All Purpose General Fanfiction Posting Thread

[Title TBA]

It's almost funny, really. After all that I've gone through and seen, I'm actually carrying through with something I wanted to do before it all went to hell. You see that way too often in stories lately, of a kid (usually) who only wants to see his dear grandma and ends up fighting an effeminate and insane prettyboy in order to save the world, while his grandma's still sitting in her home, watching the door and waiting.

Of course, some people would rather he ditch the whole heroing business, and instead make babies with said prettyboy regardless of basic human biology, but no one ever seems to remember the old lady.

But, I'm rambling. Metaphors and me get along a little too well. Back to the story: during the breaks that I had while everything was going on, I'd often tell myself 'You could write a book about any five of them, and it'd make millions'. So I did, and, hopefully, it will. It's up to you, really, since you're the ones I'm selling this story to.

It all goes back to one place — all of the alliances, the five-way betrayals, the wars, the quests, the desperate last-chance techniques and everything in between. That place is a nameless corner on a street no one cared about, on a piece of ground next to a spiritual body well on its way to dying of blood loss.

I say 'dying' in a purely intellectual manner. The body in question was technically 'dead' already, and dying here would simply erase its memories and send it to the next world, perhaps where it would—

But I digress. That piece of ground was the catalyst for the events that followed (and still continue) because at that point in time, it was there to prevent one person from falling into the core of the Earth. I'm being dramatic here on purpose, because what happened was bizarrely mundane in terms of events and just bizarre in terms of explanation.

That bit of ground, not a minute after the previously-mentioned body collapsed to the ground and was left for dead, had one man by the name of Itachi Uchiha fall onto it and lie there, a world across from where he died.

He came here for one very specific reason: because he wished with all his heart to have another chance at putting things right in his life when he died. I'm not going to be so cliche as to claim that a metaphysical, omnipotent being heard his wish and decided to grant it, but instead tell you that it happened because of one item by the name of the Hyougoku — the 'Breakdown Sphere', as it was named by it's creator. At the time of creation, all it was supposed to do was grant wishes, specifically, allow the friends of the creator to reach a more stable state of existence.

How the hell a guy working in a lab (even one containing all sorts of kooky stuff from the afterlife) managed to create essentially a divine being is a question I am resigned to never know the answer to, and things make more sense from hereon if you're willing to accept what you just read.

Anyway, I believe I've figured out how this all worked at that point: the Breakdown Sphere — still imprisoned in the body of a Soul Reaper at that point in time — somehow heard him because it was travelling through a place where the barrier between dimensions are incredibly thin. It wouldn't make sense for it to be otherwise, because the place through which they were travelling is a sort of crossroads between different dimensions. The people who maintain it and use it call it the 'Dangai' — the precipice. Makes sense — I've been there, and every step feels like you're teetering on a wire, with a different hell on either side.

---

Explanations

This is the part at the end of every little chapter where I go over the terms I've used, and try to tell you all how this works. Most of this is made up as I go along, but there's a few bits which I've been able to verify with various experts, savants, professors and people who sounded like they knew what they were talking about.

Soul Reapers

This is gonna be a long one. The basic premise is that every person, upon death, changes into a spiritual form. Then, other spiritual forms — these are the Shinigami — come along and perform something called 'Konso' on the spirit of the fallen person, allowing it to pass on to 'Soul Society' (read: Heaven if heaven was a city from feudal Japan).

The problem is that there're far too many Shinigami in existence, considering that they are sorted into one of thirteen Divisons each two hundred strong, complete with stealth, medical, and R&D divisons. They're effectively an army with noting but weak monsters called 'Hollows' (what a spirit turns into if it isn't subjected to Konso fast enough) to fight.

Add in the fact that the people (well, person) who decides who the absolute commanders of these divisons are places sheer bloodlust and destructive capability above any semblance of sanity or psychological stability, and the only thing keeping them from civil war is the fact that all of them put together still wouldn't be capable of defeating the Captain-Commander. It's one big mess of rivalries, disdain and knife's-edge careful diplomacy, and it'll only get worse as time goes by, as you will see by the end of this book.

I Tried Very Hard Not To Say It

Matoshi gritted her teeth, trademark red cap pulled backwards already. Damn that defense! She was down to her last — well, second-to-last — ally already, and she wouldn't use that until she had absolutely no choice whatsoever in the matter.

"Hah! What's wrong, your little friend there run out of steam already?", Kyoukaine called to her from across the arena, watching one girl in heavy platelike armour and with a drill-like horn attached to her head grasp a small yellow ratlike animal one in her gauntleted hands and toss it across the dirt.

Matoshi looked down at the animal, who had little red dots on its cheeks and a tail shaped like a thick lightning bolt, seeing it. Her hand curled into a fist and she bit her lip, thinking frantically as her friend crouched low, rolling flexibly out of the way of another attack that had the ground shaking for a second.

"Hey! You gonna tell your friend to do something?", challenged the girl opposite her. "...Thought not." Her voice rose again. "Mamidon! Use Earthquake!"

"Maaaaaa..." The armoured girl raised one foot in a deliberate fashion, and brought it down into the earth, shaking everything and tossing the little being about like a ragdoll. "Dooooon!"

That thing's too tough for a direct attack. I have to find a— wait. Lightning takes the path of least resistance. What if that path was through the enemy? Matoshi raised a hand, resolute. "Jump!"

The rat-like animal turned back for a split-second and nodded, trusting her, before crouching low and propelling itself high into the air, to the point where everyone present had to crane their necks to see it.

This has to work! If it doesn't... Matoshi refused to let herself finish that thought, and instead took a step forward. "KYUUBEYCHU! AIM FOR THE HORN!"

