dRoy's original project: The Flow

Darn, that's a massive burn. I will be back after a sleep so I can reply to your criticism better. Good night!

Sorry for not responding to your review, I will get to it soon.

Would it be okay to introduce some plot elements that are irrelevant until later seasons? In the early chapters, there's a fight scene between two robots on a skyscraper roof, and then there's the city library, which is one of the biggest library in the whole world. They are just name dropped in the first season which is the only one I have a complete grasp of. What do you think?

As I always say, the more guns you have, the better - and Chekov's Guns are no exception. Do it.

What about characters? Currently I have around 84 characters, but only about 18 of them will be relevant in the first arc. Would it be fine to introduce two thirds of them without giving any role at all?

Foreshadowing and Chekov's Guns are good and all, but be careful that you don't disrupt the flow of the story or spend too much time on them. Else you runk the risk of having a series of (seemingly) pointless scenes that no one cares about.

In short: do it, but with care and moderation.

If you only drop names or have characters walk by, that's okay. JK Rowlings did that.

What Dealan said. I'd like to add a bit more to that - introducing people without giving them roles if done improperly will give the impression that the author is just trying to name-drop/character-dump.

Also, 84 characters? I would very, very strongly suggest that you take your characters slowly and one at a time. You want to build a cast of believable characters, each of whom, however minor, should have their own clearly-defined personality. If you create characters too quickly and without proper care, it will look like you are doing that just to invoke the Loads And Loads Of Characters trope. Which would make it bad, IMHO.

To compare, at the 16000 mark my novel has only actually involved exactly four named characters. Five, if you include a posthumous one. And yet I still fear I have not done enough characterization-wise.

Characters have lines in Season I:

• 5 Main characters: The core cast, yes.
• 3 Urban Legend figures: The prime antagonists...allgedly.
• 7 minor students: Let's see, a Mete Couple, two school seniors, three everyman friends.
• 4 staff members: two teachers, one principal, and the Janitor
• 7 guardians of the main characters
• 3 gang members: Well, the gang is a big group consisting of over 40 members, but they are the none faceless goons.
• 3 Police force members: The chief, the MC's uncle and his friend.
• 7 military personnels: They are the one who engaged in the (original) prologue's operations. VERY plot relevant.
• 4 Local hospital nurses and doctors: Well, two doctors, one nurse, and the Janitor.
• 2 city library employees

Giving them all names would be unnecessary for now, would it?

edited 31st Aug '11 8:54:22 PM by dRoy

I always name my characters when I know when they need to make an apperance at a certain point, no matter how minor.

You don't have to do it now if you feel it unnecessary, though.

Oh, I LOVE giving even the most minor of characters names. It's just that I worry that having too many names might confuse some people.

I'm sure it won't, especially if you already established who the central characters are.

Although, you know what they say. Too much of a good thing.

Personally, when I look at your cast, what I see is that quite a few of them can be trimmed down. Then again, preferences.

True.

How long is "Season One" again?

Well...approximately 600 to 700 pages or in terms of anime, 13 episodes.

I see, about how many?

edited 31st Aug '11 10:05:18 PM by dRoy

On top of my mind:

• The minor student cast might need trimming. Their personalities might overlap with the main cast and fulfilling approximately the same role in the narrative.
• The military personnel: If I were you I'd delegate two or three at most to "named character" status, and the rest falling into the faceless crowd.
• The library staffs also need to go. Same for any school and hospital staffs that the characters have no reason to know personally (i.e by name). They have nowhere near the kind of importance you want for your primary cast, and unless they are involved in the plot in some way, just a simple "the nurse", "the librarian" or "the janitor" would do.

My personal belief is that a handful of full-fledged characters are always better than a cast full of one-shots who are not clearly defined and who lack both screentime and personality.

Oh, and one more thing: 500-600 pages is a *lot* assuming a standard 350-500 wpp font - you are looking at something that is easily within the range of 200000-250000 words. As a guide, any first-time writer should limit their first book to the 100K range, since any more would construe an unacceptable risk to would-be publishers.

