A random crime story idea

So I had this story idea today, which I want your opinion on...

There has been a series of ritualistic murders in a backwater town and an FBI Profiler arrives to investigate, aided by the local law enforcement. Said profiler also happens to be a) a bossy alpha female and b) exclusively lesbian (with a cute girlfriend who appears later in the story as a victim). The local law enforcement consists of an elderly sheriff (who happens to be chauvinistic in a well-mannered old-fashioned way), and two patrolmen: a cynical Macho Macho Man and a dorky rookie, whose abysmal luck with women left him incapable of communicating with them properly. They must solve the murder case!

How bad is this? Tell me. :D

edited 12th Jan '11 12:38:24 PM by Koveras

I shuddered a bit when reading it.

Especially the girl character, although the rest were pretty abysmal too.

Drop this idea. Drop it now.

edited 12th Jan '11 12:40:42 PM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

Please elaborate. :)

Nothing new.

Shrew characters are bad and just annoying. Especially since it's a cliché used by people who have a piss-poor understanding of feminism.

Lemme guess, you're a guy. This is not a character trait. This is shoddy characterization.

That's like, five unfortunate implication tropes. Stuffed into the Fridge. Bury Your Gays. Shallow Love Interest.

Seen it.

Written it.

Flamed the hell out of it.

All in all, nothing new, nothing interesting. Just standard character archetypes doing standard archetypical things.

edited 12th Jan '11 1:14:59 PM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

First of all, I seem to have given you a false impression that I strive for originality. Because I am not. Secondly, yes, I am a guy (you didn't have to guess, it's on my troper page), and I have been writing lesbian-themed fiction for a couple of years now, and my reviewers (some of whom are lesbians themselves AFAIK) said it was passable. I have never extensively studied feminism but I am familiar with its ideas, and you assessment of my knowledge of it based on your non-existent knowledge of me was offending. Also, there seems to be a discrepancy between your understanding of a "bossy alpha female" and the meaning I put into it. Perhaps I should reword it because I have in no way intended to write a "shrew".

Lastly, let me also remind you that Tropes Are Not Bad and there is such thing as Strictly Formula, which is recommended for beginning writers approaching a new (for themselves) genre. :)

edited 12th Jan '11 1:25:09 PM by Koveras

The fact that you are using tropes to describe your characters implies that you are using them far too unhealthily. In Writer's Block, it's not seen as a good thing.

Also, I don't care what other people say, you wanted our opinions of it. If other people like it, then they like it. You can't use that as an excuse.

Also, if people get the wrong impression from a summary, it doesn't mean they are wrong, it means that the summary is bad.

So either re-explain or re-do.

edited 12th Jan '11 1:30:28 PM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

Very well, I will try to rewrite it when I have the time. Thank you for you highly constructive and friendly commentary.

edited 12th Jan '11 1:33:31 PM by Koveras

I think that it really depends on the execution. I don't like the premise so much, but if you manage to flesh out these archetypes you could make it interesting.

So, I'm willing to Beta-read the first Chapter if you have any, and I will give you my opinion on it.

It's not exactly naive. And it can happen. But it's tough. And definetly worthwhile.

Almost anything can sound bad when it's pared down to the bare bones and described in terms of tropes, as though the tropes are tinkertoys that you just stick together. However, even looking at it those terms, you've got the makings of some good interpersonal conflict, space for character development, and a tidy, if not-original plot. Like any other "Here's my idea, what do you think?" the quality of the work will depend more on how skillfully you use that idea and those pieces than what they are.

edited 12th Jan '11 1:37:54 PM by Madrugada

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

That's pretty much the gist of it.

It's not exactly naive. And it can happen. But it's tough. And definetly worthwhile.

I would be interested to see this described in a not so bare bones way myself, actually.

Read my stories!

Me Too!.

It's not exactly naive. And it can happen. But it's tough. And definetly worthwhile.

It's hard to really judge just going by basic plot summary's (some premises can grab you from the start, but lots of great works have fairly unremarkable premises), more or less everything rides on execution. That being said, based on what you've given us I more or less agree with AHR. It sounds pretty trite, there's nothing in what you said that hasn't been done before, nothing to make these characters more than stereotypes. But who knows, maybe once you start writing they'll naturally grow from here, it's just not sounding very promising so far.

Unless he edited it out, I don't think the OP ever mentioned an intent for the character to be feminist.Exactly. There's not really enough to evaluate here. It sounds like it could be good, bad or mediocre depending on your writing skill. You could try fleshing it out and giving everyone another whack at it, but the criticisms given on the TV tropes forums are generally so poor I don't think it would be worth your time (unless you were going to write it anyway).

@mammal: I didn't say the character WAS A feminist. I said that the character is commonly a bad use of the author attempting to make a 'strong female character'

edited 12th Jan '11 3:23:33 PM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

Granted, but I don't see evidence that he even intended for the her to be the fabled strong female character. It certainly looks like it could be a failed attempt based on a sexualized lesbian stereotype, but I'd like to give the OP the benefit of the doubt. Rude, tomboyish dikes can be be just as weak as fainting bimbo damsels.