Survivors

Savannah, somewhere in Georgia, USA. Late evening.

It was only seven in the evening, but traffic was nonexistant. The air was clear, not much was happening, and all seemed well on this fine autumn's dusk—

"Shoot that thing! Get it before we reach the saferoom! If we lead it there, we're dead meat!"

Oh, did we forget the zombie apocalypse? Terribly sorry; won't happen again. Hope your plane tickets are refundable.

"Spread out and confuse it!", Homura yelled, holding her finger on the trigger of her scavenged M16 until she heard the tell-tale click of an empty magazine. The massive infected beast roared and rammed against a car, sending it flying and only barely failing to turn a small pink-haired girl with a comically large combat rifle into a highly uncontaminated but very dead smear of red and bone.

"Fire in the hole!" A voice called down from a fire escape where it's owner had clambered to, a blue-haired girl with a bandana around her forehead. It accompanied a small bottle filled with paraffin and with a burning rag hanging from the opening as it curved through the air at the Tank. It paused for an instant, and then roared as it clawed at the ground. In one smooth motion, a piece of concrete was torn from the ground and raised into the path of the Molotov cocktail, absorbing the shattering hit and shielding the Tank from the blazing liquid.

"Oh, come on!", the last member of the foursome yelled, a red-headed girl with a combat shotgun clasped in her arms. "When the hell did they learn to do that?"

The Tank roared again and tossed the blazing chunk of concrete at the blue-hair, forcing her to jump down and causing her to land awkwardly on the ground. Moments later, the twisted remnants of the fire escape fell down around her, and caused her to hiss in pain.

"Sayaka!" The pink-hair almost screamed, standing up to look at the wreckage above Sayaka.

"Madoka! Focu—"

That was all Homura had time to yell as the Tank charged at Madoka and delivered a destructive backhanded blow that sent her tumbling, not even bothering to look as Kyouko frantically rammed shells into her weapon and fired them off just as quickly. Madoka flew through the air, skidding along the ground and lying prone on her side when she stopped moving.

Homura screamed soundlessly. Completely on reflex, a new magazine was inserted into the assault rifle as she ran at the Tank, which was now batting at Kyouko. The red-head stumbled back, only barely avoiding getting a new head shape courtesy of a sledgehammer blow to the head, and fell to the ground as she tripped on the edge of a crater in the ground, some memento of a previous battle.

The relatively lonely bark of a pistol called out, and eight rapidly fired bullets hit the Tank and the air around it from Sayaka, who had found enough time to scrabble out her weapon. Homura ignored them, however, and in a graceful athletic leap jumped on top of the mutated beast. In the second of confusion that the Tank felt — none of its prey had ever been so eager to close with it — Homura placed the muzzle of her weapon against its head and pulled the trigger back as far as it could go.

The Tank reared and screamed wildly, misshapen arms reaching up as if to throttle the girl, but she shifted her weight and remained on top of it until it gradually stopped flailing and slowly keeled over. Homura remained on top of it until it was almost facefirst in the ground, muscles seizing up and protesting at the exertion. Kyouko rose more agilely, breathing hard and head spinning around to check for further infected.

"Get...to her..." Homura gasped out, sweating and propping herself up with her rifle. Kyouko nodded, guessing who she meant, and jogging over to the fallen Madoka. Homura rose and breathed in one last time, before beginning to move herself.

Sayaka had heard the Tank's cries cease and breathed in relief, fear receding.

Only to have it rush back as an Infected appeared in her line of vision, growling and hands pulled into clawlike shape. She yelled out, trying to bring her pistol around, but only a click resounded around as the trigger went back. The infected struck and Sayaka screamed, this time in pain as the ragged nails tore at her neck and face, blood beginning to flow.

Moments after this, a short burst of rifle fire echoed around and the infected recoiled, its torso reducing to a red mess of guts and gore, and it fell away. Sayaka breathed in again, relief causing her hand to shake momentarily.

Homura appeared above her, looking down with a hint of worry. "Can you move?"

Sayaka nodded, gritting her teeth. "The metal bounced off me after it hit the ground. I... can't move my right leg, though," she muttered, gesturing down at said appendage. Homura looked down for a moment at the unnatural angle it lay at before reaching down and grasping Sayaka's hand, helping the girl out from under the twisted metal and supporting her to let her stand against Homura.

"You ready?", Homura asked of Sayaka, her strength returning and looking to Kyouko as she helped Madoka up, Sayaka nodding in reply and draping an arm over Homura's shoulder. The pink-haired girl seemed more than a little concussed, as she let her weapon fall right through her hands and only stared dully at Kyouko when the latter waved a hand before her face.

"Wake up! This is not the time to space out— oh, hey," Kyouko shifted to Homura as she and Sayaka stumbled close. "I think she hit her head pretty badly. She's not reacting properly. Got an adrenaline on you?"

Homura nodded and moved herself to hold up Sayaka better, who was holding her reloaded pistol up with her free arm and keeping watch. "Saved one from that ambulance we passed three blocks back, just before the Tank hit us. On my belt."

Kyouko flashed a grin as she moved both of her hands to Homura's belt and began releasing the needle casing, moving her friend's pants quite a bit more than was strictly necessary. Sayaka looked down quizzically at the motions running along Homura, only to see Kyouko grinning and fiddling with Homura's belt.

"...Get a room, willya?", she groaned, shaking her head and resigning herself to it, getting back to scanning the area.

Kyouko popped the adrenaline free with a flourish, grinning at her. "Is that an offer?", she teased as she turned around and slid an arm around Madoka in order to hold her up. She ignored Sayaka's pointed silence and placed the tip against Madoka's arm, pressing it in and injecting her with it in one go.

