Taking Over The World

Talking with a friend once, we agreed that the way to take over the world would be to exploit the Vetinari Paradox; take on as many roles and powers as possible, execute them better than anyone, and build yourself into the system in such a way that it falls apart without your guidance; even if people don't like the fact that you are now at the top of the command tree, they will begrudgingly admit that removing you would bring everything down on everyones heads.

After that, I'd start looking for a talented successor and encourage them to become a far stronger candidate than any of their successors; they would never be explicitly named successor just as Tiberius was never named Augustus' successor, but they would be involved so deeply in top-level governance already that everyone would accept this new arrival without other candidates getting a foot in.

I have only three plans in progress for how I'd run the world:

1. Activate my Lotus-Eater Machine and link up every living thing to it, putting each of them into their own personal world. They get to control it however they want though.
2. Instigate Instrumentality and assimilate everything in the universe together to become one with me. (Thus my villain name would be One ;P)
3. And this is the one where I rule the world directly. I'd already be a Reality Warper so I'd ALSO be a benevolent dictator, but of course I'd always get the final say.

Necro thread is necro'd.

I'm an old Thread Necromancer.

And just because it's dead that doesn't mean it's not fun.

Once I take over the world I will eat all the man flesh. OM NOM NOM.

I'd make a slow shift towards anarcho communism. And make sure we get biological immortality before I die. I need more than a lifetime to complete the transition.

edited 12th Jul '12 12:06:30 AM by Qeise

Sounds like a lot of effort for very little benefit.

Why would I want to take over the world? Then I'd have to manage it, and I've never been very interested in administration.

Plus, my eventual daughter would join a bunch of rag-tag rebels out to depose me and fall in love with some scruffy, plucky adventurer whose father I threw into a volcano, my trusted lieutenant would betray me at the most inconvenient moment possible, and I'd have to wear some ridiculous costume with a spiky armor or something like that.

Pass.

I'd rather take over the library. And a nice cafe, and perhaps a restaurant too. You guys have fun with the rest.

edited 12th Jul '12 1:00:35 AM by Carciofus

Taking over the world... Well, you could do it by somehow capturing every army official and politician at same time and then somehow preventing rebellion, maybe by capturing every civilian too.

So logically answer is to create army of robots/biodrones in so huge number that you outnumber population of Earth

Step 1) Develop a deadly virus, patent it, and the drug required to keep the patient alive while infected.

Step 2) Spread the said virus

Step 3) Make everyone pay for the drug, while suing those who try to develop the vaccine for it for patent infringement.

Step 4) ???

Step 5) PROFIT!

edited 12th Jul '12 1:28:45 AM by IraTheSquire

Shaping the world into my image after I take over would only make the world ugly.

Seriously though, assuming I came into power via violence (as in most of the world is dead/burning) my days would likely be spent trying to rebuid what I have destroyed.

If by some miracle I actually came into power relatively peacefully (or I just fix up the mess as I go) I'd probably try to do the following:

1) Stockpiles of food, water, medicine, fuel and other critical supplies will be built up and maintained WITHIN every major population center I can manage, with the assumption that it will have to survive a 3 month blockade with no re-supply possible.

Just in case.

The will be built into monuments or buried beneath parks, or whatnot, but the stockpiles MUST be there.

The psychological effect of knowing that basic needs can be met and they are close at hand should keep the populace calm and my blood pressure in check.

2) EVERYONE will be fed to the system. And by that, I mean biometric scans, DNA records, etc. will be taken from birth and used to keep track of a person til death.

No one will be left behind or forgotten if I can help it.

3) Public/Government housing, clothing, feeding, etc. shall be made available whenever possible. Though this may mean little more than an air conditioned, plush locker and disposable Goon Green suits, I will strive for a world where a citizen could wake up, be sent from one end of the empire to another for duty, be fed, housed and clothed without ever having to own a house or shirt of his own.

Everything is Free (though cheap) EXCEPT Freedom!

3) I would allow the legalization/normalization of slavery, child labor, suicide, mercy kills, prostitution, formal death dueling, public torture and executions with remains displayed.

4) I would destroy government censorship boards. Seriously. I will depend on fast, open, free flowing information, not ignorance, as the norm. If I am unable to handdle this, I have no business trying to rule.

5) My Punishment/Reward Policy will be Stalinistic or worse. Failure to perform an order up to standard will result in things like being fed into a live furnace and rewards will be anything from 40 virgins and beyond.

You know, I want to question whether there is anyone in the thread or among tropers who actually, really thinks they ever would take up an opportunity to rule the world; to be responsible and culpable for the security, prosperity, and cultural well being of the entire almost seven billion member human race and all their environs and stock.

'Cause I know for a fact that I would never in this or any life wish that burden on anyone, much less myself.

edited 12th Jul '12 5:09:45 PM by OhnoaBear

How many villains who want to take over the world actually would do well with it. ;p

Most good people wouldn't seriously want to rule the world because they wouldn't trust themselves with it without some big advantage.

Also, who said anything about ruling responsibly? I bet that some of us wants to lead humanity down to the depths of DOOM.

I actually had a plan for this and am probably going to sound like an idiot for posting it but whatever. It would never work but it's just something I came up with for fun. My basic philosophy during the conquest phase would be one of non-violent takeover. Basically my troops avoid killing as much as possible. They'd use tasers, rubber bullets, and sonic generators to incapacitate the enemy armies with as little bloodshed as possible. This would primarily be done to make people not see me as a bloodthirsty tyrant who massacres their friends and neighbors. Also any troops caught engaging in rape, pillage, and burn tactics or any other war crimes will be charged with crimes against humanity and locked up for life. That stuff's bad for PR.

