to this top and said "This looks like the kind of thing you'd wear." It was, so I bought the top. My style is part of my identity and I'd be sad to give that up.

My contempt for czars of fashion is at war with my desire to grow and evolve as a human being!

Anyway, I don't groom myself to impress others, so much as to make myself feel good. You can call that a society-imposed neurosis if you like. I'm not Amazingly Photogenic Guy, and need all the help I can get.

edited 16th Apr '12 8:36:22 AM by johnnyfog

Yep, that's why I groom myself - to feel good.

Okay. Got to relax about this. I've decided that it's okay to take care of your appearance a little bit, as long as you don't go too far with it, and you focus on developing other aspects of yourself too.

I'm going to get the salon haircut and not feel bad about it.

I still say that cosmetics are root of all evil /hyberbole

Of course, technically you could argue that if I find people more attractive when they aren't using cosmetics, its just as hypocritical to argue that people trying to make themselves look better, though cosmetics cause lots of harm and stuff I'm not about to explain because this thread isn't about cosmetics.

But yeah, more seriously saying, if you ask me, everyone can look like whatever they want (Though I still argue that cultural views on what counts as good looking is bad thing! Do you hear cultural things say that plumb people look cute? No? Then you get what I mean D:<)

I fully admit that when I dress up I rarely do it for myself, just because I have an office job and hate business casual. I can number crunch just as efficiently in jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes.

I think I have a pretty good body and overall attractive looks, but I could be better. I'm slim, but my stomach is as soft as room temp butter so I'm working on that. I'm the only one who ever sees my stomach, so I'm the only one who can be bugged by it. And it bugs me. Butter stomach!! I used to have firm abs, damnit! So I guess on that front I'm trying to make myself look better to make me feel better, not to make other people feel better.

I'm also getting sandalwood deodorant to make me feel better about me, because who else but me is going to be shoving their nose in my pits?

edited 16th Apr '12 9:52:42 AM by Bur

Yeah, about the only thing I'd change about my body is my tendency toward acne, and frankly the biggest factor in that is that I personally find it really, really irritating.

The rest...well, I guess I just had to grow into how I look. Like, I look back at old grade school pictures and think "man I was an ugly kid and my hair looked like a penis." Seriously, I was the dweebiest thing ever. But around high school I started getting to the point where I couldn't really say that anymore, and I'm not sure exactly when. I guess there's a fine line between good hair and your-hair-is-a-penis.

edited 16th Apr '12 2:44:48 PM by Pykrete

*insert crack relating to The Last Airbender here*

Pykrete you made me crack up! Thanks.

Okay, I've been talking this over with my friends. We had our creative writing society meeting, and one guy complimented me on my outfit, as he often does. He's really cynical about the media and the fashion industry, though, and it shows in his writing, so I asked him if he thought I really should be wearing nice clothes. He said yes, and that the way I dress shows my individuality. I asked how it makes me an individual. He said that I follow my own style instead of the latest trends, so it can be a form of self-expression.

Another friend, an outspoken feminist, said that she likes to dress up now and again, and she tries to stay fit. She also said that things like clothes and make-up can be an expression of creativity, and that it's not a bad thing to dress up occasionally, so long as you don't need to be looking your best 100% of the time.

We also looked up feminist blogs on her computer, and one of those weight loss ads came up. It was something like, "Lose 2 stone in a month!" with a "before" and "after" pic of a girl. We both noted three things. One, that would be really unhealthy. Two, the "after" pic was of a different girl. Three, the bigger girl looked better. So now I'm more relaxed about the shape thing.

I told her about the hair thing, and she said it's understandable because she'd feel bad if she had to shave of all her hair. Yet I don't see her as a shallow person. She just takes care of herself.

I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing, then - dressing casually most of the time, and dressing up when I feel like it/the situation calls for it. Like Dark Confidant said, all things in moderation.

It really depends on what you want.

Believe it or not, some people enjoy having a slew of shorter, more sexually based relationships. If that's something you want, you're probably going to have to look pretty good to your target demographic. If your target demographic is one that is found conventionally attractive, you'll have to be fairly attractive yourself. In this case, taking pains to look good (however you do it) is an intelligent step toward getting what you want.

If you want a longer-range, committed relationship, again, your target demographic is going to have to find you at least somewhat attractive. Making sure you stay at that level or at a level where it's easy (adding makeup or changing fashion or something along that line of (non)difficulty) to move up if you find someone you want that kind of relationship with isn't silly. It's just common sense.

If you're happy being single (and are 100% positive you'll always be that way), you need only focus on being presentable - it affects your job outlooks and how other people approach you.

In other words, care what other people think about you when it affects whether you can live the kind of life you want to.

^Not really Only in job interviews.

I doubt it. Between too otherwise equally employable workers, is the one with the slobby appearance going to get laid off, or the one who takes care of his appearance?

Still depends though. You wouldn't be firing the programmer who wrote your dedicated software in such a way that only he can upgrade/etc (I've heard of people using really random words for their variables and no notes to make sure that only they can understand what their programs do).

But I know what you mean.

Exercise and physical well-being = good.

Slavish devotion to a perceived aesthetic ideal = bad.