Madoka's eyes fluttered and she groaned faintly as the needle went in, and arms and legs going limp and leaning on Kyouko until the effects of the adrenaline hit.

"K-Kyouko? What happened?", she asked, eyes focusing more with each passing heartbeat. Kyouko hid a relieved sigh and let her stand on her own, reaching down for Madoka's gun and handing it back.

"You got an all-expenses-paid trip to Painland, courtesy of Tank Fist Airlines."

Madoka only blinked at her, until Kyouko sighed again. "You got hit by a Tank. You know, the BUFF? Big Ugly Fat Fu— well, you can guess the rest. Anyway, it's down. Safe room should be at the end of the next alleyway. Oh, and—" She rattled her combat shotgun. "I'm out. Anyone see a pristine, fully loaded M16 lying around on the ground with my name on it?", she asked hopefully.

"..."

"Or a bit dirty. Really, I'm not picky."

"There's an ammo pile back before the Tank," Sayaka chipped in. "But I can't make it that far without it taking until dawn."

"...We go for the safe room. Stick with your pistol," Homura spoke, with no small amount of finality.

Madoka shook her head, clearing it of the last cobwebs of concussion. "But, what if we run into another one?"

"Ah, then Bluey will have to stop trying to hit it in the eye with the Molly and start being competent again, hmm?"

"Hey! I didn't see you doing much in the way of killing it, Redsy."

---

The foursome began moving again, slowly moving down an alleyway marked with 'YOU WILL SURVIVE' in red paired with an arrow, exchanging small talk and staying on edge for more infected. Kyouko now carried Sayaka, as she only needed one hand to fire right now. Moments after they entered the alley, a strange sound echoed down from further on.

"...What was that?", Madoka asked a little fearfully, gripping her assault rifle with shaking hands.

Homura bit her lip. "Wanderer. Lights off." Madoka looked for a moment like she was about to ask a question, but without warning Homura grabbed her and pulled her to the edge of the alley, flattening her against the wall as Kyouko and Sayaka did likewise.

"Wha-mmmmph!" Madoka tried to speak, but Homura's hand was already across her mouth.

Out of the dark and dank alleyway, an ill-looking girl stumbled, holding her hands up to her face and weeping constantly. She wore — although 'draped' described it better — a thin tank top and a white pair of panties, over almost-white skin, and her hair was a bleached shade of blond.

Upon seeing her, Madoka made to go towards her, but Homura's hands were too strong and she couldn't move from the spot, looking puzzled.

"Shit. Too close. We're gonna startle her," whispered Kyouko out of the corner of her mouth. When nothing came back, she turned her head sloooowly sideways, to see Sayaka staring at the girl in horrified recognition. "...Hey. Bluey. What's the matter?"

Madoka looked out of the corner of her eye at Homura. She twisted out of her friends' grasp, and took a deep breath to begin talking.

At the sound of her breath, the girl suddenly snapped her head around to Madoka with superhuman speed, hands dropping to stomach height and weeping suddenly falling silent. Madoka only didn't scream out of shock.

Though she looked perfectly normal otherwise, her eyes were a hateful, glowing red that burned into hers. Her mouth was marked in red, with little pieces of gore still clinging around it. Madoka's horrified gaze dropped to those hands, not human but with twisted into animalistic claws as long as her forearm, equally caked in blood in various states of decay. The girl stumbled sideways after a few moments as Madoka was frozen to the spot in terror, as if losing interest.

Now, one of its claws lay across Sayaka's stomach. Kyouko tried to angle up her pistol without moving, and Sayaka could only stand as still as a wax figure as the girl stumbled forwards again, now moving towards the exit of the alleyway. She could have sworn that even her heart stopped beating as the claw slowly and painfully dragged along her body, not even blinking until the girl had lurched out of the alleyway.

When the girl had left, Sayaka's legs gave way and she flopped to the ground, bringing her forearm into her mouth and screaming her pent-up horror into it by way of releasing tension. Madoka shook like a leaf and suddenly looked very much like a frightened toddler as she crouched down low, tears in her eyes.

Even Kyouko looked more than a little shaken, and she only just got the magazine out of her pistol before clicking uselessly at the air to vent herself, breathing far too shallowly.

Homura blinked again and let go of her rifle, looking down at her bloody hand in wonderment. Did I really grip it that hard...? She shook her head to focus, and wet her lips again. "Okay. Safe room. Now."

Sayaka seemed to react to that and nodded, mouth still dry. Kyouko clicked her pistol one last time before ramming the magazine back into it far more roughly than was necessary, and turned to watch the exit.

Only Madoka didn't react, still not moving as Houra placed a hand on her shoulder and shook it.

"Madoka. Madoka. Madoka. We need to go. We can't stay out here." Homura's voice was almost soothing, calming and quiet like a handler with a spooked animal.

"Wh-wh-what—" Madoka swallowed dryly, and tried again, shaking still. "Th-that—"

"Did you know her?", Homura asked serenely.

Madoka nodded fiercely, little teardrops flying.

"I'm sorry. She's not immune. There's nothing more we can do."

The girl rose shakily, and Homura was about to turn and lead them to the room when she felt a tug on her sleeve. She turned reflexively, and only had time to breathe before Madoka clung to her tightly, fists grabbing bunches of loose-fitting material on her back. Homura's head spun, hesitantly moving an arm around the sobbing girl's shoulders, holding her carefully. She feels so little and fragile...

"Wh-wh-what happened t-to M-M-Ma-Mami?" Madoka gasped out around the little shudders of her shoulders that accompanied her quiet crying.

"She..." Homura was lost for a moment, looking at Kyouko, who was helping Sayaka get up and move gingerly along the alley towards them. Kyouko bit her lip for an instant, before nodding, sweat giving her face a sheen of exhaustion.

