Parenting and narcissism

I sometimes wonder how much of child rearing is narcissism in regards to beliefs. How often is it the parent taking care of the child as best they can, and how often is it the parent trying to create a miniature version of themselves? I mean parents often do try to raise their children to be like them as much as possible.

As I've often said; the point of any education is to get the student to think for themselves. Parents who are striving towards this goal are avoiding narcissism, whereas those who are trying to create miniature copies of themselves are falling prey to it.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

I've always imagined that the goal of a parent is to give their child the best life possible. Thinking for themselves is great, but not the top rung of value.

Further, to be a leader, one must be a servant.

edited 17th Feb '11 11:11:13 PM by TheMightyAnonym

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD

I like the cut of your jib.

“Love is the eternal law whereby the universe was created and is ruled.” — St. Bernard

My parents taught me this. Personally, I view it as the greatest gift they ever gave me, considering how many forces exist in this world that try and take it from us.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

I don't think parents try to make their children into little versions of themselves. My parents certainly didn't start out like that, and were I to ever have kids I wouldn't want them to be little mes. Lord no.

The end goal is to turn out a person with morals, respect for others, and an ability to make their own way in the world. That's how I see it.

edited 17th Feb '11 11:16:01 PM by LoniJay

Be not afraid...

Aside from immediate concerns like food and shelter, how is thinking for themselves not top importance? Every parent needs to prepare their child for what to do when they go out on their own or the parents die. If they can't think for themselves then they are just doomed to parrot other people.

The shittier parents and teachers try to make copies of themselves.

Fight smart, not fair.

I think people unconsciously try to instill in others behavior that makes themselves feel most comfortable. And what kind of behavior makes you the most comfortable but your own? - the behavior you are most familiar with. Since kids look up to and imitate their parents so much, they're more likely to take on the behavior then from some random stranger. Parents who try to encourage their children to reach out and explore probably feel more comfortable in who they are as individuals and so are okay with deviation... of course, they're still probably encouraging in their children the same behavior they expect from themselves. So I don't think there's really any way to truly escape raising your children as yourself.

I'm working on it.

Agreed...however, a parent is presented with a choice. They can try to avoid (and view self-copying as an unavoidable evil) or they can give in to ego (and view indoctrination as their "right").

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

True. Though unavoidable evil sounds so... well, evil. I see it merely as a fact of life, it just is.

I also think that there are parents who "give into their ego" without even thinking about it, and sometimes even if they're trying to avoid it as is sadly the case with parents who were abused as children and then continue the cycle.

I'm working on it.

Of course, they also teach the behaviour they think is best and try to hold themselves to the same standard. I think it's important that when kids differ from that standard in a way that doesn't impair them (e.g. clothing choices) they should also allow them to take their own way. (though they can still give advice, right.)
Of course, then we have this people:

edited 18th Feb '11 3:36:23 AM by myrdschaem

I also like the cut of your jib, Mighty Anonym.

I don't think parents so much try to make copies of themselves so much as that they believe so wholeheartedly in what they are trying to enforce that it is made a reality for their children. Parents are indeed the greatest influence's on small children (Bobo Dolls anyone?) but school and peers are soon to replace. Then it is my belief that we are capable of great change as young adult, a time when we truly come unto ourselves. I believe Erik Erikson's Stages of Development are a fairly accurate guideline for the influence of others on the development of children.

It's easy to blame the parents but ultimately it is the responsibility of the individual to create their own concepts and beliefs.

edited 18th Feb '11 6:33:27 AM by LadyJustice

"There's more evil in the charts then an al-Qaida suggestion box."

I don’t get it. Color me confused.

I don’t think it’s narcissism, but isn’t raising your kids and making them little miniature versions of yourself the same thing?

No good parent raises their kids with the intentions, “This is how my grandfather/father/nephew/cousin/former roommate/Darth Vader/Aragorn/Chip & Dale would’ve raised their kids, so I’m going to do it their way.” They go with what they have, and with what they know. What they know, are themselves. What they have are their own values, alongside the values of the father/mother in the relationship. Who else are they going to pull from, save from self-help books focusing on parenting?

"The best life possible" is mostly meaningless to a person who has only vaguely defined opinions on most things in life. I mean, sure, you can make a kid comfortable, and if you can do that you ought to, but most people do that without even trying, as a side effect of trying to be comfortable yourself.