Anyway I'd start in Australia because they're badass. After that I'd move into Japan, China, and the rest of East and Southeast Asia. Once I've consolidated them under me I'd control most of the major manufacturing centers which allows me to economically force the majority of the western nations to bend to my will. From there I'd go to the Middle East so I'd control most of the world's oil and then I'd take over Africa. I'm not too sure about the other regions but I'd hope I can get them to join me peacefully if I prove to them how nice things would be under my rule.

Once I've got control of the world I'll divide it into 13 regions which are treated as separate states or nations in a vast global empire. Said regions each have a governor and a series of sub-governors and city councils that handle the day to day administrative tasks. All these governors will answer to me and will have the duty to report any problems that could threaten the safety or security of their region. If they are found to not be doing their job they will be forced to waive all power to me until I can arrange for a suitable replacement. My role will be primarily deciding world policy and large initiatives that affect multiple regions of the world at once such as reforms and resource allocation. I would also have a group of Ministers that function like a presidential cabinet by advising me on issues like health, transportation, and education. They would all be well regarded officials in their various fields and are subject to an approval process by a board of people who are commissioned to oversee that field (ex: the health board, labor relations board, education board, etc).

As for what I'd do once I'm firmly in control I'd probably fashion myself as a benevolent dictator. My main goal in the early days would be trying to bring the third world countries up to first world status through better technology and education. Once I've got all the countries on relatively equal ground I'd end destructive and abusive practices carried out by business leaders and other wealthy individuals. They are subject to have their businesses taken over by the state if they don't comply with health and safe working conditions regulations. Healthcare and education up to the college level will also be provided for all that desire it (in the case of education though they have to meet the standards of the institution).

Once the world is relatively secure and education and such are available to all we'll start focusing on expanding our reach outward, first to the Moon then to other planets in the Solar system. We'll probably stay in this system unless we can find a way to quickly get to Alpha Centauri.

As for who takes over when I die...well I don't intend to. My hope is that I can somehow develop a way of living forever (or at least for a long time) during which I can hopefully set up a system that can allow the people to continue to function in my absence if I do die.

edited 12th Jul '12 6:59:22 PM by Kostya

I don't think I'm ready to run the world. I think I'll start with something small like the tri-state area and see how that works.

I dont want to rule the world. I'd be happy with president of the US with a party friendly to me in power in congress and the senate. That's all I need to build up NASA to the point of exploring mars and maybe building space cruisers...Maybe I'll have the navy do that bit.

I don't have the drive to rule the world as a figurehead. It's not something I would ever aim for.

I wouldn't mind doing my best to set the world on the right path from behind the scenes though.

Unfortunately, trying to Take the world, as it is now, will probably be a very violent, messy affair.

I can think of no way that all of humanity could be united without overwhelming force.

It would be like Cambodia under Polpot, but worse.

"Talking with a friend once, we agreed that the way to take over the world would be to exploit the Vetinari Paradox; take on as many roles and powers as possible, execute them better than anyone, and build yourself into the system in such a way that it falls apart without your guidance; even if people don't like the fact that you are now at the top of the command tree, they will begrudgingly admit that removing you would bring everything down on everyones heads."

"After that, I'd start looking for a talented successor and encourage them to become a far stronger candidate than any of their successors; they would never be explicitly named successor just as Tiberius was never named Augustus' successor, but they would be involved so deeply in top-level governance already that everyone would accept this new arrival without other candidates getting a foot in."

80 Oh lord I actually wrote this?!

Killed the thread with it too. XD

It's always nice when the stuff you wrote years ago brings a laugh rather than disturbing you.

...

Wow the fuck.

Also, Chainy is back. Huh.

Anyway, it would be a nice idea. Taking over the world. Sure, I could do it.

I might die from stress, but yeah, sure, I'd rule the world and take on all the responsibilities that would entail.

edited 14th Jul '12 10:03:00 PM by Ekuran

Wait, aren't we forgetting something very important about taking Over The World?

Namely, the Perks/Rewards that go along with it?

Women, great food, fancy digs, minions who bow to your every whim and power of life and death over everyone.

Seriously, I'd start a harem and open up a 24/7 eat all you can spread with a giant temp controled pool (perhaps with groto and neon lighting?), bar and top of the line toys in the den. (the electronics, not the human kind I mean).

I imagine my office would have plush, fuzzy carpeting and extra stuffed and comfty furniture as well as a small army of sexy secretaries/staff to handle things.

Wonder if it would viable to have hot/cold running chocolate milk on tap?

If I took over the world, I wouldn't do it by becoming the world ruler. I'd take more after the East India Company than the British Empire.

As for perks? Um... Infinite riches, power, and making the world a better place.

Downsides? Everything else.

So, overall, I'd say it would be worth it.

Do this;

Actually, the East India Company idea is nice, but not ABSOLUTE Ruler of the World deal.

If you have a stranglehold on trade, you will have a great deal of wealth but that wealth will be largely dependant on the economies of different nations/regions/places.

The poor will not be doing much trade, at least not at the level where it would be worth the effort of getting a slice of it.

You won't have "infinite" wealth (I doubt it can exsist) just a lot of it. So any outlandish projects will have to be limited to what your East India can afford.

Then there's the problem of relgion, patriotism, intelectuals, hippies, etc., basically anyone with a strong opinion who may object (perhaps violently) to anything you say/do.

You'd need a strong Enforcement Plan to go along with your Economic Plan.

All the money in the world isn't going to do you much good if the peasants start storming the gates and rioting everywhere.

You'd never get anything done.