And unless said 500-600 pages is full of descriptive prose, I find it hard to believe it'd fit into a 13-episode anime season.

Good point. Hmm, I certainly four characters; two are Meta Couple and two are directly related to the serial murder case.

Good point. Only three of them actually have a prominent roles in latter arcs.

Actually, one of the librarians gets a massive role later on, while one of the nurses are friends with the MC's mother who works there. The Janitor, he stays because he's something of a joke character. He has no names, but he just appears freaking everywhere. Ever watched Scrubs? Think of THAT Janitor but more subdued.

Actually, most 300 pg light novels are translated to 6 episodes so it wouldn't be that hard to fit 600 pages or so length novel into a 13 episodes anime season. Still, what you said about page length makes good point.

In a random note, it's rather odd that I'm writing a story centering and set in Korea in English primarily.

If you are aiming for 600 pages, then you're better off finding a way to split it into two 300 page books. Try finding a mid-season climax. Two light novels are a little easier than one Doorstopper.

By the way, what audience you're aiming at? I presume somewhere in the 16-22 range, considering the content?

Also, I might have overlooked this - but you are going for the light novel format i.e. one page of words followed by one page of illustration, am I right?

Then my above statement about word counts may not necessarily be correct. Still, keep in mind that the absolute limit for a first book is 150000 words. Anything more and your chance of getting accepted, already slim in its own rights, will drop to almost zero.

Two volumes...oh right. Hmm, I guess I'll have to end with a(nother) Wham Episode, which would be episode 6.

Yeah, those sound right.

Oh, no. Illustrations isn't a necessity. I HOPE to actually publish this as a proper novel if I can, because well, light novel industry, at least in America, is rather small. I guess I could use three to four illustrations.

In a less related note, I did said my setting is in near future, right? I guess I could drop some fictional news that showcases the technology level in my story, like broadcasting about constructing Space Elevator or terrorism regarding Star Scraper and all.

Oh, and would it be fine to have current models of firearm when the setting is in 2020's?

You know, it's rather impressive that despite posting like what, four posts that actually contains excerpt from my work, this thread has surprisingly many posts.

edited 1st Sep '11 5:46:25 AM by dRoy

I'd say it's pretty likely. Firearms tech hasn't changed all that much in the past 10 years, so it's reasonable to assume it won't change much in the next 10.

Now I want to write a scene where a badass cyborg ninja fights a ninja robot maid armed with gatling guns. Well, that came out of nowhere.

Oh, and Time Travel will be a major plot point (HOW it would work would be spoiler) so I would need to do some research on that.

No.

Trying to incorporate something into your story on a whim because it looks cool is one of the worst things you can do. Trust me on this. Only if you go the extra mile so that the coolness makes sense in context and integrate seamlessly with the rest would it be an acceptable.

What ^he said. Relying on Rule of ____ tends to strain a work's credibility; so avoid them when necessary.

I recommend you play Alan Wake if you are able. It's a very good game, but most importantly it does some impressive meta-commentary on the importance of writing consistancy.

Actually, that's an element I was considering from the beginning because...otherwise there would be some major Plot Holes. I originally considered using "Groundhog Day" Loop, but figures this might make more sense.

Really? Cool, I'll try.

Well, time to reply to Argeus's review.

Great, "telling" is one thing I try hardest to avoid, but apparently it still appears here and there.

That's funny, because I'm not that good at vocabularies. At all. I guess that some words used to describing violent thing, like bifucation, is just very, VERY, familiar to me. I got to work on that.

Dialogue is one of the thing that I need the most work with, so I can see where that came from. It seems that all I can write is hammy dialouges and even those are not that good.

About transition, well damn, I haven't even THOUGHT about it.

Thanks for another criticism. Must've hurt your eyes DX.

Good lord, I haven't even reached the beginning of the first episode yet. Speaking of which, I'm planning that in the first episode, it introduces the main characters, who form an after school club and then cuts to a military squad raiding an abandoned building and rescuing an intel. Would it be a bit of a Mood Whiplash to have both of them in a same episode?