Friend getting a sex-change operation

Somewhat self-explanatory. My friend is getting a sex-change operation from male to female. Now, if it makes him happy and it's what he wants, I'm all for it and wish him the best. However, I can't help feeling...weird about the whole thing. He asked me a minute ago to start calling him Lizzie in preparation. I desperately don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm really not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

RRRAAGHGHAFBAALAAAL!

Has he always asked to be treated female? Or is this just sort of...unexpected?

My other signature is a Gundam.

Wow, that's certainly an interesting turn on events.

All I can say is I'd imagine it'd take some getting used to.

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That's a problem, man. And not the kind that can be solved by searching advice on the internet. In the end, you just have to find a way to write your mind around the idea.

Advice number one:

Secondly: You have to trust that she knows what will make her happy, and go with it; resist the urge to say things like "But you're so manly" or "I still think of you as a dude", even if they're true, because the transition is hard enough without rubbing it in how hard it is.

If it helps, pretend she was a girl all along, disguised as a guy ala Mulan - that's probably something similar to how she feels, if she's decided to transition, and has the bonus of feeling a lot more normal of a situation.

edited 16th Feb '11 1:18:07 PM by Yamikuronue

BTW, I'm a chick.

My advice: buy a pair of gold parachute pants and perform a medley of MC Hammer hits.

If nothing else, it'll cheer your friend up in her time of transition.

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What's precedent ever done for us?

Part of my family still has this problem with one of my cousins, Michelle. My parents keep slipping and calling her Brett in conversation because, well, you meet a kid when he's 16 and Brett, and then you meet her when she's 40 and Michelle... I can understand why it would have a hard time sticking.

Yami's advice is the best there. Start with the small stuff. Pronouns.

i. hear. a. sound.

You should probably talk to him abou how you feel ( your feelings on the situation are important too).

The choice he is doing is very hard. But even with help, he must face the fact that not everyone will treat him as he wants.

However his biggest problem isn't being accepted by others. His biggest problem is the fact that he isn't happy about himself. The first person that should accept him is himself.

Maybe you should help him with that issue first. If he doesn't love himself the way he is , trying to be like a woman will not fix that. Self seem is not about becoming what you arenot but embracing what you really are.

edited 16th Feb '11 2:14:15 PM by FallenLegend

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.

... you really don't get how being a transsexual works, do you? It's not a self-esteem problem, it's being born in the wrong body and trying to fix that.

What's precedent ever done for us?

I know more than you think.But I won't debate that because this thread isnt about that. Is about helping him.

But I will say that I disagree with you. It was just an advice if he doesn't want to follow it is up to him to decide.

But I won't lie to him about the facts.

Advices aren't about what you want to hear but what you need to hear.

edited 16th Feb '11 2:28:42 PM by FallenLegend

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.

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From what I understand, it would actually.

Da Rules excuse all the inaccuracy in the world. Listen to them, not me.

There's not much to say without knowing a long series of past circumstances with the person in question, really. While transsexuality is a defined condition and operations tend to help that, it's not always the case and we should be careful not to treat any given instance as some kind of sacred cow.

Make sure he knows what he's getting into. Has he seen professionals that have clearly diagnosed it? Etc.

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"If there's a hole, it's a man's job to thrust into it!" — Ryoma Nagare, New Getter Robo

->“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something ->we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” —>Frederick Keonig

Last thing I say about this issue. If I continued I would be debating.Good luck with your friend. Whatever choice you and him make.

edited 16th Feb '11 2:37:08 PM by FallenLegend

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.

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Sorry but the rules are clear. This isn't a debate thread this is an advice thread. A mod will lock this thread if it becomes a debate. And that wouldn't help him at all.

{Thank you! —Madrugada}

edited 16th Feb '11 3:49:24 PM by Madrugada

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.

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What's precedent ever done for us?

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Just, seriously echoing the pronoun thing. Your friend wants to use a girl's name, so she'll want the pronouns to go with it. Be careful with words like "dude" as well, some trans people have problems with them, others don't. Just ask if you're worried.

Don't forget to congradulate/support/be happy for (delete according to your appeal) her when she reaches certain milestones. I understand you feel akward and all, and it is a big shift, but your friend needs support.

In order to fully transition she needs have gotten councilling, they should be able to ask all the akward questions. Friendship's about support and having fun, right?

Also: disclaimer: not trans. So you might want to take my advice with a pinch of aterial clogging salt.

edited 16th Feb '11 2:45:42 PM by Nicknacks

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