What you should try to do as a parent is give the kid the best life possible after they leave, which translates by my view of the world to teaching them to think for themselves. (That is, an adult who isn't thinking for themselves cannot be truly happy.)

I'm convinced that our modern day analogues to ancient scholars are comedians. -0dd1

Lets be honest. The only reason people want kids is so that they can get little minnie mes. Frankly I have got no interest in rising a child unless I can get sole custody. Which at the moment is only likely if my girlfriend dies in childbirth or goes crazy(er).

If I ever had a kid and the Babymamma was still around i'll leave the whole 'responsibility' and 'love' and if possible 'financial support' stuff to her. I have sow my seed so my job is done. I feel I would be one of those 'lingering dad' anyway.

I know that sounds selfish, but that's be because I am selfish. Reproduction is it most biologically selfish thing you can do. But it's not so bad as long as the kid turns out okay. If you adopt or just choose not to have kids your probably just doing it for selfish reasons too. And that's all right as well as long as your happy.

edited 18th Feb '11 4:06:55 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Tune in next week for another exciting episode of The Human Joeyjojo Race.

Make my kids like me? Are you insane?

Seriously though, while I feel like I have some qualities and knowledge that I'd be neglectful not to pass on to my progeny, I also have a shitload of issues and the potholes I fell into that created them I'd prefer to teach them to sidestep.

I feel like my children would be better off if they were not raised to become like me. Which ironically implies that I must raise them with a stronger hand than my parents raised me, which means I will be trying my utmost to ensure that my children don't end up like me with the stereotypical methodology of a parent who does want their child to be like them.

-disagrees with a Strongly Worded Letter-

I'm male. I like nurturing things.

/discussion

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD

With respect Anonym your young and idealistic. I sure after a few years of being weared down by life you will be seeing your kids as little more than how your ex wife steals from you every month.

edited 18th Feb '11 10:32:56 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

I've taken care of children quite a bit.

I've gone through the hair pulling, the yelling, the stubbornness, the sleep deprivation, the battles, and madness in general.

By this point in time, I'm both cool with it and experienced at handling it. I practically raised my sisters as it is.

That aside, I really love children and nurturing. Not only that, but showing off to them is really fun too. I guess that last bit is a wee bi narcissistic, but it isn't my only reason.

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD

Yeah but they are other people's kids. do you think you can cope if they were anything like you?

edited 18th Feb '11 11:01:13 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

"When you grow up, I hope that you have kids just like you".

The best insult ever.

If they were my own munchkins, that would only make me enjoy it more.

If anything, the only real reason that a child would be a nightmare is if they A: have a disability that would cause such or B: they were raised... poorly.

In one place I've worked with kids, I've noticed three types of children:

• The average kids, who are always fun to be around, and fill out the cast. They aren't usually problematic, but they may be little troublemaker once in a while; but overall they are a blast once you get to know them.
• The good'uns. These are kids who come all prepared, pull off incredible feats of memorization, always always behave, and are little sweethearts. They look up to their leaders with warm thanks, they say intelligent things, and they are level headed. Kids raised right. Their parents did a wonderful job.
• And then... there are the "stinkers" as an old lady I work with calls them. They are difficult, they challenge you at every opportunity, they can't even control themselves, and they look to be, for all intents and purposes, drunk. Their behaviors are varied. But they share common traits. Above all, they are hard to deal with. But they can be dealt with. Time and effort give way to improvement. After lots of practice, you pick up little things that enable you to command obedience from any child; you become the stuff of legend and a subject of envy in the eyes of the wild child's parents.

Impossible situation? Ha! Difficult? Ha!

Experience, wisdom, and understanding. You get the hang of it after a while. I pity those poor, poor parents who never figure things out. It would be like me on my first day. Confused. Alone. SAD. Takes a while.

Ever read Bill Cosby's book "Fatherhood"? Tis a worthy read. To work with children, you must confess an absolute lack of knowledge, and become a student...

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! ~ GOD

Aww that's sweet . I take back what I said, it sounds like you would make a great dad .

That's said I think you should try the fruits of bachelor life before you decide if kids are really want you want in life.

edited 18th Feb '11 11:53:37 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid