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How to write a serious sex scene before a human and a rabbit?

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NickDaManWithDaCan Making Da Funt1mes Fun Since: May, 2011
Making Da Funt1mes Fun
#1: May 19th 2011 at 8:01:33 AM

The backstory: I'm writing a story about an ordinary teenaged boy, who finds out the incredibly hot and sexy girl who saved his life two years earlier has been kidnapped by an evil magician, and is currently cursed.

She is tortured every day, and is forced to wear nothing except leather underwear, and so she tries to escape. She manages to escape, and meets up with the teenager again, and they have sex and start dating.

Then she is kidnapped again, and turned into a rabbit as a punishment. The boy manages to save her, but she is still a rabbit, and to show her that he doesn't mind what she looks like, he still thinks she's hot, they have sex.

I really don't know how to write this, I'm trying to make it really sad and touching, that no matter what, he still likes her, but it's coming across really stupid and narmy.

How do I write this?

PS-I'm a virgin, so I'm not good at writing sex either.

"Like a lover in the sunset, the sky falls down." -A line from my current novel.
KillerClowns Since: Jan, 2001
#2: May 19th 2011 at 8:11:42 AM

What.

OK, lad. My advice? Do the — and I use the term loosely — Sexy Discretion Shot thing and be done with it. You will squick out a good chunk of your audience, for obvious reasons, so don't push your luck by showing the deed. Honestly, my advice is to make sure the deed is only hinted at if you read between the lines. Otherwise, your work will be remembered as that thing with the guy and the rabbit, and absolutely nothing else about it will be remembered.

Dealan Since: Feb, 2010
#3: May 19th 2011 at 8:13:44 AM

he still thinks she's hot

What. Love doesn't work that way. (Supposing you're going for love, you don't say so anywhere, except that "he still likes her".)

There are other ways to show that you love someone other than having sex with them, you know. Not to mention, it's still most probably physically impossible. She has the size of a normal rabbit, right?

Anyway, I don't know any way you can have it being taken seriously at all. I'd say it's almost impossible. And I say almost because it's theoritically not.

Can't he just "adopt" her, take care of her, talk to her and stuff to show his feelings?

SantosLHalper The filidh that cam frae Skye from The Canterlot of the North Since: Aug, 2009
The filidh that cam frae Skye
#4: May 19th 2011 at 8:15:48 AM

What.

Halper's Law: as the length of an online discussion of minority groups increases, the probability of "SJW" or variations being used = 1.
EnglishIvy Since: Aug, 2011
#5: May 19th 2011 at 8:21:44 AM

OP, assuming that this is not a troll, please scrap this idea immediately. Nothing good can possibly come from it.

edited 19th May '11 8:25:54 AM by EnglishIvy

animemetalhead Runs on Awesomeness from Ashwood Landing, ME Since: Apr, 2010
Runs on Awesomeness
Madrugada Zzzzzzzzzz Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: In season
Zzzzzzzzzz
#7: May 19th 2011 at 8:24:38 AM

Don't. Just — please don't. You are not going to manage to make it sad and touching.

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.
MajorTom Eye'm the cutest! Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Barbecuing
Eye'm the cutest!
#8: May 19th 2011 at 8:26:13 AM

Um...I see potential for Mind Screw and maybe Rule of Funny but serious drama I don't see that happening.

"Allah may guide their bullets, but Jesus helps those who aim down the sights."
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
Dealan Since: Feb, 2010
#10: May 19th 2011 at 8:28:08 AM

(Damn, I was hoping for more Whats in a row.)

Still, Nick, don't let the above guys discourage you. At the very least, you're guarunteed to get a good audience reaction out of this. There's no such thing as bad publicity.

Ettina Since: Apr, 2009
#11: May 19th 2011 at 8:30:41 AM

I have a principal of never claiming an idea is impossible to write, but this one sounds extremely difficult.

First bit of advice would be to see if you can replace this with a non-sexual affectionate scene, such as him cuddling her and talking to her. That would probably come across with a lot less Squick.

If you must have a sex scene between them, might be best to skip over it as much as possible.

If you're going to show the scene, I don't know what to advise, other than to make sure you research rabbit physiology so you don't end up writing something physically impossible or extremely painful for the rabbit.

If I'm asking for advice on a story idea, don't tell me it can't be done.
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#12: May 19th 2011 at 8:31:34 AM

Nick, don't listen to him. There is. It's called "bad publicity"

Seriously bro. Don't do it. You Can (Not) Succeed.

edited 19th May '11 8:31:55 AM by KSPAM

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
Dealan Since: Feb, 2010
#13: May 19th 2011 at 8:36:18 AM

[up]I know about The Pokemon Story, although I'm not interested in Pokemon fics. Many people have read it just because of it's "bad publicity". It has a trope page. I'm sure there are people who would pay a small fee to read it, just because of it's infamy.

You can totally make money out of this, Nick. TRUST YOUR INSTICTS!

(While I'm not being serious, this isn't in Sarcasm Mode either.)

edited 19th May '11 8:38:17 AM by Dealan

SavageHeathen Pro-Freedom Fanatic from Somewhere Since: Feb, 2011
Pro-Freedom Fanatic
#14: May 19th 2011 at 8:37:11 AM

Don't. People will put with many a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment. But these kinda stuff? Never Live It Down, dude.

But You Screw One Goat applies. The entire story will be remembered as: "That kid who screwed the rabbit."

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.
EnglishIvy Since: Aug, 2011
#15: May 19th 2011 at 8:41:11 AM

...Y'know, given that this was his very first post, the edit history on his profile page says it was created today, and that at the end of his post he notes that he's a virgin, I feel confident that he's trolling us.

Poorly.

Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#16: May 19th 2011 at 8:49:25 AM

Though with that said, I don't see why others find it difficult to take seriously if BDSM and such can.

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
NickDaManWithDaCan Making Da Funt1mes Fun Since: May, 2011
Making Da Funt1mes Fun
#17: May 19th 2011 at 8:54:42 AM

So none of you guys think it'll work either?

Well then he could just kiss her or something instead. Would that be better?

Also, I don't get how me being a virgin or knew to this site makes me a virgin? sad

"Like a lover in the sunset, the sky falls down." -A line from my current novel.
Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#18: May 19th 2011 at 8:56:34 AM

I don't get how me being a virgin or knew to this site makes me a virgin?

k totally a troll Uh, well...

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
Madrugada Zzzzzzzzzz Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: In season
Zzzzzzzzzz
#19: May 19th 2011 at 9:10:14 AM

<Mod Hat ON>

You've got your answer, Nick.

Locking the thread.

<Mod Hat OFF>

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.
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