"She became a special kind of infected," Homura said, making as if to turn towards the safe room, only to be gripped in place by Madoka. "Some people happen to react differently to the virus and can change in different—" She petered out, not sure how to continue.

"Madoka," Homura said gently, hand stroking Madoka's tear-stained cheek in what she hoped was a calming manner. "I'm sorry. Mami has... become a Witch."

Draft

"Dr. Light?" Cheetah asked.

"No. Just to piss him off," Joker replied.

"Cheshire?" Cheetah asked again.

"Definitely," Luthor nodded.

"Clayface?" Joker asked.

"Only if he promises never taking the mud form. It... discourages everyone else," Luthor said.

"Killer Frost?" Cheetah questioned.

"Can any of us even touch her?" Luthor raised an eyebrow.

"We always can..." Joker started. The next word was one J'onn didn't know, and sounded like 'boo-kahh-keehh'. It seemed Japanese. He'd have to ask Batman later. "... on her."

"Very well, very well, call her in too," Luthor relented.

"Chemo?" Cheetah read another name from her list.

"Definitely not!" Joker and Luthor chorused.

"Fine. Just checking. Vandal Savage?"

"Of course. He has lots of useful experience," Luthor answered.

"Deathstroke?" Joker hummed.

Cheetah licked her lips. "Oh, why, yes!"

"Roulette?" Joker smirked.

"I'd never tried her before," Luthor pondered. "I'm highly interested."

And so, it went on and on...

...

"J'onn?" Wonder Woman asked as soon as he materialized in the Watchtower's main control room. "What did you get to find out?"

He spoke very slowly. "Somehow... I don't quite believe it is a Legion of Doom what Luthor, Joker and Cheetah are intending to assemble..."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well... for starters, I fail to see why would they need to order thirty inflatable dolls with your image and fifteen gallons of baby lotion for an actual criminal enterprise..."

Ash's Return

Chapter 0: Dokokashira

Where am I?

A city. A lifeless, broken city. Rubble litters the ground as far as I can see. No sound but the hushed waves of the ocean in the distance–

I stand up. What is that? A jingling sound. A ring of keys in my pocket. One, two, three… Nine keys. Each engraved with a different label. They must be important.

What am I doing here? What are these keys for? How did I get them? I'm so confused. I don't understand anything. I don't remember anything.

I look around. Buildings hover without Foundations. A tree appears to have been sliced in half from top to bottom. A stream of water in the gutter flows uphill. There is something not right about this place.

There is just one intact building, right up ahead. I walk over to it. Nothing in the windows – just blackness. The door doesn't open. Won't budge. It must be locked…

First key doesn't work. Try the next key, the one marked "Infinity." It fits. It turns.

I open the door.

Chapter 1: The Incompleteness Theorem

"Pikachu, Thunderbolt attack now!"

The little mouse put in all he could, but it wouldn't do. Mewtwo sent him flying across the cold cavern chamber with a wave of his hand.

"Oh no, Pikachu!"

"Ash, I told you you shouldn't have wasted the Master Ball on Snorlax!"

"I can do this, Brock, I just need more time! Squirtle, I choose you!"

"Squirtle?" shouted Misty. "He doesn't stand a chance!"

"I know what I'm doing, this is the only way! Squirtle, Surf attack, now!"

Squirtle jumped into the nearby pool of subterranean water, catching Mewtwo by surprise with a chilling flood to the side of the face. But just as soon, Mewtwo twirled his hands, and the tiny-turtle started to swim in a circle, chasing his tail, around and around.

"Ash, what's he doing?"

"It must be Mewtwo's Confusion attack!" answered Brock. "Quick, you'd better send out a Ghost Pokémon to counter his psychic powers!"

"Good thinking! Haunter, I choose you! Nightshade attack now!"

Haunter diffused around its target, and Mewtwo became engulfed in a black cloud, which was not so much dark as it was actively sucking light away. A sense of foreboding seemed to descend upon all present; but Mewtwo was himself momentarily confused…

"Hit him again, Squirtle!" Ash ordered. "Hydro Pump attack!"

The force of the blast knocked Mewtwo off his feet. "All right, Squirtle!"

Mewtwo looked up at Ash with glowing eyes. "Wha–" Ash stammered. He began to float upward, surrounded by an eerie blue aura. Mewtwo drew back his fist for a final telekinetic blow–

"Ash!" yelled Misty.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu pulled himself up out of the water, back onto the stone platform. He jumped over to the soaking wet Mewtwo. "Pi-ka-CHU!"

Mewtwo recoiled from the shock, and Ash fell back to the ground. "Pikachu, you saved me!" He turned his hat backward. "All right. Pokéball, go!"

"No Ash!" Brock protested. "He's still too strong!"

"This might be my only chance! Pokéball, go!"

"What are you do–"

The violently shaking Pokéball was captured inside yet another Pokéball. "Ha, no way he's gonna break out of that!"

"Uh, Ash, I don't think it works like that…"

Ash clenched his teeth and fists. After what seemed like an eternity – the light turned off.

"Yes, I did it! I–" He was knocked off his feet by an ominous rumble.

"Ash, I think that was a load-bearing boss!" exclaimed Misty. "We need to get out of here!" A falling stalactite impaled the ground next to her.

"Quick, use the Escape Rope!" said Brock.

"Right away!"

~ ~ ~

Ash Ketchum's reputation preceded him on his return to Pallet Town. Already his was a household name all across the region, the young trainer who had Caught 'Em All.

Everyone in town had turned up to see him. Even his old friend Gary was there, though with a look of having been forced to attend.

