Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

• Seriously considering making Pit in Mutants and Masterminds is a no-no.
  • Especially if it means ignoring the party and having imaginary conversations for 83.41% of the first session.

My team is forbidden from making another campaign setting ever again.

The world can only handle so much awesome .

When playing D&D, my Orc is not an Ork.

Not allowed to carve, burn, or paint "Eff you, gods!" in big block letters onto the lawn of an NPC I don't like.

Yes, I am a half-elf. Yes, I am using a longsword and shield. Yes, I do have a fairy familiar. Yes, I am skilled at magic, music and sword-fighting.

No, I am NOT Link, and the dm will murder me if I say "Well, excuse me, princess" one more time.

In that case, just make your war cry "SHRAAAAAAK!!"

So mowing is okay then?

Not allowed to correct the DM on his weapons terminology and/or give him martial arts instructions in the middle of an encounter.

edited 19th Apr '12 3:38:43 PM by Exelixi

"No, no- see, the bec de corbin was a pole weapon, but not a pole-arm, since it was derived from the war hammer and the spike, or "fluke", was a secondary addition that later morphed into the- of course I get the +1 from using the 2/3rds rule with this, because it's a pole weapon!"

The solution to a rowdy drunk player at D&D night is not to drink him under the table.

Putting a fake cover on a FATAL gamebook and bringing it to the gaming session as a "new splatbook to try some stuff from" is not acceptable behavior.*

The joke would be on whoever had to use up several cartridges of ink to print the damn thing.

I am not to attempt anything I've seen in Dorf Quest. It can only end badly.

This is more preemptive than anything, to be frank.

edited 22nd Apr '12 1:31:29 PM by Vorthon

x3: Relatedly...

• "Hey guys, I was thinking of running this new system..." should never be followed by the words "...called FATAL."
  • Especially if you aren't joking.
    • No, making it a parody of the rules does not justify this.

I'm thinking of doing a game where the players' characters are all trying to play FATAL, and I'm thinking of doing it in Unisystem.

Once again, your Calvin avatar is extremely appropriate.

• My deity's holy symbol is not a mushroom cloud.
• I can't derail the Touhou adventure by adopting Rumia because I think she's adorable.
  • Can't adopt Cirno either.
  • Can't make seduction checks on Patchouli. She's not looking up from that book for anything.
• I can't use Swallow Whole to solve all my problems.

• There is more to being a Bard than being able to Deafen/Stun people on command.
• SPOONS ARE NOT A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT! (insert picture of DM Berzerking)
• Neither are tuning forks.
• Cannot substitute minion's wearing helms of different materials for a xylophone if I lose mine.

I am never allowed to make a Bard because I accidentally revealed my plan to make him a white middle-aged rapper. Phooey.

That's okay. In a pathfinder game I was in last weekend, my bard got into a musical duel with a sewer gator ate some mushrooms and spaced out for a few moments in front of the whole party, all because I suggested to the GM that there should totally be sewer gators with banjos.

x3 So, what about playing a comb, then? Also, using your minions as a xylophone has been done before by Marvin Suggs. Of course, if your bard is named Marvin Suggs, then I would totally count it as legitimate.

I don't have a middle aged bard, but I did make a middle aged Artificer for an Eberron campaign.

Bards are awesome. Especially when they're essentially this guy:

If I take the Leadership feat, even if my cohort is high enough level to, they can't also take Leadership. No chaining Leadership to suddenly appear with the half-orc horde.

Well, cohorts can't take leadership anyway. To avoid that. On that note...

No Chicken Infestation. EVER. My poultry science major lets me do way too much with it.

edited 25th Apr '12 7:26:36 AM by Krautman

When using Lidless Stare, not allowed to shout 'Behold! Optic Blast!'. Not because it's tacky, because party members who do behold it don't appreciate the insanity points.