why do people break up?

See, I'm good with the other parts. I know people who are in relationships, I know why and how people fall in love. But I don't really know anyone who's broken up (my parents, but that's a different sort of thing).

If it makes a difference, and I'm sure it does, these people are young-ish (early 20s), and they're in a fairly isolated place (so there's not a lot of chance of cheating).

They couldn't agree on how to move forward with their lives? One was abusive and the other got tired of it?

All I can think of.

They just get sick of each other?

*takes a deep breath*

Someone is sleeping with other people, lied about being divorced, both of you get into and exacerbate vicious fights where you break up for a week, the spark is gone, you feel they don't really love you anymore, you meet someone else and fall head over heels for them, raising a kid has destroyed your relationship, you're far apart and can't keep up a long distance relationship, one of you is more serious about the relationship than the other, she got pregnant, your personalities clash horribly, one or both of you are extremely over-possessive, past relationships make one of you extremely untrustful of the other, one of you won't put out anymore, one of you forgot to get a birthday/anniversary present, one of you reveals that you have a really weird kink and the other can't take it, they never call, the other doesn't work and never does any housework, one of you is addicted to videogames/online poker/gambling/porn/etc, they just waltzed off with your TV with no explanation never to talk to you again, they're fat, your parents despise them, your ex is insane and threatens whoever you date to scare them off, they don't have a romantic bone in their body, you finally realized that they're psychotic, their best friend is an asshole, they snore loud enough to wake the dead, they binge drink, you refuse to commit, one of you refuses to marry ever again, you try an open relationship and everything goes to hell, your child dies and neither of you can pick the pieces of the relationship back up, one of you stops taking your meds and does something stupid, you ruined your partners priceless family heirloom, they where convenient and you don't want convenient anymore, the kids are leaving the nest so there's no reason for us to stay together, you moved in together only to realize you drive each other over the brink into insanity, their shenanigans are fun but start getting tired really fast, they never close their mouths when chewing, they totally lied to you about their job and are actually a hit man, you're different people now and its just time for the two of you to move on, they're actually gay, you reveal you always saw yourself as the opposite gender and want to have a sex change.

That sort of stuff is why people break up.

edited 14th Feb '11 2:27:21 AM by Dec

Dec PROBABLY took care of everything, but I will attempt to make an analogy.

Everyone has a friend that they grow apart from, or perhaps discover traits they dislike. With friends, this isn't a big deal. With a partner, it is MUCH more big of a deal. Someone who is a total fan for Star Wars 4-6 and will rant on and on and on about 1-3 is an annoying friend, if tolerable. A partner that does the same thing (if the sentiment is not shared) would probably be dropped or something to that extent.

Wow. That's a pretty comprehensive list.

Thanks everyone who responded so quickly.

Hmmm... Money Problems are usually a big factor as well, and I didn't see that on Dec's list.

^ Damn, I can't believe I forgot that one. And its even considered one of the staple explanations of why marriages break apart, too. :/

Only in RL. In fiction the most common explanation is probably It's Not You, It's My Enemies. Which also wasn't on your list. <.< >.>

Generally, you'll stop noticing what you like about your partner but still notice what you're very mildly irritated by in your partner. In other words, initially you'll be swept up in a big plus like your partner's sense of humor but a few months later you'll take your partner's sense of humor for granted and get gradually more angry every time your partner DOESN'T PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN TOILET SEAT AFTER PEEING ARRRGGGHH!!!

Note that a lot of spoken motives for breaking up aren't the real motives for breaking up.

Simplifying them into the Big 5:

• One simply doesn't like the other one anymore (or realizes that they never really liked them in the first place).
• Different goals, aspirations, expectations for the relationship
• Money
• Sex
• unwillingness or inability to find a adapt/adjust to changed circumstances.

wow, dec, wow. so there's 237 reasons people have sex, apparently (look it up, it's an interesting study). how many reasons to break up?

Well, uh... Let's see if we can't make the list more readable.

1. Someone is sleeping with other people,
2. lied about being divorced,
3. both of you get into and exacerbate vicious fights where you break up for a week
4. the spark is gone,
5. you feel they don't really love you anymore,
6. you meet someone else and fall head over heels for them
7. raising a kid has destroyed your relationship,
8. you're far apart and can't keep up a long distance relationship,
9. one of you is more serious about the relationship than the other,
10. she got pregnant,
11. your personalities clash horribly,
12. one or both of you are extremely over-possessive,
13. past relationships make one of you extremely untrustful of the other,
14. one of you won't put out anymore,
15. one of you forgot to get a birthday/anniversary present,
16. one of you reveals that you have a really weird kink and the other can't take it,
17. they never call,
18. the other doesn't work and never does any housework,
19. one of you is addicted to videogames/online poker/gambling/porn/etc,
20. they just waltzed off with your TV with no explanation never to talk to you again,
21. they're fat,
22. your parents despise them,
23. your ex is insane and threatens whoever you date to scare them off,
24. they don't have a romantic bone in their body,
25. you finally realized that they're psychotic,
26. their best friend is an asshole,
27. they snore loud enough to wake the dead,
28. they binge drink,
29. you refuse to commit,
30. one of you refuses to marry ever again,
31. you try an open relationship and everything goes to hell,
32. your child dies and neither of you can pick the pieces of the relationship back up,
33. one of you stops taking your meds and does something stupid,
34. you ruined your partner's priceless family heirloom,
35. they where convenient and you don't want convenient anymore,
36. the kids are leaving the nest so there's no reason for us to stay together,
37. you moved in together only to realize you drive each other over the brink into insanity,
38. their shenanigans are fun but start getting tired really fast,
39. they never close their mouths when chewing,
40. they totally lied to you about their job and are actually a hit man,
41. you're different people now and its just time for the two of you to move on
42. they're actually gay
43. you reveal you always saw yourself as the opposite gender and want to have a sex change