"Oh Ash, my baby, how wonderful to see you!" his mother squealed, as she hugged him aggressively. "I'm so proud of you!"

"I say, Ash, I can hardly believe it myself," said Oak. "Who would have thought that one of our own would finally go out and complete the Pokédex?"

"Gee thanks guys, it's really great to see you all!"

"Hey, Ketchup," said Gary in his trademark grates-on-your-nerves voice. "Whatcha gonna do with all those Pokémon? Have you even gotten your own Charizard to listen to you yet?"

"That's none of your business!" Ash replied. "I Caught 'Em All, that's what matters!"

"Well, now that you've got no more Pokémon to catch, I bet your life's gonna be empty and meaningless."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry about it brah," he smirked as he walked off. "Smell ya later!"

~ ~ ~

Dusk came quietly upon the little hamlet. It was the time when the tiny-birds would come back to roost, and the first of the evening stars would shine out towards the east. Brock, Pikachu, and the others were still back at home, enjoying the celebrations at the Ketchum residence. But the guest of honor had snuck out – he sat by the shore, dangling his feet, mindlessly tossing rocks into the water, as he stared longingly at the horizon.

"Y'know, they used to take me here to play when I was little," he said, hearing Misty's footsteps behind. "I would try and collect all the seashells on the beach. When the other kids were swimming, or making sand castles, there I was, collecting, cataloguing–"

"What are you saying, Ash?"

"Something… something doesn't feel right. I just– I don't know…"

"Is this about what Gary said? Because believe me, I know jealousy when I see it."

"No, it's not that… Do you ever get that feeling, Misty, like there's something else you ought to be doing right now? Like somewhere, someone is waiting, waiting for you to return…"

"What's this really about, Ash? Why are you all worried all of a sudden?"

"I– I'm not supposed to be here," he replied, the thought coming into full clarity even as he searched for the words to say it. "Gary was wrong. I am not finished. There is still another Pokémon left. And it's waiting for me, somewhere…"

"How can you be so sure? We all know there are 150 Pokémon, and Mewtwo is the last. What makes you think you can catch even more?"

"I don't know if you'll ever understand, Misty," he said. "You haven't spent your entire life searching for them. But I know it. I can feel it. I know that I can never rest until I find them. And that's why" – he stood up and raised his voice to a defiant shout – "We're heading out first thing tomorrow morning! We've got Pokémon to catch, and Pokémon wait for no one!"

"Ranma, I want you to meet my niece Rushuna-chan!" Soun grinned, patting the blond girl's back. "She has just spent a few years traveling the world, so she'll be staying with us for the time being, until she can find herself a home of her own!"

At the back of the room, Nabiki muttered. "We know how well does that usually go..."

"Uh, hello..." Ranma tried his best to keep his look on her face, and not right below. Was she really related to Akane? Really?

"Hello!" the young woman held a hand up in a very very friendly manner. Smiling like a sunflower. "This is my fiance Yat-chan, and this is our friend Mikan-chan!"

The young man with the sword bowed stoically, while the girl making balloon figures only smirked.

Soun sobbed theatrically. "Akane...! Your cousin already beat you to an actual, consensual marriage commitment...!"

"She's ten years older than me, Dad!" Akane protested. "Of course she'll marry long before me!"

Ranma eyed the guns around Rushuna's waist. "So, um, do you happen to have a permission for that?"

Rushuna blinked. "Permission?"

Ranma sighed. "Never mind..."

Nabiki was lying on her stomach now, flipping through a magazine. "Oh, now he wants to talk for public safety. Mr. Collateral Damage to Public Property himself. Cute... In any case, Rushuna, I can get you a permission for the weekend, for only a small fee, of course..."

1-Machines

Actually, learning about motorcycles was the only thing Shizuru refused to do for Natsuki.

2-Shooting

On the other hand, Shizuru had adapted scarily well to Natsuki's shooting lessons.

3-Envy

"Oh, you should have told me before!" Shizuru said. "If you want breasts my size, you only need to get yours rubbed by someone my size..."

Natsuki was fully sure that was another excuse. Not that she minded.

4-Pet

Shizuru said that yes, they'd name their first puppy Duran.

5-Messenger

As he carried the letter to its destination, Tate knew that had to be some kind of School Council authority abuse.

6-Enmity

Sadly, somehow, Duran and Kiyohime never got along.

7-Shipper

"Why not?" Reito shrugged at Takuya's question. "I think they look good together."

8-Forceful

Even so, deep inside of herself, Natsuki would never quite fully forgive that first night.

9-Silence

On the other hand, she'd never tell Shizuru that, either.

10-Nature

That was the kind of person she was.

11-Child

"We'll adopt, then!" Shizuru said brightly.

12-Troublesome

Truth be told, after a day babysitting Mai and Tate's firstborn, Natsuki awsn't so sure on the whole motherhood issue.

13-Obese

Natsuki had finally found something that made Shizuru afraid.

"No, of course you aren't getting fat!" she reassured her.

14-Negima

"I'm Negi Springfield, and I'll be your new English teacher!"

It took all of Natsuki's willpower to remian faithful to Shizuru for the whole next year. Honestly, what was it about that little guy...?

15-Cooking

"Shizuru-sempai?" one of her followers asked. "Why are you buying so much mayonnaise lately?"

16-Surprise

The whole deal with jumping out of the cake had been the suggestion of Yukino of all people. As she waited crouched inside of the uncomfortably tight space, Shizuru began suspecting it had been originally Haruka's idea, after all...

17-Parallel

As Shizuru and Chizuru compared leeks, Natsuki and Natsumi shuddered together...

18- Unison

"Ai shiteru," they chorused.

19- Foe Yay

"Y-Y-Yukino!"

"N-Natsuki-chan! This isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

20-Warmth

Natsuki had to admit there was nothing warmer at night than Shizuru's body.

21- Illness

Both of them had always been healthy, so when Shizuru fell ill, Natsuki panicked.

"Silly Natsuki, it's only a cold...!" and she sneezed.

22-Recollection

It shamed and frustrated Natsuki, to remember so little about the actual first time she had ever met Shizuru.

"It's okay," Shizuru comforted her. "I remember enough for both of us."

23-Nao

When you got used to having her around, it actually wasn't too unlike owning an unruly overgrown kitten.

24-Usefulness

"...No," Natsuki said. "I don't think using Kiyohime for demolition tasks would actually help the Fujino Zaibatsu..."

25-Proper

Despite all her efforts, Shizuru never could manage for Natsuki to master completely the intrincacies of the tea ceremony.

26-Rampage

"No, for the last time, we don't know anything about something named a First District," Natsuki said bluntly.

They had to periodically answer to inquiries on the subject until they grew old and gray.

In private, Shizuru would smile and tell Natsuki, "Sorry!"

27-Necessity

Mai blinked. "You need him for what, again...?"

Natsuki rasped and blushed. "Well, we could adopt, true, but... it wouldn't be the same thing..."

Tate got the annoying sensation he wasn't supposed to have a saying on the matter.

28- Double

But he still asked, "But, who would be the mother?"

"We both would be mothers!" Shizuru said.

"I think what he's trying to ask is, who's going to bear the child?"

Kuga and Fujino looked at each other.

Finally, Fujino said, "Well, we both want to experience such a wonderful gift..."

Tate tossed his hands up. "I know I'll end up roasted alive over this!"

Natsuki barked. "It's telling enough you are the least bad choice we have, so don't think I'm exactly charmed with the idea, either!"

29-Fight

"Ah," Mai blinked, seeing a seething Natsuki at her doorstep. "Your first fight, I assume...?"

Natsuki's nod was so scary Mai just went to prepare the guest bed without asking anything else.

30-Death

Some say they died together, although no one can say for sure now. The events of that great conflict were too confusing, and the aftermath is too lost in the mists of time now, to make even an educated guess.

Not even by me, Homura Nagi. But I still hope they did. I liked them, despite everything.

31-Flawed

They were a highly imperfect couple, like all of them, but in the end, they made each other happy, and that's all what ultimately matters.

Triangles And Idiots And Regretful Alternatives

One fine school day, the students of Fumuzi Academy were studying in preparation for the approaching mid-term test, the second one of the year. Given that their scores would define the strength of their Summoned Being until the end of the school year, the entire student body, from class A all the way down to class E is currently busily studying for the test, forgoing even basic amenities such as inter-class warfare.

"M-M-MY SPIIIIIIIIINE!"

Class F, on the other hand, is either so confident from their previous victories in their Exam Summoning Battles despite their uniformly awful overall scores (with the exception of Himeji Mizuki), or has thrown off all hope of increasing their levels entirely.

Minami Shimada gritted her teeth, one foot pinned to Akihisa Yoshii's face and the other two holding his arms out. The effect was that the unfortunate young man was doing a fine impression of the N**e tick. "Say it one more time, I dare you, Akihisa!"

"Come oooooon..." Kouta Tsuchiya murmured, crawling on his stomach along the ground and staring intently at the display screen of the digital camera he held. The fact that it was angled juuuust right to take an upskirt photo was purely coincidental. He was probably aiming for a little bee, if anyone asked.

"But I only said that you could be used as a replacement should one of our drawings boards break, due to the sturdiness and flatness of your che-"

C-c-c-crack.

"Yaaaaaargh!"

"Oi. Knock it off. I can't get any rest with your yelling," Yuuji Sakamoto grunted from his place against the classroom wall. He shuffled his arms along the wall, leaning back and sighing in relief.

"That's fine by me," Minami growled, eye twitching. "I'll just crush your lungs next, you bastard!" She placed her other leg on Yoshii's chest, and began pushing, forcing a strangled "What'd I do this time?" emitting from Yoshii's mouth.

This change, however, forced her to bend her leg heavily, and sent the edge of her skirt up. Kouta would have whimpered if he had the energy to spare, being too busy replicating the Niagara Falls... of Blood.

"You heard the class representative," Hideyoshi Kinoshita said calmly. "Besides, isn't the test coming up?"

Himeji Mizuki blinked at this. "That's right," she said, frowning thoughtfully, before standing up. "Why don't we start a study group to prepare for the exams?"

"Oh yeah, good idea, Himeji," Yoshii said, nonplussed by the massive internal damage he was suffering. His face lit up as an idea struck him. "Saaaaaay, Hideyoshii?', he trilled, sounding far too kind.

"...Yes?", the feminine bo— gi— ...student sighed.

"I heard that being tended to by a maid while studying boosts your learning rate by at least two hundred percent!", his dolt-headed friend grinned broadly to him.

"...And what does that have to do with me?", ...Hideyoshi said with an air of prediction in his voice.

Yoshii shook his head sagely. Somehow. "Oh, Hideyoshi, your unwillingness to consider embarrassing situations only adds to your feminine charms," he chuckled patronisingly.

Youta sat up, abandoning the Quest For Panties to take up the Quest For Hideyoshi In Drag. "True, true," he nodded, cupping his chin with his hand. "Perhaps that attitude will help in our studies."

Hideyoshi Drag Spot!

"M-Master, what would you wish of me...?", the demure brown-haired maid spoke, bowing and coincidentally letting his blouse fall open just enough to show the tip of his chest.

"A-ah!", Hideyoshi squeaked, straightening up too fast and clasping his hands over what little skin was showing, and falling backwards. This resulted in him falling backwards and landing with his legs splayed, skirt showing the lower section of his soft thighs. "M-master, please, do not be too harsh on this p-poor, innocent maid..."

Kouta and Akihisa swayed back and forth, giggling deliriously, deep in the Hideyoshi Zone, and the target of their daydreams made a long-suffering expression. However, the latter of the pair was torn out of his fantasising by the unfairly brutal method of Minami's foot in his face.

"Stop ignoring me!", Minami yelled at him, eye twitching.

Jiiiiiiiii...

The red-haired girl sprung back from the unfortunate Kouta, looking horrified. Himeji frowned at her. "Huh? Minami-chan, what's the matter?"

"Could have sworn that I just heard... no, I must have imgined it," she replied, shaking slightly. "Class 2-D has a track day today, right?', she asked, directing the question at Hideyoshi, on the grounds that h- sh-... that Hideyoshi was the most likely to answer her qustion.

The student in question looked away from the dreamy-eyed and grinning Kouta, relieved to have a sane face to look at. "Hm? Oh, no, not at this time of year. Athletics class is suspended to make space for study time. Although I'm guessing that most of them won't be in their classroom right now, due to their lack of a supervisor. Freedom is a powerful incentive," Hideyoshi said solemnly, before frowning. "Why do you ask?"

Minami's face fell. And by 'fell', I mean 'transmogrified into the very image of terror'.

"Oh no," she breathed, sweat beginning to pool on her brow and eyes flitting around to look for possible pathways of escape. The window? No, too much of a fall.

"Listen," she began urgently, grabbing Yoshii and holding him by the lapel for use as a meatshield, should the occasion call for it. "I need to get out of here right now. No stupid arguments, no messing around like always, I just need to—"

"ONEE-SAMAAAAAAA!", came a voice from the corridor, growing in volume as the originator approached at a run.

"Oh crap," Minami managed through gritted teeth, lifting Yoshii up in the direction of the door. "Yoshii! I... if I don't make it, you have to know something! I— I— you— You're, uh—", she stuttered, going beet red.

"Theeeeeere you aaaaaare~!", the voice came, and the sliding door slid back, revealing an orange-haired girl with her hair done up in two curls.

Her face contorted into one of anger, however, when she spotted Yoshii with his back to her and seemingly standing very close to Minami. "You! Get away from Onee-sama!", she spat out. Yoshii stumbled back and out of Minami's grip in shock, looking puzzled. Miharu's expression changed almost immediately, now sweet and happy. "Onee-sama," she trilled happily. "Why don't we go and walk through the gardens, just the two of us~?"

Minami scrabbled back and scarpered when Miharu stepped closer, holding her arms up.

"Help! Why won't you help me get rid of this crazy..." Minami's voice, interspersed with the occasional "Onee-samaaa! <3", slowly faded away as she ran from the classroom, Miharu in hot pursuit.

The collected members of 2-F stared for a moment, with Yoshii being the first to move. He crossed his arms, and frowned. "...I really think she needs to get a boyfriend sometime soon," he grumbled. "Maybe that'll make her stop all this 'gay' stuff."

"Yeah, yeah," Kouta answered distractedly. "Hey, wanna help me get the costume out for Hideyoshi-chan?"

"Do I ever!", the Punishment Inspector grinned, going over to him.

Himeji opened her mouth. "Uh-"

"Best for him to work the logic there out for himself, in time," Yuuji yawned, cutting her off. "The shock might overload his poor brain. It's hard enough for him to hold an opinion during peak operating times."

[Title TBA]

Of course, being the smart little boy that the aforementioned creator of the Breakdown Sphere was, he saw an opportunity in Itachi. I learned how to sense the power in someone, the magic they kept hidden behind their mental barriers. When I ended up seeing Itachi in person, my first thought was 'how the hell did someone with such a reputation end up with that little mass of magic'? (Yes, yes, they call it 'chakra'. Big whoop. Power is power. Fancy names don't change anything.)

On second thought, I guess the various powers and abilities do deserve an explanation of a sort. See the end of this section for more details. For now, just know that the level of ambient magic, and inherent magic, in Itachi's home world is way the hell less than what I was used to, and that the precise control of power was a key technique the fighters of that realm used. This translates into more power, more speed, and more stamina, point for point, than what the shinigami could dish out, and Urahara Kisuke (said man) wanted himself a piece of that.

So, what did the idiot do? Pick up Itachi and Ichigo, and carry them to his house, fixing them up and letting them recover. He got tricked, though. Interdimensional travel of a vulnerable soul without any sort of protection is certain to take it's toll, and from what I gathered later, Itachi barely knew his own name at that point in time.

Yeah, yeah, quit your yapping. It sounds so delightfully cliche, doesn't it? Oh, how I wish it was all that easy, that a fairytale ending could have happened for us.

But then, fairytales can be frigging boring.

So, while that orange-haired strawberry (that's 'Ichigo', in case you don't know your puns) moped around and looked slightly more angry than usual while trying to decide whether to save his friend, Itachi buckled down and got in some serious R & R. I'm told he didn't even move from the bed, the first two days.

Finally, though, Ichigo grew a pair and decided that he needed to become a Shinigami again (note the capitalisation to differentiate it from the plural 'shinigami'), and got his ass handed to him by a ten-year-old girl. Eleven, tops.

Meanwhile, our 'hero' decided that he owed Urahara a life debt and offered to go with Ichigo to save Rukia. He was recovering, and pretty much running on muscle memory to fight, but even just that was easily good enough to qualify him for Ichigo's little group. (Ninjas either have a really frigging strict code of honour that somehow misses mass familicide on their list of no-nos, or he was just in a bloody good mood. I get that, though — almost dying makes you really appreciative of whoever just saved your ass.)

