Parenting and narcissism

That's said I think you should try the fruits of bachelor life before you decide if kids are really want you want in life.

To be honest, such has never fully interested me. The only time in my life in which I've genuinely fallen for a girl or wanted to chase after a girl were, well, with the crush I have right now.

I'm very close to her as it is, I'd love nothing more than to stick with her through thick and thin.

And as for alcohol, drugs, random dangerousness and such; I've always considered them less than ideal passtimes. I'd rather not ever try them to begin with.

The most I might want is the freedom to travel a lot, but I could manage that even with a family, difficult as it may be.

edited 19th Feb '11 12:07:25 AM by TheMightyAnonym

Yeah I've always been baffled by those parents who seem to think that good parenting consists of convincing their kids to agree with them on everything. It never works out, something I call The Slutty Minister's Daughter Effect.

I try to avoid commenting too much on parenting, because I took the easy option and decided to avoid it.

edited 19th Feb '11 12:25:39 AM by TibetanFox

That trope is Truth in Television, unfortunately. Though not so much the Preachers kid as it is Christians in general.

I've met both the good and the bad ends of that trope. The ironic bad end is the exception, I hope.

I hope... I hope... I hope...

edited 19th Feb '11 12:36:29 AM by TheMightyAnonym

It tends to be the loud ones who are the bad eggs.

They're Compensating for Something.

something I call The Slutty Minister's Daughter Effect.

A Slutty Minister with daughters would be... interesting.

And unfortunately pretty common. I don't know about ministers specifically, but I do know that the most tight-fisted and conservative parents produce the most rebellious kids. Ironically, it's the open-minded parents who allow their kids to experience other world-views and have a choice who often raise kids very similar to them.

Possibly because they realize how awesome their parents were by treating them like adults instead of lil’ babies agoobagobahoojabouja?

[[Weird face babies may laugh at.]]

Oh wait, while you’re still my child, you’re also a human being and should be treated as such.

I love ♥ the stories about preacher's Kids in Troper Tales. Clearly some one needs to get their house in order

At this Troper Young Catholics group the priest's niece was mature, very catholic and the most generous girl in church she played guitar and sang in mass and adored her uncle. She was also a 15 years old teenage mom and there were gossip about the father being local Bad boy.

My aunt is not a cleric but is the most religious one in the family and will preach to you for hours on end if you don't find a way to excuse yourself, and yet her three children are a basement-dwelling stoner, a teen mom, and another teen mom who's now an open lesbian (not a bad thing at all, just amusingly ironic, especially since she's the oldest and most successful out of her siblings).

And unfortunately pretty common. I don't know about ministers specifically, but I do know that the most tight-fisted and conservative parents produce the most rebellious kids. Ironically, it's the open-minded parents who allow their kids to experience other world-views and have a choice who often raise kids very similar to them.

I've actually seen this a lot here on the fora.

Drunk Girlfriend would be the most prominent example I can think of. She isn't a "bad girl" type, but does have some sour grapes with Christianity. Who wouldn't, with what she went through. Her parents drove her away from Christianity, rather than drawing her to it.

I think an extraordinarily important thing for Christians to keep in mind is that you cannot make a person a Christian, you can only help them like Christianity and respect it. If you try to drill Christianity into your child, they'll one day leave home, having nothing but distaste for Christians.

I think an extraordinarily important thing for Christians to keep in mind is that you cannot make a person a Christian, you can only help them like Christianity and respect it. If you try to drill Christianity into your child, they'll one day leave home, having nothing but distaste for Christians.

this

Faith is, at the end of the day, a personal choice. One cannot be forced into it, and attempting to do so nearly always has the opposite effect. I believe Jesus said something about preaching the word (to paraphrase):

"...And if they shall not listen, shake the dust from your boots and walk on."

edited 19th Feb '11 2:28:15 PM by drunkscriblerian

Not just parents either, but people in general. And not just Christianity, but all major world religions.

People need to realize that if they’re part of a religion, then they’re an avatar for the whole and any idea that that religion gives off. Call yourself a Christian, and you get both the good and the bad. Likewise, if someone knows your Christian, most people will subscribe whatever it is you do to your religion, primarily because religion is connotated to be very closely related to said person’s views of reality and existence. A shame, but most people still do it.

My parents made me go to Church when I was young, but once I was old enough to be trusted to stay at home by myself (and once my folks could trust themselves to leave me at home by myself; they were a bit paranoid of the whole idea), the question changed from, “We’re going to Church, get ready,” to, “We’re going to Church. Did you want to come too?”

@Newfable My parents stopped going to church altogether; even so, they're fairly religious.

Pykrete sums it up well.

Conversion is an outstretched hand, not a lasso.

edited 19th Feb '11 3:02:36 PM by joeyjojo

That's a pretty nifty quote.

Good parenting looks like this:

You give your kid a few tips... then take the training wheels off. If they fall over, then you know the can ride the bike. If you leave 'em on though, how will you know that the child can ride?

The goal of any parent is the same as that of a leader: To make themselves unnecessary.

Imagine if a president were to get the country running so well, that for his next couple of terms, he wouldn't have to do anything. That president would be the ultimate success, right?

If your child is aware of themselves, and can raise themselves, then you as a parent have won.

If you keep having to make them do X over and over again, then once you step away, they will fall down and no one will pick them up.

edited 19th Feb '11 3:25:07 PM by TheMightyAnonym

That's very level headed.

edited 19th Feb '11 4:14:50 PM by joeyjojo

"The goal of any parent is the same as that of a leader: To make themselves unnecessary."

That's a very good way of putting it. Your future kids are lucky.

What kind of leader takes a job that they know will render them obsolete? A leader doesn't take up leadership to make themselves unnecessary. A leader takes up their job in order to make other people get stuff done.

What kind of leader? A good one.

To make yourself obsolete isn't the best decision career-wise, of course, but it is the best decision for those who you lead.

It's the difference between a teacher who has to remind their student how to do an equation, and a teacher who has taught their student well enough, such that a reminder is unnecessary.

A leader should do their job so well, that their followers do what they are supposed to without intervention.

Anything less, and that leader does not have his follower's best interests at heart.

Of course that is operating under the assumption that a leader will only have a select group of people to lead and then be done with it. Nothing is preventing them from getting transferred to a new troop or getting hired at a new company or teaching a new class.

edited 19th Feb '11 7:29:34 PM by Alkthash

And once they are in a new position, they will carry out the same task: Get their followers to the level where they are competent enough to cease needing direction.

If they are going to have to leave soon, then that is all the more reason to make their followers autonomous.

edited 19th Feb '11 9:24:28 PM by TheMightyAnonym

A good leader will indeed make themselves obselete in any given organisation.

But these days, we aren't tied to our employers the way we used to be. They don't care so much about us any more so likewise a "Company man" is just a sucker.

Making yourself obselete at one company, but an attractive hire for ten others is a smart move.