Considering the fact that I'm writing as if I know Ichigo personally, you might be able to guess what happened next when I tell you about the make-or-break test that would reawaken Ichigo's shinigami powers. Yes, he passed them and got a really stupid-looking meat cleaver to swing around in combat (where's the finesse in a whacking great big chunk of metal?), an yes, Itachi was accepted by Ichigo and his little group as an honorary member.

I wonder whether Ichigo could have made it without Itachi's help. It certainly would have made things both harder and easier for him.

---

Explanations — Itachi Uchiha

Itachi Uchiha is the one man who has consistently and repeatedly scared the fuck out of me whenever we met.

Sure, there were creepier things that I met before and after, stronger people, crazier people. It's that last one that really describes it for me, though. He's... just plain terrifying. I have enough issues killing sentient beings (who are not currently engaged in the time-honoured practice of 'stove my head in'), and my friends are a whole level beyond that. After we got closer, I couldn't even think of killing...

...I'm getting off-topic. Ehem. The idea that a person, no matter how messed-up becoming a certified and trained assassin at the age of ten turned him, could quite logically decide to butcher and murder his way through his family tree without any sort of provocation scares me. And I don't mean in the normal, ordinary way, but the kind of deep, yawning chasm way. The way that lets me know that I can never understand what it means like to ignore familial ties and paint the houses with their blood, blood you share with them.

The only thing worse than that? When that person is thirteen, and his family is what amounts to a who's who of elite and experienced professional soldiers and hired killers, and he goes through with it. Without breaking a sweat.

I learned later on that he didn't just go mad. He had a reason. That does not help. That means he chose to do so, of his own free will. Once you can weigh up all the options and decide that the world would really be a better place without fifty of your closest relative on it, you're fucked. Not in the physical way, or the magical way, but truly, deeply, and mentally fucked.

I'm gonna go have a lie-down. See you next chapter.

Triangles And Idiots And Regretful Alternatives — Chapter One Continuation

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

The shout echoed around the lush, green gardens, sending birds of many a feather flying into the sky.

Minami breathed out, and opened one eye to see Miharu looking decidedly less amorous than usual. The girl from class D huffed, and crossed her arms annoyedly.

"...What?", Minami asked grouchily.

The other girl bit her lip. "I... Onee-sama, why is it that you keep on rejecting me? Am I not good enough for you?"

Minami stared at her for a moment. "Wha-? No, it's not that. Well, it kind of is, but..." She sighed, rubbing the back of her head. "Listen up, Miharu. I—" She pointed to herself. "Am something called 'straight'. That means I like those of the male gender. B-O-Y-S," she said, speaking slowly and exaggeratedly.

"More like one boy," Miharu grumbled annoyedly, before pouting. "Why do you keep at it, Onee-sama? I mean, even I can see that the pink-haired girl with the big boobs has more or less won him over by now."

Minami blinked, going red and waving her arms distractingly. "What? Nononono! Akihisa is just a— well, sort of jus— I mean, he and I aren't..." She finally sighed and sat down on a nearby bench, arms on her legs. "...Is it that obvious?"

Her persistent stalker edged closer, as if testing the waters and making sure Minami wouldn't bolt or attack her. "Nope! I just know my Onee-sama inside and out. Well, I don't yet..." Miharu grinned broadly, but the expression froze on her face when Minami didn't react.

Miharu tilted her head and bent her knees to see into Minami's face, trying to meet her eyes. "Onee-sama? What's wro—"

Minami stood abruptly, causing Miharu to flinch back, teeth biting her lip so as not to sob and eyes bright and glistening. "Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I feel confident of being with the person I love, and I know that I can do anything if I put my mind to it, and, and, and I know that he's only being friendly to her—"

She seemed to twitch, and put her hands to her face, tears leaking from between splayed fingers. "I-I'm not being stupid or stubborn or a bitch! I, I, I, I just really b-believe in true love finding a way, and...!", she gasped out, speech punctuated by hiccups.

Miharu swallowed, taken aback by this reaction. A pain shot through her heart at seeing Minami like this; her Onee-sama was strong and kind and deetermined and always knew how to beat her in a contest. "Onee-sama..." She sidled daringly forward just far enough to be within reach of Minami, and slowly reached her hands out to lay them comfortingly on her crush's shoulders. Minami's body tensed, just like she knew it would when she allowed Miharu to touch her for the first time.

What she didn't remember feeling next was the sudden puch of Minami's arms, tossing her off her feet. She winced, looking back up into Minami's eyes.

"You..." Minami growled lowly, wrath in every syllable. "This is all your fault! If only he didn't see the way you acted around me! If only you could be a bit more subtle. If only you could be just a bit more like those stupid modest girls with 'romantic friendships' from those weird stories and hide your damn notes in my shoe locker so that I could ignore them in peace!", she yelled, having dropped all pretense of civility.

With every word, Miharu shrunk together. Yes, Minami had gotten angry at her before, but never like this. Frantic denial and annoyed yelps were what Miharu remembered from her most of the time, instead of the vitriol and blame that now bubbled forth.

Minami finally ran out of steam and simply stood there, gasping for breath and staring down at Miharu with clenched fists and teary eyes. "You... Just never get near me ever again. Got that? Ever. I'll kill you if you do."

And with one final sobbed cry of rage, she turned on her heel and began marching back to the school buildings, leaving Miharu in her wake.

The orange-haired student only stared at the air where her shellshocked memory replayed the last few sentences over and over and over again. Remembering how completely Miharu had told her that she hated her.

For the first time, Miharu felt a tear on her cheek, caused by her Onee-sama.